I am ready to give up.

[kyunhappy]

Honestly, I think I gave up a long time ago. We've been in marriage counseling for a month now but it's not really making a difference. How can counseling make me love him if I don't anymore?

 

Is it okay to just give up? I don't think our problems will ever be fixed. They will temporarily, and then they will come back. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think I love him enough to fix them.

 

I know that no one can make this decision but us, but man, it would be a LOT easier if someone could just tell me "it's okay, this is the right decision, don't feel guilty for wanting to leave."

[melissag]

You didn't give us much to go on in your post. How long have you been married? What are the problems that brought you to MC? Did you ever love him? Are there other things going on in your (or his) life that could be contributing to the marital problems? Are there any other people involved?

[kyunhappy]

You didn't give us much to go on in your post. How long have you been married? What are the problems that brought you to MC? Did you ever love him? Are there other things going on in your (or his) life that could be contributing to the marital problems? Are there any other people involved?

 

We've been married almost 6 years. The initial problem that took us to MC 1.5 years ago was an EA on his part. We are now in it because i have checked out of the relationship completely and he wants to save it.

 

I did love him, yes, but I kinda feel like I forced myself to be more into him than I really was. I think we are better as friends.

 

The main relationship issues are that I am not affectionate enough and that I'm always irritated with him, and that I feel like I am treated like a child, controlled, and manipulated/lied to on a regular basis. Those are the problems that I don't think will ever be fixed.

 

There is no one else at this point, but we had an open relationship for awhile that lead to a lot of lies on both of our parts and a lot of jealousy on his part.

[SuperGeek]

If you are completely checked out and there is no hope for you to re-kindle your previous love for him, you owe it to him and yourself to just end it.

[kyunhappy]

If you are completely checked out and there is no hope for you to re-kindle your previous love for him, you owe it to him and yourself to just end it.

 

But why is he holding on so hard? He knows I'm checked out and that I don't think it will ever work again. Why can't he just let go? Am I just foolish for wanting it to be easier than this? He is so angry and I don't deal well with anger, I just want to give in to make the anger stop.

[Eggplant]

I did love him, yes, but I kinda feel like I forced myself to be more into him than I really was. I think we are better as friends.

What made you decide to join lives with somebody based on such lukewarm "love" feelings? You need to be passionate and obsessed and crazy to form a life together. Not forcing yourself. I'm curious why you married. Of course it won't work. He can see right through your "love." Let him go so that he can be with somebody who loves him for real. And you too.

[kyunhappy]

What made you decide to join lives with somebody based on such lukewarm "love" feelings? You need to be passionate and obsessed and crazy to form a life together. Not forcing yourself. I'm curious why you married. Of course it won't work. He can see right through your "love." Let him go so that he can be with somebody who loves him for real. And you too.

 

I didn't realize at the time what I was doing. I did love him, but he definitely loved me more. And still does. You say "let him go" but I'm not the one holding on, he is. I've said those exact words: "You could find someone who loves you as much as you need to be loved", but he doesn't want that, apparently.