brokenHeartLad Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Hi all Its been a while since I have posted here and wanted to update you guys, its the least I could do after all the support I had early on from you all If anyone remembers I went through a heartbreaking separation when my STBXW decided suddenly she no longer wants me after only a few months of being married. Since that dark time 4 months ago I have found a great girlfriend that is the complete opposite of my ex - she is motivated, intelligent, career focused and not needy! My separated wife is still pursuing me for everything that I have worked for and wants me to support her financially even though she is working. Of course I am fighting this legally. Even though all this is going on I am still a broken man and forever changed by this. I can at least laugh and feel there is life out there, but a sadness remains over me, its really strange and i cant explain it at all. Has anyone else felt this sadness that comes over them even at times when you should be happy? Does it fade I wonder? I Hope that anyone reading this that have just broken up and are heartbroken to remain strong and have faith that things do improve 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Even though all this is going on I am still a broken man and forever changed by this. I can at least laugh and feel there is life out there, but a sadness remains over me, its really strange and i cant explain it at all. Has anyone else felt this sadness that comes over them even at times when you should be happy? Does it fade I wonder? I wonder too. It's like a shadow over my heart, a cloud that moves around but never goes away. I imagine death will lift it from me. In sombre mood this evening 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Brokenheartlad- my "wife" left me less than 6 months after we got "married" so I can relate a bit. She's living her life with her AP since Dday(June) and I'm just here trying to put myself back together. It'll be a loooong time before I'm happy again and ready to be with someone else. At least I'm alive..... I have those happy/sad moments a lot, Idk if it'll ever fade completely for me. Link to post Share on other sites
dienstag Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I envy you in a good way and wish sincerely all the best. 4 months later and you are sort of on track with your life and even a girlfriend. Seriously i am 2 months separated, stuck at home with 2 small kids all the evenings and during the day run around like a lunatic between work, nursery and occasional food shopping. I doubt i will be where you are in 4 months separated time. So hey, you are doing great and ignore those coulds or whatever, could have been worse:( Link to post Share on other sites
TrappedWanderer Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Hey OP, Thanks for your update post. I'm just going through something similar now-married only a couple of months and husband came out of the blue with the divorce thing and I was stunned. So thanks for posting that there IS light at the end of the tunnel...being married only such a short time, it feels too fast (there are some very real big problems that have made it clear I need to leave, however, and I'm in the process of doing just that). It feels rather surreal. So it's really good to hear of someone that's coming out the other end of it ok. Link to post Share on other sites
secondfailure Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I was told that you need to take some time for yourself before you go to another relationship. That might be why you seem a little sad. Maybe the woman you are with now is like a band aid. You have not healed your wound... But I applud you for moving on so quick. Please be prepared for more heartache if this does not work out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 hi all, thanks for the nice comments. I guess it is fair to say I'm not over my separated wife and I am running a risk of being hurt with my new girlfriend if it doesn't work out. I guess I feel I won't really be to badly hurt if it doesn't work out. I need some advice and opinions if anyone can help. My separated wife contacted me for the first time via email a few days ago, she has heard that I have a girlfriend and she didn't sound happy at all about it even saying I should have told her as she is my wife. I guess it's just jealousy causing this reaction? I haunt responded and not sure if I should, after all why should I, she left me and made her intentions perfectly clear when she walked out on me. I'm more than a little confused, any one have an idea why she would do that and if I should respond or just ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
melissag Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I haunt responded and not sure if I should, after all why should I, she left me and made her intentions perfectly clear when she walked out on me. I'm more than a little confused, any one have an idea why she would do that and if I should respond or just ignore it? Where are you right now with your feelings? Are you done with your W? Or do you want to try to make your M work? The answer to that question drives the answer to your other questions. But yes, she is probably very jealous, and maybe even surprised and disappointed that you have moved on so quickly. After all, she thought she was in control of this situation, and now - not so much. It might just be jealousy and that's it, or maybe it will lead her into thinking about things with a more objective mind . . .who knows. How you respond will likely have an effect on what she does. But you need to figure out what it is you want - do you want to close the door on your M forever or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 I guess I still think about the W about 20% of my time but feelings are mixed. I miss her and I don't at the same time, hope that makes sense. There's certainly no hope of the marriage working, I'm almost certain it's over but I still care to some degree. There's days I wish could wake up and none of this happened but then I'm thinking more about the future as it's looking now and thinking it looks great! I think I am going to ignore the emails and hope I don't get any more, though I will check every so often. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 bHL Your story is similar to mine of 30 years ago. My marriage only lasted 5 months. At first I was totally in the dumps, wondering whether at some point in time I might be able to laugh again. Luckily a pretty face looked down at me in my pit and asked me if I wanted to come out and play. Finding out that we are still attractive to the opposite sex can work miracles. I quickly got back into the dating scene. And miracle of miracles, I found some one I was super attracted to and she me, who like yours, was totally opposite of the Ex, and had some outstanding qualities. She too was going thru a divorce. Due to my not knowing what I wanted out of life, I had been a college drop out, and became an journeyman machinist in order to make a living. Shortly after the breakup of my marriage, I accidently discovered that I had a knack for historical research. It was then I realized that this was my lifes passion. Having been out of school for over a decade I was lost in how to pursue my new found passion. And this lady having a Master's degree was able to help me quickly get into exploring that new part of my life. At first we made a great team. But like you there was this layer of sadness that blanketed my life. We laughed, we played, we partied, we danced, we spent Christmas together, but when she wanted to talk about the future, there was something missing. I now realize that the Ex had poisoned me on future relationships, I flat did not trust women. I eventually let her go, much to my later regret, as with time I now see that maybe we did have something special, and it was me who couldn't take that extra step and let love happen. I was terrified of ever being that badly hurt again. The good news is that as much as I fought ever letting myself fall in love again, about 15 years later, second date, first kiss, and cupid shot me in the butt. I had no defense, I was in love again. And eighteen years later we are still happily in love with each other. The hurt and the veil of sadness my Ex left me with is long gone. What I am saying is with time you will heal, you will be able to let another back into you heart. My advice to you is don't give up on your new interest as quickly as I did. You are sick with hurt and trust issues. They do not heal quickly And one other thing, a couple of years back I Googled the Ex and found a picture of her. Boy did I get lucky. The intervening 30 years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing the 200 pound mark. While I am sharing a life with 60 year old granny, who looks like she is in her 40's and still has a flat tummy with and hour glass figure. And she is the sweetest, most kind and loving and sharing person I have ever known. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Has anyone else felt this sadness that comes over them even at times when you should be happy? Does it fade I wonder? I Hope that anyone reading this that have just broken up and are heartbroken to remain strong and have faith that things do improve I think it does fade..but because it is still so soon, it is fresh in your heart still regardless of the cr@p she has done/is doing...because it is still a loss and blow to your heart, at one time there was love. Thank you for some hope though that yes, we can all be happy and things improve...some people like me need to hear this. Link to post Share on other sites
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