sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I finally did it...told it I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm sad, but it actually feels kinda good. The other part of me wants to tell him how much I love him, but I need to regain what's left of my pride and dignity and move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by sgirl728 I finally did it...told it I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm sad, but it actually feels kinda good. The other part of me wants to tell him how much I love him, but I need to regain what's left of my pride and dignity and move on... Amen.. and Yay for keeping your Pride, dignity and self esteem:) Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 I'm really trying here, but it's so hard to let go. He didn't even respond to me. I just basically gave him the easy way out. He's been blowing me off for weeks. He said we'd get married. He said he'd leave, then he said he just couldn't. I truly am going to miss his friendship. I need lots of encouragement to keep this up!!!! He works about 10 feet away... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by sgirl728 I'm really trying here, but it's so hard to let go. He didn't even respond to me. I just basically gave him the easy way out. He's been blowing me off for weeks. He said we'd get married. He said he'd leave, then he said he just couldn't. I truly am going to miss his friendship. I need lots of encouragement to keep this up!!!! He works about 10 feet away... Friendship.. when would you EVER treat your friend the way he's treated you? Think about that... Don't give him the satisfaction of blowing you off.. beat his sorry ass to the punch. You can do this girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Sounds mean, but ya know the best way to get over him? GET MAD at him. He played mind games with you. He USED you...in the worst possible ways a woman can be used!! HE LIED TO YOU!!! Heck...his friendship with you wasn't even honest, let alone the rest of it!!! Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself and for him...it'll just make you feel worse, and gives him more credit than he is due! There was nothing HONEST in that friendship...so nothing for you to TRULY miss. Don't think about what you've lost...sounds to me like it wasn't much to lose. Think about what you're going to GAIN, now that you're FREE!!! Go find yourself someone that isn't a drain on your emotions!! (and maybe who's single this time? )! You made the right choice...now just lift up your head a little and you'll see that too!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 Merlin you are so right, but really I've made myself his door mat...I guess it's just time for me to stop getting stepped on. I just need to be able to hold my head up and act as if I'm not bothered. See the problem is I have to walk past his office every time I go to my desk. I have to walk by there even just to go to the restroom. It really sucks. He made me so many promises. I don't really understand why I believed he was any different than any other man. I just truly loved him and believed everything he ever told me. What fool I've been.... Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 good for you. It'll be hard working in such close proximity but look at him for what he is. He's been using you and you've put a stop to it. You should be proud of yourself. Don't let the weasle back into your heart no matter how much he tempts you. You've bruised his fragile ego by ending it, he may even try to win back your affections just for the sheer hell of it. Stay strong you, he's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 Honestly, I've not really felt sorry for myself today. (not yet anyway....LOL) I don't even feel the urge to take it all back like I have always done in the past. Does this mean I'm truly getting past it?? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by sgirl728 Merlin you are so right, but really I've made myself his door mat...I guess it's just time for me to stop getting stepped on. I just need to be able to hold my head up and act as if I'm not bothered. See the problem is I have to walk past his office every time I go to my desk. I have to walk by there even just to go to the restroom. It really sucks. He made me so many promises. I don't really understand why I believed he was any different than any other man. I just truly loved him and believed everything he ever told me. What fool I've been.... Pull up the doormat... Cut back on the liquids.. *not as many potty breaks* JK JK When you must pass his desk.. don't look his way.. if you do happen to meet eyes.. give him the finger JK.. Well kind of.. Honestly.. yes it's going to be hard for you.. but it isn't impossible.. Regarding his PROMISES.. realize they were all empty.. he made his wife a whole **** load of promises too, and well.. obviously he didn't keep those either.. Hang in there girl.. seriously think about the finger.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 Well see the thing about it is our affair began after he had found out that she has basically cheated on him for the past 20 years...I guess I was just payback... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by sgirl728 Well see the thing about it is our affair began after he had found out that she has basically cheated on him for the past 20 years...I guess I was just payback... The real Deal~E~O is this though.. 3 sides to every story.. HIS, HERS, and what actually happend.. just because HE said his wife had cheated on him, doesn't make it true.. no more that HIM telling you he was going to leave her, marry you, or do the right things for anyone but him was or is true. Doesn't matter why his marriage sucks.. or if his wife sucks.. all that matters is he hasn't kept his word to YOU. Give him the finger;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 Well here's the deal, he isn't the only one who told me of her affairs. Apparently everyone knows. I go to the nail shop and hear about them. I hear it from others at work. I've even heard about them from her. I thought this was REAL for us. I truly did. Part of me thinks he is just too afraid of her or too big of a coward to walk away from her. But then again, I can't hold on to that forever. He's really done a number on my emotions. It's just been such a roller coaster.... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by sgirl728 Well here's the deal, he isn't the only one who told me of her affairs. Apparently everyone knows. I go to the nail shop and hear about them. I hear it from others at work. I've even heard about them from her. I thought this was REAL for us. I truly did. Part of me thinks he is just too afraid of her or too big of a coward to walk away from her. But then again, I can't hold on to that forever. He's really done a number on my emotions. It's just been such a roller coaster.... Again I say this... It DOESN'T MATTER if his marriage sucks/sucked It DOESN'T MATTER if his wife sucks/sucked It DOESN'T MATTER if everyone else told you his wife sucks It DOESN'T MATTER if his wife told you she is a suckass cheater It DOESN'T MATTER if he is afraid she will whip his a** It DOESN'T MATTER if he is to afraid to leave her ALL that DOES MATTER is he HASN'T kept his word to YOU. HE SUCKS! *Merin gives sgirls MM the finger* Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 He made me so many promises. I don't really understand why I believed he was any different than any other man. I just truly loved him and believed everything he ever told me. What fool I've been.... This is how every single person who's ever been disappointed in a relationship feels. Regardless if that partner was single or married. Makes no difference because love is blind and floats on hope. A broken promise hurts the same regardless of who it comes from. We all want to believe that the person we're with is like no other. That this time our relationship will beat the odds. But trust should be gradually gained only through the consistency of one's actions - their ability to follow through. Until then, "words" and "promises" should only be given the 'benefit of the doubt.' You'll better your odds in the future when it comes to the relationship game if you first learn to calculate your risks and become a better judge of character. For instance: If someone can lie, manipulate and deceive their spouse; than chances are they can just as easily lie to you. Doesn't matter the reasons or excuses they give - deceit shows no favoritism when one is looking out for their own self-interest. Regardless of how "special" we'd like to think we are. Forget dignity and pride. We've all gambled that away on love at one time or another. It only stings for a little while. Instead, "get smarter" about people and what it takes to make a good relationship partner. Learn how to protect yourself in advance and you'll lesson your chances of ever being duped by a con artist again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 I do appreciate all your responses. It really does help to keep me strong and away. I promise, he's really a good guy. He just obviously loves her more than me, but that should be more of the reason I have to RUN from him. I just feel sad for him that he would stay in that situation, but that is his choice and apparently he has made it. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by sgirl728 I do appreciate all your responses. It really does help to keep me strong and away. I promise, he's really a good guy. He just obviously loves her more than me, but that should be more of the reason I have to RUN from him. I just feel sad for him that he would stay in that situation, but that is his choice and apparently he has made it. Sgirl... You are defending him. It doesn't matter if he's a "good guy" and people like him.. because he is a MARRIED guy. This isn't about whom he loves *more* it's about his own selfishness. Don't feel sad for him.. believe it.. IF this situation was so damn horrible he would get out.. he doesn't want to. YOU are a "Good Person" Love YOURSELF MORE than you *Love* him Feel happy that you know you deserve more than this guy is ever going to give you and proud of yourself for NOT staying in a situation that REALLY is horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sgirl728 Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 Well, y'all would be so proud of me. I had to leave work early today. I haven't not seen or talked to him since this morning. He won't be in tomorrow, so I won't have to talk to him or see him until Monday. Here's the best part...I have not shed a single tear!!! Is it because I'm finally getting past him?? Or, is it because I know that within a few weeks we'll be right back where we were??? Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Enigma - you are a freaking genious. Did anyone see the girl on the most recent Bachelor - the one who didn't get picked? She said something that has really stuck with me...something to the effect of "Well, even if this doesn't work out, I'll be ok, because I have "the one" to look forward to..." All of us in crappy situations have something good to look forward to. Rip the bandaid off. It'll hurt, it might scar, but you only have the healing to look forward to. Once you let go, it only gets better! Link to post Share on other sites
Cis Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 sgirl - Congrats! But honey, brace yourself. I have no doubt that you'll be in quite a bit of turmoil for a least a few weeks if not months. And IF you can really stay away, you'll be doing yourself a world of good. I had to say good-bye many times before it really was good-bye. And even though it's been 7 months since I've seen the coward and 3 weeks since I've written to him...I still think about him every day. But my thoughts aren't nearly as wistful anymore, I'm pissed....and that's been very helpful in my "recovery". Good luck and keep us "posted"! Cis Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Just remember him as someone you cared deeply about once before. For a while things were good and you felt good, but then once it changed and you got hurt more and hurt you got strong enough to say ENOUGH, I AM OUTTA HERE!!! Do not beat up on yourself, internalize any of this. He may or may not be a good person. He just isn't the person for YOU! Feel what you feel for him, accept it and then let it go. Be good to yourself, pamper yourself and hang with some FUN people and friends to help you through this!! Go get a massage and remember baby steps, one day at a time. Grieve when you need to grieve, but know eventually you will think of him less and less. He is not worth your time, effort or energy. Just don't even pay any attention to him at work. If he talks to you about a work related issue- keep it professional-short sweet and to the point- then walk away. Other than that, just ignore him and think of YOU and not him anymore. Keep on posting and stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by KissMyTiara Enigma - you are a freaking genious. KMT, I agree, Enigma is a walking genious!!! I have read a few of your posts Enigma, and you are one wise woman! Keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
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