HeartInPieces Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I am the dumpee and after doing LC for a few months after the breakup I got pissed off with the false hope and basically told her off. think I upset her so she said she wouldn't contact me again. She stuck to her word and I broke NC today after three weeks. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to know what was going on with her so I sent a "feeler" text. I congatulated her on something that I know happened with her recently and wished her well. I was actually getting to the point of really trying to move on and just hoping she is happy with whatever she does in her life. Don't we all deserve to be happy? To my surprise, she responded almost immediately and in a positive way. She basically said it's great to hear from me and hope we can talk soon. I just hope I'm not making a huge mistake by putting myself out there and having false hope... Because more than likely I'm not going to hear what I want What should I do? She sent three texts and I haven't responded yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Yes, you're making a HUGE mistake by keeping in touch with her. What does she want from you? A friendship? Has she told you that? Why did you two break up in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 She wanted to be friends in the beginning, yes. She broke up with me (after five years) because she "fell out of love." I was a disaster after the breakup and probably pushed her further away with my begging etc. I've given her some space and I wanted to guage where she's at. If nothing comes of it I will return to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 What's the use of keeping in touch? She already knows how you feel. I know how you are feeling. I was with my ex for 4 almost 5 years (friends for a year, and 4 years of a romantic relationship). We talked every SINGLE day for 5 years, maybe except once when we fought and stopped talking for 1 week. But that's it. I did the same thing you did, LC. One day, I knew I had to start healing. I was in hell, I lost my appetite, I couldn't sleep, I was feeling anxious all the time. I was getting physically ill, while pretending to be fine. I always pretended to be fine, but I was having such a hard time internally. Our exes are only thinking about themselves. We have to do the same. We have to think about ourselves. We have to take care of well-being. Today I skipped my first class, I was feeling kind of depressed this morning, so things are not perfect, but we have to let time do its thing. Please, stop this agony, nobody else can stop it, but you. You are the only one who can do it. I don't know what else to tell you to convince you because I KNOW HOW YOU'RE FEELING. What are you doing to get over here and move on?? Link to post Share on other sites
im_thedude Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 She wanted to be friends in the beginning, yes. She broke up with me (after five years) because she "fell out of love." I was a disaster after the breakup and probably pushed her further away with my begging etc. I've given her some space and I wanted to guage where she's at. If nothing comes of it I will return to NC. Why do you want to gauge where she is at? When she told you she fell out of love with you, this wasn't some spur of the moment thought that slipped out of her mouth. This wasn't hormones. This wasn't because of a fight. She probably thought about the relationship for a long time and finally built up the courage to end it. I don't have the details, but honestly, I would return to strict, total NC immediately (how did you find out about this life event? Social media...?) and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 As crazy as it sounds, it's like I'm using my NC to gauge how she must be feeling. Now, I know, she is probably months ahead of me as far as moving on. I get that. I'm afraid of "losing" her. Yes, I realize I've already lost her. If I'm using NC to move on and forget about her, what is it doing for her? I don't want her to forget about me, so I put myself out there. I know, stupid, right? I'm a pretty logical guy, but we all know love isn't logical. Now, I have yet to respond and she basically left it at : she had to go and hopes we can talk soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 As crazy as it sounds, it's like I'm using my NC to gauge how she must be feeling. Now, I know, she is probably months ahead of me as far as moving on. I get that. I'm afraid of "losing" her. Yes, I realize I've already lost her. If I'm using NC to move on and forget about her, what is it doing for her? I don't want her to forget about me, so I put myself out there. I know, stupid, right? I'm a pretty logical guy, but we all know love isn't logical. Now, I have yet to respond and she basically left it at : she had to go and hopes we can talk soon. She's not going to forget you. But yeah, breaking NC was really dumb. You basically just picked a scab for no reason and now it's bleeding again. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I am the dumpee and after doing LC for a few months after the breakup I got pissed off with the false hope and basically told her off. think I upset her so she said she wouldn't contact me again. She stuck to her word and I broke NC today after three weeks. I couldn't take it any more, I had to know what was going on with her so I sent a "feeler" text. I congratulated her on something that I know happened with her recently and wished her well. I was actually getting to the point of really trying to move on and just hoping she is happy with whatever she does in her life. Don't we all deserve to be happy? To my surprise, she responded almost immediately and in a positive way. She basically said it's great to hear from me and hope we can talk soon. I just hope I'm not making a huge mistake by putting myself out there and having false hope... Because more than likely I'm not going to hear what I want What should I do? She sent three texts and I haven't responded yet. you should reply....she said it was great to hear from you.....she has repleid not once but three times....answer her dont be rude..... false hope....dont know if i like those two words together....they are combatants in a sentence......hope can never be false........because it is what is beautiful to have...what si beautiful and graceful can never be false.....so hope and accept that hope when it is there it is real .......it is there for a reason...hope is for inspiration to try to live to love and to learn....all positive none of them false characteristics ... reply to her... i know i differ from what everyone else says or will post to you. i really dont care....i look stoopid or goofy for being idealistic......thats me deal with it.. i am one of the dreamers on the board....not considered very logically minded...i am logic impaired....lol think and follow your heart......that is where your hope is...do you have a fake heart?...if you dont have a fake heart how can you possibly have fake hope...hope isnt given from another person.....its inspired straight to you from above and exists in the worst of times....and then in the best of times that proceed from surviving adversity ....listen and follow....let hope breathe it deserves too never be denied breath......cpr quick stat......mouth to mouth for hope...yay...hope lives....cheers to ya .....from me..........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Polak Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I think I agree with everyone here, including the different opinions. Here's the way I see it: Simon Phoenix is correct, it wasn't really the best move to break NC... there's a reason why it is regarded as the #1 method on here for healing. So you picked a scab, and now it's bleeding. But now it will bleed for a little while no matter what you do, so even if you respond to her texts (picking the scab again) it will bleed a little. You can consider responding a sort of "act of decency" since you contacted her again in the first place, but try and respond in a closing fashion. Aka don't answer in a way that will let a conversation progress and continue. Eventually you're gonna have to muster the willpower to leave the scab alone and let it heal completely. Otherwise you'll never heal. The sooner you start, the better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 Ok so this is totally eating at me... I know I shouldn't have broken NC because now I'm re-reading her texts and reading into everything and trying to figure out what the **** is going on in her head. I simply replied back to her reply with "its great to hear from you too and i hope we can talk soon too" i just repeated what she said to me basically to let her know that I felt the same. She has had over three days to try to talk to me. And she hasn't called or text anything since. I just don't get it. I guess I'm not surprised, but it really hurts. I don't understand why she would say the things she said and then just leave me hanging. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 I have a thought... Breathe, be patient. Things don't have to happen overnight, nor over 3 nights. Think in a timespan of 2-3 weeks. How much is that really on a lifetime? You're way to anxious to handle this, I fear you will screw this up. But good luck with it anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 I know.. im really impatient. I just don't understand why it would take so long for her to talk to me if she really means it? Why play games? Did she change her mind? Is she just screwing with me to see how I'd respond? I know none of you have the answer to that but. These are the sort of things running through my head and it sucks. I was doing well until I broke nc. Waiting weeks to respond isn't "soon" to me but maybe that's because I'm impatient. Or maybe its because she doesnt give a rats ass about me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Ok so this is totally eating at me... I know I shouldn't have broken NC because now I'm re-reading her texts and reading into everything and trying to figure out what the **** is going on in her head. I simply replied back to her reply with "its great to hear from you too and i hope we can talk soon too" i just repeated what she said to me basically to let her know that I felt the same. She has had over three days to try to talk to me. And she hasn't called or text anything since. I just don't get it. I guess I'm not surprised, but it really hurts. I don't understand why she would say the things she said and then just leave me hanging. Thoughts? maybe when you didnt reply to her third text she blocked you, i dont know what happens to tell the truth i have never blocked anyone from calling me or texting to my knowledge no one has blocked me which they could have i guess...i just dont know..... so i dont know if you get notified or your messages come back when someone has a block on ...maybe another poster might know..........deb Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 I don't want to sound mean, but she has all the time in the world to respond. Why? Well: - By reaching out to her, she knows YOU want to talk, so she can take her time. She's going to feel that you're available on her schedule. She's got power over you, and she may not even realize it, but she'll still use it. - You're not a priority to her right now. You were once, which is why you're used to quick responses. - These situations are uncomfortable for both sides. She may want to talk to you (even just platonically), but is unsure of how do to so. Most people choose to ignore discomfort until it goes away instead of facing it head on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Ye, it is a game in a way. But then again, everything is. What matters is to know when it stops being a game. Seriously... what I've discovered so far, is that time is of no essence. And it doesn't apply to my situation, but even 'another guy' would be of no essence. What is of essence, is allowing eachother to act.... By not acting first, unless it's warranted. You seem to take things personal. Do try and cut back on that, we're not all robots on the same timetable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 I have a question about these sort of breadcrumbs. My ex did the same thing, she dumped me and we're in NC now but whenever I've broken it she only ever wants to assure me that she isn't seeing anyone. what's the point of that? last time I broke NC she said "i hope we can talk soon" and then nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 I have a question about these sort of breadcrumbs. My ex did the same thing, she dumped me and we're in NC now but whenever I've broken it she only ever wants to assure me that she isn't seeing anyone. what's the point of that? last time I broke NC she said "i hope we can talk soon" and then nothing. It means she's seeing someone, but doesn't want you to know about it. A few reasons for this... To ease her guilt, and not make her look like a slut should the word get out. And "I hope we can talk soon" means either she hopes to never hear from you again, or wants to keep you hanging as a plan B should she find herself homeless and pregnant... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 It means she's seeing someone, but doesn't want you to know about it. A few reasons for this... To ease her guilt, and not make her look like a slut should the word get out. And "I hope we can talk soon" means either she hopes to never hear from you again, or wants to keep you hanging as a plan B should she find herself homeless and pregnant... Sorry if this is a hijack but it is about breaking NC so I'm gonna continue... Why would "I hope we can talk soon" mean she hopes to never hear from me again? I don't understand that one? Oh and I drunk dialed her the other night, no answer... but she text me in the morning. I asked her how she was and she gave me a one word response.I asked one more question related to her work and never heard anything back. I'm really clueless here. If she doesn't want to be with me, why even respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Oh and I drunk dialed her the other night, no answer... but she text me in the morning. I asked her how she was and she gave me a one word response.I asked one more question related to her work and never heard anything back. I'm really clueless here. If she doesn't want to be with me, why even respond? This situation sounds very painful. It seems like your hopes have been raised, but from an outside perspective, she does not appear to have much interest in communicating with you, let alone reconciling. With all due respect, why are you subjecting yourself to this cold & minimal contact from her? Wouldn't it be better to go back to the progress you were making for yourself in NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Sorry if this is a hijack but it is about breaking NC so I'm gonna continue... Why would "I hope we can talk soon" mean she hopes to never hear from me again? I don't understand that one? Oh and I drunk dialed her the other night, no answer... but she text me in the morning. I asked her how she was and she gave me a one word response.I asked one more question related to her work and never heard anything back. I'm really clueless here. If she doesn't want to be with me, why even respond? She's responding because she feels obligated. When she says "talk soon", she could mean that she wants to talk with you PLATONICALLY. The more she feels like you're pressuring her with interest, the less comfortable she'll feel responding. It doesn't HAVE to be as cynical or malicious as others may have you believe, but you should still garner no hope from it. Let go. If she wants to talk to you, she'll initiate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 This situation sounds very painful. It seems like your hopes have been raised, but from an outside perspective, she does not appear to have much interest in communicating with you, let alone reconciling. With all due respect, why are you subjecting yourself to this cold & minimal contact from her? Wouldn't it be better to go back to the progress you were making for yourself in NC? Because I'm an idiot and the rejection hurts like hell. I really was doing good with NC for about three weeks. But I guess the truth is important - I was "NC" as in not texting/calling/emailing/whatever, but I still looked at her facebook. I don't know how to stop. It is mostly private now, but I still can see her profile pic and a few other things. I see something as simple as a picture with her and another guy as her profile pic and I get incredibly jealous and start jumping to conclusions about who he is or what she's doing with him. I keep thinking I can win her back if I can just break through and be friendly to her. I want her to be happy, but the thought of her being happy with someone else is killing me. I go back and forth on this every day. Some days I come to terms with the situation and realize that if I can't make her happy, she deserves someone that does. I can't fault her for that, can I? Other days I get incredibly angry and want to reach out to her and get answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Because I'm an idiot and the rejection hurts like hell. I really was doing good with NC for about three weeks. But I guess the truth is important - I was "NC" as in not texting/calling/emailing/whatever, but I still looked at her facebook. I don't know how to stop. It is mostly private now, but I still can see her profile pic and a few other things. I see something as simple as a picture with her and another guy as her profile pic and I get incredibly jealous and start jumping to conclusions about who he is or what she's doing with him. I keep thinking I can win her back if I can just break through and be friendly to her. I want her to be happy, but the thought of her being happy with someone else is killing me. I go back and forth on this every day. Some days I come to terms with the situation and realize that if I can't make her happy, she deserves someone that does. I can't fault her for that, can I? Other days I get incredibly angry and want to reach out to her and get answers. I'm sorry you're hurting. That said, I think you will reach a point where you get sick of what amounts to self-torture and go into full NC. Unfortunately, there is no way to win someone back; they would have to decide for themselves that they wanted to try again. At this point, staying in contact with your ex only hurts you, without any side benefit of encouraging reconciliation. I know heartbreak is so agonizing, but I believe that the only way out is through, which means stopping this limbo of limited contact and accepting the painful truth that the relationship is over. Sending good thoughts, M. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartInPieces Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 She's responding because she feels obligated. When she says "talk soon", she could mean that she wants to talk with you PLATONICALLY. The more she feels like you're pressuring her with interest, the less comfortable she'll feel responding. It doesn't HAVE to be as cynical or malicious as others may have you believe, but you should still garner no hope from it. Let go. If she wants to talk to you, she'll initiate. I don't understand why someone would feel obligated to respond to someone that they no longer want in their life. I was about to text her something sarcastic like "Well gee, I'm glad we talked..." to see what she would say.. but I decided against it. It really eats at me when she doesn't respond because I have no idea WHY. I know the best thing for me is to return to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 She's trying to let you down easy. She is seeing someone so please stop beating yourself up, she's gone and the sooner you accept that the sooner you will start to heal. The sooner you heal the sooner you will meet the woman that should really be in your life, the longer you hold on to the past the less likely you will meet her. Put the trash to the curb, you can't make the wrong person love you because she's the wrong person for you, let her be someone else's problem. Start to gear up for Miss Right because she's out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Amaury Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I'm sorry your in this situation I'm in a similar one but not as bad, except its been going on for a over a month of playing this tug of war. If you want my advice go full NC and move on nothing good will come from you reaching out. I'm sorry to break it to you but she is proba ly interested in someone else and she is only responding to you because either she feels guilty, she doesn't want to seem like a total bitch, she wants to keep you around just incase things don't work out with her new boy toy, or if she wants a quick ego boost she will go running to the person who will be on his hands and knees for her This sucks man I know I'm experiencing this as we speak except that I found out she slept with other guys already so now I know I have to move on. Dont stick around just to be crushed even worst, move on man I'm sorry it hurts but forget about her go NC and never look back. Untill she is trying to win YOU over for days not even for weeks then maaaaaaaybe but you need to see her beg. Dont fall for a simple txt or call she mighy just want attention Link to post Share on other sites
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