Should I Get Back If She Was a Total Slut?

[Criticality]

So you can say I'm shallow, because I proved it. Or, you could say the opposite, because I was attracted to her for her, and not her hotness, when virtually nobody else was.

 

And I guess both would be true.

But at least you admit it, which is more than most people would.

 

After giving it some thought, you know something OP? Yes, I think you should go for it, if the opportunity should ever present itself. There's no great psychological reason for it, no emotional trauma it'll help anyone move past.

 

You should go for it because you're apparently one of the few people who actually walks the talk about "true beauty coming from the inside" and all that. So you deserve a prize. That, and well it sounds like you're a tad bit dissatisfied with the fairness in the scenario as you presented it. You need to set that straight.

[lollipopspot]

All the guys who showed interest in her did it *after* she was almost-normal or normal sized. The guy she's with now met her at normal. So yeah, she could harbor some resentment against me because I didn't "accept her as she was," and I pay the price for that, while all the other guys, including the current one, get a free pass despite the fact they probably wouldn't have touched her with a 10-foot-pole at her heaviest.

 

So you can say I'm shallow, because I proved it. Or, you could say the opposite, because I was attracted to her for her, and not her hotness, when virtually nobody else was.

 

lol "a free pass"...that they didn't have to suffer with a fatty. Look, you don't know if those guys would have liked her if she was heavier or not. You don't know if her new situation is just because her "hotness" increased, or because she has a lot more self-confidence now. Probably some combination of the two.

 

Regardless, I don't think she's the lady for you (among other things because you called her a slut). Once people have been fatter, it's can be very hard to keep the weight off permanently. It can and is done, but she could easily go back to being heavier. What then? Anyone can get heavier...especially after age 40 or having kids. If you're very concerned about fat, then you might better try to find someone who is naturally thin and is really into fitness. I'm actually serious about this. Sure people have preferences, but weight seems to be something that might be a very strong preference for you.

[antonio1149]

And I guess both would be true.

But at least you admit it, which is more than most people would.

 

After giving it some thought, you know something OP? Yes, I think you should go for it, if the opportunity should ever present itself. There's no great psychological reason for it, no emotional trauma it'll help anyone move past.

 

You should go for it because you're apparently one of the few people who actually walks the talk about "true beauty coming from the inside" and all that. So you deserve a prize. That, and well it sounds like you're a tad bit dissatisfied with the fairness in the scenario as you presented it. You need to set that straight.

 

Thanks for your support. I'm not looking to make it happen, or expecting it to, though. Que sera sera ...

[lollipopspot]

Or maybe if you find someone heavier, learn to be a really good cheerleader and example for them getting fit. It's always easier to do it with someone else

[antonio1149]

lol "a free pass"...that they didn't have to suffer with a fatty.

 

You misunderstood what I meant. Let me try to explain with an example.

 

Susie meets Bob. Susie is obese, but is cute and charming and Bob falls for her despite not being as physically attracted as he'd like to be. Susie loses some weight, but the chemistry never quite gets there, there are contributing personality factors, and they part ways.

 

Susie then meets Jim. Jim is a nice guy, but like most guys he would never give a really fat chick the time of day and in fact won't date anyone who isn't slim and fit. By the time they meet, Susie meets these criteria so Jim pursues her. Susie falls for Jim, because he's so nice and finds her so desirable. She continues to resent Bob, who dated her when she was obese, while ignoring or not having to face the fact that Jim would've looked at her with disgust at that point in her life. Of course, Jim can always say "honey, I would've loved you even when you were fat," and he gets a free pass because he doesn't have to demonstrate it. Kind of like if Donald Trump's wives told him they'd love him even if he was poor.

 

Do you understand now?

 

Look, you don't know if those guys would have liked her if she was heavier or not. You don't know if her new situation is just because her "hotness" increased, or because she has a lot more self-confidence now. Probably some combination of the two.

She went all through college with no dates, and never getting hit on. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of guys did not find her very attractive.

 

Regardless, I don't think she's the lady for you (among other things because you called her a slut).

I did say WAS a total slut. She very likely isn't one now, and may never act that way again.

 

Once people have been fatter, it's can be very hard to keep the weight off permanently. It can and is done, but she could easily go back to being heavier. What then? Anyone can get heavier...especially after age 40 or having kids. If you're very concerned about fat, then you might better try to find someone who is naturally thin and is really into fitness. I'm actually serious about this. Sure people have preferences, but weight seems to be something that might be a very strong preference for you.

As it is, again, for the vast majority of guys. But you're right--it's a risk. With anyone, really. I'm not sure what's more of risk--a woman who has been heavy but drastically changed her lifestyle to be health-conscious, or someone who has never had to face that and may not prove up to the challenge when faced with it.

[antonio1149]

Or maybe if you find someone heavier, learn to be a really good cheerleader and example for them getting fit. It's always easier to do it with someone else

 

That's what I did. I wouldn't have pushed if she didn't really want it for herself. And it worked--she lost 100 lbs., or more. Unfortunately, someone else is benefiting from my patience and cheerleading.

 

Don't think I would go down this road again, though.

[Outsider77]

OMG, She lost 100 lbs?! Well of course that's why she's sleeping around. Now she actually feels wanted and she's living it up.

[antonio1149]

OMG, She lost 100 lbs?! Well of course that's why she's sleeping around. Now she actually feels wanted and she's living it up.

 

Well, she's not doing it now, she's been in a steady relationship for a while. As I explained in the original post, I cut her slack for having a "sow your wild oats" phase.

 

More concerning to me was the apparent lack of sensitivity and bad judgment in how she went about it. She was regularly hooking up with a coworker who was cheating on his live-in girlfriend, and it didn't seem to bother her. At one point, she was sleeping with two guys who didn't know about each other. The first guy was crazy about her, but she was hoping something would develop with the second guy. It didn't, and the first guy hung in there and won her over and that's who she's with now. They seem happy, which makes me a little jealous. But I also think the guy would've had his heart broken if her first choice had shown more interest in her. He dodged a bullet, in my opinion.

Edited October 23, 2013 by antonio1149