Wambo Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 It's a bit of an usual situation but then again how many people work in the same building as their former APs and catch a glimpse of them every working day? A few weeks ago I did a thread about my former friend wanting to go NC? Normally what happens she would normally greet me every few days and I would always keep our conversation basic except one time. Anyway the result of keeping the conversation short had led her being upset and avioding me. At first it wasn't noticable because normally I kept my distance but after a few weeks it became obivious she was to upset to walk past me. What I did I gave her as much space as possible, make sure our breaks don't clash and never enter her area. There had been a few hiccups along the way like my manager sending me to her area a few times, but overall one month of NC and counting. End of the day I lost so much and I do feel like a great life was stolen from me. Make matters worst I met someone but our connection is fragile compared to the sparks I had with my former friend. Even before the EA there was very strong connections and it just a horrible way to end a great friendship. Her NC is taking a toll on me but this one will not drive me crazy. It just make me sad what I could of had and knowing full well her boyfriend is a c***. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Here's what you have to keep in mind, my friend. She chose him. Even if he is a c****...she hasn't left him for you. She's right where she chooses to be, even if she's unhappy with her own choices. Your best bet is to drive on and live your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
yesplease Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 No contact is a be-yotch! No matter the reason or how much it is needed, it sucks. Eventually though, it all works out. No contact doesn't make the healing process any easier, just makes it quicker. Not noticeably quicker, but quicker. Just think, whereas it might take you years to get over you AP if you maintain contact, no contact may help you heal in a matter of months. Yes, those months suck -- but I'll take months of pain over years any day! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Owl is right. very right. you will survive Link to post Share on other sites
Hopelessromantic25 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 It's a bit of an usual situation but then again how many people work in the same building as their former APs and catch a glimpse of them every working day? A few weeks ago I did a thread about my former friend wanting to go NC? Normally what happens she would normally greet me every few days and I would always keep our conversation basic except one time. Anyway the result of keeping the conversation short had led her being upset and avioding me. At first it wasn't noticable because normally I kept my distance but after a few weeks it became obivious she was to upset to walk past me. What I did I gave her as much space as possible, make sure our breaks don't clash and never enter her area. There had been a few hiccups along the way like my manager sending me to her area a few times, but overall one month of NC and counting. End of the day I lost so much and I do feel like a great life was stolen from me. Make matters worst I met someone but our connection is fragile compared to the sparks I had with my former friend. Even before the EA there was very strong connections and it just a horrible way to end a great friendship. Her NC is taking a toll on me but this one will not drive me crazy. It just make me sad what I could of had and knowing full well her boyfriend is a c***. Yeah man, I was in similar situation with an AP. We worked together and when it was bad, I had to communicate with her regardless. It's tough but the goal is to keep it professional and clean. As in no talking about about you both personally, not even joking around. She made her decision, it's rough to accept at first but it's the painful truth. So let her do what she needs to do and you continue your life as is. NC is the ONLY way to get through something like this. It's never fun and you lose a ton of sleep. But when you wake up and feel completely differently about yourself and the situation, you'll be able to sleep all day! no point of chasing something that doesn't need to chased, it's a losing battle man. Cut your loses. Trust me it can be a whole lot worse. Good luck brochacho! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wambo Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 Just to post a quick update and say the five and a half week of NC is now over. I should of seen it coming with the way she was staring at me. Now I'm left frustrated with all these emotions buzzing around me head while she sleep with that d***head. So I'm left with two otpions of either continuing to stay out of her way and ignore her or confront her over the whole affair. End of the day the affair been over for well over a year and why is she still trying to drag me back in? Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 because she's bored and wants excitement and she knows how to play you. walk away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trailrunner1975 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Ignore ignore ignore. Avoid her when possible. As for her trying to drag you in, you can control that. My exMW tried (and still does try occasionally) to reel me in. Hell to the no! A game like that requires two players. Game over! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Just to post a quick update and say the five and a half week of NC is now over. I should of seen it coming with the way she was staring at me. Now I'm left frustrated with all these emotions buzzing around me head while she sleep with that d***head. So I'm left with two otpions of either continuing to stay out of her way and ignore her or confront her over the whole affair. End of the day the affair been over for well over a year and why is she still trying to drag me back in? IGNORE. Stop trying to figure out why she is doing what she's doing! It doesn't matter! The A is over and you know that. You're the fool if you allow her to suck you back in. Don't be weak! Be strong and find your pride and ego, brother! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wambo Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 After today incident I think it best we had a friendly chat. This ignore businuess doesn't appear ot working or getting the message to her. However talking to her and trying to resolve the situation could be a better option. Afterall we both in the same boat but paddling in opossite directions and getting us no where. Personally I would rather take one big knock than little ones throughout the week. However what it shows no matter what you do, if you work in the same building as the cheater, most likely the temptation will get the better of the cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Oldspiceywolf Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I'm sure nobody will agree with this but... Jump back in bro! She's at you because she know you'll follow her rules, if she really wanted anything with you her relationship would end but it didn't but she needs you to make her feel special because the dude she is with won't and that's why she is with him. It seems your not ready for this to end and you are willing to play by her rules(you've decided to break no contact, no matter what reason you say you made that decision) so just jump back in(not being mean) but then start laying down the self sabotage so that this can never happen again. If she isn't willing to break up it's never going anywhere you don't have to think what if blah blah blah so make her hate you so you don't have to say no and then when it's over laugh about how you flipped the script on her manipulating arse! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wambo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 I know this sound a bit silly but i want to keep my anonymity intact and I will not go into great depth about my situation. So what I do post, it can come across as a bit cryptic but I had seen people who post too much detail and got recongnise. I can confirm my ex AP did end her primary relationship for a period of time for unknown reasons. I can only guess but it could be related with my NC and the withdraw sysmptons she had to go through. I do know for a FACT her boyfriend blackmailed her back into the relationship. Here where I'm not liberty to say why without blowing my cover, but it pretty tasteless and kinda pathetic I'm stuck in this situation because of it. I would want to express my other concern with her lack of balls. She doesn't have the f***ing balls to confront me which is easier said than down. So the question to myself if she having problems getting me back into the affair then how can she cope with a complete tosser? The only reason why I'm willing to break myside of the NC is only to get my side of the story to her. To tell her why she needs to stop harrassing me and the effects it having. I can aviod her the best if my ability but if we both work in the same building then she has the liberty to test my willpower anytime she likes. However telling her face to face it's over then with luck she may move on. Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I don't know that I can add much other than to say that working with your xAP is brutal...i'm there...and it makes NC pretty damn hard, but not impossible. There are rare occasions when I have to deal with her...and we'll run into each other...but I don't have to go out of my way to put her on a pedestal that I have...and she knows me well enough to know what is necessity and what is me breaking NC. It's taken me awhile to accept that..but its an excuse if I say I can't...I consider it NC if I don't break communication of my own accord...if I'm forced to respond to a work email..than I will give the direct answer or reply...but nothing outside of that.... Link to post Share on other sites
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