When trust is gone

[Tree_Salmon]

The woman created a fake profile under his name and picture and created those messages and sent them to the OP. If it isn't the typical excuse.

 

oh man this i funny.

 

I bet it's "people are just jealous and trying to break us up"

 

Throw in everything but the kitchen sink

[KatZee]

I keep updating this thread as new information happens because I am trying really had to work through this.

 

And as I stated previously, not one of my kids knows any of this is going on. I'm a really good mom.

 

You're not updating anyone with new information. It may seem like "new" information to you, but we can all see right through this guy. He's cheated, he continues to cheat, and he will always be cheating on you.

 

To update the thread with, "oh this girl messaged me with further proof that he's still cheating and trying to be with her!"

 

I mean, DUH. Who didn't see that one coming?

 

I fail to see what is so utterly alluring or amazing about this person that you've actually deluded yourself into believing you "love" him. What exactly is so loveable? Do you enjoy being disrespected? Do you enjoy being lied to? Do you enjoy being played? Do you enjoy being his doormat? Do you enjoy having a guy put your physical health at risk? Do you enjoy being laughed at behind your back? Do you enjoy being a play thing for this guy? Do you enjoy being used? Do you enjoy being deceived?

 

This guy will never be what you think he is. He will never be faithful to you. He will never love you the way you love him. I don't get what's so difficult to comprehend here. You've never had him in the way you think you have. It's been a lie. Since day one. It continues to be a lie. Grasp this.

 

There really IS a reason not one single person on this thread has told you to remain with him, to work it out, to trust him, to love him. You can "update" this thread as much as you want. None of us are going to change our opinion or our stance on your situation.

Edited November 1, 2013 by KatZee

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

The woman created a fake profile under his name and picture and created those messages and sent them to the OP. If it isn't the typical excuse.

 

Yes. This is what he said. It could be true. He says she is just really really angry at him right now and doesn't want him to be happy.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

I agree.

 

I think there is a massive lack of self esteem here.

 

You must really hate yourself if this is such a hard decision to make. This is really simple.

 

You don't even have that much time in. Just cut your losses and go. You clearly need to be comfortable with yourself before you can even think to date someone new.

 

This reminds me of another young person i knew who was in "love" with some guy. It's the same pattern: spend 5 months to a year with some guy who's really not that into you and then go crazy trying to keep him when he finally gets tired of you.

 

Pick yourself up and move on.

 

I really don't hate mysel at all. I have high self esteem and many friends and family that love me.

 

I just don't feel like this is black and white. I'm not excusing what he did or saying there is anything about it that is ok. I do feel that if someone is truly sorry, they can change.

 

And I do believe if people love each other enough, they try to work through things before giving up.

[Zahara]

I really don't hate mysel at all. I have high self esteem and many friends and family that love me.

 

I just don't feel like this is black and white. I'm not excusing what he did or saying there is anything about it that is ok. I do feel that if someone is truly sorry, they can change.

 

And I do believe if people love each other enough, they try to work through things before giving up.

 

He is a serial cheater. You can't seem to understand this. This is not your normal average joe that you're trying to work things out with.

 

THIS IS A SERIAL CHEATER. Do yourself one favor and read and do any research you can about how their minds work, how they are wired and how they view relationships and love. Read about the possibilities of these types changing and the work that has to be put it in order to achieve change. Do your homework instead of basing it all on the fantasy of love.

 

You may have high self-esteem in every other aspect of your life but it doesn't dictate how you view yourself in relationships. If anything, please seek a counsellor to help you.

[Zahara]

Yes. This is what he said. It could be true. He says she is just really really angry at him right now and doesn't want him to be happy.

 

Yes, and his word is of course honest and believable. Just as he has shown you in the past. If this isn't enough to make you say enough, this is too much of a risk, I am not sure what anyone else can do to make you see. Like I said before, you will have to learn by going through more pain.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

He is a serial cheater. You can't seem to understand this. This is not your normal average joe that you're trying to work things out with.

 

THIS IS A SERIAL CHEATER. Do yourself one favor and read and do any research you can about how their minds work, how they are wired and how they view relationships and love. Read about the possibilities of these types changing and the work that has to be put it in order to achieve change. Do your homework instead of basing it all on the fantasy of love.

 

You may have high self-esteem in every other aspect of your life but it doesn't dictate how you view yourself in relationships. If anything, please seek a counsellor to help you.

 

I promise I will definitely read up on this. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

And I've looked into therapy to try to understand my feelings about this situation, but its just not something I can afford at te moment.

[Zahara]

I promise I will definitely read up on this. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

And I've looked into therapy to try to understand my feelings about this situation, but its just not something I can afford at te moment.

 

At least before you take him back, do some work on yourself and read up as much as you can on what you are getting yourself involved in. If no one can can make you see, then do what you need for yourself to help you get through this. But please, educate yourself first emotionally and mentally before you go back to him. Do that one thing for you.

[dreamingoftigers]

I really don't hate mysel at all. I have high self esteem and many friends and family that love me.

 

I just don't feel like this is black and white. I'm not excusing what he did or saying there is anything about it that is ok. I do feel that if someone is truly sorry, they can change.

 

And I do believe if people love each other enough, they try to work through things before giving up.

 

I felt the same way too.

I married a serial cheat but it took me until after three years of marriage and eight months pregnant to find out what he was and who he was doing.

 

Yes, you read that right.

 

"We" (I) tried to put things back together for a long time.

 

However, they can cry the biggest, realest tears, apologize, tell you how the relationship has meant so much to them. How you've been that "one special blah blah blah that blah blah blahed when no one else will. How much they can see just how much they blah blah blah blah blah........"

 

But you know what: emotions are a performance piece for them. Never, ever watch what they say, watch what they DO. Abd watch what they DO as soon as they think they've got you back in place again.

 

What did he do? He contacted the other woman. Right away in fact.

 

And frankly, lets just say that it's a "fake profile" (ha ha, yeah right) then, well, shucks, isn't that just too bad because you have no solid way of knowing and he's already demonstrated he's completely untrustworthy.

 

Plus sweetie, he sent those messages within MINUTES of each other. So he WAS online right about that time having just left your bed.

 

Is the other woman psychic? Is she "stalking" him now monitoring his phone to we when he's online to send you a message with a fake profile?

 

What's more likely?

 

Really?

 

You know, my mother lived on Planet Denial for 36 years, the weather doesn't change much. And it's a damn cold wind.

[KatZee]

And I do believe if people love each other enough, they try to work through things before giving up.

 

Okayyy... that's fantastic, but THIS GUY DOES. NOT. LOVE. YOU.

 

You can't sit here and spin words, and say he's so great, and then say how he cheated on you for four consecutive months, continues to cheat, continues to reach out to this girl, and then try to convince any of us that you're both so in love.

 

This guy has NO CLUE what love is. All he knows is how to use people, how to lie, how to get exactly what he wants.

 

This guy is an abuser. He's a cheater, and cheaters lie. They will blow so much smoke up your a.ss and make you think they really care, but they DON'T.

 

You are wasting your time. This is VERY black and white.

[Fufu]

So, he came over last night. We talked. I cried. It told him as much as I wanted to be with him, I'm not sure i can get over all of this. He is so, so good with me though. He stayed calm, even when I wasn't.

 

He spent the night, and it felt so good to sleep beside him again. I felt really really content and happy.

 

And then another bombshell was dropped on me.

 

I received another text from the other girl. She attached facebook messages he's been sending her all week ( while trying to fix things with me) including one from this morning. She responded to a few of his first ones telling him to leave her alone, and then she stopped responding. Until today. He sent her a fb message telling her that he knows she's mad, but he misses telling her good morning. She became irate. Said she was going to block him (not sure if she did) and them told him she was going to send the messages to me. And she did.

 

I didn't respond to her, so she's probably not even sure I got the messages. I immediately sent him a message asking him to explain. Because the thing is, he must of sent us messages at the same time this morning. Which is right after he left my house after sleeping in my bed.

 

He said he swears he didn't do it. That she must of created a fake profile using his name and photo.

 

I'm not sure who to believe. My dear you need to be strong with yourself, you have to ask yourself are you really really really happy being with him? Ask yourself why are you here posting about your situation? If you are truly happy with him, you wouldn't be here in the first place.

 

What do you guys think?

 

 

You told him you wanted to be with him. He did not tell you he wanted to be with you. I think you put more actions/initiatives in this relationship than he did for you.

 

Why do you still trust this man?

 

My dear you need to be strong! Ask yourself truthfully, are you really happy with him? Or you feel you are "happy" because you are afraid of being alone and needed someone to be there irregardless that person treated you well or not.

 

If you are really happy being with him, you wouldn't have post your situation in this forum in the first place.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Fufu

[Zahara]

However, they can cry the biggest, realest tears, apologize, tell you how the relationship has meant so much to them. How you've been that "one special blah blah blah that blah blah blahed when no one else will. How much they can see just how much they blah blah blah blah blah........".

 

Isn't that the truth. I was with a serial cheater. I found out after a woman contacted me on FB and told me he was also seeing her. He cried, he begged, and told me she was jealous of him and wanted to date him and was trying to sabotage him and like a fool I took him back. The moment things settled back to normal he cheated again and this time he was doing it with an ex. And when I confronted him, he said she was coming on to him and forced him to cheat on me.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

Isn't that the truth. I was with a serial cheater. I found out after a woman contacted me on FB and told me he was also seeing her. He cried, he begged, and told me she was jealous of him and wanted to date him and was trying to sabotage him and like a fool I took him back. The moment things settled back to normal he cheated again and this time he was doing it with an ex. And when I confronted him, he said she was coming on to him and forced him to cheat on me.

 

This is almost exactly what he said to me about the Facebook messages.

 

The reason I think his explanation is possible is because it almost seems like she is trying to hard to convince me to leave him. She does not know me. We are not friends. Telling me the initial time about their relationship i can understand. she said she would want to know. But why continue contacting me? If she is truly done with him, then why does she care if I'm with him or not?

[Haydn]

Wow, tough crowd today! Look someone can cheat once maybe just maybe and the relationship could be saved. (With a lot of hard work) But a serial cheater, i agree with the others. Only more pain awaits while he can have everything he wants and still find his slippers under your bed. In a way you are the rock in his life. Pull the rug from under him and move on and find another guy.

[Zahara]

This is almost exactly what he said to me about the Facebook messages.

 

The reason I think his explanation is possible is because it almost seems like she is trying to hard to convince me to leave him. She does not know me. We are not friends. Telling me the initial time about their relationship i can understand. she said she would want to know. But why continue contacting me? If she is truly done with him, then why does she care if I'm with him or not?

 

The other woman was not my friend either. And even when I took him back she was still sending me messages that he was talking to her. I didn't believe her. I thought she was jealous and just didn't like the fact that I GOT HIM (yes, I thought I won a prize because he picked me) instead of her.

 

Did you even think that maybe he did send the Facebook messages, and that she's fed up and that she wants you to be aware that this guy is still up to his tricks? Anything anyone says against this man, you will justify, twist, turn, defend so that it suits your need to be with him. I think if you walked up to them having sex before your very eyes, you'd deny that too.

 

This woman is a nasty piece of work for trying to jeopardize your relationship with him. That's what you probably want to hear.

[Tree_Salmon]

I really don't hate mysel at all. I have high self esteem and many friends and family that love me.

 

I just don't feel like this is black and white. I'm not excusing what he did or saying there is anything about it that is ok. I do feel that if someone is truly sorry, they can change.

 

And I do believe if people love each other enough, they try to work through things before giving up.

 

I think many people would here would have loved the chance for their crappy relationship to be as black and white as yours.

 

You're not looking at this logically because you're too deep into it.

 

If you had a little sister and she told you that her "boyfriend" did this what would you tell her?

"you two should really work this out"

 

I doubt it.

[reddragon588]

Just wondering, but what is so special about this guy that you would forget he cheated on you physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually over a several month period? You have kids, so you've obviously been in other relationships and know there are other people out there.

 

And what does it matter about her? Whether she wants to break you and him up or not, it has absolutely no bearing on you. What he did is the only thing that matters to you. Stop focusing on her.

[Tree_Salmon]

Also, this isn't love. You dont know what love is if this is what you think constitutes as love.

 

The real fact is that "love" is so rare that chances are most of us have already missed it or will never see it. So no, this isn't love..not even close.

 

Most of these cases are convenience and/or dependency. You sound massively dependent.

 

Why not try being alone for a bit? I bet it sounds impossible to you.

[KatZee]

This is almost exactly what he said to me about the Facebook messages.

 

The reason I think his explanation is possible is because it almost seems like she is trying to hard to convince me to leave him. She does not know me. We are not friends. Telling me the initial time about their relationship i can understand. she said she would want to know. But why continue contacting me? If she is truly done with him, then why does she care if I'm with him or not?

 

Kinda sounds a lot like all of us huh? We don't know you. None of us are your friends. But we are all trying hard to convince you to leave him too. There is no alternative motive here for any of us, and I doubt any of us actually really care if you're with him or not. That's your choice to make, but we're trying to help you ultimately make the RIGHT decision.

 

That could be her deal too. Trying to help you out.

[Confusedbeyondbelief]

The other woman was not my friend either. And even when I took him back she was still sending me messages that he was talking to her. I didn't believe her. I thought she was jealous and just didn't like the fact that I GOT HIM (yes, I thought I won a prize because he picked me) instead of her.

 

Did you even think that maybe he did send the Facebook messages, and that she's fed up and that she wants you to be aware that this guy is still up to his tricks? Anything anyone says against this man, you will justify, twist, turn, defend so that it suits your need to be with him. I think if you walked up to them having sex before your very eyes, you'd deny that too.

 

This woman is a nasty piece of work for trying to jeopardize your relationship with him. That's what you probably want to hear.

 

This is exactly what the message said. He's tried to contact her all week. She answered once saying to leave her alone and then she started to ignore him. When he messaged her good morning the other day, she flipped out. She asked him who he thought he was, said she was blocking him an then told him she was sending me the messages. She was really angry.

 

He denies it all. Although as someone else said she couldn't have possibly known that he was on messaging me at that time. She unfriended him from Facebook immediately when it all went down. I thinknimnactually going to ask him to see how he explains that one.

[dreamingoftigers]

This is exactly what the message said. He's tried to contact her all week. She answered once saying to leave her alone and then she started to ignore him. When he messaged her good morning the other day, she flipped out. She asked him who he thought he was, said she was blocking him an then told him she was sending me the messages. She was really angry.

 

He denies it all. Although as someone else said she couldn't have possibly known that he was on messaging me at that time. She unfriended him from Facebook immediately when it all went down. I thinknimnactually going to ask him to see how he explains that one.

 

Maybe she works for the NSA...

[KatZee]

I thinknimnactually going to ask him to see how he explains that one.

 

You enjoy bashing your face into a brick wall, don't you?

 

Who CARES what you ask him to explain. He's going to dance circles around you and because you're so easily manipulated and deceived, you're going to be eating right out of his hand by tonight.

[Tree_Salmon]

You enjoy bashing your face into a brick wall, don't you?

 

Who CARES what you ask him to explain. He's going to dance circles around you and because you're so easily manipulated and deceived, you're going to be eating right out of his hand by tonight.

 

I agree.

 

OP...why the hell would this girl make any of this up? Your "boyfriend" sounds like a complete loser.

 

She must have been really good in the sack if hes annoying the crap out of her for attention.

 

You should thank this girl for coming to you with this information.

 

But i already know what you're going to do. he will come back and you will forget everything we've all said here because you didn't hear what you wanted.

 

You said you're a parent? Seriously, what are your priorities?

You should be concentrating on bettering yourself instead of playing some highschool games with some loser.

 

I'm not trying to purposely be hard on you, its just that you need to wake up to what's happening here. I know you think this isn't a big deal but it's clearly taking up much of your mental time. Time that could be spent doing better things.

[Zahara]

I thinknimnactually going to ask him to see how he explains that one.

 

I don't know how to get through to you.

 

The man could carry on in secret, another relationship with another woman. Do you know the mindset of someone that can look you in the eye with no conscience, lovingly act the boyfriend and go through each day without flinching? Do you understand that a man that can lie in your face everyday has no problems lying to you again? Do you understand that the type of person that can carry on this way is an excellent manipulator and liar and they're masters at covering their tracks and motives? This is their make, they are wired this way. You're projecting how a normal person like you will deal with a situation on him. By explaining the truth. Liars, cheaters and manipulators are on a different wavelength. They don't explain the truth, they lie about it.

 

You think you are dealing with some average Joe. You better start getting smart. Someone that can bold face lie to you for months, isn't about to breakdown and admit to cheating just because you want an explanation. You will get one and it will be what you want to hear, not the truth.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Zahara

[BC1980]

He said he swears he didn't do it. That she must of created a fake profile using his name and photo.

 

I'm still trying to digest this. I mean, sh*t. . . .