Faye04 Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I have been living with my boyfriend since 1993. We share an eleven year old son together. My relationship with my boyfriend has been a difficult one. He has abused me and cheated on me. The abuse has stopped, but he continues to cheat. He does not have a stable job, in fact, he can not keep one. He is unemployed as I write this. So I take on all of the financial burdens. I think he has some mental issues I do not understand. To avoid loosing me, he has made some positive changes. But I am just too tied to stick around. I am 34 and I do not want to continue wasting time with him. I just want him to move out, so I can focus on myself and my son. And hopefully, meet someone with the same determination and goals I have to succeed in this one life I have. I have asked him to leave but he would not. I am trying to figure out this control he has over me. It's like I fear him or scared of what he might do if I do not bend. I want to get out more and socialize, but feel like I have to consult with him or get his approval. When I do go out, he constantly calls me on my cellular. I know he is insecure and worries about loosing me. But the fact is, he has lost me. My emotion is not the same. I do not know what to do. Last time I tried to end it, he tried to overdose on some IBprofen. What if he tries to hurt me. Maybe I am wrong. Should I stay with him because of our son and because of the time invested. I always wanted him to be the man and provide for his family. He has fail wholeheartly at this. I care about him, I just don't love him enough to continue tolerating his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
snipit3172 Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 you deserve to be happy and so does your son and if your not happy he will pick up on that why should you stay and make try and make things work when obviouslly your partner is not trying as he is proving be still cheating on you and not working you willl be no worse of financially as you pay for everything anyway so for your own sanity leave him and one day someone will come along who appreciates you good luck Link to post Share on other sites
jcs0521 Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 If you aren't happy, which you don't sound like you are, it's best to leave and find your happiness. Don't put up with his behaviour. Do you want someone who leeches off you, or loves you and himself enough to be a strong, reliable and emotionally healthy person? This is going to sound horrible but if he makes threats that he's going to harm himself if you don't take him back, you have to shut the door even more firmly in his face. Don't be nasty, but just don't entertain his threats.You'll end up resenting him if you give in to that behaviour, and it sounds like you resent him enough already. If he were to change it won't happen overnight, real positive change takes time, but DON'T wait around in the hope that it will happen. Get on with your life, and be happy with your son. You've only got one life, do what's best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Because you have a kid together maybe you guys should try couple's counseling. I mean there are some obvious problems here. You feel abused and cheated on (have you caught him in the act?). It seems like you have a VERY co-dependent relationship. Now from what I've learned about this......you also have problems because you have stayed (created) this type of relationship with this man (by the way he sounds like a pig!). But, for what it's worth....I don't think just walking off and getting away from this man is all that is going to cure this situation. You need some healthy guidelines on how to go. I'd tell your boyfriend first that you want to call a meeting and have a serious heart to heart with him. Before the meeting I'd write down all your problems with the guy. Then I'd spell them out to him. I'd remind him that you, too, have had a hard time at maintaining boundaries with him (this relationship seems out of control and it takes two to tango---sorry). Anyway, I'd tell him all this and say to him that there are serious problems here and if he wants to stay in the relationship with you he'll need to be faithful and attend couple's counseling with you. Tell him you BOTH have a lot of work to do. Give him an ultimatum.....try a few times to get him to agree to this. You should start therapy yourself. If he won't attend then follow through with dumping his ass. But it sounds like a sad mess really. Hopefully you can get yourself back on track and maybe the relationship if it's worth saving. But for the kid.....I'd try, you know. It can't exactly hurt. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 If you're asking anonymous people to give you one good reason why you should stay then you should have left a long time ago... Link to post Share on other sites
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