no contact for a wk but still obessing over his whatapps last online

[chir]

As fate have it... I went partying with E. Was having fun, flirting... then I was drunk..as in really drunk and head spinning. He took care of me and in the end we end up in a hotel room.

 

And I was like.. okay.. there goes..just do it..he is not going hurt you.

And the truth is I missed the intimacy. .having someone arms around me..and yes the sex ..

 

So we kissed n kissed n kissed and nothing else..

Then he told me he is a virgin and intend to keep it this way.

He likes me because he is like a fan.. ( okay we work together and I just join this company)

So this kissing and hugging is enough for him.

I know he is in a on off long distance relationship. .and he still didnt do it with her..

 

He said he wanted to save it for marriage because he knows sex makes

The girl really attached to him and he didnt know if he can handle it.

 

On one hand I think he js really mature. But on the other. It is just so

Frustrating.!!!!! There I am ready to have a fling and its just so dramatic! !!!

 

 

In any case, we did have a fun night..laughing kissing and teasing about how he is the

Last person I will believe is a virgin.

 

The thing is I been thinking about him way too much after this incident.

I dont know why..it might be this is a first for me.. I mean I will have man wanting me if I want t

[chir]

Men wanting me if I just want meaningless sex.. and there I am with a guy who I thought is a player, whom I finally think to have a fling with for distraction for intimacy and yet this dramatic ending..

 

One thing I learnt and seems easier to execute is, to no contact, let go and steer clear

If someone hurts you or basically make you feel bad and confused.

 

So on mon (tat incident happened on fri night, we had an event on sat and we are okay and not awkward at all, sunday we are still texting some nonsense and teasing each other) when he came by to say hi.. I am just in this foul mood due to lack of sleep, because

I am thinking about him!!! And I didnt even have special feelings for him!! Is just so frustrating. So I just tell him I am in a bad mood and to get out.

 

Which he did. And he didn't try to make contact since.

I didnt too..I just treat him as invisible.

 

Now.. I do feel empower now in the sense that when I see a toxic or bad relationship goig now where..I do know when to say STOP n I GO.

 

On the other hand.. it seems like the distraction I am rely on

To fun and getting over him ..seems to be gone..

 

I feel less confidence again.. actually very... and I am thinking

Is always the wrong guy... even if I only want a fling... I am so going to be alone lonely

And never in love again!!!!!!!

 

Is just so frustrating and sad..I feel the joke is on me..

[Zahara]

I think you should stay clear of men. It isn't the right time to confuse yourself even more and potentially open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt especially when you haven't touched the surface of at least healing some from the MM. Flings can get messy especially when you are feeling vulnerable. You may think you can handle it but most times, you will only open yourself up to other problems.

 

Yes, you miss the intimacy and closeness of being with a man but not at the expense of causing yourself to feel even more demoralized.

 

Focus on healing. Rebuilding yourself emotionally. Find some positive activities you love doing. Try a meditation class. Exercise. Go out and make friends. Do something that doesn't entail the possibility of your heart being on the line but on you getting emotionally stronger and healthy.

 

Finding a man to help you distract from your MM won't help you. You have to do it yourself.

[chir]

Thank you for taking time to reply. It mean alot and you are right.

[chir]

Is my birthday yesterday.. and he didnt even wish me happy birthday. .

He just updated his status in whatapps that 'May you have a good day..with God and hope you sense he is by my side and loves me v much'

 

To me this is breadcrumbs. .even a real happy birthday msg will be breadcrumbs

and he didnt even send it.. I thought he will at least send me his wishes..

 

And anyway. .. maybe is good. .. is hard to face the truth..but I do want

To see the truth. . It did hurt but I am walking through it.. the temptations to

Msg him was great just now..but I succeed and did not.. a pat on my own shoulder.

 

It hurt I admit it.. but I will face it and will not return.

[Zahara]

Happy belated birthday, chir! I hope you used the day to pamper yourself.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. Maybe it would be a good time for you to delete the whatsapp, at least until you heal. NC isn't NC if you are still keeping connected to him. NC is supposed to help you stay in the dark when it comes to him. The less you know, the sooner you heal. If you keep messing your emotional state this way, you'll only hinder your progress. Two steps forward, one step back.

 

Think about it. If you truly want to heal, you need to cut him out completely from your life.

[chir]

Hi..is been awhile since I posted.

I am going through an divorce now. I am over the mm now. Still hurts but is buried most of the time.

There is a younger man in my life now. 5 years younger.

Very giving, adores me but didnt want to be in a relationship. Just want to be there for me.

He is not in this for sex at all.He makes me laugh, never say no to me. And just simply adores me. Yet didnt want a relationship because he said he is not ready.

 

I am kind of attached to him as the days go by. I know I should not be involved emotionally at this stage. I have too much on my plate

.however It feel so good to be loved n adored.

 

Should I just cut contact or just enjoy the support and love.

 

I need advice and maybe some harsh scolding.

[Zahara]

It's your choice, chir.

 

If you are getting attached, I would say to cut contact. You can revisit being friends, after you've settled your divorce, had some time to be on your own and gain some emotional strength and stability. You just let an MM go, you're now divorcing. The last thing you need to do is get attached to another person, especially one that can't give you what you want or may possibly want.

 

Getting attached to someone that isn't on the same page as you especially during a time when you are vulnerable is a bad idea.

 

If you can keep strong boundaries and keep him as a friend and keep your attachment platonic, then fine. But if you depend on him to feel loved and adored, at some point this could possibly hurt you.