Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 My behaviour was so shaming and crazy!!!!! I am so not like this usually. Why do you end up acting completely out of character??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 You need to learn why you behaved the way you did so you can work out how not to repeat those same behaviours. Have you actually looked at yourself in this and tried to work on yourself? Knowing you messed up is not enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Believe me Anne I will NOT repeat them. My question is because I'm wondering if anybody else felt like this ? Link to post Share on other sites
liloldlady Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Why do you end up acting completely out of character??? Crazy little thing called love. I told him: "I don't usually DO this, you know." His retort: "Nor do I." Me: "Cheat?" Him: "What? Cheat?" Me: "Yes. Just never for this long..." So "why" is an eponymous question. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Betsy You have not answered my question. Have you learnt anything about yourself and why you acted the way you did? That is far more important for your recovery than understanding why other people did whatever they did. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 So "why" is an eponymous question. A what??? I had to look that up, and can't see how that word fits in context here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Betsy You have not answered my question. Have you learnt anything about yourself and why you acted the way you did? That is far more important for your recovery than understanding why other people did whatever they did. I don't know. I was just crazy and desperate for his attention for some bizarre reason. Now I can hardly look at him and I've got no wish to talk to him... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 So you have not done much to figure out why and how to change plus you still in contact with him. You do realise how shoddy this all is, don't you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 No contact since it happened apart from the kids party. Apart from that not seen him since august. No texts nothing. Done. Just trying to work through why... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 But there will be more get togethers? How about IC? Or have you done any reading? Books have been suggested to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 There prob will be ....what a mess. Ugh. Yes I've done lots of reading..... Lots of thinking.... I'm shamed .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 In that case, why did YOU have an affair? Have you come to any conclusions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hmmm was it really an affair? It was a one off and a kiss two occasions? Is that a Proper affair?? What do you think?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 And texts. Did I make more of it than was there? I think so Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Why? Attention excitement .... God knows. I think it was mostly me. I don't think he was bothered Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hmmm was it really an affair? It was a one off and a kiss two occasions? Is that a Proper affair?? What do you think?? One off? What's that? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hmmm was it really an affair? It was a one off and a kiss two occasions? Is that a Proper affair?? What do you think?? Seriously Betsy you cannot still be trying to deny this. You had sex with him whilst your husband and his wife slept nearby. You have been posting about this affair for 4 or 5 months. If you are trying to play this down, you have not learnt anything, recognised your actions for what they are or accepted responsibility for the mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Not playing it down. But that's all that happened. Two occasions. It wasn't a long PA. Not saying it's not awful but what the hell was it? Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Believe me Anne I will NOT repeat them. My question is because I'm wondering if anybody else felt like this ? Yes. I felt a lot like that, like I was watching someone else live my life and it wasn't really me because 'I' would never do something like that.... A lot of it me and him have discussed was because of the push and pull game he did.. I was so addicted and needed his words to feel good.. When I didn't get them I became obsessed and anxious and felt empty.. It made me do crazy things. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 It was an AFFAIR. A full on AFFAIR. You even talked of loving him in some of your posts. And just before your kids party he texted you and you wondered how to respond to him. You may not have responded in the end but the thought of that should never have crossed your mind if you were serious about your so called vesrion of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hmmm was it really an affair? It was a one off and a kiss two occasions? Is that a Proper affair?? What do you think?? The texting, the sharing, the secrets, the kissing.. The sex. Yes. Affair. I struggled with if mine was too since we hadn't said 'I love you' There are different affair dynamics, it maybe wasn't a second full blown relationship like you may consider an affair, but it was still a lot more than a one night stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 It was an AFFAIR. A full on AFFAIR. You even talked of loving him in some of your posts. And just before your kids party he texted you and you wondered how to respond to him. You may not have responded in the end but the thought of that should never have crossed your mind if you were serious about your so called vesrion of NC. I'd forgotten about that text. See I'm getting better I'd never have forgotten about a text he sent. They / he though just mean nothing now. I wonder sometimes if I'm normal... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I shall ask again. Why did you have an affair Betsy? Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I'd forgotten about that text. See I'm getting better I'd never have forgotten about a text he sent. They / he though just mean nothing now. I wonder sometimes if I'm normal... If he texted you today and said.. "I'm so sorry, I've just had so many feelings I didn't understand so I tried to push you away and pretend I didn't care.. I do care.." .. Would you text him back? And what would you say? I wonder all the time if I'm normal. It's ok not to be, but not if its hurting people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 I did answer you Anne. I said for the attention and excitement. Purely selfish reasons. Somewhere along the line I fell for him and ended up crackers.... I don't think about him so much now I don't feel as crazy anymore I don't want to text him. I used to want to all the time I'm a mess I guess Link to post Share on other sites
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