Married friend showing interest?

[2sunny]

See a counselor to work on why you are so needy to risk your M for a guy that pays a little attention to you.

 

 

In a healthy M - any guy should be able to pay a ton of attention to you and have you be completely unaffected - but in this case you are desperate and delusional about the interest.

 

 

The problem and answer lies within. Get busy getting help.

[2sure]

I think its really great and a good sign that you have had conversations with your husband already regarding his friends behavior to you.

You also mentioned that your husband thought it was harmless and it didnt bother him.

 

I hope that you dont use that partial conversation to think to yourself "He knows and is OK with it" - because you need to have the REST of the conversation and it sounds like you can. You need to tell him that you are experiencing some temptation or at least that the attention makes you feel validated and you are concerned.

 

Thats the kind of hard conversations that make changes in a marriage. If not staying faithful , and emotionally close to your husband is an important part of marriage to you...you cant do it without these kinds of conversations.

[The Way I Am]

Oh. I forgot to mention the up side to getting married so early and not gaining the dating experience to spot a player is that you fortunately missed out on getting hurt by a guy like this.

 

If the extent of your marriage issues are what you've given here, then keep trying to work it out in marriage counseling. Be honest with your husband about your waning feelings and desire for him to put up more of a fight for you.

 

It will be a lot easier and a lot less heartache to bring back excitement in a relationship with a committed man who loves you than it will be to get a player to love you and commit to you. Not that bringing back the excitement to your marriage will be easy, but getting that other guy to fall in love with you, leave his wife, marry you, and treat you better than he's treating his current wife is pretty much impossible.

[stillafool]

Ok so heres goes nothing. I have to be quite honest here because I need to get this off my chest since it's been brewing in my head for so long. I'm currently married to my husband of 6 years and we have twin toddlers together. I married my husband the same year I graduated high school so I was definitely pretty young and naive. Over the years we've had our very rough times and and we've had our good times. I would say right now you could call it a rough time again. I'd say I absolutely regret the decision I made to get married that young and and not live life to get to know myself better and see who else was out there, but I stay because I made the vow, I don't want to hurt anybody (especially my girls) and I feel a responsibility toward god in keeping it.

 

So, fast fowarding to today. My husband and I have friends who are married, 5 years now. It's no secret that they're not the happiest with each other because they make it well known, at least to me. They also have a toddler and just found out today they have one on the way. So right now we go over their house on occasion for a play date for the girls. They also go to the same church as us and he holds certain responsibilities, so he has a good name in the church as well.

 

So heres the thing. I don't know how to read this guy at all. He is the sarcastic type but as of lets say the past year more or less, I've been catching him staring at me hard, turning away at times when I catch him, he smiles all special everytime we make eye contact, he's been teasing me like crazy, he's compared himself with my husband (for example mentioning the work he's done around the house and then saying "[name] doesn't do those things does he?" ), he's complimented my hair saying it looked "lustrous" and felt it for a split second, complimented my earings and got so close to them feeling my earing in his hand, complimented my whole get up saying i looked nice as soon as i walked in the door...

 

At one point (a couple weeks ago) i was holding my daughter and he cracked a joke about her hair being messy but then stated that she has that good hair unlike his daughter in which i laughed a little but said thats messed up. so after saying this he took it upon himself to try to smooth down her hair and put it behind her all all gentle and what not, but we were standing there for a good 20 seconds before he got interupted.

 

He seems to make his presence known everytime im around in ways like touching my arm to say hi, etc. Another thing are the things he says to me including..."hey, its nice to see you" (which idont hear him say to anyone else), he tells me (in front of anyone including his wife being in the same room but i think he thinks shes not paying attention) that he's glad were getting close, and when i say why? whats the point? and he responds with things like because the closer we get the more i can help you and guide you and be there for you. i told him he's weird because of the way he looks at me and today he said he stares at me to read me, to get to know what my needs are. then he says somethin about (but all of this is in a playful manner by the way) that his goal to break me down and get close.

 

I forgot to say about a month ago while all the guys were laughing about somethin, i was leaning on a table and he nudged me with something and i looked back n said now what was the point in that? and he responded with "i like you".

Now, I know all of this sounds so obvious and probably straightforward, but to me I don't know what to think. I'm not sure if he really is joking because he's not even giving second thought, or if he really is being serious in his talk, maybe even trying to test the waters to see how far he can take it.

 

The way he says all of this sounds so light and playful, like he's just playing with me. But, I was once told that whatever a guy says don't ever read past what they say, because they are almost always straightforward and to the point. I just don't understand how he could act like this all with his wife in the same room most of the time.

 

Now, I do have to say I have never put myself in a situation where we are alone, or had conversations over the phone or anything like that. I guess what my problem is, is that I'm seriously diggin the attention. I think he is very attractive, and I'm not gonna lie I do fantasize about him. I already know and have played it out in my mind that it's not possible AT ALL to have a relationship with him nor is it right at all, especially since were both married, have kids, and im his friends wife. So, that would be pretty jacked. At this point what I want to do is tell him that we need to talk, and tell him how he's been making me feel, ask him if im reading too much into his actions and let him know that he's gotta tone it down? I mean, would that fuel the fire or could that possibly be a solution to stop this at its tracks?

 

PLEASE whoever responds, know that I'm really trying to fight this n not start something, and please don't be rude in your responses.

 

 

I'm assuming you've already told your husband about this. If not, do tell him and he will help you handle this situation.

Edited October 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[DreamFinder]

See a counselor to work on why you are so needy to risk your M for a guy that pays a little attention to you.

 

 

In a healthy M - any guy should be able to pay a ton of attention to you and have you be completely unaffected - but in this case you are desperate and delusional about the interest.

 

 

The problem and answer lies within. Get busy getting help.

 

I had an ex that left her then-husband because a new guy was giving her attention she was craving. Of course she divorced the hubby and went with the new guy and that did not last. 2sunny is right. Find out why you are feeling needy and desiring this unhealthy attention. It could very well threaten your marriage and cause instability. It just sounds like there are bigger issues going on that need to be addressed with your husband, or with a couples counselor.

[GatsbyMH]

If you love your husband and want to make that work. Focus your attention on him.

 

So many here can attest to the fact that it might be fun and interesting for a while. It could even be love. But the pain you will experience, your spouses will experience and anyone else connected in this will be so intense.

 

Sometimes I don't know if I can tolerate it. It's hard. Really hard. The pain of it all sometimes doesn't seem worth it. I've made my choices and I stand by them. I just never knew it could hurt so much in the end.

 

The advice you are getting here isn't all based on moral ground or some deep seated desire for doing what's right. We know how bad it can get. How much it can hurt. If you value your family unit. If you want to try to work things out with your husband, avoid this man who flatters you.

 

Mostly, avoid it because it hurts like nothing I had ever known could. Sleepless nights, anxiety, guilt, helplessness, issues trusting anyone and jealousy. It's terrible. Just horrible feeling.

 

This Pandora's Box may be more than you can handle.

Edited October 22, 2013 by GatsbyMH
More to say!

[yors2me]

What the guy is/has been doing is straight out of the textbook "How to bed a married woman". Consolidating some previous posts: he knows the state of your marriage, groomed you, set plausible deniability, and created a sense of urgency in you to "do something". If that "something" is to confront and expose him, he will sidestep, make you look and feel like you are reading into it incorrectly, back off, then come at you again. Rinse, repeat. If that "something" is to confront him in private, well, bring condoms.

Speaking from experience (from the guys point of view), he had a plan, he worked the plan patiently, and now has you in the final stages, torn between looking for a way out and looking for justification for when he does get you in bed.

If he gets you, and I suspect he will unless there is a complete 180, understand that he does not have true feelings for you. For this kind of long term planning, his interests are in the conquest and his own sexual gratification. When he tires of you, or you get caught, you will be painted as the bad person since his wife is already snowed over by him. This is not his first time around, I guarantee it.