pteromom Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 The thing that she posted on here is "I Cheated, I Feel Victimized, My Life is Over" So I think she had something to contribute. She didnt post "I was raped" or "I was assaulted" - I would like her to come by and clear it up. Sexual assault is a serious allegation, its much different from cheating. If she was sexually assualted, she shouldnt have any problem telling her boyfriend Again, you don't understand anything about the psychology of sexual assault. Yes, you end up feeling like you were in the wrong, because you KNOW you should have done something different. You end up feeling shamed. And yes, it is still very difficult to tell people. You feel so weak and ashamed and dirty. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I think the problem is that I agreed to pick this guy up. I should have known not to do that after he had been flirting with me. In my head, I thought it might make things less awkward in my classes and my club if we had a friendly aquaintanceship outside of his initial creepiness. Hindsight is 20/20. Your main lesson to take from this is ALWAYS trust your gut instinct over your desire to be nice to someone or give them the benefit of the doubt. I am sorry this happened to you, and yes, if you could go back and do things differently, I am sure you would. But that doesn't make this your fault. You should report him. He's going to keep doing this to other women if you don't. Maybe you can get some of the other women who have had dealings with him to go to the authorities with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Hindsight is 20/20. Your main lesson to take from this is ALWAYS trust your gut instinct over your desire to be nice to someone or give them the benefit of the doubt. I am sorry this happened to you, and yes, if you could go back and do things differently, I am sure you would. But that doesn't make this your fault. You should report him. He's going to keep doing this to other women if you don't. Maybe you can get some of the other women who have had dealings with him to go to the authorities with you. Why should she report him? What did he do? She kissed him, and her jerked off in her car. then, she STOPPED him from going any further What will she report that he did? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Assasda, last I checked, it's a crime to expose your genitals to people who do not want to see them, especially so in a public place such as a car in a parking lot. Your comments are really disturbing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
damien201 Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) Assasda, last I checked, it's a crime to expose your genitals to people who do not want to see them, especially so in a public place such as a car in a parking lot. Your comments are really disturbing. She never told him to stop jacking off. She stopped him from going further than that. She picked up a guy at night who had previously asked her to have sex, flirted with her, made his intentions clear.... Then he came on to her and she didn't shut it down. (her words) Edited October 24, 2013 by damien201 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Assasda, last I checked, it's a crime to expose your genitals to people who do not want to see them, especially so in a public place such as a car in a parking lot. Your comments are really disturbing. Believe it or not THE WAY I AM. People expose their genitals to other people all the time in the car....and in parking lots. hahahaha I've had sex in a car a few times... I know that maybe disturbing to your sensibilities, but this forum is for grown folks. Keep in mind that she was kissing him before any of this happened. Im sorry that there are so many naive people commenting, but I can see that most people understand where I am coming from now Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Keep in mind that she was kissing him before any of this happened. I think it's ambiguous, at best, whether that was voluntary on her part, but you have chosen your interpretation, and I'm sure you'll stick with it. Im sorry that there are so many naive people commenting, but I can see that most people understand where I am coming from now Ha... I do think I understand where you're coming from - but that's no compliment - and it doesn't mean I agree with your conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I think it's ambiguous, at best, whether that was voluntary on her part, but you have chosen your interpretation, and I'm sure you'll stick with it. Ha... I do think I understand where you're coming from - but that's no compliment - and it doesn't mean I agree with your conclusions. Trimmer, for some reason you seem to be grasping at straws trying to defend some "sexual assault case" in your mind and trying to somehow attack me personally. Maybe you have a personal problem with her story. Which is sad. If you've been sexually assaulted, im truely sorry "Only it turns out that she doesn't owe you an explanation." She gave me an explantion and she didnt mention anything of sexual assault. She could have easily My god - do you actually know any female human beings? She describes what type of female she is in her post. One who usually is assertive. but she chose not to say anything during have relations with this guy. Such childish statements... Now you come back with "ambiguous at best" hahahhaha please... Thats all the response that you'll get out of me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I've refused to respond to this post because I feel that this is complete bull****. I honestly hate to say this, but it seems like she picked this guy up, ****ed his brains out (or oral, or whatever), then was found out. Because she felt so guilty, she's making this bull**** up, posting it on a forum, so that when her boyfriend asks her what the hell she was thinking, she can come back to this forum and put "see, they agree with me".. She has a whole 2 posts, both insinuating that this guy is a sexual predator and has been after everyone in the class? Really..? Well, I don't agree. And what you did was wrong. And if by some miniscule chance this is indeed real and it happened exactly as you say, then you need to ask yourself what the **** were you thinking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) Believe it or not THE WAY I AM. People expose their genitals to other people all the time in the car....and in parking lots. hahahaha I've had sex in a car a few times... I know that maybe disturbing to your sensibilities, but this forum is for grown folks. Believe it or not ASSasda, but that's still a crime. You asked for what he could be reported. Fact is that even if it OP was voluntarily involved, which is she has said she was not, but you choose to believe otherwise, what he did was actually still illegal. Whether you or I think it should be or how many people break that law is irrelevant. But that's beside the point. I was just answering your question about what he had done illegal. That's just a charge a DA could throw in if they wanted. The main crime was exposing his genitals to a person who had made it clear he or she did not want to see them by pushing away the initial advances. I think this thread is a great example of why victims (female and male) have a hard time coming forward when they've been violated or sexually assaulted. It's very sad. Edited October 25, 2013 by The Way I Am 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) Trimmer, for some reason you seem to be grasping at straws trying to defend some "sexual assault case" in your mind No, I haven't asserted that at all. You have been posting certainties, and my counterpoints to your posts have been pointing out ambiguities. I haven't taken a "side", specifically because I believe our understanding of the situation is ambiguous, because it is described in insufficient detail to draw the firm conclusions you seem to be advocating. and trying to somehow attack me personally. You're right, and I apologize. I should only have been attacking your position, the certainty of which is unsupported. Maybe you have a personal problem with her story. Which is sad. If you've been sexually assaulted, im truely sorry Ha, nope. Now who's getting personal, under the guise of sympathy? That's a transparent and disingenuous ploy. She describes what type of female she is in her post. One who usually is assertive. but she chose not to say anything during have relations with this guy. A fine example of an unsupported position: there's nothing in her post indicating that she "had relations" with the guy. You may be inferring that, but that inference is unsupported. Thats all the response that you'll get out of me I'm fine with that, and it's probably best for the thread. I'll match it. Edited October 25, 2013 by Trimmer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dinozzo925 Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Just tell your boyfriend. What's the point of being with him if he isn't actually accepting you, but just the mask you are wearing right now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Believe it or not ASSasda, but that's still a crime. You asked for what he could be reported. Fact is that even if it OP was voluntarily involved, which is she has said she was not, but you choose to believe otherwise, what he did was actually still illegal. Whether you or I think it should be or how many people break that law is irrelevant. But that's beside the point. I was just answering your question about what he had done illegal. That's just a charge a DA could throw in if they wanted. The main crime was exposing his genitals to a person who had made it clear he or she did not want to see them by pushing away the initial advances. I think this thread is a great example of why victims (female and male) have a hard time coming forward when they've been violated or sexually assaulted. It's very sad. Hold on.... I think I missed something. When did she "push" away his initial advances? when? After she kissed him. When did she ever state that?. -Maybe you missed her second post, where she said she made out with him and he did what he jerked off, or something like that. -She was not involved? When did she say she was not involved? -What crime is this? Keep in mind that if this is public indecency, she is guilty as well, because she is participating. -Dont act like you know the law, because you dont. -AGAIN - What will she "report" him for? So trivial and childish, feeding this girl, that knew she done something wrong. Its actually sexist too, thinking "Oh deary, she's such a innocent little girl, she is taken advantage of and doesnt even know what she was doing" Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 I think this thread is a great example of why victims (female and male) have a hard time coming forward when they've been violated or sexually assaulted. It's very sad. And I think this is the most succinct post in this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 This guy sounds disgusting:sick: No decent guy would ever do that to a girl..... NO the op DID NOT deserve this! She DID NOT actively invite him to violate her and act totally inappropriate. However, in future, if you are not comfortable with a man and he seems a little off colour, please do not associate with him. You owe him nothing but to be civil to him, and to avert any drama in case he is actually a psychopath:sick: You really need to wake up, too, OP: guys who are totally in love and crazy about their girlfriends don't go on hook up sites and ask for threesomes with your friends:sick: All in all, this post made me sick:sick: Yeah, I HAD a bf who went on hook up sites. He loved me dearly but was NOT in love with me or he WOULD NOT HAVE GONE ON HOOK UP SITES. I know you wont leave you're bf, u prob think you are both so mature and excellent together, talking things out and all about his hook up websites:sick: Do you really think he would do that to a girl he was truly into and madly in love with? That guy left me and he has not returned. We don't do it for them or they would NOT be on hook up sites to begin with. My ex still loves me and we are very close and always will be so things can be alright for you. I am doing okay since the break up with my ex who did the same thing as your guy has done to you. I advise that you seek help to deal with your sexual assault, as you DID NOT deserve this and you CAN get better. And.. dump your bf. Of course you wont leave him though. Women prefer to hold twist things in their favour so that they can avert facing uncomfortable and unpleasant situations, such as leaving a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Just tell your boyfriend. What's the point of being with him if he isn't actually accepting you, but just the mask you are wearing right now? Like wtf. Her bf WILLINGLY went on a hook up site, made inappropriate friendships with girls and prob emotionally cheated on the OP and SHE is made to feel "bad" for a guy sexually ASSULTING her? Man.... This poor girl was a victim yet she is made to feel scared for telling her boyfriend when something awful happened to her. HE is aloud to go on hook up sites and emotionally cheat online and with close female "friends" and she takes him back, yet SHE is worried HE will leave her for being VIOLATED? This is really I cannot fathom the friends I have who are with men who are totally crazy about them and deeply in love with them, being assaulted sexually and then NOT feeling like their partners would lovingly support them..... The decent guys I know who truly cherish and love their partners would WANT to know about their girl being violated. They would WANT to be able to hug them and comfort them. They would HATE the idea of their girl crying alone about it. IF the OP's bf flips out over it, he is not in love with her, clearly! He prob just likes her as a person and enjoys having a relationship with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I think your OP title is a tad melodramatic. For me, if the car incident went down as you described (though you could be painting a slightly more favorable perspective of events) I would go easy on yourself over branding yourself a cheater. Just live and learn from the experience and forget about telling your bf about it. No sex went down. I wouldn't feel guilty over skipping this with your bf given his past transgressions. Those 'red flags' are dozzies. Too bad your class mates hadn't clued you up earlier on creepy poetry guy. Its up to you but I wouldn't worry about reporting him to the cops, as no sexual assault took place really and for sure its going to be his version vs your version. Just bad mouth him off at class. "Hey there goes the car jerk off boy. Did you pull the flat battery stunt on a new girl this week, jerk" Link to post Share on other sites
GunsNRoses Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 OP: You knew what the guy was like. Next time, hope you'll avoid the types. I'll say this and remember it: guys who flirt with you either want 1. Sex 2. Fall in love with you It was/is evident that this guy definitely wasn't the lover type. You knew that. One thing that is very clear for guys (or at least me) is to know what kind of intentions are going on inside a guy's mind when he talks to a woman. So one strike for you: you should have known better. But I also know that girls can and are pretty naive...and it leads to a lot of ****. Hell....girls end up in relationships sometimes precisely because of this naivete. So you need to mature some more about such things. When he kissed you....if you honestly just didn't know wtf was going on, and weren't one bit indulging in anything, you are in the clear. What bothers me is the according to you, he "satisfied" himself in front of you (while making out with you?). That is bad. And I understand why you feel bad. However, you could have done something here, unless it was in some secluded lonely place where you didn't have an option. I mean...it would take at least 5minutes for him to get his thing out and finish...that amount of time is too much (if you ask me) for you to be shocked. That's still not what I'd call cheating. But if I were your bf, I'd be hurt by this, and only this, fact. That for an entire 4-5minutes...you couldn't do anything. Again, I am divorced from what and how it all went down, so it is something you have to judge. Now, in the past your own bf has done the flirting-shady things, so he is in a grey area as well. The only thing that will help you is to talk to your bf. No compromises here. Just do it. Explain everything exactly how it happened...no lies here. If he knows where you're coming from, and he understands...he'll suggest what to do. If it is going to eat him away...you'll fight or break up. Nobody knows. However, not telling him is as bad as lying. Tell me...is it worth breaking his trust just to continue being in a relationship in which you'll always feel like you "cheated" on him? Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 The problem is your the problem..!!! Not that guy and not your boyfriend. I love the way you just talk about it like you're so cool college girl. you're the problem and your blame shifting... I feel sorry for The MAN that Marries you. one else can stop this behavior tell me you're already a Cheater ... You talk so good about your boyfriend. Do him the biggest favor you could do for him tell him exactly what you have done.! don't lie and Break up with him and leave him that's the best thing you could do for that guy right now. He might find a really good girl that won't cheat on him that loves him for what he deserves he don't deserve you... You know I'm right and you know how you feel inside unless you're just completely scandalous. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Hold on.... I think I missed something. When did she "push" away his initial advances? when? After she kissed him. When did she ever state that?. -Maybe you missed her second post, where she said she made out with him and he did what he jerked off, or something like that. -She was not involved? When did she say she was not involved? -What crime is this? Keep in mind that if this is public indecency, she is guilty as well, because she is participating. -Dont act like you know the law, because you dont. -AGAIN - What will she "report" him for? So trivial and childish, feeding this girl, that knew she done something wrong. Its actually sexist too, thinking "Oh deary, she's such a innocent little girl, she is taken advantage of and doesnt even know what she was doing" She was frozen and in fear - and said NO - at THAT point! THEN he continued to expose himself and jerk off - THAT is predatory and a power move. He's sick - and if you intend to make what he did ok - that's disturbing. When a woman says NO - it. Is.NO! Only a predator would push further and do what he did - she was disgusted with him - but he has his own AGENDA! File a police report! I'm sure he has a pattern - violating women or any woman is a crime! Link to post Share on other sites
Knucklehead1050 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 If this did happen as you have described, you are a victim, you did not cheat and you do need to report it ASAP. You owe it to his next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I think the problem is that I agreed to pick this guy up. I should have known not to do that after he had been flirting with me. In my head, I thought it might make things less awkward in my classes and my club if we had a friendly aquaintanceship outside of his initial creepiness. That being said, I am not attracted to this person, I am actually totally disgusted by this person. But I didn't stop what happened that night, and so I do feel like it was cheating. I am usually such an assertive woman. I should have verbally told him to leave. You can't seriously be blaming yourself for giving this weirdo a ride? You were essentially assaulted, and if you can't share that very important event in your life with your BF... Then he probably isn't the one for you! You should be more worried that your BF kills him. Link to post Share on other sites
Supercatgirl Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 All the victim bugs me it shouldn't matter if she shouldn't of given him a ride since he shouldn't of jerked off. Link to post Share on other sites
Uwaae Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 All the victim bugs me it shouldn't matter if she shouldn't of given him a ride since he shouldn't of jerked off. Why not? Did she tell him to stop? Did she tell him not to do it? I think she's playing the victim here, after she realized what happened. I bet they had a fine drive home Remember to tell your boyfriend that you made out with him too Link to post Share on other sites
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