marriedguy1 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Hi everyone So here's my scenario. I discovered a guy contact my wife on her FB account last year but has only recently (August) contacted her again and they have been dialoging. Her FB account was open recently and I had a quick look. Its been 13 years since we married so he probably knew her 14 years ago, she never dated but he seems to be a flirt, she cannot remember him - he has been asking her to remember how naughty he was, how must he liked to hear her voice, how he wants to call her etc etc. He lives overseas so there is definitely no chance of meeting her. We have one son so she wouldn't have an affair in real, but I think she may have some "online fun" if this guy continues, a side she doesn't show me, so maybe this is an escape for her. She has asked for him to chat to her on Yahoo Messenger etc but I know they have not chatted as yet, as he has not opened an account (And the time difference is an issue). She would chat from work if she got the chance, but it would most likely mean it will be really early morning or late night for him. I was wondering if anyone can suggest how to use this info to my advantage. Should I open up a chat account and befriend her as the guy and see what she reveals? I know women have fantasies about being with other guys so wondering whether this may actually be a good thing and allow me to spice up the marriage by getting her to reveal some secret fantasies she has? I am trying to prevent the guy from contacting her in real and then me not knowing what they are talking about, if I opened up an account and pretended to be the guy I may discover another side to her and even steer her to be a bit more naughty with me at home, but I feel really guilty pretending. So should I - 1) pretend I don't know that she is talking to the guy 2) wait for something to happen with this other guy and her chatting from work without me knowing 3) pretend I am the guy and see where the conversation goes 4) confront her but she will deny anything as its very early stages of conversation from what I have read so far (she has not said anything naughty but he keeps asking her to remember how naughty he was when he chatted and spoke to her 14 years ago) I think I caught the conversation just in time on FB, and I believe she's just looking for some excitement to spice things up in her life. Any advice appreciated as I am not sure who to ask Thanks in advance - any suggestions? marriedguy1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Your WW is having an emotional affair. You need to get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. The book will show you how to expose the affair and kill it. You need to learn a lot before you confront your WW. Link to post Share on other sites
RAN65 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) I believe she's just looking for some excitement to spice things up in her life. Any advice appreciated as I am not sure who to ask marriedguy1 Are you not doing anything to get her exited & spice up your married life. Why wait for someone to do it. Edited October 23, 2013 by RAN65 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Hi everyone So here's my scenario. I discovered a guy contact my wife on her FB account last year but has only recently (August) contacted her again and they have been dialoging. Her FB account was open recently and I had a quick look. Its been 13 years since we married so he probably knew her 14 years ago, she never dated but he seems to be a flirt, she cannot remember him - he has been asking her to remember how naughty he was, how must he liked to hear her voice, how he wants to call her etc etc. He lives overseas so there is definitely no chance of meeting her. We have one son so she wouldn't have an affair in real, but I think she may have some "online fun" if this guy continues, a side she doesn't show me, so maybe this is an escape for her. She has asked for him to chat to her on Yahoo Messenger etc but I know they have not chatted as yet, as he has not opened an account (And the time difference is an issue). She would chat from work if she got the chance, but it would most likely mean it will be really early morning or late night for him. I was wondering if anyone can suggest how to use this info to my advantage. Should I open up a chat account and befriend her as the guy and see what she reveals? I know women have fantasies about being with other guys so wondering whether this may actually be a good thing and allow me to spice up the marriage by getting her to reveal some secret fantasies she has? I am trying to prevent the guy from contacting her in real and then me not knowing what they are talking about, if I opened up an account and pretended to be the guy I may discover another side to her and even steer her to be a bit more naughty with me at home, but I feel really guilty pretending. So should I - 1) pretend I don't know that she is talking to the guy 2) wait for something to happen with this other guy and her chatting from work without me knowing 3) pretend I am the guy and see where the conversation goes 4) confront her but she will deny anything as its very early stages of conversation from what I have read so far (she has not said anything naughty but he keeps asking her to remember how naughty he was when he chatted and spoke to her 14 years ago) I think I caught the conversation just in time on FB, and I believe she's just looking for some excitement to spice things up in her life. Any advice appreciated as I am not sure who to ask Thanks in advance - any suggestions? marriedguy1 Put a Keylogger on her....get as much evidence as you can. Get enough info and play it close to the vest until you have enough concrete evidence to confront (easier said than done as most people simply do not have the patience to do it but its worth a try). Do not let her know when you confront how you obtained the evidence. Give her a choice...either she stops with the little fantasy and commit to Marriage Counseling or she can walk. And it's an either/or proposition. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriedguy1 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 Some background info... We married 13 years, was a long distance relationship so didn't know each other much in person, very busy lives these days, busy work, long travel times to and from work, kid at home, she's very conservative (haven't been able to get her to open up about sex even though I've tried alot), most of her family are overseas. I have tried to spice things up, gets quite hard when its all one sided though. So maybe this guy chatting to her is an escape for her, and I understand that. Heck I'd like an escape sometimes too! I just don't want it escalating. So either I confront her about it, or tell her I love her and spend more time with her to distract her from this chatting with this guy I wasn't snooping when I found the Facebook conversation, we share laptops and the account was open and I just happened to glance and see the conversation there. Any more thoughts - I value your opinions. Thanks marriedguy1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Hi everyone So here's my scenario. I discovered a guy contact my wife on her FB account last year but has only recently (August) contacted her again and they have been dialoging. Just why do you believe your wife has a FB account??? Do you believe it to be merely a means through which she volunteers and assembles in one place so much of her personal information that those wanting to be in-the-know don't have to do much leg work to get so much of hers, and lots of your information? Or could the above scenario have been the original design which you overlooked at the time? From what you've said, and especially among the options you listed, don't do anything. I'm quite certain your wife didn't have FB 13 years ago, so this is something you let-in while on your watch, and it should have been dealt with long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriedguy1 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 she has a Facebook account to keep in touch with family and friends and also share photos with family overseas. The scenario is definitely recent, the guy said "guess who" in August 2013 and she couldn't remember him (based on the conversation I read). From what I read, he used to chat to her online 14 years ago and then she moved overseas and he lost contact and he found her recently on Facebook. She hasn't engaged in any sex chats or similar yet, I am not sure she would, but he's asking her to remember how "naughty" he was. I can leave it for now, but I do know. I will just spend more time with her, and tell her I appreciate her and love her and then hopefully this goes away. It doesn't seem she's engaged in anything yet, but the guy may persist - which is my concern. Thanks guys marriedguy1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 she has a Facebook account to keep in touch with family and friends and also share photos with family overseas. The scenario is definitely recent, the guy said "guess who" in August 2013 and she couldn't remember him (based on the conversation I read). From what I read, he used to chat to her online 14 years ago and then she moved overseas and he lost contact and he found her recently on Facebook. She hasn't engaged in any sex chats or similar yet, I am not sure she would, but he's asking her to remember how "naughty" he was. I can leave it for now, but I do know. I will just spend more time with her, and tell her I appreciate her and love her and then hopefully this goes away. It doesn't seem she's engaged in anything yet, but the guy may persist - which is my concern. Thanks guys marriedguy1 Dude you are in Massive Denial You cannot "NICE" somebody back into the marriage. That is a recipe for disaster. Obviously she has no boundaries and obviously she does not respect you. Taking such a milquetoast stance and wishing this to go away is called rugsweeping. And you are about to get the rug pulled out from under you if you don't do something. Look, I am not trying to be mean....You seem like a nice guy....but it;s true that Nice guys finish last.... I am being realistic here. Take a look around this or any other advice site where one partner or the other just lets it ride when this crap is discovered and take no action. You know what happens? It continues... Then it's to the point where she starts sharing intimate details with this guy about how you are not meeting her needs and then the dude tells her everything she wants to hear and its Rainbows and Unicorns and talk of being "Soulmates"....next thing you know you are getting the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech and she will want to take some sort of vacation to get away... That whole line is as fresh as a Foghat Concert.... YOU have choices, and remember that choosing to do nothing is a choice. You are headed down that road.....and you are going to get your heart ripped out. Gather evidence and confront or I guarantee you that you will be back here bemoaning the fact you didn't listen Link to post Share on other sites
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