Sudden turn into a jerry springer case

[harrybrown]

You need to start respecting yourself.

 

Your wife has no respect for you.

 

You need to file for divorce. She may wake up from the affair fog with the divorce papers, but I doubt it.

 

She is too far gone. She is in love with the OM and not you. Sorry you are in this situation. You need to get her out of your life.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Agreed. No offense taken.

 

I've come to this conclusion as well. Just couldn't and still can't figure out why. The attention thing is only a small part... I think anyway. She has something else that drives her..

 

I am guessing she is attracted to people that are the centre of whatever world she is in. When we met, we were part of a youth group and I'm naturally charismatic, very funny and somewhat charming so I easily got everyone's attention and a natural leader.

 

Unfortunately since the start of my business, it's been a small show for me and have been focused on it. Have not been part of "her" world so to speak and the world that I am part of is tiny and insignificant. Sadly, had I taken the corporate route instead of start to build something myself, I would have played to her needs perhaps.

 

My personality is also non-confrontational. Typically use humor to get out of uncomfortable situations which she is probably not into. It is not an ALPHA behavior I suppose. She did tell me that she was not attracted to this other man until some incident in a bar (yes at about 30 weeks pregnant, wasn't drinking she said) where this guy stood up for her when a couple of other guys were doing something silly. I don't remember the story fully, but apparently that is what got her going. I thought back to the situation... I wouldn't have put my wife in that situation to start, and if we were in it, my thought would be to get her and me out of it without confrontation, especially at 30 weeks... god knows what drunk guys would do. Never-the-less, it is not an alpha behavior.

 

 

Do not try to make sense out of non sense.

 

That is exactly what a husband would do, protect his wife and child. No need to apologize for thinking about the risks instead of your ego.

[Tall2013]

Oh boy, this is going to be long so bear with me:

 

I know your kind because I am exactly like that, I give a Truckload of confidence and liberty to whom I am in love with, so you need someone who can be trusted and give you a place and priority. Thta is why I get exactly why you let her have a long distance relationship with her in order to let her advance her career and goal in life.

 

Unfortunately you have a wife that could no be trusted, and in the end She had a VERY LONG affair with her boss, ( I can be anything it was the case) because You AS ME will find anything to justify her because you love her. ( I found out of my wife's 18 months affair after 8 years, because I did not want to see the signs and could not BELIEVE she could do it).

 

If all her family commits suicide or burs the house down because SHE WAS IN AN AFFAIR, so WHAT? dont destroy your life, by being blackmailed emotionally, your little Daughter deserves the best parent she can have, and a marriage built on lies believe me is not very good in the long run. She may not be yours.

 

I may sound harsh but this would be my course of action, be calm and do what you need to gain your freedom and keep the Baby, sue her and keep all the $$$$ you can, you did your sacrifices, now she has to do it to you and the baby. Forget about her family and your DO WHAT YOU NEED, its your life not theirs, your problem not theirs, your heartbreak not theirs, I would call the CEO of the said multinational company and tell him calmly that every time he had intercourse with your wife, would cost him and exposing all this to his company, HR, make a huge media event with it, and expose to his wife and kids. The only way to expose a sexual predator is exposing him, robbing him of their power and exposing for what they are (think Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky).

 

I know you are a very conciliatory kind of person, emphatic, and caring but doing that in this case WILL DESTROY YOU IN THE LONG RUN.

 

Do it for your Baby, do it for you and let the chips fall where they may. As they say you and they MADE THEIR BED, now its time to use it...

 

 

I've considered exposing this to his colleges/work. This man is powerful and rich enough that he can turn this whole thing on my wife and me.

 

Something even as simple as, "We had a problem in our marriage, and I want a divorce so I am fabricating this". Luckily I have some proof (phone calls that were tapped and video of them frolicking around town at 3 AM) but still, I am not 100% confident he can't get out of it.

 

The worse.. it will be me and my wife that will pay and as a result the baby.

 

If I just swallow this, at least the baby is free of learning that her mother was sleeping with another man while she was a tenant.

 

Family is paramount to me. Nothing comes before family and this little girl is now the closest and protecting her is still an over riding factor in my decisions.

[Speakingofwhich]

Interesting theory but unlikely. She got the job through a different manager there and in Jan 2013 moved into a new role that reported directly to the CEO. I don't think she knew of the man before she started to work there, and it wasn't until about Nov. 2012 that she worked closely with him when her boss at the time was let go. Now I wonder if he was let go for this reason... so she can report to the CEO and then he can do whatever he wants.. What are the chances that he saw through her insecurities?

 

Although... not impossible, but very improbable I think.

 

This man can and probably does get very attractive high priced escorts on a regular basis..

 

Why a pregnant wife. She is attractive but at 36 weeks.. I didn't think anyone but me found her attractive.

 

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I noted your earlier reply to my post that you have cried many tears, understandably. It is good that you are allowing yourself to process your emotions this way and hope that your W has witnessed your expressions of grief.

 

Re: his attraction to a pg woman, she worked closely with him in Nov '12 so he saw her at her normal size when she wasn't pregnant. He may have developed at that time some sort of attraction for her whether just physical or more emotional, idk obviously.

 

ToDreamIB is right, "if you are attracted to her others will be" school of thought rules.

 

I agree that it makes sense to get a DNA test of your daughter.

 

This is prob the furthest thing from your mind and I know we live in a litigious society as it is, but you may want to, at some point talk to an attorney about the legalities of what has occurred, esp if your daughter's DNA turns out to be his.

 

So very sorry to write that, I know it must be so painful to even think of the possibility.

 

I don't know much about the law but it seems to me that if the CEO of a company has had an A with a person's spouse there would be cause for some kind of financial consideration to the aggrieved spouse, especially under the circumstances you are going through.

 

You know, even if you find your daughter has your DNA, it still seems to me that the anguish you will experience as you wait for the results of the tests because of the actions of the CEO, would warrant some type of settlement. Again, not an attorney here!

[Speakingofwhich]

If I just swallow this, at least the baby is free of learning that her mother was sleeping with another man while she was a tenant.

 

Family is paramount to me. Nothing comes before family and this little girl is now the closest and protecting her is still an over riding factor in my decisions.

 

Quite a fortunate little girl to have a daddy that feels this way! However, protecting her may entail some legal maneuvering, if you should so decide.

 

I truly doubt this man or the company would want any of this exposed, even to the smallest extent. One whiff (phone call from your attorney) and they'll be pulling out their checkbook, it would seem.

[Tall2013]

You need to start respecting yourself.

 

Your wife has no respect for you.

 

You need to file for divorce. She may wake up from the affair fog with the divorce papers, but I doubt it.

 

She is too far gone. She is in love with the OM and not you. Sorry you are in this situation. You need to get her out of your life.

 

This also makes no sense to me.

 

She told me that she told him that their relationship would go nowhere. The guy apparently said his kids are the most important thing to him so breaking his marriage is not in the realm of possibility.

 

Apparently his wife had an affair (so I am told) and that he was in a lot of pain.

 

She said she felt like she owed him something. This is really terrible for me to hear... How do you feel you owe someone sex?

 

This is so bizarre and incredibly hard for me to get my head around.

[InnocentMan]

This is about as unforgivable as it gets.

[Tall2013]

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I noted your earlier reply to my post that you have cried many tears, understandably. It is good that you are allowing yourself to process your emotions this way and hope that your W has witnessed your expressions of grief.

 

Re: his attraction to a pg woman, she worked closely with him in Nov '12 so he saw her at her normal size when she wasn't pregnant. He may have developed at that time some sort of attraction for her whether just physical or more emotional, idk obviously.

 

ToDreamIB is right, "if you are attracted to her others will be" school of thought rules.

 

I agree that it makes sense to get a DNA test of your daughter.

 

This is prob the furthest thing from your mind and I know we live in a litigious society as it is, but you may want to, at some point talk to an attorney about the legalities of what has occurred, esp if your daughter's DNA turns out to be his.

 

So very sorry to write that, I know it must be so painful to even think of the possibility.

 

I don't know much about the law but it seems to me that if the CEO of a company has had an A with a person's spouse there would be cause for some kind of financial consideration to the aggrieved spouse, especially under the circumstances you are going through.

 

You know, even if you find your daughter has your DNA, it still seems to me that the anguish you will experience as you wait for the results of the tests because of the actions of the CEO, would warrant some type of settlement. Again, not an attorney here!

 

Even if I am starving and his money is the only thing that will save me, I would never take it.

 

by the way, I am somewhat dependent on my wife since I started the business. Although, I am sure I can survive just fine, it would be hard. I'm an Engineer and have earned more than her when we married, things just swapped in the recent years after her MBA and my small business. My company is a tech business and things are looking good and even if it weren't, I am very employable so I'm not really concerned for money.

 

Exposing has other issues.. his two daughters that have done nothing at all. I am so disgusted that a man did this to my family and obviously with no regard for my daughter. I mean, it is bad to have slept with my wife without asking her to resolve me first, but to not have waited a few more weeks for the baby to be born is just sick in my mind.

 

So the question is.. if I am thinking this man is evil for not thinking about my daughter.. would I not be the same for not thinking about his?

[whichwayisup]

Thought about this. I don't have contact with her but what good will this do?

 

I want to... just to ruin his little world but is that right?

 

This also makes no sense to me.

 

She told me that she told him that their relationship would go nowhere. The guy apparently said his kids are the most important thing to him so breaking his marriage is not in the realm of possibility.

 

Apparently his wife had an affair (so I am told) and that he was in a lot of pain.

 

She said she felt like she owed him something. This is really terrible for me to hear... How do you feel you owe someone sex?

 

This is so bizarre and incredibly hard for me to get my head around.

 

Bolded part. NO WAY! This man is powerful and a CEO..Doubt that this affair with your wife is his first affair! And I doubt his wife has cheated, he's just used that line on your wife to make sure she felt for him and saw him as a poor victim. This guy is a player.

 

His wife needs to know the truth. And, let the fallout happen! Consquences of her choices and his - So people at work find out, I highly doubt they'll be shocked to hear of him cheating, though probably more shocked the OW was your wife.

 

They are adults and part of making decisions like having an affair is dealing with the fallout.

 

I do hope the baby is yours.

[Tall2013]

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I noted your earlier reply to my post that you have cried many tears, understandably. It is good that you are allowing yourself to process your emotions this way and hope that your W has witnessed your expressions of grief.

 

Re: his attraction to a pg woman, she worked closely with him in Nov '12 so he saw her at her normal size when she wasn't pregnant. He may have developed at that time some sort of attraction for her whether just physical or more emotional, idk obviously.

 

ToDreamIB is right, "if you are attracted to her others will be" school of thought rules.

 

I agree that it makes sense to get a DNA test of your daughter.

 

This is prob the furthest thing from your mind and I know we live in a litigious society as it is, but you may want to, at some point talk to an attorney about the legalities of what has occurred, esp if your daughter's DNA turns out to be his.

 

So very sorry to write that, I know it must be so painful to even think of the possibility.

 

I don't know much about the law but it seems to me that if the CEO of a company has had an A with a person's spouse there would be cause for some kind of financial consideration to the aggrieved spouse, especially under the circumstances you are going through.

 

You know, even if you find your daughter has your DNA, it still seems to me that the anguish you will experience as you wait for the results of the tests because of the actions of the CEO, would warrant some type of settlement. Again, not an attorney here!

 

DNA test results was just received..

 

It appears I am 99.999% her father !! So very happy to hear this. I think that is as close as they will get. Apparently exclusion is 100% but inclusion is not. 99.999% is good enough for me.

 

On a side note, I would have clicked on virus attachment that destroyed the Internet than open this PDF. Pretty scary email to open.

[bubbaganoosh]

What your doing right now is stoking the coals to a real hot fire and you going to be the one tied to the spit being roasted alive unless you stop making excuses for her, her family and her twit boss.

 

Your treating her like she's a young teenager that doesn't know any better. She's 32 years old and she knows what she's doing. You way to worried about her feelings where she doesn't give a damn about yours. The only reason she told you about the affair IMO was that there is a chance the baby isn't yours. Not to mention that you told her to cut contact with this guy and it's taken her way too long. There doesn't need to be a 3 or 4 hour "good bye".

 

My advice to you is stop being the nice guy and either $h!t or get off the pot!. Tell her that you taking her for a polygraph. Don't tell her when. Just set up the appointment and get her there with the questions you want answered. If she say's no, then tell her either the test or a divorce. Then you make sure she finds another job. If needed give her a certain amount of time to find one. Then get a hold of the OM's wife and fill her in along with the whole family and friends before she twists it around and makes you the heel and the cause of it.

 

You should know this and if you don't, the trust is out the window and she has a good idea she can sweet talk you into staying. If you want to stay then that's your business. Your the one that has to live with her not us but at least make it so it's on your conditions not hers. The fire is getting hotter so you better wise up. Good luck.

[Charlie Harper]

I knew you were going to answer that you will lay low and accept ANYTHING because of your Baby.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but get off the cool aid, now you are looking for justifications on your wifes lover...HOLY COW, I feel so bad, because I accepted the SAME WAY, the SAME PROCEDURES to save my marriage, my family and I ended up angry, USED, laughed at and worst of all I always found a way to justify it all.

 

Just think for a moment what if you have HErpes, Hepatitis C or worse AIDS, do you think your Baby girl will be happy for the desicions to be a door mat to your wife....

 

Sorry if I sound harsh but the truth is that YOU NEED TO TALK TO A LAWYER instead if venting here, USE your energy to solve this dont use Loveshack to find empathy or emotional advice (THAT COULD BE LATER). SAVE YOURSELF.

 

You will thank me later on...

[AlwaysGrowing]

You are trying to make sense of your life, and your wifes unilateral decisions.

 

Stop it.

 

Stop trying to be the good guy (whatever that its). Telling his wife is NOT you being the bad guy. There are only two individuals that are responsible and you are NOT one of them.

 

Your silence is the same as condoning their actions.

[miguelcervantes]

Tall, sorry you are here - really sad situation! Here is my take on the whole thing:

 

• You are a very trusting soul to start with - incredible how you were not seeing what was very clearly going on.
  
• This has been going on a lot longer and possible with others (possibly even her last boss) - the reason she hasn't told you everything is because that is the very nature of what they call "trickle truthing" - it makes the wayward feel less bad about themselves and less threatened. They effectively test the water with little bits at a time and only reveal more if they absolutely have to.
  
• It doesnt matter that this boss scumbag can afford other expensive escorts - nothing is as attractive to such scum as another man's wife (taking something that belongs to another man especially if she is pregnant) - sick I know.
  
• She is not in love with you - she is 100% focussed on herself - this is not going to get better.
  
• Get the baby DNA tested (as I said this has been going on a lot longer).
  
• Long distance stuff almost never works - its OK when you are just gf and bf - there are less commitments then - but once you are married AND she is ambitious AND she is focussed on herself AND there is something wrong with her mentally (where she feels she owes other people sex) - then you have a recipe for disaster.
  

 

You need to:

1. Get the baby DNA tested asap and let her know that you are doing this - it has multiple uses - one it lets you know if the baby is really yours and two, it drives home to her just how serious this is
   
2. Secure as much evidence of her PA/EA as you can - she will be in self preservation mode.
   
3. Consult an attorney, secure your finances and start moving towards filing for D (even if you want to R later)
   
4. Blow up the POSOM's world - let his wife know, let HR know etc - I know that some will advise you not to let her work know but the fact is that the work enabled this and I have seen cases where they will pay you "hush" money not to let this go public - they need to take some responsibility for their POS CEO.
   
5. Start doing a 180 on her to help yourself heal
   
6. Start going to individual counselling to help you deal with this and strengthen yourself
   
7. Read a lot of the recommended reading on this forum to help you understand what you need to do and why
   
8. Start working on yourself - work out, new clothes, new haircut etc
   

 

Basically even if you want her back you need to be prepared to let her go in order to win her back. So file for D and mean it unless she complies completely with what you want and she shows TRUE remorse by her actions. At the moment you are a million miles from this.

 

Stay strong and best of luck with this.

[aliveagain]

Your wife is missing something that even you can't fill. She needs help to find the "why" of her actions. Independent counseling with someone experienced in infidelity is a requirement of reconciliation if that is the route you choose, but it won't work if she continues contact with O/M, she needs to quit her job. If you want the infidelity to stop, expose her to the O/M's wife, I guarantee O/M will throw your wife under the bus. The cost to divorce his wife will be what keeps him in his marriage(as well as his two daughters). I think you may find that there is a lot more to her infidelity than you have been given. Give her your demands for staying in the marriage, your always strongest at time of confrontation, No Contact should be at the top of the list. Tell his wife.

[Speakingofwhich]

Fantastic to hear the results of the DNA test!!! Fantastic! That is just really great news!!!! Happy for you!

[Charlie Harper]

I am relieved to know you are the Father, it will make things a lot easier... HEAL YOURSELF.

[Criticality]

DNA test results was just received..

 

 

It appears I am 99.999% her father !! So very happy to hear this. I think that is as close as they will get. Apparently exclusion is 100% but inclusion is not. 99.999% is good enough for me. .

 

You got the DNA results in a day?!? Or did you do the test previously?

 

So the question is.. if I am thinking this man is evil for not thinking about my daughter.. would I not be the same for not thinking about his?

 

It's an eye for an eye, but that doesn't make it right. Heck, if you want to punish him go for a monetary settlement instead...

[Tall2013]

You got the DNA results in a day?!? Or did you do the test previously?

 

 

 

It's an eye for an eye, but that doesn't make it right. Heck, if you want to punish him go for a monetary settlement instead...

 

Nah, I sent it a week ago.

[drifter777]

Great story - terrific imagination!

[troubadour]

Great story - terrific imagination!

 

 

The more I read it the more I'm getting the same feeling.

[2sunny]

If she doesn't quit the job today - then pack her bags and file for divorce.

 

Look - her affair more likely spanned those few years- and giving sex bought her a good position and more money. She bartered her body to get ahead!

 

Is that who you want as your wife? Now she's unwilling to quit because you aren't her priority!

 

Kick her out! Demand she pay you spousal and child support! Tell her you'll take the child - since she's so busy spreading her legs to get ahead - you can't trust her to put her child's best interest in mind when she's so untrustworthy.

[Tall2013]

Great story - terrific imagination!

 

I only wish.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

Tell the OMs wife. Ultimatum your wife to quit job this second and divorce her if she won't. You don't seem to have much self respect and unless you act will have less and less.

[Criticality]

Don't know what to tell you Tall!

 

Sorry this has happened to you.

It's hard to give good advice to a situation like yours, which is so unbelievably f****d up, that my initial reaction is: Holy crap! And my second reaction is: Poor guy!

 

It's not unusual that a marriage survives an affair. It's possible to move on and have a stronger bond and marriage afterwards.

 

But in this case? Everything just kinda speaks against it. Not just the fact that she had the affair while pregnant with your ababy, but also the fact that she doesn't seem very remorseful.

 

Instead of fighting to save the marriage, she talks and giggles on the phone with this guy for two hours?!?

 

Wow!

 

Does she come across as remorseful at all? Do you love her, and does she claim to love you? Or is her efforts concentrated at guilt tripping you into not rocking the boat too much?

 

I take it you're from the US, what part of the world did her job take her to? And I understand that she wants to stay there?

 

What I think you should do, kinda depends on those things.

My immediate response would probably be get the kid, get a divorce and seek full custody rights and child support.

50/50 is a hard thing to do if you're in different countries. And you deserve every cent of child support you can get.

 

And as for the OMs wife, just leave it. It's not your business, and telling the spouse usually doesn't bring you anything but trouble. You need to focus on your situation, and people usually get what they deserve regardless.

Edited October 22, 2013 by Criticality