Hopelessromantic25 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Hey guys thanks for taking the time to read. Well it's been a little over two weeks since my AP and I ended and NC was implemented. If you've read some of my previous threads, you may know my situation. Basically, my AP was in a long term committed relationship and we saw each other for over 2 1/2 years. It got pretty bad during the last few months. We started to argue a lot. Anyways, we both ended it and we haven't spoken since. However a few days ago she sent me an email stating saying something like "...I want you be happy again and that I think about your happiness daily." At first I was upset when I read it because during our last conversation she blamed me for her actions and decisions that lead up to the conclusion of our A. But now I feel myself contemplating about replying..? Email: "Hey, I'm sure I'm the last person you want to hear from, and I completely understand. I just want you to know that more than anything, even my own well-being, I just want you to be happy again, and I think about your happiness daily." any advice? Thanks good people! Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 My advice is to reply and end the affair on good terms. Just keep it simple, don't say I love you but say something like I don't harbour ill thoughts of you but we need to go our seperate ways. By ending the affair on good terms, you are not punishing her or yourself and make it easier moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopelessromantic25 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 My advice is to reply and end the affair on good terms. Just keep it simple, don't say I love you but say something like I don't harbour ill thoughts of you but we need to go our seperate ways. By ending the affair on good terms, you are not punishing her or yourself and make it easier moving on. Didn't expect to hear that lol but you have a point. I figured she made a decision and by me breaking NC, I'm afraid it's gonna just delay any progress I've made. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I don't think you should reply back. It may start the affair back up. Then you go through the heartbreak all over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 She is forgiving you and hoping you will reply. But don't. Be selfish. Think only of your well-being. You do not need to be scarred any further, and there is oh, so much worse that could happen if you get sucked back in. Once the arguing starts, the R is over. Take her forgiveness and run. Crickets. Nada. Look to new horizons. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Math time : 7: I's, I'm, my 4:You's, your's The "you's" she used, were to validate her "I's" position/feel good about herself. Not one sorry. Not one I was wrong. Not one sentence was about you. They were all about her. Didn't even ask how you were. I would not respond. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JPMC Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Don't do it. Anytime there is contact you go backwards a little. I've been good on mine. She calls me and it sets me back for a couple of days. I can handle speaking with her. It's the hangover afterward. If you reply back, it's because YOU want to do it. No other excuse. You need to suppress these urges. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopelessromantic25 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 I was the OM and my exAP and I ended about 20 some odd days ago and I went into NC. She's emailed me once last week and she texted me yesterday for my upcoming birthday. Regardless of the details, why is it that I have this sense of fear that if I don't reply, I'm losing everything that was poetic in our past situation? On the other hand, I have feeling that if I do reply, I'm just going to go back to square one! Aghhhh! If you've read my old threads you'd be familiar with my old A. I just have a super difficult time playing this tune and keeping myself on key. Thanks for any feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I was the OM and my exAP and I ended about 20 some odd days ago and I went into NC. She's emailed me once last week and she texted me yesterday for my upcoming birthday. Regardless of the details, why is it that I have this sense of fear that if I don't reply, I'm losing everything that was poetic in our past situation? On the other hand, I have feeling that if I do reply, I'm just going to go back to square one! Aghhhh! If you've read my old threads you'd be familiar with my old A. I just have a super difficult time playing this tune and keeping myself on key. Thanks for any feedback. There is nothing much to add except either follow the experts advice or find out yourself why these experts created these guidelines in the first place. Trust me you had done the right thing, it may not seem like it but all you are doing is running away from a f***ed up situation. It's down to her to get out of her mess and she is wrong for putting you in this horrible situation. I used to be very good friends with my former affair partner and this is why I found it hard to accept reality and let her go. Like many people in my situation I wanted to save what left of a great friendship, but in reality it wasn't going me way. My former friend didn't want to be friends with me, she was treating me an ex boyfriend she wanted back and did all these silly stunts in an attempt tp break my will. Not once did she sat me down and try to overcome our situation or even admit we were in an emotional affair. This was my final wake up call and I let her go. To this day I find it amazing how someone could throw away a perfectly good friendship for a very flawed relationship. I feel like I'm the one who been cheated on because I lost a lot in these two years and only now I starting to wear thick armour and knocking others on their butts. Every week I get stronger and my only wish is my former friend leave that piece of s***. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 It is the ambiguity. When the one in control (the rejector) gives "go" signals while also giving "stop" signals, it creates a huge tug-o-war inside us. Why do they do this? Which signal is real? Do we give it time? Will they eventually be all in? This isn't just with affairs; it happens in many types of unhealthy relationships and it is crazy making. People doing this ambiguity dance or allowing it to be done need to stop. Someone in the dynamic needs to end it. Who is more responsible, the abuser or the one who sticks around and takes it? Who cares. Someone needs to end the dysfunctional dance. Can it ever be fixed? Possibly, but only when one of them starts behaving functionally and rationally, and then the other follows. They often do not follow, though. Oh, well. Nothing you can do about that. If you leave, she may (very small 'may') straighten her situation out and find you. If you never leave this R, the dysfunction could last forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 It is the ambiguity. When the one in control (the rejector) gives "go" signals while also giving "stop" signals, it creates a huge tug-o-war inside us. Why do they do this? Which signal is real? Do we give it time? Will they eventually be all in? This isn't just with affairs; it happens in many types of unhealthy relationships and it is crazy making. People doing this ambiguity dance or allowing it to be done need to stop. Someone in the dynamic needs to end it. Who is more responsible, the abuser or the one who sticks around and takes it? Who cares. Someone needs to end the dysfunctional dance. Can it ever be fixed? Possibly, but only when one of them starts behaving functionally and rationally, and then the other follows. They often do not follow, though. Oh, well. Nothing you can do about that. If you leave, she may (very small 'may') straighten her situation out and find you. If you never leave this R, the dysfunction could last forever. oh man reading this... couldn't agree more. in my last dealing with xmw she did this same thing..... the push and pull and interest and no interest..... was enough for me to say see ya Link to post Share on other sites
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