When trust is gone

[clw]

I'm sorry for the hurt you're going through..I was cheated not once but several times (he promised he would not repeat it each time and he's sorry..obviously all lies..) by the same man..and i can understand how hard it is to leave it all behind. I hope you'll figure out and decides what's best for yourself and your children Take care!

[Fufu]

Whoa, I just finished reading the entire 11 pages.

 

Confusedbeyondbelief:

 

I still believe you are a strong and lovely lady, but you can't be degrading yourself with such a man who CHEATS. You are a mother and if one day you see your daughter is dating a habitual cheater, what will you do? Will you tell your daughter, "hey, it's fine to date a cheater, doesn't matter if he cheats so often, as long as you love him, he will one day be truthful to you."

 

And being a cheater is seriously a daily mental torture because there is basically no trust at all. You will be constantly questioning his every words and every actions. And instead of leaving a cheater, you put yourself in a situation that ultimately caused you to doubt yourself and this affects your self-esteem and self-worth. Why?

 

Ask yourself when is the last time you truly:

- smile and laugh happily

- feel good about yourself

- wake up feeling fresh

- sleep well.

 

Your thread title speaks loudly as "When trust is gone..." Unless you want to be in a relationship when there's basically no trust, go ahead. It's your personal choice/decision at the end of the day.

Edited October 31, 2013 by Fufu

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

So, he came over last night. We talked. I cried. It told him as much as I wanted to be with him, I'm not sure i can get over all of this. He is so, so good with me though. He stayed calm, even when I wasn't.

 

He spent the night, and it felt so good to sleep beside him again. I felt really really content and happy.

 

And then another bombshell was dropped on me.

 

I received another text from the other girl. She attached facebook messages he's been sending her all week ( while trying to fix things with me) including one from this morning. She responded to a few of his first ones telling him to leave her alone, and then she stopped responding. Until today. He sent her a fb message telling her that he knows she's mad, but he misses telling her good morning. She became irate. Said she was going to block him (not sure if she did) and them told him she was going to send the messages to me. And she did.

 

I didn't respond to her, so she's probably not even sure I got the messages. I immediately sent him a message asking him to explain. Because the thing is, he must of sent us messages at the same time this morning. Which is right after he left my house after sleeping in my bed.

 

He said he swears he didn't do it. That she must of created a fake profile using his name and photo.

 

I'm not sure who to believe.

 

What do you guys think?

[Valen]

 

What do you guys think?

 

You're being foolish. You're giving him more chances to sell his lies to you.

[Simon Phoenix]

So, he came over last night. We talked. I cried. It told him as much as I wanted to be with him, I'm not sure i can get over all of this. He is so, so good with me though. He stayed calm, even when I wasn't.

 

He spent the night, and it felt so good to sleep beside him again. I felt really really content and happy.

 

And then another bombshell was dropped on me.

 

I received another text from the other girl. She attached facebook messages he's been sending her all week ( while trying to fix things with me) including one from this morning. She responded to a few of his first ones telling him to leave her alone, and then she stopped responding. Until today. He sent her a fb message telling her that he knows she's mad, but he misses telling her good morning. She became irate. Said she was going to block him (not sure if she did) and them told him she was going to send the messages to me. And she did.

 

I didn't respond to her, so she's probably not even sure I got the messages. I immediately sent him a message asking him to explain. Because the thing is, he must of sent us messages at the same time this morning. Which is right after he left my house after sleeping in my bed.

 

He said he swears he didn't do it. That she must of created a fake profile using his name and photo.

 

I'm not sure who to believe.

 

What do you guys think?

 

If you believe him, you have to be one of the stupidest human beings on the face of this Earth.

[Simon Phoenix]

Seriously??

 

Wow. Good luck to you. If this thread plus that bull***** isn't enough to convince you, I'm not sure what is.

 

Why would someone want to create a fake profile for him? Who on the face of the planet, could be bothered? He's already a cheater. It's not like he needs outing. And even if the other woman is doing this just to take him, don't you think she should have him. It's not like she's winning a prize. She's inheriting a turd sandwich.

 

I smell troll now.

 

Yeah, this has to be a troll. If she actually buys this and this whole thing is real, she should wear a helmet. Seriously.

[Haydn]

He wants his cake and to eat it. There is something very strange about the FB thing. He loves to be the centre of attention and have women on a piece of string. My ex did something similar but in a different way. How could you really trust him again? But whatever you decide to do i wish you luck. Take care.

[Tally123]

Guys, seriously you cant think this "woman" or girl is for real!!! I really fail to see how someone with half a brain can be that stupid and delusional. I thought it was an 18 year old girl originally writing this then was even more shocked to learn she is a grown woman with children.....WTF!?

 

Her last post regarding the text message received from the other girl about her bf texting them both is off the charts. She is taking the p**ss isnt she?

 

I wouldn't bother wasting anymore of your great advice.

 

..shocked!

 

T

[Tally123]

haha you are the funniest thing on Loveshack!

 

 

So, he came over last night. We talked. I cried. It told him as much as I wanted to be with him, I'm not sure i can get over all of this. He is so, so good with me though. He stayed calm, even when I wasn't.

 

He spent the night, and it felt so good to sleep beside him again. I felt really really content and happy.

 

And then another bombshell was dropped on me.

 

I received another text from the other girl. She attached facebook messages he's been sending her all week ( while trying to fix things with me) including one from this morning. She responded to a few of his first ones telling him to leave her alone, and then she stopped responding. Until today. He sent her a fb message telling her that he knows she's mad, but he misses telling her good morning. She became irate. Said she was going to block him (not sure if she did) and them told him she was going to send the messages to me. And she did.

 

I didn't respond to her, so she's probably not even sure I got the messages. I immediately sent him a message asking him to explain. Because the thing is, he must of sent us messages at the same time this morning. Which is right after he left my house after sleeping in my bed.

 

He said he swears he didn't do it. That she must of created a fake profile using his name and photo.

 

I'm not sure who to believe.

 

What do you guys think?

[Zahara]

Please stop wasting everyone's efforts and time to help you. You're either taking us all for ride or you're just ignorant. I hate to be rude but we've told you a million times this is who he is.

 

Can you actually for one f'n second think about what a relationship with him would be like? For phukk sakes, use your freaking brain dammit. Get out of this emotional weak pathetic shytt state you are in. Where's your damn self-respect. Waaah! Is it true? Waaaah! But I love him. You're a grown woman, with kids, a role model, one that needs to be emotionally and mentally strong for them. But she's so crippled "in love" with a serial cheater. Just like a battered woman in love with her abuser, believing he wont do it again because he's sorry. You're that same woman, in love with a serial cheater who will do it again.

 

This weak, ignorant behavior is getting old. And stop talking about "but I love him" like a 16 year old. This isn't love but some sick toxic attachment you have because you see no value in yourself and you have no self-esteem.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Zahara

[Zahara]

Do your research on serial cheating and why they do it. Read about their mindset. Ask yourself what about you still wants a man of this nature and is willing to tolerate unhealthy behavior.

 

Act like a grown woman, think with your brain, EDUCATE yourself and find your answer there. Stop sitting in your pool of emotions and acting weak and desperate. You come of like a lovesick teenager.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Zahara

[dreamingoftigers]

We've had this exact conversation. I told him since I am divorced that I understand needing time to himself and how that first year of freedom feels. (By the way, they haven't filed yet). I told him to take time. I have him an out even before I knew about this other girl. He insisted he truly cared for me (although because he was stuck in a bad marriage for so long, he does have trouble expressing that).

 

His wife did ask him to leave. They only married after she had their second kid, separated years ago (he slept with someone else during that separation), they had sex one tme and she got pregnant again), tried to work it out, but he's been sleeping on the couch for the last year and a half. They fought all the time. I know he consistently slept with another girl the last year of his marriage. We met at almost the exact same time they separated last year.

 

Are you effing kidding me?

 

So he's not only a cheater, you are the other woman.

 

I can totally see it. If you look at the "Other Woman" boards it's mostly about these naive girls, with weak boundaries sitting in a waiting room hoping "maybe he'll call my name this time, I know that his wife was up the list from me and there was this other girl but maybe, maybe this time he'll call my name and he'll really love me because he'll see how long and hard it's been to wait!"

 

When really, it's just like a Canadian doctor's office. You'll wait 4 hours on that "scheduled appointment" to go in for ten minutes, have a moment and get sent back out again. If you are LUCKY you understand what happened in their but you are just ANOTHER NAME ON THE LIST. Another blip on the screen.

 

And you are wasting your time in that waiting room when you've could've seen someone else that gives a damn.

 

He might not want to lose a name on the list because he knows you'll be a "loyal customer" who'll come back time and again to fill his bottom line. But don't expect more than the minimum to keep you on ice.

 

I just have never understood where women who think cheating with married partner even come from. Is there some kind of factory out there?

[Zahara]

The justification is that he's separated and he's living elsewhere. So, in her mind he isn't married to her anymore. For awhile everyone was telling her that he's still very married when she said he was still living in the marital home eventhough they were separating. I'm not sure if she couldn't take the heat, she then said he was living in rented apartment that she helped with some of the furnishings. It was just odd that the story shifted very quickly when it came to his living status.

 

In any case whether the pig is married, separated, a serial cheater...it doesn't matter to the OP. There are no boundaries.

[KatZee]

Why do you keep asking what we think? You're well aware of what we all think. You're dating a douchebag. Nothing you say will ever convince any of us otherwise.

 

You can polish a turd, but it will always be a piece of s.hit.

 

He cheated on you for four months, was sleeping with you and who knows how many others, then you confront him and of course he's only going to admit to what's already known.

 

Then you find out he's been continuing to talk to her while "fixing" things with you.

 

I'm really not quite sure why you're OK being willingly naive. I'm also really not sure why this is the example you feel is acceptable to set for your kids. Do you want your kids growing up thinking cheating is OK, or that staying with people who blatantly lie and cheat, and hurt them is OK and normal?

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

Please stop wasting everyone's efforts and time to help you. You're either taking us all for ride or you're just ignorant. I hate to be rude but we've told you a million times this is who he is.

 

I really fail to see how I am wasting everyone's time. I thought the purpose of this board is to help people work through things. I read other people's posts/threads and some of them seem to be plainly obvious to me what they should or should not do. But when it is your situation, it is harder to see so plainly because emotions and real every day lives are involved.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

The justification is that he's separated and he's living elsewhere. So, in her mind he isn't married to her anymore. For awhile everyone was telling her that he's still very married when she said he was still living in the marital home eventhough they were separating. I'm not sure if she couldn't take the heat, she then said he was living in rented apartment that she helped with some of the furnishings. It was just odd that the story shifted very quickly when it came to his living status.

 

In any case whether the pig is married, separated, a serial cheater...it doesn't matter to the OP. There are no boundaries.

 

If you go back an read my posts I never once changed the story about his living situation. You just misunderstood.

 

But you are correct when you state that because he has been separated for a year, I do not view myself as "the other woman".

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

Why do you keep asking what we think? You're well aware of what we all think. You're dating a douchebag.

 

I'm also really not sure why this is the example you feel is acceptable to set for your kids. Do you want your kids growing up thinking cheating is OK, or that staying with people who blatantly lie and cheat, and hurt them is OK and normal?

 

I keep updating this thread as new information happens because I am trying really had to work through this.

 

And as I stated previously, not one of my kids knows any of this is going on. I'm a really good mom.

[Zahara]

I keep updating this thread as new information happens because I am trying really had to work through this.

 

Update? There's nothing to update when you keep posting the same old thing over and over again.

 

And UPDATE is when you post you are taking steps to get away from him and to move on with your life.

 

That's an update. The 12 pages of delusion is just a repeat of your inability to have any sort of self awareness or the ability to reflect past your emotions.

 

Anything anyone has said has not sunk in. You're still asking the same stupid questions, we're giving the same damn advice. What's to update? You're not working through anything except twisting, turning, and trying to find ways in your head to turn a pig into a prince.

[Zahara]

His wife did ask him to leave. They only married after she had their second kid, separated years ago (he slept with someone else during that separation), they had sex one tme and she got pregnant again), tried to work it out, but he's been sleeping on the couch for the last year and a half. They fought all the time. I know he consistently slept with another girl the last year of his marriage. We met at almost the exact same time they separated last year.

 

You posted the above on this thread (page 3 post #21) more than a week ago. You got backlash from Pteromom about how it was a bunch of BS and that he might still be engaging with his wife/marriage and you then responded that he was now actually living in a rented apartment that you helped furnish. Pteromom was confused because you just said he was sleeping on the couch in the marital home for the last year and a half. His living status changed very quickly. If all the while he was staying in a rented apartment, why even post that he's been sleeping on the couch for the last year and a half? You have to understand why people would question the sudden change in information. Maybe it's how you worded it but that's how it was interpreted.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Zahara

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

Update? There's nothing to update when you keep posting the same old thing over and over again.

 

And UPDATE is when you post you are taking steps to get away from him and to move on with your life.

 

That's an update. The 12 pages of delusion is just a repeat of your inability to have any sort of self awareness or the ability to reflect past your emotions.

 

Anything anyone has said has not sunk in. You're still asking the same stupid questions, we're giving the same damn advice. What's to update? You're not working through anything except twisting, turning, and trying to find ways in your head to turn a pig into a prince.

 

No. The updates are that I've talked to him and the other girl reached out again. Sorry if the updates aren't the type you are looking for, but they are things that affect me emotionally and that I am dealing with.

 

I really don't understand why you keep reading my thread if I'm bothering you so much.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

You posted the above on this thread (page 3 post #21) more than a week ago. You got backlash from Pteromom about how it was a bunch of BS and that he might still be engaging with his wife/marriage and you then responded that he was now actually living in a rented apartment that you helped furnish. Pteromom was confused because you just said he was sleeping on the couch in the marital home for the last year and a half. His living status changed very quickly. If all the while he was staying in a rented apartment, why even post that he's been sleeping on the couch for the last year and a half? You have to understand why people would question the sudden change in information. Maybe it's how you worded it but that's how it was interpreted.

 

Fair enough. I can see how the wording is weird and may be misunderstood. Sorry about that.

 

What I meant by the above is that for he last year and a half before they does rated he was sleeping on the couch. They tried a newton situation for awhile, where one parent would sleep at the house with the kids and the other parent would stay elsewhere. He stars with his mom for a few months at the beginning of that.

 

His house is going through foreclosure so they all had to be out of the family home by the beginning of September. At that time he started renting an apartment from one of my friends. That's what I helped furnish.

 

Sorry for the confusion.

[Zahara]

I really don't understand why you keep reading my thread if I'm bothering you so much.

 

To help you! To get you to wake up! To learn from other peoples mistakes! To get you to love yourself and value your future! To get you to want more instead of settling for a serial cheater.

 

Just like your thread is frustrating everyone that posts on here. Just as your friends and family who are just as frustrated as we are. No one wants to see you walk into a speeding train.

 

You want to get annoyed with people on here busting your balls, the beating that you're getting on here to try and reverse your warped thinking when you should be getting mad at the douchebag for sticking his dick into another woman while he was whispering sweet nothings into your ear for 4 freaking months. Wake the F up.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Zahara

[Tree_Salmon]

To help you! To get you to wake up! To learn from other peoples mistakes! To get you to love yourself and value your future! To get you to want more instead of settling for a serial cheater.

 

Just like your thread is frustrating everyone that posts on here. Just as your friends and family who are just as frustrated as we are. No one wants to see you walk into a speeding train.

 

You want to get annoyed with people on here busting your balls, the beating that you're getting on here to try to try reverse your warped thinking when you should be getting mad at the douchebag for sticking is dick into another woman while he was whispering sweet nothings into your ear for 4 freaking months. Wake the F up.

 

I agree.

 

I think there is a massive lack of self esteem here.

 

You must really hate yourself if this is such a hard decision to make. This is really simple.

 

You don't even have that much time in. Just cut your losses and go. You clearly need to be comfortable with yourself before you can even think to date someone new.

 

This reminds me of another young person i knew who was in "love" with some guy. It's the same pattern: spend 5 months to a year with some guy who's really not that into you and then go crazy trying to keep him when he finally gets tired of you.

 

Pick yourself up and move on.

[Tally123]

So what has your "boyfriend" said about these messages he sent to the same woman, minutes after leaving your house?

[Zahara]

So what has your "boyfriend" said about these messages he sent to the same woman, minutes after leaving your house?

 

The woman created a fake profile under his name and picture and created those messages and sent them to the OP. If it isn't the typical excuse.