EC Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Ok guys I know I'm a drama Queen sometimes and all that but today I'm just in shock and confusion. My bf came today after two weeks of not seeing him and he came to pick me up for lunch at 12:00. Well I just got back and we have a problem. I was really nervous going down the elevator as usual butterflies in stomach and all that. Well when I saw him this time something was different. The butterflies were gone and I didn't feel anything. As I'm walking up to him Im thinking ok whats wrong with me? So usually he give me a big hug, spins me around, and gives me a big kiss. This time he pop kissed me and then said ok ready to go? So we go outside and get in the car and it was just dead silence. We usually talk up a storm or always have things to talk about. Not this time. He usually puts his hand on my thigh while he drives and this time he didn't. He then commented on how he didn't like my hair the color that it was. ? He liked it two weeks ago? I didn't feel any romantic feelings for him at all right now and I'm like wtf??? So we went to lunch and discussed the Christmas presents we have to buy and my situation with my mother and brother and how Im getting a new apartment and stuff and it was just like I was talking to a friend. ' I remember trying to look into his eyes (we always make a lot of eye contact but this time I had to actually try to make eye contact) to see if I could see anything..but I saw nothing. Just eyes. He usually sits next to me in the booth too and this time he sat across from me. And the weird part is I'm not upset or freaking out??? So then he drops me off at work and usually he would give me a huge kiss and tell me how he wants me to skip work and leave with him and begs me to pretend to faint lol and this time he just grabbed me gave me a little kiss with some tongue lol and said ok gotta go, go inside so your not late. And during the kiss I felt nothing. Like it was just a kiss. As if I was just kissing my friend? And I walked away and he drove away. I'm so confused??? I know it usually takes a little while to get accustomed to each other after not seeing each other for so long and then after a couple hours everything will be right back to normal but this time it was different guys. I don't know if I am just really stressed and he is too about school and money or what but it was just different and I can't place my finger on it. I know I've felt this way before but a while ago when I would be dating someone and then I would find someone else and then not see the current guy I was dating in the same way. But I have no one else, and there's no one else I like or anything u know?? I just don't get it... Any input appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 EC: I would not be concerned now. If this keeps on happening over a period of time, lets say the next 4 or 5 times u see him, THEN it may be something to worry about. This happens to everyone from time to time but if it is an isolated incident then rest easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 You know the hot and heaviness always wears off in a relationship (okay not always but usually) maybe you're just not as heavy into him as you'd been before...or it could be your stress... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 I thought maybe that was it..maybe it's dying out..or we have reached a comfort level maybe??? How do you fix that?? What do you do when you've reached a comfort level??? Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Personally I would think reaching a comfort level wouldn't need fixing but if it's like you're losing the spark then...(sorry I don't have any advice) But I think that it is something you need to address with him before it's too late...are you going to see him later today...or before he heads back to school? If so I say you should ask him why he was so quiet, ect... Maybe he was getting vibes from you that you didn't realize you were giving off? Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 eventhough i see my bf twice a week and for me that isnt alot when we see eachother its like we are married.....a peck her a hug and then we go about as if we have been living together and have stressed of everyday life.....when this happened i was worried but we have been together for 1.5 years and we are just very used to eachother and settling so its like we are best friends....i dont think thats bad? but maybe he was having a bad day....when my bf is stressed i barely get affection from him cause he is very much to him self when he is stressed so maybe just a bad day...will u see him this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 EC, you've seen him twice - both very recently. It does sound a little weird, but maybe you guys just aren't as excited as you would be if you had waited longer. When you can, ask him....sit him down and talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 Yup today I have a babysitting gig for some extra cash and I told him that I asked the parents and they love me so they said he could babysit with me if he wanted to but he said he would pass and just veg at home and pick me up when Im done at 12:00pm. Ok thats cool I thought. And then I will see him a lot because he is down here on Christmas vacation. Which is another thing that I didnt want to mention because I'm trying to deal with my jealousy issues and jumping to conclusions which I always do...but I dont know if some of you remember me complaining about an ex that he spoke to on the phone...well she lives in a certain place which I didnt want to say for anonymous reasons just in case and well every time he drives down to see me now he would usually leave on a Friday and drive the 7 hours straight and go home and I would see him after work. Well now he says he has a 'friend' that lives in this city ( same city as hers) and so hes been leaving Thursdays driving halfway staying the night there and then driving the rest on friday morning. Which I wouldnt normally mind but the fact that he just recently admitted to talking on the phone with her and that she wanted to see him for thanksgiving but he said no...bothers me. Then now hes supposed to leave back to school by Jan5 because thats when classes start and yet he says he wants to leave the 2nd..to go to this city and stay with his 'friend' and then drive to school the 5th in the morning. I promised myself I would let it bother me though and I would not jump to conclusions but maybe I was thinking about all of that when I saw him today and was giving out bad signals?? I don't know. But we are reaching 9 months and the 'spark' has died down a bit. But nothing like today at lunch... I dunno I'm just retarded. At least the sex is that bomb still lol jkjkj er wait I haven't had it since two weeks ago lmao It better still be good. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 EC, you've seen him twice - both very recently. It does sound a little weird, but maybe you guys just aren't as excited as you would be if you had waited longer. When you can, ask him....sit him down and talk to him. Yeah tiki but it shouldn't be that way you know? the waiting longer and the excitement Shouldn't it always be there you know?? I dunno? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Oh it should definitely be there...it's one of the important parts of a relationship. Real-time relationships go through this all the time, but yours is a LDR...idunno man. This scares me though EC, your last post about his visiting routines. WTF is that about? Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 about 9 monthes was when we chilled a bit more.............and my bf has days when im like ok whats going on and then other days he all over me....could be stress.....talk to him about it....ask him about his friend....ask if u guys can hang out with the friend and meet him/her since u are the gf....directly ask him if he wants anything from the friend ship...im liek u i jump to conclusions but I also come out point blank and ask my bf if im worried cause i hate living everyday with somthing bothering me Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 u need to confront him about the friend and find out more...dont beat yourself up wondering Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 First of all thank you, thank you so much for listening to me I really cant talk to anyone else about my "issues" tiki, male, barby,hugsnkissez..I know I have a new drama with him all the time and thats why I was trying to not let this bother me but oh well...... Tiki---riiiight wtf is that about!!??!! He's coming for Christmas break and he wants to leave early to hang out with his friend up there??? I know this friend his name is M..and he moved to that city recently but they are just friends. Like hi and bye. Which is why I have my guard up. She lives right in that city and she was asking him questions like do you love your gf and do you think you are honestly going to be with her forever and can you pass by my house on your way down to see her for thanksgiving. He told me all of this but told me he told her no. But starting then is when he has been leaving thursday night and staying at M's house and then driving the rest on friday morning. And he did it this time to. And he usually drives back home straight the whole way even if he stopped for the night on the way down but now this time he wants to stop on the way back to school too??? I think that what happened today with me not feeling the same was my brain trying to protect my heart. Trying to tell me I see him differently because I smell something fishy and I'm trying to protect myself you know??? Aye tie me in the white jacket I have issues!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Don't hate me EC. ::squints eyes, looks around:: I call bull****. Too coincidental for me. I'd get the "411" as Merin says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 Don't hate you I smell bullSh*t too. I just don't know how to get the info. Everything he says checks out and I cant go to that city I dont have a car? And its sooo far.?? I dont have M's number (his friend) so I dunno? Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 well tie me up too!!! just be frank with him...........say it how u feel tell him this is how u seeit and it doesnt look good from your view....i ask my bf who was on the phone i ask to see his cell all the time....and he always gives it, always tells me who is callign without hesitation and if i ask something he tells me straight up......u have to just be honest with yourself and be like look....this is how u are acting and this is what u are doing and im putting it all together and it dont look good...can u understand why i see it like this...whats up? uknow Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 EC, Now I understand. I have just read your post here. Listen to your gut honey! I would. We're not always wrong you know. bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 You sure M really lives there? He doesn't have a cell? Tell him to call you when he gets there. Then reverse look-up the #. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 LOL damn Tiki you are good when you want to spy..lol Im sure his friend M..really lives there becasue when he came down M met up with us at a party and was so excited about his new house in that city.. and OMG it just slapped me in the face. This whole time he has been telling me he wants to transfer schools soooooo bad to be closer to me and that he wants to talk to his advisor as soon as possible the school he wants to transfer to is in that city... OMG I mean I trust him and even if it's not 'her' something is definitely up??? Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 I think that not seeing each other for 2 weeks, you would want to fall on the floor and has nasty raw sex right there. If that urge wasn't there..........some things wrong. Maybe you both realize that you like LDR b/c you don't have someone to answer to all the time and you both are liking that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 I think that not seeing each other for 2 weeks, you would want to fall on the floor and has nasty raw sex right there. Thats the way it always was and today it was like hey man wassup.... Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Sorry EC, but it looks like the relationship is either toning down (which i dont see why it would) or....you both know...you dont want to be in it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Maybe it'll clear up, girlie. See how it goes, how long is he in for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 He is here for three weeks but he got a job for the while hes down here and I have to work during the week and I live a half hour from his house. So I will only see hm weekends and during Christmas time. To exchange presents and OMG don't even get me started on that boy and gift giving Ima kick his butt... Link to post Share on other sites
gd1039 Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 EC - Regarding "fixing" the comfort level, it isn't something you fix. It is a lot easier to have the butterflies with someone that it is to have the comfort level. I think that many people don't realize this and automatically assume something is wrong. I also think that you don't really realize how good the comfort level can be until its gone (ie. if you break up). This goes back to how it is harder to find a comfort level with someone than those "butterflies". I only skimmed this thread, but I agree that if it becomes reccurant, it may be a problem. It is really up to you to decide if its a problem or the comfort level. While the pre-comfort level times are a blast, the comfort level is a different kind of fun. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
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