Pepita Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Hello, I am soooo confused and need some advice/insight. 6 months ago I started dating a good friend and we are now in a serious relationship. I have no regrets over making the switch from friends to lovers. Actually quite the opposite. He is probably the best guy I have ever been with. Problem is, I find myself suffering from bouts of depression lately. I am a full time student and worker (so is he). This alone can drain me...1. I find myself getting aggravated at him for stupid things and being unable to talk about whats going on for me because I dont totally know whether its me or him. For example the other night, we were sitting around the other night having a couple beers and watching movies, when suddenly he starts telling me how attractive he find the women in the movie and jerks off to them sometimes. I know this is normal ( I do it too..well except to guys), but it kind of hurt, the way he went about it. He just carried on and on about it and felt almost like he was going out of his way to piss me off. I dunno, was I being oversensitive? It could have been the beers I suppose. Should I try and talk about this with him? 2. I am relatively unhappy with our sex life and am unable to orgasm. Part of this being that I am somewhat mono-sexual, I prefer masturbation to sex. I've tried introducing toys and stuff, its not working. I've run out of ideas with this too. I guess the problem is that it seems to be getting worse for me on the inside. Lately I cant be around him without getting upset. I find myself moving to the extreme edge of the bed at night because I just want to be left alone. I dunno, any advice? Im not one that likes attention so I have spoken to noone about this stuff. I remember him saying a long long time ago, when we were just buds, that he hates it when girls feign sickness. This isnt fake,This is very real, I just dont know what to do about all of it. I have no friends I can talk to about it because he and I have mostly the same buddies. Any advice/kind words are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Couple questions: 1) Do you enjoy being in a relationship with him? 2) If you could fix the problems that you have would you stay in the relationship? 3) Have you ever enjoyed sex with someone else? 4) Has anyone else given you an orgasm? 5) Do you want him to give you an orgasm? 6) Does he know he hasn't give you an orgasm? 7) Have you asked him how he feels about your sex? Is it good? 8) Do you want a better sex life with him or would you prefer no sex? 9) Why did it bother you that he talked about women he masturbated to? How did you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Pepita Posted December 13, 2004 Share Posted December 13, 2004 Couple questions: 1) Do you enjoy being in a relationship with him? Yes and No...its pretty 50/50..sometimes its all good, other times I am very bored and I feel like he doesnt care. 2) If you could fix the problems that you have would you stay in the relationship? Yes 3) Have you ever enjoyed sex with someone else? Yes and No...this is the first time in my life Ive had regular intercourse. 4) Has anyone else given you an orgasm? Nope - I think I am starting to figure out my issue. I dont fantasize while I am in bed. I am 100% present in the moment. I think I need to start fantasizing. 5) Do you want him to give you an orgasm? Yes 6) Does he know he hasn't give you an orgasm? Yes 7) Have you asked him how he feels about your sex? Is it good? Yes. He says "I rock him", we have ok communication in bed. 8) Do you want a better sex life with him or would you prefer no sex? I want a better sex life. I think it would be healthier. 9) Why did it bother you that he talked about women he masturbated to? How did you feel? I think it must have been a combination of the mood I was in and the tone of voice he had with me. It was almost like he was trying to make me jealous with his words. I can tell when people are playing little games with me. This was one of those times. I think my mood didnt help any. Link to post Share on other sites
masala Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 I think you need to talk to him about your problems, and you need to get some help for yourself. If you think your depression is affecting your relationships negatively, it probably is, and it probably is also having negative effects on other aspects of your life. I think probably if he knows that you are having problems, he will be more sensitive to your needs and your emotions. Plus, by taking care of your problems with yourself, it will be easier for you to fix your problems with him, too... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 When you start hugging the corner of the mattress trying to get away from him then there is "Trouble in Paradise." I think you both crossed over from something easy ( friendship ) to something that takes WORK ( a relationship ) You both may have crossed that road by getting sexual but you may also both have crossed the road of NO RETURN. When you crossed over you should have both taken into consideration that a GOOD relationship requires EFFORT I would either try to figure this out or just be friends again. Once you take away the friendship and make it sexual...then sometimes that outcome is not good. Link to post Share on other sites
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