Archanaart Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I know that LS is a place to come and seek advice on problems. However, I find there is a lack of positive threads concerning relationships. This observation just might be in my head but nonetheless I would love to hear from couples in healthy happy relationships with its ups and downs. What makes your relationship strong? What's the key to your relationship? Any advice for those seeking heathy relationship? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) I know that LS is a place to come and seek advice on problems. However, I find there is a lack of positive threads concerning relationships. This observation just might be in my head but nonetheless I would love to hear from couples in healthy happy relationships with its ups and downs. What makes your relationship strong? What's the key to your relationship? Any advice for those seeking heathy relationship? it would be so cool if you had a million replies to this thread...i fear however that all the happy couples are too busy wildly and passionately making love instead of being on love shack..or enjoying each other's company...i would be if i were part of a happy couple......smilin.........lets see maybe they come on here after sex............deb Edited October 20, 2013 by todreaminblue 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'm actually the only one of all my family and friends that is single. I'm certainly the oddball of the group. I would say without fail the single quality that makes all of my social circle successful with relationships is that they view the relationship itself as having high intrinsic value. They feel being in a relationship makes their life far better than not being in one, and therefore they are willing to work hard to achieve and maintain that lifestyle. You will see amongst the always singles on here, almost a disdain for relationships and people referring to people as "high value mates." In other words, they see obtaining a "high value" mate as the goal instead of the relationship itself as a goal. If the relationship becomes the goal, and you choose a mate based on their "relationship qualities" it is evidently quite simple to find someone to be in a relationship with. The always singles on here however, tend to focus on other qualities that have nothing to do with how good a relationship partner the potential mate might be (i.e. looks, money, career, power, charisma, etc.). And, don't forget, it's very likely that people that can't find a relationship are likely not very good relationship material themselves... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Sure, I've been in a good relationship for 2.5 yrs and it is an LDR. We're about to get engaged and move in together. Granted, I am not on LS that much because I am working, traveling, planning an engagement and a move. But, we are out there. Not sure Pyro or CE will show up in this thread, but there are some happy couple out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I feel like I am. Sure it has its ups and downs and there is some teeth gritting but at the end of the day the man always makes me smile and with the right look in his eye and a slow walk up for a kiss, makes me mushy inside. The one thing I appreciate and value about this relationship is his absolute willingness to do whatever is needed to work on the relationship. There is no feet dragging, no talk only, no resistance. He is funny and passionate and I do love his smile. Oh, and he has one body part that is most favorite part about him. . . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I am. I've been with my Fiance for 18months. (engaged for 12) We talk about everything. I have never felt so comfortable in talking to a man ever. He adores me. I adore him. We respect each other. Haul each other up on whats getting to us, so we can fix it. My parents are nearing their 50th wedding anniversary! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 And, don't forget, it's very likely that people that can't find a relationship are likely not very good relationship material themselves... there are many beautiful loving compassionate kind people male and female who are single and have been for many years i feel this statement is a bit unfair for people who choose to wait until they know a relationship is going to be one that will have the capacity to last...forever is a long time...so being single for a while is inevitable if you are looking for a relationship to last for the right reasons.......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Archanaart Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 Wow I'm glad to here there a few here on LS that are happy in their relationships!! Good luck to all you love birds getting ready to tie the knot As for me, well I've been in a happy relationship for 15months now and I couldn't be happier with him. Of course we have our ups and downs but I have learned that communicating with him helps a great deal to clear things up. We met through a mutual friend and started off long distance for the first few months and then he moved to my city we did have to do long distance once more for a few months this summer but we persevered and it made us stronger than before. We are currently living 15-20 minutes away from each other and having frequent lazy nights together cuddling and watching movies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Archanaart Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I feel like I am. Sure it has its ups and downs and there is some teeth gritting but at the end of the day the man always makes me smile and with the right look in his eye and a slow walk up for a kiss, makes me mushy inside. The one thing I appreciate and value about this relationship is his absolute willingness to do whatever is needed to work on the relationship. There is no feet dragging, no talk only, no resistance. He is funny and passionate and I do love his smile. Oh, and he has one body part that is most favorite part about him. . . Aw I often get those moments where he looks at me so lovingly and it makes me fall for him all over again. I just love all of him but yeah there's one particular area that I'm immediately attracted to once I get him alone and all to myself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Archanaart Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I am. I've been with my Fiance for 18months. (engaged for 12) We talk about everything. I have never felt so comfortable in talking to a man ever. He adores me. I adore him. We respect each other. Haul each other up on whats getting to us, so we can fix it. My parents are nearing their 50th wedding anniversary! Congratulations to your parents and their upcoming wedding anniversary and your pending nuptials. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
unicorn farts Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 My husband and I are very happy. I like relationship forums because I'm very interested in KEEPING us happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I've had an eleven year relationship and I can say that we're both very happy, but she is a dog. She loves me unconditionally and is very low maintenance; just a walk once a day, some treats, food, play. You can't beat having a dog in your life. All my married friends look at me in envy. "He never argues with his dog and his dog doesn't mind if he brings girls home.....how do I sign up for that??" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I've had an eleven year relationship and I can say that we're both very happy, but she is a dog. She loves me unconditionally and is very low maintenance; just a walk once a day, some treats, food, play. You can't beat having a dog in your life. All my married friends look at me in envy. "He never argues with his dog and his dog doesn't mind if he brings girls home.....how do I sign up for that??" We just got a puppy and not sure if I can say the same. Puppy is high maintenance, opinionated, ADD, not independent, and we have definitely argued about appropriate behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I'm genuinly happy with my relationship. Sure it's not perfect but it's one of the most valuable things I have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 There used to be a few ongoing threads with happy relationship stuff - I think donnamaybe started one, but I can't seem to find it now. Many of those folks don't post here anymore, though, so I understand your observation. I've been in a R that I'm very happy with, for several years (and yes, it's with a human male, not a dog... ). I'm afraid I can't answer all your questions, OP - they're very broad and would take an hour to do properly! Just chiming in so that you know they're out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Archanaart Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 I appreciate all the replies! I agree it is hard to answer those questions and everyone has their way of going about things. It takes a lot of work and care to maintain a relationship. I guess even at my young age I may be a bit of traditionalist at heart. I'm definitely the type to fight and work on things rather than give up and move one. After reading endless threads, it seems as if relationships can be like having the latest cell phone. Once you're having some issues with the current that can be fixed with some work, you can be like f**k it I'm updating to the newest phone out there. I've posted countless times don't ask that on LS but ask your partner. It's like we've stopped taking a moment and trying to understand each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Archanaart....you can talk things out and try to work things out but sometimes it's just time to move on. Relationships come and go. This applies to marriage as well because a legal document uniting a couple is not a guarantee that the relationship won't follow the same cycle that your previous relationships did. That's the misconception a lot of couples have who decide to get married, this idea that this relationship is different from the previous ones regarding longevity and what not. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I'm very happily married. My husband and I are true partners, hand in hand in this journey of life. Life is short, and with 20 years of marriage behind us, I'm realizing that we won't have these wonderful years with each other forever. That translates into gratitude and cherishing, which are very good for a marriage. I've posted countless times don't ask that on LS but ask your partner. So often, I have the same thought/comment! It's odd, because it would be so much harder for me to post my problems on a message board than to talk them through with my partner. It seems counter-intuitive to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Archanaart Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Archanaart....you can talk things out and try to work things out but sometimes it's just time to move on. Relationships come and go. This applies to marriage as well because a legal document uniting a couple is not a guarantee that the relationship won't follow the same cycle that your previous relationships did. That's the misconception a lot of couples have who decide to get married, this idea that this relationship is different from the previous ones regarding longevity and what not. I know all of that. I'm not naive or believe in fairy tales. I prefer to have a prenup before getting married or moving in with a SO. No way am I going to get screwed over if the marriage or relationship doesn't work out. And yes I've read countless studies on couples believing that marriage will make things different or last. And that's usually the downfall because people stop putting in effort. My parents are divorced so I understand that things don't always work out and it's time to move on. So yes I understand relationships like friendships and romantic partners come and go. I was referring to those people who give up over things like he watched porn after we had sex I must dump him now or I need to dump her because she wouldn't let me sleep because she was upset. Edited October 22, 2013 by Archanaart Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I appreciate all the replies! I agree it is hard to answer those questions and everyone has their way of going about things. It takes a lot of work and care to maintain a relationship. I guess even at my young age I may be a bit of traditionalist at heart. I'm definitely the type to fight and work on things rather than give up and move one. After reading endless threads, it seems as if relationships can be like having the latest cell phone. Once you're having some issues with the current that can be fixed with some work, you can be like f**k it I'm updating to the newest phone out there. I've posted countless times don't ask that on LS but ask your partner. It's like we've stopped taking a moment and trying to understand each other. Yes, definitely. I guess it's to be expected that a relationship board would contain lots of such threads, but I do think that it is also somewhat attributable to the instant gratification culture that seems to be getting more pervasive. People seem to prefer to discard at the slightest sign of trouble/flaws rather than give fixing a good try. IMO a balance is needed. I've personally not found my R to be much 'work', though, except for the bits about learning to work on communication skills etc, which are beneficial to the individual anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 What makes your relationship strong? What's the key to your relationship? Any advice for those seeking heathy relationship? I've been happily married for many years to the same man I married at 19 years old. What makes our relationship strong is shared faith, shared values, common interests, making the effort daily to connect with each other, playfulness, affection, and sex. Those are also the keys to a good marriage. I would also add communication and conflict resolution skills are important in a healthy relationship. Those seeking a healthy relationship should focus on selecting someone with good communication skills. Someone that has patience and is forgiving. Someone who is positive and upbeat. Someone who is flexible and enjoys life, has a good life of her own and not dependent on a relationship. Someone that is giving, and supportive. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm happy Whats the key to our relationship? Being friends first helped - I've known her since I was 15, so we've got a lot of shared history, a lot of understanding...a lot of tolerance I guess aside from that the key things for me, and what i'd need any gf to be on total board is: honesty, loyalty, positivity, not to go to bed on an argument and just, super importantly for me to keep having a laugh with each other. Whats life about if you can laugh at the little things. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 What makes your relationship strong? What's the key to your relationship? Any advice for those seeking heathy relationship? I have been happily married for almost twenty years. I am completely in awe at how much better it has gotten over the years, at how much I am into her even more than when we were newlyweds. Our relationship is strong because we work on it and communicate. We don't wait for things to crop up before we talk about them and place boundaries. My wife is very laid back and so am I because we know that drama makes people overreact to things. She will say "Okay, so I know you have to do this thing and this what I expect from you." She has very rarely made me guess on what her needs, expectations and desires are. Communication about needs and wants is a huge help to me. the key to our relationship is that we both made a choice to be here. We both agree that there is no second marriages, that all issues that we think would be worked out with other people can be worked on in this one. Affairs and GIGs is really about the individual and not the couple. We want to be here because we are kind to each other and though we can get into some fiery fights, the making up in always hot and then exceedingly tender. My advice to anyone seeking a healthy relationship is find someone with similar values and long term goals. Also, work this saying into your repertoire. "Treat me like someone you married, like someone you love." Kindness, laughter, honesty and forgiveness is key. Best, Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 My husband and I are happy. We have had a few rough patches here and there, but our relationship is strong and we are pretty good at working things out. IMO that is the key to a good relationship: communication and commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 What makes your relationship strong? What's the key to your relationship? Any advice for those seeking heathy relationship? We respect and value each other, and our R. We both know how bad Rs can get, and we are grateful we have in each other a partner who is equally focused on the health of the R, the best for our partner, and our own self-actualisation. We are completely honest with each other, we trust each other, we respect and love each other, and we genuinely like each other and are loyal to each other. We share values, we share enough interests but also recognise that we each have a need for our own "space", and we communicate meaningfully. We still find each other highly desirable, and our sex life is as active as it was in the early days. Because we respect each other, we make sure to be our best selves, because we each deserve a "high value" partner. Link to post Share on other sites
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