Boyfriend treats me like a room mate!

[theothersully]

And... anyone doing this to another person clearly is incapable of being a loving, caring person.

 

To make your mate suffer financially is cruel and heartless.

 

Case in point... I have a girl I'm back in action with who was making $9.50 per hour. This *broke my heart* since her contribution to this world outside of that job is huge. She volunteers. She is a nice person with a good, positive influence on those around her. She does permaculture project. She is active in saving the environment... actually doing things.

 

Do I make her pay for anything? HELL no!

 

Instead, I created a $50k a year position for her. To help her get ahead while working on her degree.

 

This is pretty much the exact opposite of the guy in this thread. He doesn't care for her even a little.

[Criticality]

I think the women that have spoken here see that he makes so much more than her, and because they are together she is entitled to it.

 

She entitled to being treated fairly.

 

And not be nickel and dimes by a dou**ebag.

 

Trust me Keenly, while there's nothing I like more, than to hear a fire breathing feminist backtrack on her double standard and/or hypocrisy, this is nothing of the sort.

 

I would say exactly the same, whether it was a gay couple, or the woman having a signifactly higher income.

 

Expecting your partner to spend most of his/her income on expenses that you share: Rents and dates, while you get away with spending a much smaller part of your income on said expenses, isn't fair or equal.

 

(Him spending 15% of his income while the partner pays 15 or even 30% of her income would be fair and equal.)

 

It's not a**holery in a class of its own, its also taking advantage of the person who is supposed to be an important part of your life.

 

OP: Tell your friend to dump this financial parasite ASAP. She doesn't want to go through the next X number of years with a miser and cheapskate, arguing about money, and listening to him suggest that she gets an extra job, so she can contribute to half of the diapers, while he's counting how much he has in his (not theirs) retirement account.

 

Or I suppose she could try to stick it out, get married and endure a couple of more years of misery with this cheap ba****d, then divorce him, take half of what he has, and live comfortably of alimony for a few years.

Now usually the latter would be a pretty low thing to do.

In this case however, it would be called karma. And an expensive, but surely important life lesson: Don't be a miser, don't take advantage of others, and do unto others...

[Juventa2012]

Yeeeeah, this was already addressed. It has nothing to do with picking and choosing "equal rights."

 

It comes down to who earns more, and cost should be split accordingly. Someone already posted that if salaries were reversed, the woman would be picking up more of the finances than he.

 

Good for this guy for not being taken advantage of??? But good for him for taking advantage of HER right? More fantastic posts by the forum women haters. :lmao:

 

Did you even read the first post at all? This woman who makes SIGNIFICANTLY less money than he does, is responsible for a $400 a month supermarket bill? She buys ALL food, food that HE EATS, shampoo/toothpaste/detergent that HE USES, he can't even take her out to a proper meal and a movie without b.itching and moaning, and I'm assuming $500 in rent is split right down the middle.

 

The guy brings in 6 figures and is taking this chick for a ride. Half his rent is taken care of, he pays no utility bills, no supermarket bills... further more, she cleans, cooks, probably washes his nasty a.ss underwear as well... and SHE'S taking advantage of him?!?!

 

This guy is a cheap a.ss bastard. And seriously what's with his holier than thou "I don't believe you make that much money." What does he want? To see her pay stubs? F.uck this guy.

 

Yep, he asked to see her paycheck stubs, because he didn't believe she made that amount of money. I asked her about her salary. She makes 40K a year! After taxes, and insurance that's about $26K take home a year.

HE isn't just taking advantage of her! He has never spoken of a future with her! SHE needs to leave!

[Els]

Actually, now that I think about it, presuming the OP's story is true - she isn't even being treated like a roommate. (Good) roommates don't let their roommate do all of the cleaning and errands without trying to chip in.

 

We probably are all agreed that it's on her if she chooses to continue to stay and maintain this status quo, though.

[Juventa2012]

It's not just the women, and it's not necessarily what we are saying. What a lot of us are saying is that this guy just sounds like a **** boyfriend.

 

He doesn't so much seem interested in trying to make things equal, as he does in making her suffer and potentially taking advantage of her (OP can we clarify if she is paying more in this relationship please?). It just sounds like he isn't a generous man with anything in his life (love, affection, time, emotional support etc)

 

I must say that it comes as a surprise that you would say this Keenly, and yet on another page say:

 

 

 

I'm genuinely confused about where you stand on this type of thing?!?!

 

OK folks what does it matter if she is paying more? The point here is that he is taking advantage of her! SHE is contributing to his mortgage and is also TAKING CARE of him! I don't get it. The men on here are saying that feels "entitled" and that isn't the case. She doesn't mind paying for rent, she just feels like groceries should be a shared expense.

Yeah, men say this all the time about how they don't want to be taken advantage of but when the right woman strolls into their lives and they are head over heels in love/lust for her, they don't mind paying for everything.

[Juventa2012]

Splitting the rent down the middle with widely differing incomes, while only one person cooks, cleans, and buys groceries - is about as far from equal as protozoa are from evolved.

 

That being said, I'm having a few problems with the OP's story. 'He doesn't believe that she makes that little'? What? So... she moved in with a guy who doesn't even believe what she says about her income?

 

Doesn't really compute...

 

He didn't take into consideration that she also had other bills that she had to pay for. When she asked for help with the groceries --that was when he got pissed and brought up her salary, because he didn't feel like he should help pay for groceries. He told her "Well if you're only paying me $500 for rent and spending about $400 for groceries and misc, then you are probably saving a shyt load of money" I was floored when she told me this. I mean is this guy stupid or what? SHE has other expenses too. Her phone, her storage, paying for commute to and from work. I mean it adds up.

[clia]

I'm curious about a few things, because I'm not totally convinced at the unfairness of the situation.

 

They aren't engaged, they aren't married. They are roommates. This guy obviously does not view her as someone he wants a future with or someone he wants to take care of.

 

You say she contributes $500 to the rent. Is that half the rent? And on top of that she spends about $400 a month on groceries, totaling $900 to the household per month? That doesn't seem like an obscene amount of money to me. What did they agree was going to happen when they moved in together, as far as who pays what? (I assume this was discussed?) I'm just wondering what she thought was going to happen.

 

Who pays the utilities? Him? What is his total payment toward the household per month, including his share of the rent? Is it more than $900? What else does he do around the house? Does he take out the trash, cut the grass, etc.?

 

She says he has no shame in asking "I will get dinner and you get movie tickets?"

 

I just don't necessarily see a problem with this, depending on how much else he is contributing. Why should he have to pay for everything whenever they go out? Just because he makes more money?

[KatZee]

I'm curious about a few things, because I'm not totally convinced at the unfairness of the situation.

 

They aren't engaged, they aren't married. They are roommates. This guy obviously does not view her as someone he wants a future with or someone he wants to take care of.

 

You say she contributes $500 to the rent. Is that half the rent? And on top of that she spends about $400 a month on groceries, totaling $900 to the household per month? That doesn't seem like an obscene amount of money to me. What did they agree was going to happen when they moved in together, as far as who pays what? (I assume this was discussed?) I'm just wondering what she thought was going to happen.

 

Who pays the utilities? Him? What is his total payment toward the household per month, including his share of the rent? Is it more than $900? What else does he do around the house? Does he take out the trash, cut the grass, etc.?

 

 

 

I just don't necessarily see a problem with this, depending on how much else he is contributing. Why should he have to pay for everything whenever they go out? Just because he makes more money?

 

She's also paying the utilities, and HER bills. No one is capable of living on $26k a year.

 

All you're taking into account is rent and groceries. $900. Now add in a monthly car payment, car insurance, utility bills (gas, electric, cable/internet), monthly cell phone bill.

 

And because she's making such low salary there is NO WAY she doesn't have some sort of debt, whether it be school loans, or a credit card. So factor in THAT monthly payment.

 

This guy brings in 6 figures. I don't feel sorry for him at all. Like really? The dude can't spend $11 for a movie ticket on her? After all she does for him BEYOND the financial aspect? ALL cooking, ALL cleaning.

 

Someone already said it. This guy is a parasite.

[Juventa2012]

I'm curious about a few things, because I'm not totally convinced at the unfairness of the situation.

 

They aren't engaged, they aren't married. They are roommates. This guy obviously does not view her as someone he wants a future with or someone he wants to take care of.

 

You say she contributes $500 to the rent. Is that half the rent? And on top of that she spends about $400 a month on groceries, totaling $900 to the household per month? That doesn't seem like an obscene amount of money to me. What did they agree was going to happen when they moved in together, as far as who pays what? (I assume this was discussed?) I'm just wondering what she thought was going to happen.

 

Who pays the utilities? Him? What is his total payment toward the household per month, including his share of the rent? Is it more than $900? What else does he do around the house? Does he take out the trash, cut the grass, etc.?

 

 

 

I just don't necessarily see a problem with this, depending on how much else he is contributing. Why should he have to pay for everything whenever they go out? Just because he makes more money?

 

Oh so if they were engaged or married then it would be a different story?

Yes, it was discussed when they moved in together. Yes $900 is not an obscene amount of money, but when the girl is only bringing home about $2000 a month and she has her own expenses that doesn't leave her much at the end of the month. Especially when he expects her to pay for date night.

He owns his condo and doesn't cut his own grass. He pays someone else to do it.

When goes out with his friends he doesn't mind blowing $300 but he bitches about a $75 dinner bill when he goes out to dinner with her.

Idk...I didn't think room mates called each other babe and baby.

[man_in_the_box]

Yes, it was discussed when they moved in together.

 

Well, she could've bailed right?

[Juventa2012]

It's not just the women, and it's not necessarily what we are saying. What a lot of us are saying is that this guy just sounds like a **** boyfriend.

 

He doesn't so much seem interested in trying to make things equal, as he does in making her suffer and potentially taking advantage of her (OP can we clarify if she is paying more in this relationship please?). It just sounds like he isn't a generous man with anything in his life (love, affection, time, emotional support etc)

 

I must say that it comes as a surprise that you would say this Keenly, and yet on another page say:

 

 

 

I'm genuinely confused about where you stand on this type of thing?!?!

 

Well she claims that he is affectionate and does spend a lot of time with her. She also says he is emotional supportive but emotionally guarded. What that means, I don't know. This man has issues and I told her that he is cheap in addition to being mentally unstable.

[theothersully]

Yep, he asked to see her paycheck stubs, because he didn't believe she made that amount of money. I asked her about her salary. She makes 40K a year! After taxes, and insurance that's about $26K take home a year.

HE isn't just taking advantage of her! He has never spoken of a future with her! SHE needs to leave!

 

Well, here's a problem.

 

You aren't being honest about the income figures. You are clearly overstating his and understanding hers.

 

When you opened the thread, you said she made $1000 every couple weeks. You then proceeded to say he made $100K per year.

 

Notice how you used manipulation tactics to attempt to fool readers into thinking he made more than he really does and she made less than she really does? We notice that too.

 

Let's go through this little manipulation you have going on.

 

She makes $40,000 gross. According to a federal tax only calculator I just used online, her net income is $36,531 per year ( i assume no local taxes for clarity). This is $1,405 per "every couple of weeks." Or just about an extra $1000 per month you left out originally.

 

He makes $100k. Does he really, or is it $90k and you are rounding up? Let's say $100k. His net income is $82,546.

 

So... he does not make 4 times more than she does, as you had originally fudged the numbers to make it look like. He makes twice as much (plus $9000 per year).

 

So... if something costs $600, she should pay $200 and he $400 (approx). Not her a little over $100 and him a little under $500.

 

Though the principle of the situation is valid, your obviously manipulative post leaves the reader not trusting your ”facts" in this story.

 

Further, why do you care? Do you have a guy, or are you just looking to get your friend out of the relationship so you have someone to go out with?

[Criticality]

Yep, he asked to see her paycheck stubs, because he didn't believe she made that amount of money. I asked her about her salary. She makes 40K a year! After taxes, and insurance that's about $26K take home a year.

HE isn't just taking advantage of her! He has never spoken of a future with her! SHE needs to leave!

 

What a lovely fellow...

 

If they get married, have kids and he talks her into being a stay at home mom, I wouldn't put it past him to suggest that she pulls some tricks to cover her share of the mortgage.

 

God forbid that anyone doesn't pay their fair share, after all!

[Juventa2012]

Well, she could've bailed right?

 

Um! The fact that he was going to EXPECT her to also pitch in for dates and such was not discussed. That's extra money that she can't afford to spend.

[Keenly]

It's not just the women, and it's not necessarily what we are saying. What a lot of us are saying is that this guy just sounds like a **** boyfriend.

 

He doesn't so much seem interested in trying to make things equal, as he does in making her suffer and potentially taking advantage of her (OP can we clarify if she is paying more in this relationship please?). It just sounds like he isn't a generous man with anything in his life (love, affection, time, emotional support etc)

 

I must say that it comes as a surprise that you would say this Keenly, and yet on another page say:

 

 

 

I'm genuinely confused about where you stand on this type of thing?!?!

 

I pay for dates. I don't do it for them, I do it for me. Every single time.

 

 

That being said, I'm also free to do with my money as I wish. It really irks me when I see roomy eyes brimming with expectations. He doesn't HAVE to do anything with his money that he doesn't want to.

 

 

There is also a big difference between paying for one date at a time, and then having an SO live with you.

[Juventa2012]

Well, here's a problem.

 

You aren't being honest about the income figures. You are clearly overstating his and understanding hers.

 

When you opened the thread, you said she made $1000 every couple weeks. You then proceeded to say he made $100K per year.

 

Notice how you used manipulation tactics to attempt to fool readers into thinking he made more than he really does and she made less than she really does? We notice that too.

 

Let's go through this little manipulation you have going on.

 

She makes $40,000 gross. According to a federal tax only calculator I just used online, her net income is $36,531 per year ( i assume no local taxes for clarity). This is $1,405 per "every couple of weeks." Or just about an extra $1000 per month you left out originally.

 

He makes $100k. Does he really, or is it $90k and you are rounding up? Let's say $100k. His net income is $82,546.

 

So... he does not make 4 times more than she does, as you had originally fudged the numbers to make it look like. He makes twice as much (plus $9000 per year).

 

So... if something costs $600, she should pay $200 and he $400 (approx). Not her a little over $100 and him a little under $500.

 

Though the principle of the situation is valid, your obviously manipulative post leaves the reader not trusting your ”facts" in this story.

 

Further, why do you care? Do you have a guy, or are you just looking to get your friend out of the relationship so you have someone to go out with?

 

Accusations about manipulation are not necessary. I'm giving you the information that SHE gave me. She said she brings home about $2000 a month! She said that she pays a lot for insurance because she is an admin asst and is outsourced and has to pay a lot for medical insurance.

Nope she said he makes over $100k. I just rounded it off.

I like how you are trying to twist this on me! I have a boyfriend and I want to help my friend. I've given her sound advice and its not my fault if she isn't taking it.

So, please go get a life and stop twisting this around.

[Juventa2012]

Well, here's a problem.

 

You aren't being honest about the income figures. You are clearly overstating his and understanding hers.

 

When you opened the thread, you said she made $1000 every couple weeks. You then proceeded to say he made $100K per year.

 

Notice how you used manipulation tactics to attempt to fool readers into thinking he made more than he really does and she made less than she really does? We notice that too.

 

Let's go through this little manipulation you have going on.

 

She makes $40,000 gross. According to a federal tax only calculator I just used online, her net income is $36,531 per year ( i assume no local taxes for clarity). This is $1,405 per "every couple of weeks." Or just about an extra $1000 per month you left out originally.

 

He makes $100k. Does he really, or is it $90k and you are rounding up? Let's say $100k. His net income is $82,546.

 

So... he does not make 4 times more than she does, as you had originally fudged the numbers to make it look like. He makes twice as much (plus $9000 per year).

 

So... if something costs $600, she should pay $200 and he $400 (approx). Not her a little over $100 and him a little under $500.

 

Though the principle of the situation is valid, your obviously manipulative post leaves the reader not trusting your ”facts" in this story.

 

Further, why do you care? Do you have a guy, or are you just looking to get your friend out of the relationship so you have someone to go out with?

 

Honestly, you have too much time on your hands!

[Keenly]

All I'm seeing is that because he makes me and she makes less, he is some how obligated to pay more.

Its one thing when you sit down as a couple and knock something out like who pays what percentage of what, but that's ideal, and you guys are all EXPECTING him to spend his money .

 

 

This is actually a stupid conversation because if this really is a problem then she should leave, instead of complaining about his money management. Because its exactly that, his money.

 

I would say the exact same thing if the situation was reversed. She is solely responsible for her own financial obligations. He is not responsible for her upkeep and wellbeing.

 

 

Maybe he is more attracted to a productive woman who can hold her own and doesn't have to be taken care of financially like a child ? Ever think about that?

 

 

Once again... its one thing to reach a mutual understanding of who pays more, its another issue entirely to expect it because " that's the way it should be"

[theothersully]

Honestly, you have too much time on your hands!

 

Attacking someone who points out where you manipulated the income figures...

 

Hmmmm...

 

Might as well quit now. You are butting into your friend's life and telling half truths on a forum to get the crowd behind you.

 

Not someone I'd take life advice from.

[Juventa2012]

All I'm seeing is that because he makes me and she makes less, he is some how obligated to pay more.

Its one thing when you sit down as a couple and knock something out like who pays what percentage of what, but that's ideal, and you guys are all EXPECTING him to spend his money .

 

 

This is actually a stupid conversation because if this really is a problem then she should leave, instead of complaining about his money management. Because its exactly that, his money.

 

I would say the exact same thing if the situation was reversed. She is solely responsible for her own financial obligations. He is not responsible for her upkeep and wellbeing.

 

 

Maybe he is more attracted to a productive woman who can hold her own and doesn't have to be taken care of financially like a child ? Ever think about that?

 

 

Once again... its one thing to reach a mutual understanding of who pays more, its another issue entirely to expect it because " that's the way it should be"

 

She is not looking to be taken care of just wants him to treat her like a boyfriend, not a room mate. She doesn't want him to support her. She doesn't mind paying rent, but just thinks that groceries, etc should be a shared expense and he should also help out with the cooking and cleaning because they both live there. That's all.

[Juventa2012]

Attacking someone who points out where you manipulated the income figures...

 

Hmmmm...

 

Might as well quit now. You are butting into your friend's life and telling half truths on a forum to get the crowd behind you.

 

Not someone I'd take life advice from.

 

Then don't! I don't need followers on a forum. Really? Get a life!

[Juventa2012]

Attacking someone who points out where you manipulated the income figures...

 

Hmmmm...

 

Might as well quit now. You are butting into your friend's life and telling half truths on a forum to get the crowd behind you.

 

Not someone I'd take life advice from.

 

Thank you for making it look it I attacked you! Go back and re-read how you analyzed my post and attacked me first. pfft!

[clia]

She's also paying the utilities, and HER bills. No one is capable of living on $26k a year. All you're taking into account is rent and groceries. $900. Now add in a monthly car payment, car insurance, utility bills (gas, electric, cable/internet), monthly cell phone bill.

 

I don’t see any indication in the original post that she is paying any of the utilities. I saw mention of $500 toward rent, $400 a month in groceries, plus HER personal expenses. That’s why I specifically asked who is paying the utilities. I totally agree with you that a household has more than just rent and groceries. I suspect this guy is paying a lot more than what we are being led to believe.

 

Oh so if they were engaged or married then it would be a different story?

 

Yes, because then he would give some indication that he is planning a future with her. He isn’t doing that. He has no obligation at all to fully support her.

 

Yes, it was discussed when they moved in together.

 

So she agreed to it. What’s the problem then?

 

Yes $900 is not an obscene amount of money, but when the girl is only bringing home about $2000 a month and she has her own expenses that doesn't leave her much at the end of the month. Especially when he expects her to pay for date night.

 

I wasn’t under the impression that he was asking her to pay for everything on date night, only to chip in for the popcorn or to buy a couple of rounds of drinks.

 

He owns his condo and doesn't cut his own grass. He pays someone else to do it.

 

So how much is his mortgage total? More than $500? How much is HE paying in utilities each month? Is she paying anything toward cable, Internet, water, electricity, gas, association fees, or other costs of owning a home? Because honestly, $500 a month rent sounds like a bargain to me.

 

How was she managing before she moved in with him?

[theothersully]

Then don't! I don't need followers on a forum. Really? Get a life!

 

Still at it... lololol

 

You seem *very* stable...

[theothersully]

Thank you for making it look it I attacked you! Go back and re-read how you analyzed my post and attacked me first. pfft!

 

Look, I agreed with you and posted as such.

 

I'm a fair, balanced person and do feel the need to point out when someone is lying or putting a spin on something to exaggerate the situation to suit their point of view.

 

You fudged the numbers. You know you did...and like any person who has no valid argument for getting caught doing something wrong, you try to bully your way out of it with attacks like, "you have too much time on your hands" or "get a life"

 

Bullying doesn't work on me. Sorry.