lmn Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'm the one initiating the divorce and he is going along with it for the most part. Yesterday he gave me a list of items aka demands that he wants me to agree too. I do plan on consulting an attorney very soon, but can you please put my mind at ease on some of these points that seem outright ridiculous to me. -The plan so far is that I will stay in the house with our 2 kids. (He has not moved out yet) He wants to have unrestricted access to the house. All I am asking is that he respects the house as my residence and treat it as you would anyone's residence. Such as not just showing up unannounced, asking before entering the house etc. He thinks since this is where his kids will be living he should be allowed to come and go as he pleases, I told him he can see the kids at the agreed upon time or make special arrangements for outside of that time. -He is also asking that I not change the locks which I'm even agreeable to in the short term but when I feel my privacy is not being respected then at which point I would not hesitate to change them immediately. -He also wants to put restrictions on when/if I start dating who can be around the kids. Again I think he is insane to think he can control me like this and a huge reason why I am leaving him. There are a few other minor things that he thinks he is going to get but those are so ridiculous I'm not even going to ask. Please tell me if I have anything to worry about with any of these points? He doesn't have an attorney yet but my instinct tells me he would get laughed at if he even attempted to demand this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I would consult a lawyer. He sounds very controlling. You should be able to agree upon dates/times he can come over. He should not have a say as to who you date. You are an adult and he can't legally have control over that. Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 You need to get to an attorney and have all this spelled out in the separation/temporary orders. You cannot lock him out of the marital home while the divorce is ongoing except by court order. As shortee said, he sounds controlling and you need an attorney to protect your rights here. Do not agree to anything without an attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
MrE_UK Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Hi, I am on the other end of the stick, so, I may be able to shed some interesting points here; however, I do not know him - you do: 1. Kids - I wouldn't play the controlling game here. Perhaps with an attorney a compromise can be reached somewhere in the middle. For example, perhaps you could tell him that he can see the kids and take them out whenever he likes as long as it doesn't interfere with their schooling, clubs, what they do socially, etc.,. What's best for the kids is important - not what either of you want. If they're old enough, ask them what they'd like and see what they say. Always aim for the middle ground. This is about them and they need a good relationship with you both, which is positive, supportive, and selfless - if you can get along for their sake, the better it will be for them. 2. Locks - why is he asking you not to change the locks? Strange request. Different in UK I guess, we get thrown out and that's the end of it. If we try to go back, we get arrested, and have zero rights to contact of the kids. 3. Perhaps agreeing to keep new partners away from the kids unless turns serious might be a good idea for the kids. However, neither of you have a say in the others choices. I always aim for the middle ground and look to negotiate and compromise where possible. Usually, you have a better outcome all around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lmn Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 Thanks for the responses, this is what I thought it seems common sense to me I guess I just needed to hear someone else say so. He is very controlling and verbally abusive I guess I shouldn't be expecting anything less from him Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Tell him if he wants to have the freedom to enter your house once he moves out because the kids are living there, then you should have the freedom to enter his house as well, because that's where the kids stay when they're with him... Please lawyer up and kick his ass! Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Solicita2 - good point about her being able to enter his home. Bet he won't like that idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 IMN, have you considered birdnesting? It's also known by different names, but the basic idea is, that instead of one parent moving out, and the kids going to his/her place when in the weekend or alternate week, the kids stay in the house, and the parents either get one or two seperate apartments. The parents who has the kids stay with them in the house, and the other stays in the apartment, and they alternate who stays in the house according to a preset schedule. I don't know if its an option for you economically, though its usually cheaper to have one (or even two) apartments, rather than buying a whole new house. I don't know if your husband would go for it either, but just throwing it out there. It's probably also less stressful for the kids (and the parents too) than going to a new house regularly, and deal with "here" and "there", transport and schedules. You can read more about it here: Home page Link to post Share on other sites
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