Dh is chatting w/ woman on the Internet again!

[StillHurtin]

Ds told me that H was “flirting” w/ woman last night playing Yahoo Pool. I don’t think dh was flirting, but I still don’t like him chatting w/ women on the Internet. Several years ago he “met” a woman online also in the Yahoo Pool room. He would be up playing and chatting w/ her until 1:00 am. One night she messaged me thinking it was him. When I told her it wasn’t him, but his wife, she apologized and said she didn’t know he was married. I don’t know what all was said in their conversations but I didn’t like it and I told her that she needs to stop emailing or IM’ing him.

 

My question is, do you think it is wrong that dh is chatting w/ woman while he plays games? I have a feeling if I was chatting w/ some guy he would get upset and I don’t feel that is fair b/c he does it and finds nothing wrong w/ it.

 

If being upset that he is chatting w/ OW is fair then what can I say to him to make him realize it’s not right. He had an A w/ a co-worker during our separation and it hurts and upsets me that he is chatting w/ these women. Shortly after we got back 2gether I noticed in his trash box an email to OW he also met online playing games. She had sent him a picture that was attached on an email to him. She was a young, attractive 20 something (dh is 37) yo woman. I was VERY upset. In one of his emails it said "Hi babe, can't wait to chat w/ you again at pool." ERRR! Who the he!! does he think he is? I took him back after his A and here he is contacting another woman! I should of told him F off and left his a$$ right there but I didn't.

 

I went and looked at his history and he had four woman's profiles he went to last night alone! I am so mad I don't even know if I want to talk to him about this. Even though I maybe a few pounds over weight I am still attractive and I know other men find me attractive so why does he have to go to these other women?

[indigo_moon]

He has a confirmed history of having an affair - with a women he met online, no less.

 

You've found evidence (in computer's history) that he's been viewing profiles of 4 women recently.

 

The incident with the woman who didn't know you were in the picture.

 

DITCH HIM. He obviously has issues and can't be trusted. One affair is enough.......some people can learn from their mistakes and the relationship grows stronger but you've got clear objective evidence that he's up to his old tricks. Life is short, don't settle for this kind of disrespect and dishonesty.

 

Also, why doesn't he grow up and give up the stupid computer games........time spent playing pool with other women could be time spend doing something constructive........like spending time with YOU, around the house, with kids (his or yours, if you have them), etc.

 

I see no point in confronting him about this, you'll only get some lame story about how he's innocent and he'll twist it around and accuse YOU of having issues (with trust, etc)............don't even go there. Boot his ass out. History is repeating itself. He's not going to change.

[startingover1028]

If he didn't have the history, then I'd say leave it alone for now, but his history should tell you where this could be heading. Given that, I think you have a right to expect him to stop, if you ask him. If he refuses or agrees and you discover that he lied... THEN kick him to the curb....

[Ladyjane14]

Hmmmmm.....Maybe it's time to consider discontinuing the internet service in your household for awhile. I've been mulling over that one from time to time myself.

 

I'm thinking that if internet usage becomes a deal-breaker....well what do you have to lose by giving it up for a month or two?

 

It's the holiday season, how about games that are NOT interactive?

[Patiently waiting]

It appears obvious that he is not going to discontinue his behavior permanantly because this is "who he is" you have forgiven him in the past and he figures you will forgive him again. He knows you love him and he is taking advantage of that to his benefit. It is a very sad reality but he is going to remain this way forever, whether he is with you or someone else. I have a friend who chooses to stay with her husband despite his continual affairs. She is misreable, but she stays because she is afraid to be alone. She would rather be with a lying, cheating piece of s---! I can't believe she would think that low of herself, but she must.

 

My MM has not contacted me in 2 days after a "discussion" we had the other night, I left a somewhat "suggestive" message on his voice mail last night, even talked about getting together with his wife. (I was a little bit "excited" at the time....), but still no call and I am glad because I know it was a big mistake to contact him. We did not agree to NC, he just started doing it. Today, I looked at his e-mail acct. (he knows I have the password). He has joined adult friend finders!!!!! His poor wife......I hope she kicks his ass out and he winds up ALONE !!!!

 

These men will never change.......

[StillHurtin]

I was so ticked last night about finding the womens' profiles that I let him have it. I told him I didn't care if he wants to play yahoo pool but he doesn't need to chatting w/ these other women. He sees nothing wrong w/ it and even got defensive about it. I have, in the past, met one guy online and we exchanged emails. I was not attracted to him, he was just an interesting person to talk to b/c he was from another country. Dh didn't like it so I stopped contact w/ him. I did chat a lot w/ men when I was seperated b/c I thought the marriage was over so why not have a little fun chatting w/ guys? I stopped doing that when we got back 2gether. Once in awhile some guy will IM me. I tell them I cannot chat b/c I am married and they respect that, well most of them do. Why doesn't he have these feelings? I don't think he has any guilty concience (Sp). He doesn't care that he is chatting w/ women. He told me there is nothing wrong. He says he isn't flirting w/ them. I know when I was chatting I did look at every profile to put a face w/ the person but I can't help to think he goes to look to see how attractive they are. I am not as thin as I use to be, I am not as sexy as I use to be, but HE isn't either. He has gained weight like I have and he isn't as sexy as when we met either but I don't care. I don't feel I have to go find attractive men on the internet to chat w/ b/c they have a better body. If he wont stop chatting w/ women then I am going to chat w/ guys. Two wrongs do not make a right, I realize that, but what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I bet he will become extremely pissed when I start chatting w/ men. Ok for him but not for me? That is total BS if he thinks that! I just don't know how this marriage can survive. I find it so hard to trust him. And to have him doing this behind my back, how is that suppose to help earn my trust back?

[Owl]

Still-

 

Have you told him how much this is breaking down that trust he's trying to rebuild? I can completely understand how you feel here...and I've had some of the same doubts with my wife after what we've gone through as well. She too plays Pogo occasionally, and prior to her online affair she spent a lot of time there, and I was uncomfortable with how close she was getting to some of the guys on Pogo as well as in the MMORPG that we play together.

 

She's had to work to change her chatting habits as well. She never understood the need for limits or boundaries on what she should chat with other guys about (not exactly sex, but anything intimate...feelings, hopes, dreams, etc...). That's a large part of what set us up for failure...and it sounds to me like your husband has the same kind of issues.

 

I don't know if you are in counseling or not, but I'd suggest that you and your husband should talk this over with someone who can help him to understand how dangerous crossing those limits can be.

 

Good luck, and hang in there!!