How do I work out why nobody wants to date me? Is it because of my appearance?

[Alonso14]

I've approached hundreds of women and messaged nearly one thousand on dating sites but haven't gotten anywhere. I'm not heavily out of shape or very poorly groomed, just have a bit of an ugly face.

 

The only time I have managed to get women to agree to meet me is if I use somebody else's picture on an online dating account. This led me to believe that my appearance is the problem. However whenever I suggest this to another person they tell me I look fine and that isn't why, they usually claim things like 'you need to be more confident' or 'you need to put yourself out there'. Sometimes they say they don't know why I can't get a date.

 

Is it possible that it could be my looks? Is there anyway to find out for sure?

 

I'm reticent to post a picture on here as when I did that elsewhere people told me that I look fine but I was just convinced they were just saying it because they felt its what I needed to hear.

[TB Rhine]

Sadly, online dating is even more superficial than it is in "real life," because the first thing a prospective date looks at is your pic, and if they don't like what they see, they're moving on. I'd encourage you to focus on meeting women in the real world, where your personality, good grooming, and any other advantages you have can get a chance to shine.

 

Think of the first thing a person sees when they meet you, and then think about whether that thing happens to be a strength or not. If you dress well and make a goodly amount of money, focus on meeting women at pricey bars and lounges, where they get a chance to appreciate your grooming, financial stability, and fine taste in liquor as part of their first impression. If you're a geek, go to plenty of cons and cosplay events and dress up like the thing that would be the perfect counterpoint to the thing your ideal girl would dress up as.

 

On a dating profile, the first thing a woman sees is your smiling mug, and if it ain't up to snuff, you never even get in the door, because she never gets a chance to learn anything interesting about you.

[gaius]

It's not just about your looks, but the energy you put out. Which can easily come across in pictures. Sometimes a guy will post a pic and you can just tell he doesn't have a shot even though he isn't that bad looking.

[pteromom]

Do you have a sample of a message you wrote to a woman? Maybe that will offer a clue.

 

Online dating is tough for men - you have to be willing to take a LOT of rejections and keep looking for that right woman you connect with.

 

You have to remember that women are BOMBARDED with messages, and most of them are the same old, same old. "Hey how are you" (boring, non-remarkable) "Here's a photo of my penis" (only wants sex), or "I have a list of extremely high standards. Write me back and I'll determine whether you have potential to meet them."

 

What about in real life? Do you ever ask women out in person? If so, what happens there?

[jwizzle]

@Alonso - I doubt you are ugly. Even if you were, then rest assured that ugly people find love too. Just go to WalMart on a crowded Saturday afternoon and you will be baffled at all the people that have found love. I see all sorts of people who have found love - tall, short, thin, fat, ugly, pretty, etc.

 

When I am down on myself, I watch Maury Povich or go to Walmart. There is always someone worse off than you'll ever be.

[jwizzle]

Sadly, online dating is even more superficial than it is in "real life," because the first thing a prospective date looks at is your pic, and if they don't like what they see, they're moving on. I'd encourage you to focus on meeting women in the real world, where your personality, good grooming, and any other advantages you have can get a chance to shine.

 

EXACTLY!!!! I quit online dating years ago because it was so superficial and caused more drama than meeting people in person. They know how I look and act and I know how they look and act

 

I miss the good old days when everyone met in person, made phone calls etc. Social networking has changed the dynamics.

Edited October 22, 2013 by jwizzle

[crederer]

OLD is definately superficial. That's why I don't do it. I've had some success with it but the shallow people I end up meeting is not working for me.

 

I would recommend meeting people in person. Now if you've been rejected hundreds of times in person, you're doing something wrong. No one bats 1.000 but if you literally went for hundreds in person, someone by now would have gone for you unless you're doing something wrong.

 

What that is, i don't know because I haven't seen you action.

[FitChick]

It's not just about your looks, but the energy you put out. Which can easily come across in pictures. Sometimes a guy will post a pic and you can just tell he doesn't have a shot even though he isn't that bad looking.

Too many men will say they are happy, optimistic, "smiley" people, the glass is always half full not half empty, etc., yet they post photos of themselves looking like they just got out of prison. Not very self-aware.

[Lost561]

I know you are very reluctant to post a photo here but the only way for us to help you is if we are able to see your photo. Another poster mentioned above that you give off a certain vibe depending on how you look in photos so we need to see,

[hppr]

Online dating is very superficial.

 

Really it's all about your pictures and if you can't look good in those then you are sunk. You can send silly messages (like "HI!" and all smiley faces) and get girls on there...if you have a decent pic.

 

As far as real-life looks go most of that is how you groom yourself and how/what you wear. People talk about being unique and all that but really being homogenous is much better. So if you stand out in that regard, with a goofy sense of fashion, then real life will be frustration.

 

Finally HOW you present yourself in "real life" and to WHOM you do it are probably the hardest factors to master if you don't naturally understand relationship dynamics.

[fallenheart]

Stop wasting time on OLD. Women are just as superficial as men, and maybe even more so. They won't bother to reply to a guy that makes an interesting well thought-out message....they only reply to guys they think are the hottest. Men on the other hand WILL slum it with ugly women cause we just wanna get laid, but women have all the power in OLD and they don't have to stoop to that.

Edited October 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tayla]

Some folks just are not photogenic. I've been "charmed" ...and its rarely their full facial features or bodily physique. Mostly humor and intellectual esteem. Ohh and a voice...There is something charming in the tone in which a gent speaks...that makes one swoon

 

Stop focusing on the surface...there is more to deep waters then a shallow creek....Examine yourself from the stance of being well matured....Because some day we are all going to hopefully get there and there dern well better be some redeeming quality that keeps the love alive...Cuz looks will fade ....yet charm...ahhhh that can carry you thru much.

[William]

As the new member has not returned since shortly after this thread was posted, moderation considers this a drive-by and we'll close it up.