Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Yes, I believe she has 3 children and is divorced. One 9 and one 14. Not sure about the third. The 9 and 14 was witness to a woman (OP believes is the FB woman) confronting Asswhole and her at a sporting event. Asswhole is still married (separated). Three kids as well. I think living with the wife although OP quickly changed that story and said that he is now renting some apartment/room she furnished for him. Wow, that just makes this whole thing even more sad. OP, stay away from this man for the sake of your kids. What are you teaching them with your awful boundaries and lack of self-respect? You are their adult role model -- it's time to act like an adult. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Yes, I believe she has 3 children and is divorced. One 9 and one 14. Not sure about the third. The 9 and 14 was witness to a woman (OP believes is the FB woman) confronting Asswhole and her at a sporting event. Asswhole is still married (separated). Three kids as well. I think living with the wife although OP quickly changed that story and said that he is now renting some apartment/room she furnished for him. No, this isn't correct. None of the kids were with us. And my youngest is 14. The last year and a half of their marriage he slept on the couch. He moved out earlier this year and is renting a place from one of my friends now. I didn't change my story; I think you just misunderstood. Oh, and I would never expose my kids to any of this. They of course have no idea what is going on. I'm a really good mom an leave them out of adult issues. Just wanted to clear those things up. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I apologize. In that post you stated "nine" were present when confronted. I thought you had a 14 and 9 present when you meant to say none. Everything else stands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I apologize. In that post you stated "nine" were present when confronted. I thought you had a 14 and 9 present when you meant to say none. Everything else stands. It's ok. I just wanted to clarify that even though I'm struggling with this decision, I'm a really good mom. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Why would you even want to give this guy another chance?! Sometimes you have to choose your head over your heart, no matter what. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Can't you see this guy is laughing at you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 It shouldn't be a struggle. There are plenty of relationships that don't face infidelity because the two people in the relationships are grown ups who don't solve their problems by f*cking someone else. Why should you accept that from someone? That's part of what is so confusing to me. We weren't having any problems. He's on his way over to talk about things again. My stomach is in knots. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Can't you see this guy is laughing at you? Why do you say this? I know he is genuinely distraught right now. I've had convos with his best friend who is also my friend. He says heis so upset, and that what he did isnt the guy his known most of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 That's part of what is so confusing to me. We weren't having any problems. He's on his way over to talk about things again. My stomach is in knots. If your best friend, sister, or daughter was in this situation, what advice would you give them? I'm guessing you wouldn't be nearly as forgiving, so why the hell would you even consider this? This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Sure he is. One less doormat to put up with his crap. I bet he's upset. Why so harsh? You don't know this is true anymore than I do. Maybe I should let him read this thread when he gets here, to see what the majority's opinion is... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Why do you say this? I know he is genuinely distraught right now. I've had convos with his best friend who is also my friend. He says heis so upset, and that what he did isnt the guy his known most of his life. Because it's 100 percent true. You might be the most naive, delusional person I've seen on here, or at least in the 99th percentile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 If your best friend, sister, or daughter was in this situation, what advice would you give them? I'm guessing you wouldn't be nearly as forgiving, so why the hell would you even consider this? This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. You are right. But it is completely different when you are the one trying to work through it. Haven't you ever done something that your friends and family did not support 100%?? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Why so harsh? You don't know this is true anymore than I do. Maybe I should let him read this thread when he gets here, to see what the majority's opinion is... For real? You think he'll say "golly gee, they're right. I am just stringing you along". He's going to lie like he lied to you FOR FOUR MONTHS WHEN HE WAS F*KING ANOTHER WOMAN AT THE SAME TIME HE WAS F*CKING YOU. I mean, this is pointless, you have no dignity or self-respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Because it's 100 percent true. You might be the most naive, delusional person I've seen on here, or at least in the 99th percentile. But way? I can't be the only one struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 You are right. But it is completely different when you are the one trying to work through it. Haven't you ever done something that your friends and family did not support 100%?? Not when they support it 0%. I actually trust my family and friends, so when they are completely opposed to something like this, then I listen. I can't believe you are contemplating bringing this man around your kids. That's messed up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 But way? I can't be the only one struggling. You have to be a troll. You can't be this delusional. I mean, it's like you are in a cult right now. If he asked you to drink poison kool-aid you probably would seriously consider it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 You have to be a troll. You can't be this delusional. I mean, it's like you are in a cult right now. If he asked you to drink poison kool-aid you probably would seriously consider it. I really promise I'm not a troll. I am just a wounded soul. I have been really really hurt. BUT, everything in me says to not give up yet. I do appreciate your advice and input, but if how I feel as I work through this is upsetting to you, then you don't have to read my thread anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Because it's true. Look, if he got drunk and got a blow job from a colleague at the work Christmas party and swore never to cheat again, I'd be more sympathetic. Anyone can slip, and anyone who says you can't, doesn't understand the mechanics of sex and infidelity. But he cheated on you for months. The only reaosn he stopped, is because the other woman caught a conscience and dobbed him in. Had she not, he would have continued. What part of this is so difficult to understand? She says she didn't know he had someone else. Once she realized it, she walked away. I'll admit, she's stronger than I am at the moment. What you say is true though. I guess there are different types of cheating, which I really hadn't though about. Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Why so harsh? You don't know this is true anymore than I do. Maybe I should let him read this thread when he gets here, to see what the majority's opinion is... Sometimes the truth is harsh. None of this is being said to hurt or harm you, but only to point out the hard truth... you are letting yourself be a doormat right now. You're not a bad person, you're not weak, you're just not using logic completely. Just remember, you can always trust a liar. To lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I really promise I'm not a troll. I am just a wounded soul. I have been really really hurt. BUT, everything in me says to not give up yet. I do appreciate your advice and input, but if how I feel as I work through this is upsetting to you, then you don't have to read my thread anymore. I'll try not to, but it's like not looking back at a car crash when you are in traffic on the freeway. I just don't get why you aren't angry at this man and why you are so willing to dismiss someone betraying you for four months without remorse. I wonder why you have absolutely no boundaries. But it's pointless to help people who have no interest in helping themselves, so best of luck. If you give in to this, it won't only destroy you, it will destroy your kids. It will create major trauma. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 I'll try not to, but it's like not looking back at a car crash when you are in traffic on the freeway. I just don't get why you aren't angry at this man and why you are so willing to dismiss someone betraying you for four months without remorse. I wonder why you have absolutely no boundaries. But it's pointless to help people who have no interest in helping themselves, so best of luck. If you give in to this, it won't only destroy you, it will destroy your kids. It will create major trauma. He is sorry. And I am angry. Really angry. It comes in waves. It's not there all of the time because there is overwhelming sadness right now too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedbeyondbelief Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Sometimes the truth is harsh. None of this is being said to hurt or harm you, but only to point out the hard truth... you are letting yourself be a doormat right now. You're not a bad person, you're not weak, you're just not using logic completely. Just remember, you can always trust a liar. To lie. Thanks RedDragon. I really appreciate your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 He is sorry. And I am angry. Really angry. It comes in waves. It's not there all of the time because there is overwhelming sadness right now too. He is only sorry because he got caught. Like aspiringguitarheroine said, it's not like he made out with a girl at a bar or drunkenly had sex with someone once. He operated without impunity for four months and would have continued if the other girl didn't uncover it. I'm pretty anti-cheating as you can probably tell and I think cheaters are the scum of the earth. But there's a difference between selling a dimebag of weed to you friends and operating a drug cartel. Both are bad, but one could be excused as a lapse in judgment while the other is just blatant in its corruption. Your ex is the cartel leader, the Pablo Escobar if you will. This wasn't a one-time slip-up, this was months of disgusting behavior. That's not going to go away, especially with you. If you go back to him, you are saying that everything he did was OK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Thanks RedDragon. I really appreciate your posts. No thank you- talking with others like you has been the best therapy for me! I don't want to tell you what to do... there is free will. But I have to say, I don't know if getting back together with this guy is a good idea at all. I've tried getting back together with exes before after losing trust and it doesn't come back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 There were no problems in your relationship yet he was cheating for four months? Wouldn't a blissfully problem free relationship satisfy someone instead of them wanting to cheat? You can only imagine what would happen if you did have problems?!? What would he do then? It's not that you want to fight for this. You do this because your self-respect and dignity has left you. You're clinging because you're dependent on this man to make you feel whole. I've been with cheaters. Even took one back. Yes, they cry, beg, speak of change, tell you they can't live without you. Been there done that. Just keep your guard up that when they realize they have you back in their corner, it will start all over again. Another thing, go back but it won't be a walk in the park. You'll always be looking over your shoulder. His every move is going to be your daily torture because not a day will go by that you aren't going to be disturbed as to what he's doing. Be prepared. You never get that level of trust back and you won't rest easy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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