"Bunny boiler" MM

[TheOW]

I am sick of hearing how the "OW" is always a bunny boiler and yes I say always because in 90% cases on loveshack they appear to be "by the BS of course, cough". It's really starting to annoy me now.

 

My question is has anyone ever had a bit of a bunny boiling MM or BS for that matter ? My xMM wasn't overly BB but there were times when he emotionally manipulated me wether he knew he was doing it or not, for instance I would say I'm out for the weekend and he would be like "oh right I was hoping for some time with you this weekend as I can get out for a few hours" he could of told me that during the week but chose to say it on the evening I went out. Then he would text all night and if I didn't reply quick enough it would be "sorry you must be having a great night I will leave you alone since you seem to be busy" he would also be off with me for a few days and hit me with "sorry I haven't text "we" (him and his wife) have been out for dinner or they have been at cinema. Was always the same after I had a night out!

 

Then there is his wife after we got caught, always outside my house always knew where I seemed to be, late night calls with no-one on other end, she is always there ! Went out to our local a few weekends ago and all she done all night was stare at me then smile ?? Yes yes I know I am to blame for this and I do feel awful for what I have put her through but she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him so let me go.

Edited October 22, 2013 by TheOW

[Got it]

I am sick of hearing how the "OW" is always a bunny boiler and yes I say always because in 90% cases on loveshack they appear to be "by the BS of course, cough". It's really starting to annoy me now.

 

My question is has anyone ever had a bit of a bunny boiling MM or BS for that matter ? My xMM wasn't overly BB but there were times when he emotionally manipulated me wether he knew he was doing it or not, for instance I would say I'm out for the weekend and he would be like "oh right I was hoping for some time with you this weekend as I can get out for a few hours" he could of told me that during the week but chose to say it on the evening I went out. Then he would text all night and if I didn't reply quick enough it would be "sorry you must be having a great night I will leave you alone since you seem to be busy" he would also be off with me for a few days and hit me with "sorry I haven't text "we" (him and his wife) have been out for dinner or they have been at cinema. Was always the same after I had a night out!

 

Then there is his wife after we got caught, always outside my house always knew where I seemed to be, late night calls with no-one on other end, she is always there ! Went out to our local a few weekends ago and all she done all night was stare at me then smile ?? Yes yes I know I am to blame for this and I do feel awful for what I have put her through but she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him so let me go.

 

If someone is stalking you, file a restraining order. Outside of that just ignore.

 

In regards to BB MMs , while I didn't experience it directly I have definitely heard stories from others of MMs who flip their lids when the OW ends things. Not being the one to call the shots causes some to be very irrational. Poor pumpkin.

[cocorico]

My question is has anyone ever had a bit of a bunny boiling MM or BS for that matter ?

 

Oh yes, I had a bunny boiling BS.... Having refused to believe him when he told her, she was forced to confront the reality of my existence when she saw me living with him. And then she decided to investigate, by stealing house keys from the kids and sneaking into our house, and finding a great source of interest in my underwear drawer, my toiletries, my files, etc. She stalks me on social media, although IRL if she finds herself in the same venue as us she makes a huge scene of leaving. She still does drive-byes, although we live in the country, miles away from anywhere she might possibly want or need to go, and the amount of petty theft and general nuisance that happens when we go away still continues although they've been D for half a decade.

[underwater2010]

I am sick of hearing how the "OW" is always a bunny boiler and yes I say always because in 90% cases on loveshack they appear to be "by the BS of course, cough". It's really starting to annoy me now.

 

My question is has anyone ever had a bit of a bunny boiling MM or BS for that matter ? My xMM wasn't overly BB but there were times when he emotionally manipulated me wether he knew he was doing it or not, for instance I would say I'm out for the weekend and he would be like "oh right I was hoping for some time with you this weekend as I can get out for a few hours" he could of told me that during the week but chose to say it on the evening I went out. Then he would text all night and if I didn't reply quick enough it would be "sorry you must be having a great night I will leave you alone since you seem to be busy" he would also be off with me for a few days and hit me with "sorry I haven't text "we" (him and his wife) have been out for dinner or they have been at cinema. Was always the same after I had a night out!

 

Then there is his wife after we got caught, always outside my house always knew where I seemed to be, late night calls with no-one on other end, she is always there ! Went out to our local a few weekends ago and all she done all night was stare at me then smile ?? Yes yes I know I am to blame for this and I do feel awful for what I have put her through but she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him so let me go.

Sounds more like your exMM was trying to get your attention not a bunny boiler.

 

Now his BW might be a little different story. I can tell you that confronting her in person was a thought that crossed my mind many times after Dday. I was just smart enough to realize I probably would have kicked the crap out of her.

 

But these are the issues that arise when people cheat. You cannot expect to everyone to be able to turn the other cheek. Hell after hearing stories of people being assaulted and killed over affairs, I cannot understand why anyone would want to go down that path.

[2sure]

As BS, I was off the rails for a bit. My X had several OW so I really couldnt have an issue with them personally. There was only one that knew me, knew us in "real life" ...and she definitely got more consequences than she bargained for...but that was more to do with her behavior to me than the affair with my husband.

 

In hindsight, I was not myself. Everything seemed...magnified. The violation of my personal life was a huge deal to me. I felt defensive and I sort of thought...well, if someone is willing to take the risk of having an affair with someones else husband, a stranger in fact...then having a crazy BS show up is something you were willing to risk.

 

And , its true. Im not saying its right or even deserving, but its certainly part of the risk. I was basically having a nervous breakdown.

[2sure]

In many parts of the world affairs end in bloody confrontations.

 

I would think an upset betrayed person is more understandable than an upset OW or OM.

 

Im sure its more understandable. But lets face it, some people are just squirrelly to begin with and they could be either BS or OW. I think in some affairs the OW has been lied to and manipulated so much that in the end, she might be entitled to her own nervous breakdown as well!

 

And for BS - even not those that are prone to "bunny boiler behavior" (BBB?) many pretty much make it a hobby to find out as much about OW as they can, to the point of habit if not obsession. I think its a strange phenomena that can happen by surprise , even to someone knows who its not healthy, isnt "like that", etc.

 

Affairs bring out the crazy. If you were already dicey going in...

[AlwaysGrowing]

I am sick of hearing how the "OW" is always a bunny boiler and yes I say always because in 90% cases on loveshack they appear to be "by the BS of course, cough". It's really starting to annoy me now.

 

My question is has anyone ever had a bit of a bunny boiling MM or BS for that matter ? My xMM wasn't overly BB but there were times when he emotionally manipulated me wether he knew he was doing it or not, for instance I would say I'm out for the weekend and he would be like "oh right I was hoping for some time with you this weekend as I can get out for a few hours" he could of told me that during the week but chose to say it on the evening I went out. Then he would text all night and if I didn't reply quick enough it would be "sorry you must be having a great night I will leave you alone since you seem to be busy" he would also be off with me for a few days and hit me with "sorry I haven't text "we" (him and his wife) have been out for dinner or they have been at cinema. Was always the same after I had a night out!

 

Then there is his wife after we got caught, always outside my house always knew where I seemed to be, late night calls with no-one on other end, she is always there ! Went out to our local a few weekends ago and all she done all night was stare at me then smile ?? Yes yes I know I am to blame for this and I do feel awful for what I have put her through but she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him so let me go.

 

 

She might have forgiven (who knows) her husband. However, she might never forgive you. They are separate issues.

 

If one chooses to engage in the reality mindf&*k of another, hurt their children, cause them to lose their home, finances, etc....you have to accept that you signed up for a lifetime subscription of I BETTER KEEP MY EYE ON YOU monthly.

 

That is not to say, that one should accept vandalism, or threats.

 

On a side, if you feel that you are not a BB, or that 90%(?) of those BS are wrong, why does it bother you so much?

 

Why would someone elses truth diminish yours?

Edited October 22, 2013 by AlwaysGrowing

[The Way I Am]

Personally, I hate the term "bunny boiler" applied to anyone.

 

When I was in college, I spoke to the school counselor about general men issues. She told me that in her opinion, the worst thing for human relationships was the movie Fatal Attraction, because it put the idea into men's heads that women are like that. Very few women actually that mentally unstable.

 

The same can probably apply to MM, MW, BS, OW, OM, or whatever.

 

If you find yourself in a situation with someone you consider to be a "bunny boiler", stop and consider whether there's a more respectful, more human, more empathetic way you could be treating them. Changing the way you're treating them might just result in a more rational response from the other party.

[TheOW]

I was sick of hearing it from BS all the time on here how their MM OW was a bunny boiler and thought it would be a good subject to hear from OW who have had troubles with MM or BS

 

I know the bs in my case has every right to hate me but as I said she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him therefor leave me the hell alone, stop looking at me, stop being everywhere I am, stop sending me fake fb friends requests. It's nearly been a year now they made their choice to stay together, I've had to move on from it, I lost my husband going thru a bitter divorce right now, his family hates me the town is still wary of me, yes yes I brought it on myself but them 2 walk around like wounded rabbits and I'm the big bad wolf. It wasn't all my fault and if she dares confronts me about it in public again especially while my children and family are around she will be sorry because this gal has had enough.

Edited October 23, 2013 by TheOW

[underwater2010]

I was sick of hearing it from BS all the time on here how their MM OW was a bunny boiler and thought it would be a good subject to hear from OW who have had troubles with MM or BS

 

I know the bs in my case has every right to hate me but as I said she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him therefor leave me the hell alone, stop looking at me, stop being everywhere I am, stop sending me fake fb friends requests. It's nearly been a year now they made their choice to stay together, I've had to move on from it, I lost my husband going thru a bitter divorce right now, his family hates me the town is still wary of me, yes yes I brought it on myself but them 2 walk around like wounded rabbits and I'm the big bad wolf. It wasn't all my fault and if she dares confronts me about it in public again especially while my children and family are around she will be sorry because this gal has had enough.

I know this is a little of topic, but did you ever talk with MOM's BW?

[MissBee]

I am sick of hearing how the "OW" is always a bunny boiler and yes I say always because in 90% cases on loveshack they appear to be "by the BS of course, cough". It's really starting to annoy me now.

 

My question is has anyone ever had a bit of a bunny boiling MM or BS for that matter ? My xMM wasn't overly BB but there were times when he emotionally manipulated me wether he knew he was doing it or not, for instance I would say I'm out for the weekend and he would be like "oh right I was hoping for some time with you this weekend as I can get out for a few hours" he could of told me that during the week but chose to say it on the evening I went out. Then he would text all night and if I didn't reply quick enough it would be "sorry you must be having a great night I will leave you alone since you seem to be busy" he would also be off with me for a few days and hit me with "sorry I haven't text "we" (him and his wife) have been out for dinner or they have been at cinema. Was always the same after I had a night out!

 

Then there is his wife after we got caught, always outside my house always knew where I seemed to be, late night calls with no-one on other end, she is always there ! Went out to our local a few weekends ago and all she done all night was stare at me then smile ?? Yes yes I know I am to blame for this and I do feel awful for what I have put her through but she chose to stay with him she chose to forgive him so let me go.

 

The bunny boiling reference comes from a movie, Fatal Attraction, where the jealous mistress boils a rabbit, so I guess it is used specifically to refer to jealous mistresses and crazy actions they may perform. MM may be crazy,possessive or jealous, even BSs, but based on where the phrase comes from it won't apply to them in the same way, as its specifically about jealous/obsessed/crazy OW. So technically a MM can't be a bunny-boiler based on what bunny boiler means.

[William]

So technically a MM can't be a bunny-boiler based on what bunny boiler means.

Thanks for that clarification and a review of the thread finds few postings about MM, rather more characterizations of, and arguments between, AP's and BS's, hence we'll close this up. Thanks!