Do Not Tell the W

[goodyblue]

Truth isn't cruelty, but magical thinking is stupidity.

 

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[SoftViolin]

You know, chances are that he is continuing the same behavior - cheating even on this new woman in his life. Who knows how many OWs and OOWs he has now. You shouldn't be mourning the loss of this man you thought you'd one day marry, but rather realize you may have dodged a bullet of going from an OW to a BS.

 

His behavior - both telling you that something you did made him fall out of love with you, as well as cheating on you AND his wife with another woman, tells what kind of man he is. He is a small small man that you had a misfortune to fall in love with. We all make mistakes, and a lot of us here on this forum have made those mistakes. Please forgive yourself for getting involved with a MM, and for spending years waiting for him to leave his W, and for closing your eyes on all those red flags that told you to move on during those years. You may have dozens more reasons that you need to forgive yourself for, but doing or saying something that eventually "broke" your relationship with this MM is not one of them. He broke it all on his own, like he broke his M, and like he will break any future R he will have. People like this don't change. But don't let his ghost stop you from getting the happiness you deserve in life. Best of luck to you!

[goodyblue]

Truth isn't cruelty, but magical thinking is stupidity.

 

There is a way to say things without being cruel. You could have made your point without it being a personal attack. When someone comes here, is OUT of the affair and is asking for support, CRUEL responses to the OP are not one bit helpful. You were not trying to help, but to assert your agenda. Have a good day.

[whichwayisup]

The cliche, since you two didn't end up together - You're better off and it means there's someone else even better waiting in the wings when timing is right for you. I know it won't help but believe that's true.

 

STOP beating up on yourself. You two weren't a match for life. You two served a purpose together for a while, it didn't work out and it hurts... Don't let this get you down. Beating up on you and putting yourself down is doing harm and is pointless unless you enjoy suffering and making yourself feel worse.

 

Cry it out, give yourself a certain amount of time to feel down, then pick yourself up and be GLAD you're not with someone who isn't putting you first. Be GLAD that you're free of it all and let go. Enjoy being single. Reconnect with your women friends, your family and try new hobbies..Live life.

 

Stop lurking their facebook or other social media. They've all moved on and you need to as well. Lurking their pages just keeps you in that sad and blah mindset.

[still_an_Angel]

Time to move on and let this one go, nothing is going to make it better for you to keep tabs on him and his new gf, just more pain. You deserve better and you know it.

 

 

((hugs)) Angel

[bathtub-row]

A good rule of thumb is whenever you give someone an ultimatum or threaten them, it's pretty much all bets off at that point and you should be prepared for the consequences. No MM in the world is going to feel warm and fuzzy toward someone who's about to wreak havoc on their lives. Granted, he left himself open to that, but he saw your threat as a betrayal of trust.

 

Having said all that, I still don't think you learned anything because you continued to be little Miss Understanding by remaining his friend when you knew he was with someone else, which you did against your better judgement because it made you feel like the OW yet again. There's no way on earth I would've stayed friends with someone under those circumstances. You should probably watch, or re-watch, the movie The Holiday because I think you're a lot like Kate Winslet's character who continued to be a doormat to a man who cheated on her. It wasn't until she finally saw him for who he was that she woke up.

 

It's time to dust yourself off, decide that this relationship just wasn't meant to be, and get out of this cyclical way of thinking. It's done and it's time to learn from it and move on. You have over-idealized this relationship and it's time to acknowledge that. Only then will you be able to find the right guy for you; one that doesn't put you in a position of feeling second (or third) best.

[Goodbye]

I remember your story last fall.

 

 

First, I'm sorry you are still struggling emotionally. These things are hard to get over, but well worth the effort to move on.

 

 

You need to stop feeling "envy" for OW who are "patient" enough to wait for their mm to leave his W "on his terms." Its all just more 2-way deception. I believe his "lack of trust" due to your threats is simply an excuse to allow him to exit. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he used you to figure out if he wanted to be married or not...when he figured out he didn't, he went and looked for wife #2, never considering you to be the part. And for all you know, wife #2 threatened to "tell on him" too...it is SO common for OW to do this...I did. I was desperate...it is a desperate situation and it is natural to be angry at times. I'd say that MOST OW don't patiently wait around as their own years pass on...they apply some pressure. Its called self-preservation. You are in this relationship that shouldn't be and you feel trapped...backed into a corner. He is ridiculous if he can't see that is what is going on.

 

 

As others have said...you dodged a big old bullet. What a prince he is getting out of his marriage on his terms after having fun with you, now being buddies with the exW all the while have a new chickie to proudly display and I'm sure he some how takes pleasure in knowing he has a little piece of you in his pocket. GET OUT OF HIS POCKET. Heal yourself, find someone single...try to never look back.

[Blueskysandybeach]

He fell out of love with you for telling the truth.

 

Right there! That's crazy in itself.