Caught my DRUNK bf kissing a girl

[Rosey03]

I dropped my BF off at the bar with his friend b/c they wanted to have a little guy's night... later I go to pick them up and I find him wasted outside kissing a girl. This literally hurt me so much. Never in a million years would I ever think he would do this to me, seeing as he is the most loving man I have ever known. He tells me all the time that I am his forever, the only girl he has ever truly loved, and I believe him. He's never done anything like this before. I know that he only kissed this girl because he was really really wasted.. infact, I actually saw it happen and SHE kissed him FIRST. (which makes me feel better, because he was looking for me since he was outside) But it still stings so much because he still kissed her back. We've been through SO much that I dont want to just break up with him over a stupid girl and a stupid kiss... (for example, we did LDR when he was away for a job for 4 months) and not mention the fact that my BF is so upset, sad and ashamed of himself for doing this. He feels so bad and at the same time my heart hurts. I just have no idea how to handle this situation because he is my first boyfriend ( I am 20; he is 23) I really could use some advice/help on how to cope

[Leigh 87]

I dropped my BF off at the bar with his friend b/c they wanted to have a little guy's night... later I go to pick them up and I find him wasted outside kissing a girl. This literally hurt me so much. Never in a million years would I ever think he would do this to me, seeing as he is the most loving man I have ever known. He tells me all the time that I am his forever, the only girl he has ever truly loved, and I believe him. He's never done anything like this before. I know that he only kissed this girl because he was really really wasted.. infact, I actually saw it happen and SHE kissed him FIRST. (which makes me feel better, because he was looking for me since he was outside) But it still stings so much because he still kissed her back. We've been through SO much that I dont want to just break up with him over a stupid girl and a stupid kiss... (for example, we did LDR when he was away for a job for 4 months) and not mention the fact that my BF is so upset, sad and ashamed of himself for doing this. He feels so bad and at the same time my heart hurts. I just have no idea how to handle this situation because he is my first boyfriend ( I am 20; he is 23) I really could use some advice/help on how to cope

 

 

I know guys who are really crazy in love. They never cheat when they are wasted.

 

My cheating ex never did it whilst drunk. He got hammered away from me. When I picked him up, he was always thrilled to see me.

Even when incapacitated and **** faced, he still knew it was me and didn't even talk to other girls.

 

Look, he either: loves u as best as he can, but he simply has a bad character with no will power. He's basically a dude that doesn't have much empathy. He can cheat on girls he fully loves because he can't love that much.

 

Or, he isn't head over heals in love with u.

 

Or, he's too young to have a propper understanding of what being in love is. If this is the case, he will come find u in the future and want you back.

 

 

 

Please don't excuse his behavior. This won't end well. Most guys who are truly in love and who are emotionally available and healthy DO NOTcheat. Even when very drunk.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I know guys who are really crazy in love. They never cheat when they are wasted.

 

My cheating ex never did it whilst drunk. He got hammered away from me. When I picked him up, he was always thrilled to see me.

Even when incapacitated and **** faced, he still knew it was me and didn't even talk to other girls.

 

Look, he either: loves u as best as he can, but he simply has a bad character with no will power. He's basically a dude that doesn't have much empathy. He can cheat on girls he fully loves because he can't love that much.

 

Or, he isn't head over heals in love with u.

 

Or, he's too young to have a propper understanding of what being in love is. If this is the case, he will come find u in the future and want you back.

 

 

 

Please don't excuse his behavior. This won't end well. Most guys who are truly in love and who are emotionally available and healthy DO NOTcheat. Even when very drunk.

 

This is true.

 

In my past relationships (even when I was very young), I would never cheat no matter how drunk I was and no matter who was throwing themselves at me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Ugh, what a jerk. You need to have an very frank discussion about why he did this (and no, it's not solely because of alcohol) He was a willing participant, as you witnessed. He didn't say no.

 

Sometimes couples can come back from these things, but in my experience it's often a sign of a bigger underlying problem.

[Balzac]

We've been through SO much that I dont want to just break up with him over a stupid girl and a stupid kiss...

 

You've already justified your decision. What you seek here is a pat on the back.

[crederer]

What an idiot! Seriously, wasted or not this is ridiculous. So, he feels bad. great. What are you going to do the next time he wants to go out drinking with the boys?

[emva07]

We've been through SO much that I dont want to just break up with him over a stupid girl and a stupid kiss...

 

You've already justified your decision. What you seek here is a pat on the back.

 

That and DRUNK being in caps. Knew the decision before I even opened it.

[emva07]

WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME THAT A GUY SAYING HE LOVES YOU AND YOU ARE HIS FOREVER MEANS HE WON'T CHEAT????

 

Ideally, that's what it means, yes BUT CHEATERS SAY IT TOO!

 

I love you and you are mine forever to a cheater means "you are the main, all the others are just extra, it's YOU that I want"

 

Now this just turns into a problem of OP not being comfortable/fighting over him ever getting drunk again. Now he won't be allowed to drink, and if he does she will be his chaperone because THE TRUST IS GONE.

 

If I gotta babysit my bf when he has a guys night....that's a huge red flag.

 

But enjoy!

[Leigh 87]

WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME THAT A GUY SAYING HE LOVES YOU AND YOU ARE HIS FOREVER MEANS HE WON'T CHEAT????

 

Ideally, that's what it means, yes BUT CHEATERS SAY IT TOO!

 

I love you and you are mine forever to a cheater means "you are the main, all the others are just extra, it's YOU that I want"

 

Now this just turns into a problem of OP not being comfortable/fighting over him ever getting drunk again. Now he won't be allowed to drink, and if he does she will be his chaperone because THE TRUST IS GONE.

 

If I gotta babysit my bf when he has a guys night....that's a huge red flag.

 

But enjoy!

 

 

 

 

Yes, enjoy indeed!

 

 

 

Awww I'm so sorry this person is going through this.... but people who stay with cheaters and expect the cheating partner to turn out to be the loves of their lives, are sadly mistaken.

[Criticality]

I really could use some advice/help on how to cope

 

You either forget it, forgive and give him another chance, or you don't and break up.

 

It's really that simple.

 

Will he don't it again? Maybe, there are no guarantees. But so might your next boyfriend, it's one of those chances you take with a boy/girlfriend.

 

You say she kissed him first, and if he's really remorseful, chances are that he won't do it again. But there are no guarantees in live and love..

 

Some of my friends did something similar wasted and young. Some of them learned their lesson and never did it again, and others did.

[KatZee]

later I go to pick them up and I find him wasted outside kissing a girl.

 

Never in a million years would I ever think he would do this to me--- He's never done anything like this before.

 

I know that he only kissed this girl because he was really really wasted.. infact, I actually saw it happen and SHE kissed him FIRST. (which makes me feel better, because he was looking for me since he was outside)

 

But it still stings so much because he still kissed her back. I just have no idea how to handle this situation because he is my first boyfriend. I really could use some advice/help on how to cope

 

OK, so let me tell you. I've had my fair share of "wasted" nights. In college I was actually drugged at a frat when they spiked the community punch bowl. None of those instances, no matter HOW messed up I was, led me into doing something *I didn't want to do.*

 

Being drunk makes you lose inhibitions, yes. But for me personally, I'm still very much aware of what's going on, and what I do and don't want to happen. Have I made out with guys wasted? Yes. But at the same time, when I've been in a relationship, I've pushed guys off me.

 

Your guy was wasted and he made out with a girl. Not because he was incapacitated and unable to think for himself, but because he WANTED to. You were not even a thought in his mind when this was happening. <-- Think really hard about that one.

 

The bolded part I really want to point out to you. Don't EVER think you know someone so well that you use the words, "he would never." Because yes, they will surprise you every.single.time. You "never" thought he would do this to you. HE DID. Because of that alone, I think it's safe to assume that he MAY have done something like this before, you just don't know about it.

 

She kissing him first doesn't make the situation any better. If she would have kissed him, and he pushed her away or walked away, THAT is the way the situation should be handled. Not his lips being a landing spot for hers. He didn't stop it. At all. So regardless of who started it doesn't change the situation at all.

 

You're 20, you're young and this is your first relationship. Whether you guys split now, or remain together, I guarantee you 110% this will NOT be the guy you marry and spend your life with.

 

You will have a second relationship, and probably a third and fourth. This guy is not your be all and end all of your dating life. You have much to learn, much to experience, and tons more to go through before you're ready to settle down for life.

 

I'm sure he feels horrible, but he shouldn't be at the point where he's so wasted that he doesn't care about you at all. What does that really say about him, or the people he hangs with that they get THAT trashed that it's acceptable to make out with other people?

 

What happens the NEXT time he's wasted and possibly has sex with someone? <-- Really think about this one too. What do you think would have happened if you had NOT showed up at the bar to pick him up?

 

In my personal experience, when trust is gone, it's gone. How could you in your right mind be OK with him having "boys night's out" anymore? When you KNOW he's getting s.hithoused and he's talking to girls in the bar? This is going to make you CRAZY. You're going to be paranoid, suspicious, and it's going to destroy the relationship.

 

It's ultimately your decision whether to stay or not, but as I already said before, you will have subsequent relationships. Up to you if you want to stay in this or be free to find someone not so irresponsible.

Edited October 21, 2013 by KatZee

[emva07]

if it's just a "stupid girl and a stupid kiss"....get over it

 

You are a clairvoyant so you KNOW he love you, you KNOW he has never done this before, you KNOW the only reason he did this was because she did it first and he was DRUNK and you KNOW he will never do it again.

 

So what is there to be hurt about? You can't rewind time and undo it. So now the options are to get over it or to leave him because it hurt you THAT much.

 

I'm pretty certain that boys night at the bar and drinking will become your enemy (if you even let him go). The thought of girls being trashy around you will haunt you. Trust won't be the same. If that's something you are willing to deal with, great, but you are already having troubles with coping with the situation, feel really heart broken. Say what you will that things will go back to normal, but the trust is gone.

Edited October 21, 2013 by emva07

[tlegend]

Like everyone has said. In my opinion, if my girl did that, I wouldn't even wait for an explanation. Goodbye, and good riddance.

[pteromom]

If he is serious about feeling horrible and making sure it never happens again, then he should be willing to prove this to you by NEVER drinking when he goes out without you. If he thinks getting drunk on guy's night is a good idea again after this, that shows you that he doesn't really care if it happens again.

[Jethro]

Hello, Door? Meet Matt.

[basketball101]

Personally, I wouldn't take this very lightly nor would I let it sly. I feel there is no plausible reason as to why someone "cheats." If you have no self control and can't handle yourself intoxicated than you shouldn't put yourself in those situations. And although it may be just one time, all it takes it one time. I think you should address the issue and let him know that its not okay and that it was very hurtful. I also think that you should remember that there is no reason for you to devalue yourself or standards, nor should you lower them to accommodate his mistake. Even though he is your first bf, this should not happen and there's no reason for you to deal with it lightly at your expense. I hope you figure out the best way to deal with this and that you find some sort of clarity.