aybc123 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) So I broke up with my ex in early july, we had been together 2.5 years, 1 year of which was with her living in a city about 150 miles away, we broke up around 9 months into this LD period (so about 20months in) because frankly our relationship was fairly dead in the water at the time, although it had been great up until that point. I broke up with her but we both knew it wasn't working, we were spending time with friends rather than going to see each other at the weekend etc and when we did see each other there was a lot less emotional intimacy. A couple of months after we broke up, we'd stayed in contact and i thought she was moving on, i dated another person for a few weeks until i got a call from my ex (who was due to move back to my city in a few days) telling me that she had had a nervous breakdown about work (she later admitted it was actually about me) and was taking time out of her phd. All i wanted at the time was to help her, i called things off with the person i had started dating and my ex and I reconnected as friends while she recovered. She then found out from a mutual friend that I had dated this other person after our breakup and had another more serious breakdown over this and a few others things which coincided - I know i should've told her about it but it had only really just started seeing this girl before i got the original call and then didnt want to hurt her more. Anyway she told me that she was still in love with me and after spending so much time with her again I was in love with her. Obviously she was not particularly well so we agreed to be exclusive with each other but to just see where things stood in a few months when she felt better to see if we both still felt the same way and that we would take things slowly for now. So we proceeded in this fashion until the start of july when we had 'the talk' where she basically said she didnt think she was healthy enough to be in any kind of relationship at the moment but that if she was she'd want it to be with me. At the time I accepted her decision and agreed as I might be leaving the area in a year or so and didnt want to end up hurting each other all over again. We remained good friends but I could sense her pulling away slightly, being a bit more distant, hanging out with new friends going out drinking a lot etc. She moved back to this other city for a few months at the start of august to complete some work and the stress of the move made her close to having a mini relapse but I helped her through that and we were actually as close as ever, talking on skype most nights etc so I was hopeful she had changed her mind. Then after a couple of weeks she just goes quiet on me, from texting every morning asking how I was to only replying if i messaged her etc. When we met up briefly at the start of september she told me she had been on a few dates with a new person which explained why she had been acting so differently I guess. I suppose i didnt take this news so well (although i put on a brave face at the time) anyway I stewed on it for a few days before telling her that I still had feelings for her and that i just needed sometime to process and move on. I didnt get a reply to this after a day or two which to be honest made me hurt and angry so I told her it sucked that she just didnt even care to reply anymore and then deleted her from my phone and facebook etc (childish but we all do rash things). She texted me to say she just hadnt had chance. After a day i just sent a text saying that I didnt think I could be friends at the moment because I was still in love with her and needed to try and move on as she had done but that I hoped we could be friends again in time and I hoped she understood. After a week of this NC i guess (although i hadnt heardof it at the time) I realised that at no point from july had i tried to fight for her, i just kind of accepted it. So i tried to call her to which i got the text response 'why are you calling? you said you didnt want to speak to me' I tried to call again but no pick up and just texted that 'All i wanted to say was that I love you and I don't want to just move on or get over it'. I didnt get a reply to this. The next day i sent a text asking to speak and called again, and at this point realised she was now ignoring me. So i sent her an email on facebook just saying I wasn't sure why she was ignoring me that I hoped we could talk in time and that if not i didnt hold any ill will etc and would always remember her. After a couple of weeks of nothing I sent a text asking why she was ignoring me and that it was making me sad...no reply Then a few weeks after that when i was feeling more myself again I sent a text just saying sorry for deleting her and acting like an idiot, i hadnt meant to try and guilt her/ make her feel bad by it. but that i hoped she could forgive me....no reply It's been 5 weeks since she last spoke to me now. I'm not planning on texting her again, shes also moving back to town at the end of november and i'm not planning on going to see her (we work on the same campus, and i wouldnt go to her house without invitation anyway) we also have a lot of mutual friends which makes things extra awkward. Im guessing that she is still dating the guy she mentioned, perhaps it was more serious than she let on (she'd said at the time it was just a few dates and couldnt go anywhere because she'd be moving back) but i dunno maybe she has fallen for him and they'll turn it into a LDR. I want another chance though or at the very least to get some closure and end things in a better way than they've been left, but I dont know how likely that is. It just seems so bizarre to be ignored like this by someone you've spoken to pretty much everyday for the last 3 years without explanation, I dont get how she could do it. Even if she has no interest in me at all anymore and doesnt care I kind of feel like when you're with someone for that long and make that much effort to help them that you kind of deserve to at least be told why you're not being spoken to. I wouldnt treat my worst enemy in this way. Any advice? Other than heal up and move on, I've had heartbreak before, I am much better than i was 6 weeks ago am hanging out with friends more focusing on myself etc even went on a couple of half hearted dates, but I can deal with pain for an amount of time if there's any hope of reconciling. any kind of input on why shes reacted the way she has would also be welcome but it has just left me feeling hurt and confused (not sure if she just doesnt care or is angry or trying to hurt me back or is doing what her friends have suggested, i dunno). Sorry this was so long Edited October 21, 2013 by aybc123 Link to post Share on other sites
Polak Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 It's been 5 weeks since she last spoke to me now. I'm not planning on texting her again Good. Don't text back, don't cling to hope that doesn't exist. NC is a huge thing here on LS for a reason: it helps. It's really the best solution for many relationships-turned-bad situations. Read some of those NC-specific threads and you'll understand more. (Make sure that when going NC, adhere to it 100%, no cheating) I want another chance though or at the very least to get some closure and end things in a better way than they've been left Like I said, don't cling to hope like that.... it's actually unhealthy. You can't sit there stewing on your past and thinking "what if this happens" or "what if I do this"... it's unnecessary and doesn't progress your situation. You don't need closure at this point. Just move on. It will take some time to fully get her out of your mind but it looks like that's the best option for you at the moment. She doesn't seem to want anything to do with you anymore. You don't seem to notice but things have "been left" pretty decently; it could be so much worse, there could be drama, hatred, violence, involvement with police, etc. Instead there's just ignorance. That's a whole heck of a lot better to deal with. So take it easy, don't contact her, don't think about her, and find new things to keep yourself busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aybc123 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) She doesn't seem to want anything to do with you anymore. Unfortunately you seem to be right, and I think this is what hurts the most and the bit i understand the least, even in mid july after we broke up i suggested taking some time apart and she just said 'no way i dont ever want to lose you as a friend'. So to go from that to never wanting to speak to me again in 6 weeks, most of which we were as close as ever just seems so bizarre and out of character, it feels like i've ceased to exist as a human being to her. I could maybe understand it if we hadnt been together long or if i pestered her for months or something or had acted like an ******* during our relationship. But all i did was tell her i loved her once and then pretty much got instantly ignored from that point with no explanation, it sucks to be ignored but it sucks doubly to have to figure out on your own that you're being ignored, it seems so inhumane. Although it was clear that she was quite angry at me from the 'you said you didn't want to talk to me thing'. And you say things could've been left worse, yes I agree in terms of drama and i've read some horror stories on here that it's not so bad. But it's a struggle for me to not be bitter towards her at the moment and clearly she does not think much of me for some reason so I would hardly think things have been left 'well' Edited October 21, 2013 by aybc123 Link to post Share on other sites
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