Kizmet Fisher Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I apologise if it seems I'm mercilessly laying into you OP. It's just that although I've never been cheated on, several of my close friends have. They were devastated when they found out they had been getting cheated on all along, how much time out of their lives they had given to someone who was a cheating liar. So I just can't understand you knowing he had someone else for most of your relationship, and agreeing to subject yourself to more of the same. It's insane. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 This actually opened my eyes some. Because in reality he didn't pick me. She walked away from him. I just don't understand if she was leaving him anyway, why she couldn't just leave quietly. Why did she have to tell me things that are now in my head. I'm really hope I can get over them and forgive him completely. What happened in your life which has caused you to have no self-respect or dignity? That last paragraph was one of the most pathetic things I've ever read. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 There it is. She walked away. And all he had left was you. The leftover. The only reason he's trying to make it "work" with you is because he has no options. You will provide him sex, company, a warm body, etc. until he gets bored again. When he's comfortable and knows he's secured you, he'll start checking his options again. A woman tells you about your cheating ex, yet you question why she would do that and ruin it for you?! Instead of being thankful, that she helped you dodge an douchebag? She did thinking you'd be smart and walk away too. Instead, you're doing the opposite. He says she walked away though because she could tell he was pulling away. He decided at that time to commit to me 100%. He was in the process of leaving her. I haven't reached back out to her her, but im still thinking about it. Although I've decided to give this a real shot again, I did remove the "in a relationship" status on facebook. I'm trying really hard to show him he has to work HARD to get me back.... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 He says she walked away though because she could tell he was pulling away. He decided at that time to commit to me 100%. He was in the process of leaving her. I haven't reached back out to her her, but im still thinking about it. Although I've decided to give this a real shot again, I did remove the "in a relationship" status on facebook. I'm trying really hard to show him he has to work HARD to get me back.... Even though he doesn't. But you spin more than a DJ at a New York City club on a Friday night. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Even though he doesn't. But you spin more than a DJ at a New York City club on a Friday night. Even though he doesn't what? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Even though he doesn't what? He doesn't have to work hard at all to get you. I mean, he cheated on you for four months yet you are all happy that he's "choosing" you. Don't even pretend like you have any power in this situation whatsoever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 He doesn't have to work hard at all to get you. I mean, he cheated on you for four months yet you are all happy that he's "choosing" you. Don't even pretend like you have any power in this situation whatsoever. But I actually think I do. I could walk away at any time. I don't think he is going any where now. I do have power. And although I haven't spoken with him yet tonight, I know he will notice my status change on FB. That alone sends a message.... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 But I actually think I do. I could walk away at any time. I don't think he is going any where now. I do have power. And although I haven't spoken with him yet tonight, I know he will notice my status change on FB. That alone sends a message.... No it doesn't. You are a sucker and he sees you as a sucker. The fact that you can't walk away from an obviously awful situation shows how little power you have. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) But I actually think I do. I could walk away at any time. I don't think he is going any where now. I do have power. And although I haven't spoken with him yet tonight, I know he will notice my status change on FB. That alone sends a message.... He knows you have NO power. Any man that knows he can get away with the extent of cheating that he has done and still have a woman take him back knows she's a sucker and weak. You're very delusional. The mind of a cheater doesn't work like yours or mine. Seeing a status on FB just makes him work a little harder to rope you in, not for loving reasons but to get you under control. The only thing you've shown him is that you'll tolerate anything to be with him. That's just a sign of a woman that's powerless. Edited October 30, 2013 by Zahara 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 OP why arent you more angry? You're lucky if you haven't caught an incurable STD from this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I could walk away at any time. Your actions would suggest otherwise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 He says she walked away though because she could tell he was pulling away. He decided at that time to commit to me 100%. He was in the process of leaving her. Im amused that you believe everything a liar says. of course hes not gonna tell you that she walked away cuz she has more self respect and she dumped his ass and he has no choice but to come back to you and lies his ass off to get with you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 If this happened to me I'd go NC forever and never speak to him ever again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 If this happened to me I'd go NC forever and never speak to him ever again. I am still talking things through with him to try to determine why he did this. I want more than anything for us to get through this. As you can tell, this isn't easy for me. My whole world crashed down around me and I'm trying to figure it all out. I honestly had no idea any of it was happening. Our group of friends usually hang out every Thursday. I'm actually relieved that this Thursday is Halloween. everyone will trick or treat with our kids and not hang out. That will help me have more time to work through things. I'm a little stronger and able to be a more angry when I talk to him on the phone or through text or Facebook. Seeing him in person is when I am my weakest. I know you guys think I'm a fool. So do most of my friends. But I am listening to you. I do hear what you are saying. I just really really love him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Do you think if I walk away for now and get back with him in a few months it will show him I'm not a doormat nd I don't accept cheating? I may be able to handle walking away and pretending to be stronger now, if I know there is a chance for us to work things out down the road (in maybe 3 months or so). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 8 pages and you're still trying to justify getting back with him. You'll do what you want to do. It's the wrong decision, but whatever. But what about my last question about walking away from now to show him I'm seriously hurt, and then Trying again in a few months? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I am still talking things through with him to try to determine why he did this. I want more than anything for us to get through this. As you can tell, this isn't easy for me. My whole world crashed down around me and I'm trying to figure it all out. I honestly had no idea any of it was happening. Our group of friends usually hang out every Thursday. I'm actually relieved that this Thursday is Halloween. everyone will trick or treat with our kids and not hang out. That will help me have more time to work through things. I'm a little stronger and able to be a more angry when I talk to him on the phone or through text or Facebook. Seeing him in person is when I am my weakest. I know you guys think I'm a fool. So do most of my friends. But I am listening to you. I do hear what you are saying. I just really really love him. Well, he doesnt love you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) But what about my last question about walking away from now to show him I'm seriously hurt, and then Trying again in a few months? This isn't about you and your feelings. This is about the mindset of a cheater. 3 months of you pretending isn't going to change someone that is ingrained to be dishonest and deceitful. He didn't step out of your relationship once, realized it was a mistake and begged for forgiveness. I'd be open to giving someone a chance and even then skeptical. He went skipping along whistling through each day, for months enjoying cheating on two women, not batting an eyelid. No conscience, no moral compass. Nothing. It's evil. Do you actually believe that he's the type that wants to be with you because he now wants a loving and committed relationship? The ones that go on cheating for months and still smile in your face lovingly each day are destructive. This is who they are. Edited October 30, 2013 by Zahara 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) We're all focusing on the douchebag but putting him aside, you should seek counseling, Confused. It's apparent that you are struggling with your self value. I don't know of anyone that would take a serial cheater back, have this much difficulty in seeing right from wrong and realizing that being alone is much better than risking their life for a man like this, and I warn you, there are STDs out there that will stay with you for the rest of you life. The fact that you cannot prioritize your emotional health and physical safety but rather be drunkenly and blindly in love with a piece of crap is very disturbing. You really need help. Edited October 30, 2013 by Zahara 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 We're all focusing on the douchebag but putting him aside, you should seek counseling, Confused. It's apparent that you are struggling with your self value. I don't know of anyone that would take a serial cheater back, have this much difficulty in seeing right from wrong and realizing that being alone is much better than risking their life for a man like this, and I warn you, there are STDs out there that will stay with you for the rest of you life. The fact that you cannot prioritize your emotional health and physical safety but rather be drunkenly and blindly in love with a piece of crap is very disturbing. You really need help. I agree. OP, a trained therapist might be able to help you sort out why you are so hell-bent, in the face of overwhelming objections and logical arguments here and IRL, on staying with a person who fundamentally betrayed your trust and disrespected you. You keep saying that you love him, but I don't think love should require a person to sacrifice his/her integrity and self-respect. Where is your self-love? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 This actually opened my eyes some. Because in reality he didn't pick me. She walked away from him. I just don't understand if she was leaving him anyway, why she couldn't just leave quietly. Why did she have to tell me things that are now in my head. I'm really hope I can get over them and forgive him completely. These statements are extremely worrisome. If you could only go back to denial and delusion, everything would be ok? You are essentially blaming the other woman for telling you the truth and ruining your relationship, when it's your boyfriend who is 100% at fault for cheating and lying. Can't you see how messed up this is??? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) OP, you have 12 pages of advice, including advice from your two other posts. Everyone is of the same consensus, even most of your friends. All these people cannot be wrong. I don't think there is anything anyone on LS or even your friends can say that will open your brain and your eyes. You can keep asking questions but you won't get your approval here. The only way you will learn is to feel pain. He will have to hurt you again, and maybe several more times before you wake up from being love drugged. You are the kind that will need to be spit on, trampled on, stepped on, disrespected to finally realize you've made a bad choice. Nothing anyone can do or say will change that. You even had a woman handed you a blessing when she showed you proof that he was cheating but you came here and said you wished she hadn't and it was wrong of her because choosing ignorance would have been better than the facing the truth. I mean the man isn't even divorced yet. He's already cheating. There is nothing emotional or mental about him that is healthy or ready to be in a committed relationship. He's damaged, and so are you. You need to go back to him. Begin whatever relationship you choose to have with him. The sooner you do that, the sooner you find out if it's the best decision you ever made or the worst. You won't get your answers here or from your friends. The only people I feel sorry for are your children. No child should be exposed to a man like this. The only thing you will teach them, (because children are very perceptive and they've already witnessed a woman confronting him and you publicly about his ways) -- is that behavior that degrade and disrespect women is acceptable. If their own mother accepts it, why shouldn't anyone else. Please also seek counselling. You truly need it. As stated in Minneloa's previous post, your need to be in the dark rather than in the light, is very disturbing. Edited October 30, 2013 by Zahara 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Do you think if I walk away for now and get back with him in a few months it will show him I'm not a doormat nd I don't accept cheating? I may be able to handle walking away and pretending to be stronger now, if I know there is a chance for us to work things out down the road (in maybe 3 months or so). If you EVER get back with him you are a doormat of the highest order. But you don't care because you have no backbone, so get with him and every other woman he'll sleep with while he's with you. You aren't allowed to get angry though -- him sleeping with other women is what you are agreeing to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Wait, the OP has children? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Wait, the OP has children? Yes, I believe she has 3 children and is divorced. One 9 and one 14. Not sure about the third. The 9 and 14 was witness to a woman (OP believes is the FB woman) confronting Asswhole and her at a sporting event. Asswhole is still married (separated). Three kids as well. I think living with the wife although OP quickly changed that story and said that he is now renting some apartment/room she furnished for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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