help please

[cheeky]

Pleeease help!!!! I am in desperate need of some sound advice. I am divorced with two kids. I met this man via work. We just hit it off.....after about two months of constint telephone conversations we finaly ended up becomming lovers......(he is "unhappily" married) Well after a couple of months he decided to make the final break, and end the marriage. However they ended up getting councelling & decided to have a final try. (which was great....I want him to be happy)

 

So, somehow His best friend (S) & I hit it off. (His friend who knew about us)

 

I realy have very strongs feellings for (S) we get on so well and I just love being with him. We all went on a camping weekend, and from there things actualy just got worse. (S) is keepping me on a distance, no longer phones me as regular as he used to and hasn't invited me anywhere since the camping.....which is now almost 3weeks ago.

 

I spoke to him on the phone today, asking (S) if i did something to offend him. He told me that on the camping trip...the "affair" between me & his friend just got to him......and he thought once he got back from holiday (after the camp) he would feel better about it, but he doesn't. I asked him if he knows what I could do to rectify this problem, he told me he wish he new. I also asked him if he would give me a change....he replyd that he is trying.

 

I must be honest.....I dont want to loose (S) and I would do anything I possibly can to win his heart. (My affair with his friend was honestly a emottional boost for me....I was lonely & hurt and there was this super man, who took all the hurt away......)

 

PLEASE help me............how do i get over this issue of me and the affair with his friend?????

[Tony T]

First of all, whether it's an affair, a dating situation, or whatever, it just isn't a good idea (as a matter of fact, it is a VERY BAD IDEA) to see people from your workplace. And when it's an affair with a married man, I would say that it's an especially a BAD IDEA.

 

The snapshot I have gotten of you from your post is that of someone who is very lonely and would like very much to have a special man in your life.

 

First, neither of these men you have seen recently are good candidates for you. Calm down, chill, and don't be so eager to find someone. The situations you are bringing into your life are not healthy for you or your children.

 

Go outside your workplace. Join clubs, do volunteer work, use dating services, get introduced to men by your friends, do whatever you need to to come into contact with healthy, kind, considerate, financially stable and available when who love children and will accept yours.

 

These guys at work are only opportunists who see you as vulnerable because they know your story...it's gotten all over the place by now...and they see an opportunity to take advantage of your vulnerability. I'd really like to deck all of them. It's just not worth it and not respectful to your children to engage in interaction with these guys at work, and especially these guys who aren't going to leave their wives. Trust me, word will spread that you are a homewrecker...regardless of how hard you try to keep affairs quiet at work. It always happens.

 

I know you are seeking love and companionship. That's a basic human need. You would also like a decent man to help you with your children, most likely. You will only find this by pursuing social activities in a more acceptable way and with men you can be seen in public with.

 

As for (S), he has some honor and his conscience is bothering him. He does not want to pursue anything with a lady who a friend of his has had an affair with. You have got to start thinking this stuff out. Furthermore, (S) had heard a lot about you from his friend and he was just curious. His curiosity has now been satisfied and his conscience is really getting to him. Back off!!!