down hearted Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Hi everyone i am new here, i feel so lost and really need all the advice i can get things are really really bad. To not make the story so very long i will just get to the point. My husband is in the military he has been deployed to Afghanistan. My mother in law and my father in law have gone at it to the point that it has become physical abuse on both parts. My father in law hits her insults her and vice versa, however my mother in law has no family here only her husband and her husband's family she is completely alone because i live in a different state then my inlaws, however since things are so bad i came down to their state to be with my husband's parents and help them as much as i can. My mother in law has a friend who has been dying to send her to a psych ward (you know the type of people that are not doctors but immediately feel they can just put a symptom on anyone) which i refrase she does not belong there! she has everyone turned against her, and this lady sent her without anybody's consent to a psych hospital and my father in law could give a rats ass and even if my mother inlaw wanted to get out she can't because she lost all her rights once she entered! My mother in law is just very depressed because her husband has abused her for so many years that her self esteem does not exist and depression is critical. i cant stop crying i want her out of there last time i spoke with her she was drugged up to her eyes and sounded like another individual and my mother in laws friend who intervened gave me no information or anything without nobody's authorization she just drove her there and left her there, since i don't live here permanently i dont have a car so i have to rely on transportation since my car is back home. i dont know where my mother in law is who her doctor is nothing, since my mother in law at the moment was so depressed and saw this friend of hers goodwill she believed in her that she was trying to help her but that lady is not. so all the documents at the hospital everything is under that friend she decides what they do and not do with her since she convinced my mother in law to sign the papers that she has to give up her rights pretty much while in there. since my mil was so depressed and everything she relied on this friend since she has no one i am so angry i want her out no one wants to see their own mother go through this and she does not deserve to be there my mil is just very depressed because my fil has abused her and physically hurt her for so many years that she was fed up and my husband is so far away should i tell him, i am all alone i dont know what to do. i really need advice i want my mil out of that hospital, i was thinking of talking to my fil to take responsibility and take her out otherwise his son(my husband) will never forgive him for doing this to his mother. what should i do, should i tell my husband? i am at lost because my husband is in Afghanistan right now and all i will do is worry him but i feel am loosing my mind i don't know what to do. I am so scared of what will happen to my mother in law she does not deserve this. and the friend that took her thee didnt count on no one she just took her and left her there and gave no one information about her, i dont even know how to find my mil all this happened yesterday! i am so worried and scared i want my mother in law out of whatever forsaken hospital this lady put her in without anyone's consent! I want to make very clear that no one touches or decides anything for my mil other then my husband who is her son. I feel so bad what do i do am so worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 So you only know you're MIL is in a hospital but you cannot see her? Report her as missing person with the police... when there's a husband, a son and a daughter in law, no other person can be in charge of her... and if she's into psych guard, then she was in no shape to sign any kind of rights over somebody else... Breath, call a lawyer and try to solve things before telling anytning to your husband... he can't help you from where he is and that will only give you more stress... breath... Hope you can find a solution!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author down hearted Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 So you only know you're MIL is in a hospital but you cannot see her? Report her as missing person with the police... when there's a husband, a son and a daughter in law, no other person can be in charge of her... and if she's into psych guard, then she was in no shape to sign any kind of rights over somebody else... Breath, call a lawyer and try to solve things before telling anytning to your husband... he can't help you from where he is and that will only give you more stress... breath... Hope you can find a solution!!! thank you so much, i finally searched everywhere and found her, the doctors say that she does not belong there that she just needs to talk to her primary doctor in her own time to help her deal with her depression but mentally she doesn't belong in that type of place. I spoke to my father in law and i told him that if he doesn't get her out then i will, but thankfully the doctors recognize there is nothing wrong with her to that extreme that she just has a massive depression but nothing to have her admitted into a psych ward. i spoke to the friend who put her there and she wants my mil to stay there and gave us no information about where she is how to reach her nothing. because she has family who suffer from mental instability she believes my mother in law should get help automatically my mother in law is at risk for missing her job because she has been out for a while cause of this. If my mil does not come out of the hospital tomorrow i will take things into my own hands. The friend who put her there told my father in law that he cant appear by there or else thats why he hasnt gone, after speaking to my father in law he says he doesnt want her in there that he wants her to seek help for her depression but that she does not belong in a psych ward. i am going to try and get her out now if they don't i will get lawyers involved i feel so hopeless.this lady automatically assumed responsibility when tehre is family around. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 should i tell my husband? You probably should tell your husband, because it's his family for starters, and secondly, you should prepare strategically to avoid you yourself creating a scenario where your husband might rightfully get mad at you later for not telling him. Your relationship with him has to hold some importance in all of this, and there is no question he's going to find out about some of this sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 After all this, I am wondering. What does your MIL want? Does anyone care about what SHE wants? Maybe she doesn't want to be in the hospital, but maybe she also doesn't want to be at home with an abusive husband. Everyone (including you it seems) thinks they know the best for her, but no one appears to be listening to her. Link to post Share on other sites
GingerGirl2 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I am just wondering, are you sure she's not better off right now in the hospital? She's away from the abuser and she's getting treatment from professionals. Depression is serious, so maybe her friend was worried that your MIL was suicidal? I've been in a psych ward before and it was nothing like the horrifying place you see in movies. She won't be trapped there forever, as you said her primary care doc doesn't feel she belongs there. I just worry that maybe she needs treatment and this could be a good opportunity to get it? Also, unfortunately I think you have to tell your husband, at least if she is not out within a couple of days. I hate to add to his stress he's already under from being deployed but he deserves to know what's going on I think. Finally, thank you and your husband for your service Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Wait... So you said she's "drugged up to her eyes" yet the doctors say there's nothing wrong with her?!? Why would they drug her then, just for pure principle? Something doesn't sound right here, it doesn't sound like we're getting the whole story... Link to post Share on other sites
Author down hearted Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 she was drugged up because they had to sedate her because she was very aggressive and angry with everything her mother in law called the cops on her so she just became furious for her mother in law intervening in her marriage like that. Finally after a few days i managed to get a hold of her the doctor let her go and i took her home, im so confused because she tells me one story and my father in law tells me the complete opposite i dont know who to believe this is so overwhelming, my mother in law told me how it was in the psych ward she was at and she was scared to death there the other patients were very aggressive. Now after she left the hospital can you believe this friend of hers wont even talk to her isnt that horrible after she pretty much felt she had authority and was worrying over her she just didnt even call her after she got out! i worry for when my father in law returns home i dont know how she might react and i dont blame her by what she says she just cant take his crap anymore but she doesn't want to divorce him! she tells me unfortunately i still love and care about him, so i dont know what will happen they will just end up killing each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author down hearted Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 I am just wondering, are you sure she's not better off right now in the hospital? She's away from the abuser and she's getting treatment from professionals. Depression is serious, so maybe her friend was worried that your MIL was suicidal? I've been in a psych ward before and it was nothing like the horrifying place you see in movies. She won't be trapped there forever, as you said her primary care doc doesn't feel she belongs there. I just worry that maybe she needs treatment and this could be a good opportunity to get it? Also, unfortunately I think you have to tell your husband, at least if she is not out within a couple of days. I hate to add to his stress he's already under from being deployed but he deserves to know what's going on I think. Finally, thank you and your husband for your service thank you thing is she has become abusive to my father in law in return is just a very unhealthy relationship. My husband has experienced so much since a child and even at this point in life his parents still go at it more than ever yet they will not separate but is so unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
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