Can't get over she was with someone else

[CantGetOverItGuy]

My girlfriend (21f, I'm 24m) of almost 4 years broke up with me around 7 weeks ago because we began to argue a lot over a 1 year period and there was little romance. I stopped paying attention to her, became very irritable around her, and it was generally not good. There are external factors that heavily contributed to this but it's irrelevant at this point.

 

Several days ago, after having no contact for a while, she began to call me and text me quite a lot with attempts to see me and work things out. I agreed, and we have been seeing each other a lot over the past few days and we even had sex once.

 

Yesterday it was apparent something was bothering her and she told me she needed to talk before we progress further into working our relationship out. She told me that during our time apart, she had slept with someone one time out of spite from hearing that I had. She expected that I had done the same, but I truthfully told her that I had not been with anyone. She explained how she stopped the sex mid act because of how disgusted she felt and she explained how much she regretted it. I didn't handle it very well, and she pleaded and begged me to continue to talk and work things out after I said I was unsure if I could.

 

She stayed at my apartment last night after our confrontation and we talked a lot, but the entire time I had disgusting visions in my mind of her lying with another man and it really disturbed me. It bothered me all night and I had an absolutely terrible dream involving her and the guy she had slept with. I can't stop thinking about what positions she was in, how he was grabbing her, how he was kissing her. It makes me f*cking sick to my stomach.

 

What makes it even worse is that the parents of the guy she slept with live directly next door to her parents, where she is currently living. Although he does not live there anymore, it would be foolish to think he does not visit and that we would not occasionally encounter him.

 

I don't know if I will ever be able to let go and be OK with this happening. I may feel better about it if I had also been sexually active, but I have not- which makes me feel even worse. In my heart I want to work it out, but I don't know if I can come to peace in my mind with the fact she had been with someone else.

[r321148]

You have 2 choices:

Accept what happened, let it go and wipe the slate clean. Start afresh and never mention it again.

or

If you can't let go then you need to end this now.

 

If this is going to haunt you, be a point of conflict or keep recurring every time you guys argue then there really is no point. You can't bear a grudge and make a relationship work as you will never be happy.

 

Technically she didn't do anything wrong. You guys had broken up; she was a single lady and was free to have sex with whoever she wanted to. As were you. Now don't get me wrong I'm not judging you for being upset about it as I imagine a lot of people would find this difficult to accept. But you really do need to look deep inside yourself and work out if you can ever truly forgive and forget. If you can then go for it. If you can't then save you and her the hurt and end it now.

 

My personal thoughts: what means more. Her half a night of passion with some random guy when she was single, or your future together?

 

Good luck.

[Mariposa10]

How did she hear you had slept with someone else?? Did you tell her that? Did you make it up? Because if you did say that, then it's not really her fault.

 

How long were you two apart??

 

I also agree with the post above you have two choices... My ex did the same. I felt physically ill when I found out. I couldn't even talk to him anymore. However, I think the case with your girlfriend is a little bit better, she regrets it, etc.

 

We do have to understand they are free to do whatever they want, if they are single...

[lylat333]

Sorry to hear OP.

 

You sound similar to me as a person, and I know if it were I'd ultimately have to let it go. Even if everything else was everything I hoped for, I'd probably never feel I could respect my partner as much as I wanted to and I'm going to continue to feel like crap anytime I think about it, especially if I know they're going to be crossing paths. For some people, this stuff isn't an issue because it didn't happen while in a relationship, but that point is kind of moot for people like us.

 

My ex drunkenly made out with a guy early on. It was before we were official bf/gf but it seemed pretty obvious we were almost to that point and we had recently had sex for the first time. I tried my damnedest to forgive and we did stay together for a little over a year but it was something my mind would inevitably come back to even many months later. There were many times I wished I would have left her right then. I think wondering, "what if I forgave"? is perhaps less painful than trying to forgive. And in your case, she had sex with someone else which is harder to get over.

 

Whatever you do, you've got to make a firm decision one way or the other. If you try to forgive but continue to have a hard time about it, don't waste each other's time anymore. You will be able to maintain a sense of self-respect and she will not be able to resent you for keeping her in limbo.

Edited October 23, 2013 by lylat333

[CantGetOverItGuy]

@ mariposa

 

We had been separated for about 6-7 weeks when she committed the act. The reason she thought I had also been sexually active is because she saw on FACEBOOK (I despise Facebook) that I had been conversating with some girls which were mutual friends of ours. It was nothing flirty, just small talk. I had also been "hanging out" with some girls as friends (not alone), and her friends and others saw us out together which added to her assumptions I guess. I was honestly just trying to stay active to keep my mind off of my recent break up. I felt like she was never going to give me another chance after numerous attempts to ask her to work things out.

 

Around the 5 week mark she contacted me and for a day or two was being very nice, which felt like she wanted to work things out. This is when she saw that I was tagged in a certain girls late night Facebook status that she thought was directed towards her (my ex) when it was actually directed towards this said girls boyfriend. Honestly, just a bunch of bull****. It caused my ex to start being very negative towards me again, and she cancelled our plans to meet up and talk over dinner.

 

I tried truthfully explaining to her the situation- that I had not been with any other girls and I had been celibate, since I felt we may work things out, but she was extremely stubborn and would not listen to me. I guess this is when she spitefully committed the act.

 

 

I understand that we were not together at this time and we had not been for a good 6 weeks when it happened, but it is so difficult to accept. The past week we have been together every day, and shes stayed over my apartment for the past 5 days. I really enjoy her company and I feel like I still love her, we still get a long very well; but I randomly think in my head about her having sex with another man and it honestly bothers me. I am going to try to continue to move forward with a clean slate, as we have agreed. I'll have to see if I'll ever be able to be at peace with the fact.

Edited October 24, 2013 by CantGetOverItGuy

[Kate9292]

If you were not together, she was free to sleep with whoever she saw fit and it is none of your business.

 

Deal with it.

[CantGetOverItGuy]

@lylat333

 

"Even if everything else was everything I hoped for, I'd probably never feel I could respect my partner as much as I wanted to and I'm going to continue to feel like crap anytime I think about it, especially if I know they're going to be crossing paths."

 

This point you made is what i'm afraid of. If this would have occurred while we were still together then it would be a completely different story- there would be no second chance. But we had been separated for 6 weeks. It still makes it tough to accept but i'll have to see how I feel in time.

 

@kate

 

I understand this and i'm doing my best to "deal with it". The fact we were not together does not quite numb the pain of the fact we had been together for 4 years and she slept with another man while we were separated.

 

I mean- wtf? It took someone else to insert their cock into her in order for her to realize she wanted to get back with me? It's just a f*cked up situation

Edited October 24, 2013 by CantGetOverItGuy

[Kate9292]

Maybe she tried to forget about you and after sex with someone else realized she can't? Would be hard to realize without someone else.

 

I won't say you have to take her back, it's up to you. But I see nothing wrong with her having sex with other guy while you were separated.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

That's a ****ed up situation, my LDR ex cheated on me before I even met her but I forgave her. I don't think I could after four years though and even though you guys were technically single that's bull**** in my eyes. Single for what, six weeks?

 

If you truly love someone you can't break-up then **** someone else. My ex dumped me and I'm single but I could NEVER sleep with another woman right now, because I love my ex too much, I think about her too much. Sleeping with someone else makes me feel sick.

[Never Again]

@kate

 

I understand this and i'm doing my best to "deal with it". The fact we were not together does not quite numb the pain of the fact we had been together for 4 years and she slept with another man while we were separated.

 

I mean- wtf? It took someone else to insert their cock into her in order for her to realize she wanted to get back with me? It's just a f*cked up situation

 

Bolded for emphasis.

 

I understand that it hurts you, but that's only because you're under the impression that she should have been "true" to you.

 

Why? Why would she owe you this when she was unsure of reconciliation until that moment?

 

She did nothing to hurt you. You're hurting yourself because of an unrealistic expectation of her commitment to a relationship she was no longer in.

 

I realize I'm phrasing this harshly, but you're being given what so many of us here would kill for - a second chance.

 

However, everyone's mind works differently. If you're incapable of forgiving her for an act that was not intended to harm you...and honestly had nothing to do with you, then just move along.

[MrWhite]

Exactly same thing happened to me. We did end up reconciling and getting back together. I have been married to her for over 20 years.

I can say this... This still bothers me to this day that my "wife" slept with someone else trying to "remove" me from her life.

If you are someone who can get over this and completely forgive her, then all is fine. Else; it will haunt, you just like it haunts me to this day.

I accepted her back with little effort on her part and this was a misktake.

Resentment still exists in my life and I think I will never fully trust her ever again. Once in a great while I think about my wife having sex with someone else as if it happen yesterday.

In the history of your life, this will be part of it. Learn from it, accept it, or move on.

If I ever could re-do what happened, I would have made her work harder to win me back OR not have taken her back at all.

I love my wife and love my life. All is good. Just be aware that resentment will alway be part of your life.

I always wished I would have been given a "hall pass" to level off my feelings and equal out what happened.

Lastly, NEVER bring it up if you get back together. Nothing good can come about from it. Take the high road. I did once and all it did was make her ashamed, she thought it did not trust her at all, she thought I doubted what we had now, and created problems.

Good luck.

[damien201]

Mr. White, do you believe it's been worth what you've had to process to stay in this relationship?

 

Do you feel it would be any different than any other one, where you would have to think about your wife with different men?

[MrWhite]

"Mr. White, do you believe it's been worth what you've had to process to stay in this relationship?"

 

Yes, if looking at my life over all, I would say it was worth it. I think I am a better person and my life has turned out very well. I am happy. I could not assume that if I did not marry her that my life would have turned out better or worse, just different. My wife is devoted to me as I am to her. Only recently have we ever had any issues in our marriage that would cause any problems or miss-trust. I think we were ment to be together, we were just young and did not fully commit to each other at that age.

 

"Do you feel it would be any different than any other one, where you would have to think about your wife with different men?"

 

Yes.

If both parties split on semi-equal terms, then all is equal and what ever happens when apart is fair.

If something happened that would cause, call for, or force a break up or issue, then it could be assume that anything is fair.

If one party "dumps" the other, has a moment of weakness, doubts, or abandons the other, then you will experience what I did. An unjustified or an unequal incident.

 

My wife is not a person who normally ever do something like this. A very conservative but liberal person. She is very shy, does not have deep emotions, is very attractive, and is very intelliegnt but a simple person.

I think that since we were yonger, she experienced the "grass in greener" time and left me for an older person who was more stable and more mature. I think she ended up with a serious case of buyers remorse when she found out I was finally recovering and moving on.

 

There are many factors that would be different than from what I experieced.

Like I described above, my wife is not into drama, a long time ago acknowleged that she messed up, and had always assumed that I had no resentment over what happened. The technical "break up" is how she justified what happened. She believes marriage and dating are different. I however, look at the entire relationship as our story and will always see what she did as a major part of it. She has removed it from her memory and our history. It was a bad choice she never wants to ever talk or think about again.

 

Age is one. The older you get, you become more independent, have experienced more in life, people have come and gone from your life, and base less of everthing on emotions. I was young and was in "Romeo and Juliette" love with my wife. I was not on my third marriage and had any bitterness in me. Young, dumb, and in love.

 

I think if you ever were ever in serious relationships before has an impact. This was my one and only true heartbreak and never experienced anything like it before.

 

If the other person did it to intentionally hurt you, then this is another big difference. My wife did what she did for herself, not to hurt me.

 

Both of us had never slept with many other people. The value of faithfulness and what sex represented was much higher. Example: I would assume if both of us had slept with lots other people, then sex would just be sex. Since she was the fourth person I ever had sex with, not just a teenage or college one-nighter, I see what she did as cheating, an affair, or infidelity on her part, even when were technacally broken up.

 

I think a person's beliefs, attidude in life, and personality is the biggest factor.

Many of my friends are easy going and live "life" for what it is. They can exist in the present and they put the past into the past. I am not that type of person, I seem to remember everything and recall everything. I can see a movie and tell you the plot, give you a scene by scene break down 3 years afterwards. I am a person who holds a grudge. I can forgive, but never forget. I can forgive once, but not twice. Morals, beliefs, and ethics are different for each person.

I am also a hyper-active semi-extrovert always doing something. Completly opposite of my wife. Both of us are always positive. She is calm, I am manic.

Each person is different. Who you are will most likely decide how you handle it.

 

 

 

 

If anything, move on OR you must figure out a way to get past it now. Resentment is a brutal mental problem. It is a small thorn in your back you cannot reach or pull out. You can ingore it 99% of the time, but it does bother you and cause some pain randomly.

This is a regret I have always had to burden. I let her back into my life with little resistance, not resolving or dicussing it fully at that time, or venturing off to 100% find myself, or dating someone else at that time.

 

Lastly, the most important thing is trust. If that cannot be rebuilt, then you must move on.

What I have learned is that it takes time to get that back.

They can easily trust you since you did nothing wrong. They need to know at this time you do not trust them and need to earn it.

 

 

Your life is a road with many twists and turns.

There are many different paths and directions to take.

Just don't fall off.

Edited October 28, 2013 by MrWhite

[damien201]

"Mr. White, do you believe it's been worth what you've had to process to stay in this relationship?"

 

Yes, if looking at my life over all, I would say it was worth it. I think I am a better person and my life has turned out very well. I am happy. I could not assume that if I did not marry her that my life would have turned out better or worse, just different. My wife is devoted to me as I am to her. Only recently have we ever had any issues in our marriage that would cause any problems or miss-trust. I think we were ment to be together, we were just young and did not fully commit to each other at that age.

 

"Do you feel it would be any different than any other one, where you would have to think about your wife with different men?"

 

Yes.

If both parties split on semi-equal terms, then all is equal and what ever happens when apart is fair.

If something happened that would cause, call for, or force a break up or issue, then it could be assume that anything is fair.

If one party "dumps" the other, has a moment of weakness, doubts, or abandons the other, then you will experience what I did. An unjustified or an unequal incident.

 

My wife is not a person who normally ever do something like this. A very conservative but liberal person. She is very shy, does not have deep emotions, is very attractive, and is very intelliegnt but a simple person.

I think that since we were yonger, she experienced the "grass in greener" time and left me for an older person who was more stable and more mature. I think she ended up with a serious case of buyers remorse when she found out I was finally recovering and moving on.

 

There are many factors that would be different than from what I experieced.

Like I described above, my wife is not into drama, a long time ago acknowleged that she messed up, and had always assumed that I had no resentment over what happened. The technical "break up" is how she justified what happened. She believes marriage and dating are different. I however, look at the entire relationship as our story and will always see what she did as a major part of it. She has removed it from her memory and our history. It was a bad choice she never wants to ever talk or think about again.

 

Age is one. The older you get, you become more independent, have experienced more in life, people have come and gone from your life, and base less of everthing on emotions. I was young and was in "Romeo and Juliette" love with my wife. I was not on my third marriage and had any bitterness in me. Young, dumb, and in love.

 

I think if you ever were ever in serious relationships before has an impact. This was my one and only true heartbreak and never experienced anything like it before.

 

If the other person did it to intentionally hurt you, then this is another big difference. My wife did what she did for herself, not to hurt me.

 

Both of us had never slept with many other people. The value of faithfulness and what sex represented was much higher. Example: I would assume if both of us had slept with lots other people, then sex would just be sex. Since she was the fourth person I ever had sex with, not just a teenage or college one-nighter, I see what she did as cheating, an affair, or infidelity on her part, even when were technacally broken up.

 

I think a person's beliefs, attidude in life, and personality is the biggest factor.

Many of my friends are easy going and live "life" for what it is. They can exist in the present and they put the past into the past. I am not that type of person, I seem to remember everything and recall everything. I can see a movie and tell you the plot, give you a scene by scene break down 3 years afterwards. I am a person who holds a grudge. I can forgive, but never forget. I can forgive once, but not twice. Morals, beliefs, and ethics are different for each person.

I am also a hyper-active semi-extrovert always doing something. Completly opposite of my wife. Both of us are always positive. She is calm, I am manic.

Each person is different. Who you are will most likely decide how you handle it.

 

 

 

 

If anything, move on OR you must figure out a way to get past it now. Resentment is a brutal mental problem. It is a small thorn in your back you cannot reach or pull out. You can ingore it 99% of the time, but it does bother you and cause some pain randomly.

This is a regret I have always had to burden. I let her back into my life with little resistance, not resolving or dicussing it fully at that time, or venturing off to 100% find myself, or dating someone else at that time.

 

Lastly, the most important thing is trust. If that cannot be rebuilt, then you must move on.

What I have learned is that it takes time to get that back.

They can easily trust you since you did nothing wrong. They need to know at this time you do not trust them and need to earn it.

 

 

Your life is a road with many twists and turns.

There are many different paths and directions to take.

Just don't fall off.

 

Do you and your wife still talk about it? Or when you're bothered do you just keep to yourself until you've cooled off?

Edited October 28, 2013 by damien201

[CantGetOverItGuy]

Mr. White,

 

Thank you for your wisdom. It's now been almost 3 weeks since we reconciled. What you said with regards to the resentment and it popping up in your head has been happening to me quite frequently. I wanted to come to peace with it and try to move forward because I cherish so dearly what we once had, but what we have now is not what we once had. I still like having her around me and I still love her, but I'm a very spiritual person and I feel like she eternally tarnished our relationship. How could my "soul mate" do this to me? I'll never be able to say we never did each other wrong.

 

We were technically not together, but what bothers me is the fact that it was not my choice we were not together. When I am alone my head gets the best of me, I begin to think about her acting intimate with another man in ways that were exclusive to my entity; it makes me feel like sh*t.Was she kissing him? Did she suck his dick? What f*ckin positions did they f*ck in? It is demoralizing to me.

 

I almost wish I never got reinvolved. Maybe I should have kept moving forward with my life. I feel like trying to get her back was an ego trip, and I let her back into my life without the sincerity and effort on her part that there should have been.

Edited November 11, 2013 by CantGetOverItGuy

[Kate9292]

I almost wish I never got reinvolved. Maybe I should have kept moving forward with my life. I feel like trying to get her back was an ego trip, and I let her back into my life without the sincerity and effort on her part that there should have been.

Then break up with her. If I was her and knew it, then I'd break up with you myself. Seriously, how is it a good way to live, when you still have resentment and could blow up at any moment?

 

And how do you even know she was insincere?

[2fargone]

I never really got the fuzz about someone having sex with someone else after a breakup. Sex is just sex. True, it might hold someone back from thinking things over and whatnot, but come on... It sounds more like an ego thing...

 

 

Mind you, I don't sleep around or do one-night stands or hookers myself. But if my ex thinks she needs that, I don't care.

 

 

Look at it this way: Despite having had a taste of someone else, she still came back to you. How's that for an ego boost?

[Never Again]

I cherish so dearly what we once had, but what we have now is not what we once had.

 

Problem #1: You're idolizing what you had. If you want a successful reconciliation, you have to be focusing on building something new. Whether you want to admit it or not, there was a fundamental problem in your old relationship - if you're trying to recreate that, the same problem will return.

 

 

 

I still like having her around me and I still love her, but I'm a very spiritual person and I feel like she eternally tarnished our relationship. How could my "soul mate" do this to me? I'll never be able to say we never did each other wrong.

 

No offense to your spirituality, but if you believe in "eternal tarnishing" then you're not very forgiving or open minded.

 

I'm also sure you're wronged her in some way in the past. Perhaps not in an enormous way, but we all make mistakes. Part of loving someone is being wronged by them and forgiving...and wronging them and being forgiven. If she crossed a line that you cannot abide, that's one thing, but don't hide behind the false ideal that you should be able to say you "never did each other wrong".

 

 

We were technically not together, but what bothers me is the fact that it was not my choice we were not together. When I am alone my head gets the best of me, I begin to think about her acting intimate with another man in ways that were exclusive to my entity; it makes me feel like sh*t.Was she kissing him? Did she suck his dick? What f*ckin positions did they f*ck in? It is demoralizing to me.

 

It was not just technical. You were absolutely, literally, metaphorically, spiritually, any many other -allys, not together. It doesn't matter who's choice it was.

 

You are obsessing. Do you obsess over the met she was with before you?

 

If this is demoralizing, then it's due to your own insecurity.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but this is problem because of you, not her.

 

 

I almost wish I never got reinvolved. Maybe I should have kept moving forward with my life. I feel like trying to get her back was an ego trip, and I let her back into my life without the sincerity and effort on her part that there should have been.

 

You should have been sure of those things before you ever even tried.

 

You're not concerned with her sincerity from what I can tell - you're looking to make her "atone" for what you perceive as a crime against you.

 

If you're this morally outraged, then dump her.

[yorkie]

TBh i slept with someone after 6 weeks of a break up but thats was a very bad decision, i felt like my ex forced me into it and also the people i was with were saying go on the pull that will help you get over it but end of the day i had to do the act which i regret so badly, i can try and blame other people and i accept i did the act i didnt enjoy it and i cried for two hours after, but strong words from the ex and people around me contributed plus i was absolutely hammered not that its all an excuse. i think its different if it was a one night stand i think although its hard to except you need to if its a relationship then sadly no i dont think i could ever get over that! because its not just a one off drunk pressured thing a relationship is a whole different ball game his balls banging against my ex on a regular basis! nargh sadly thats a big no!

[sidney2718]

Mr. White,

 

Thank you for your wisdom. It's now been almost 3 weeks since we reconciled. What you said with regards to the resentment and it popping up in your head has been happening to me quite frequently. I wanted to come to peace with it and try to move forward because I cherish so dearly what we once had, but what we have now is not what we once had. I still like having her around me and I still love her, but I'm a very spiritual person and I feel like she eternally tarnished our relationship. How could my "soul mate" do this to me? I'll never be able to say we never did each other wrong.

 

We were technically not together, but what bothers me is the fact that it was not my choice we were not together. When I am alone my head gets the best of me, I begin to think about her acting intimate with another man in ways that were exclusive to my entity; it makes me feel like sh*t.Was she kissing him? Did she suck his dick? What f*ckin positions did they f*ck in? It is demoralizing to me.

 

I almost wish I never got reinvolved. Maybe I should have kept moving forward with my life. I feel like trying to get her back was an ego trip, and I let her back into my life without the sincerity and effort on her part that there should have been.

 

Please remember that you also wrote this:

 

"My girlfriend (21f, I'm 24m) of almost 4 years broke up with me around 7 weeks ago because we began to argue a lot over a 1 year period and there was little romance. I stopped paying attention to her, became very irritable around her, and it was generally not good. There are external factors that heavily contributed to this but it's irrelevant at this point."

 

Have you faced up to the fact that this is NOT irrelevant. It seems that YOU drove her away by your behavior. You were not in a real relationship with her at the time she slept with the other man.

 

And now you can't recapture the way things were in the past. Let me again remind you that YOU drove her away in the past. Is that the situation you want to recapture?

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt, I do understand your pain, but have you discussed your previous behavior with her? What steps have you taken to remedy that behavior. In other words if you want a reconciliation you have work to do to.

 

Beyond that, listen to people like Kate. Take a deep breath, talk to your girlfriend and together decide which way is forward.

[MrWhite]

Here is one small belief I has that has helped me with my life and my marriage.

I believe that in any relationship, each person is allowed to "mess up" a single time. This can happen once, and only once. The principle of "forgive and forget" can be applied.

If a second time happens, then the default rule of separating is required no matter the circumstances.

Discuss this and make it the method of getting past what happened.

Just make your partner aware the they have used up that "get out of jail free" card already. Any other major incident would be a point of no return.

[CantGetOverItGuy]

I frequently find myself coming back to this thread to read the advice some of you have offered me. It pains me to reread some of my entries.

 

I'm not seeking any further advice, but it will make me feel better to get this off my chest and vent.

 

The fact she had been with someone else still has quite an impact on me emotionally. When we are not together and I'm alone, I find myself replaying our situation in my mind over and over again. She recently had sex with someone else, after we had been together for 3yrs 8mos; it makes me feel real bad, plain and simple. I feel even worse knowing that she always loved me very dearly and this happened due to my own ignorance and actions. In hindsight I see that I have created this cesspool of sh*t that has tarnished my relationship.

 

It breaks my heart to consider living my life without her- she is my first true love and I know she really loves me. She was the girl I thought I was going to grow old with.. but even as I type these words I think of her performing sexual acts with another guy and it tears me apart. How the hell can I live the rest of my life like that? I think I may have trust issues with her. I think I may have gotten got back with her just because I had not had sex since we broke up. Or possibly that I was scared I would not find another girl that loved me? I do not know, but I do know it almost makes me feel pathetic knowing that this girl left me, slept with someone else, and then returned and I just took her back.

 

I honestly don't even know the extent of the relationship she had with the guy and this really, really bothers me. Were they on the verge of dating? A relationship? Did they hangout and kiss each other regularly? All of this sh*t bothers the f*ck out of me. Even worse- did she give him a blow job and now shes trying to kiss me with that mouth? She told me it happened once, she regretted it immediately, etc, but how do I know that is true? I've come to believe she is lying and that they had sex on multiple occasions.

 

I'm beginning to believe it will never leave my mind. I've tried so hard to accept what has unfolded, but I am afraid the magic may be gone for me..

Edited December 18, 2013 by CantGetOverItGuy

[Mariposa10]

I frequently find myself coming back to this thread to read the advice some of you have offered me. It pains me to reread some of my entries.

 

I'm not seeking any further advice, but it will make me feel better to get this off my chest and vent.

 

The fact she had been with someone else still has quite an impact on me emotionally. When we are not together and I'm alone, I find myself replaying our situation in my mind over and over again. She recently had sex with someone else, after we had been together for 3yrs 8mos; it makes me feel real bad, plain and simple. I feel even worse knowing that she always loved me very dearly and this happened due to my own ignorance and actions. In hindsight I see that I have created this cesspool of sh*t that has tarnished my relationship.

 

I honestly don't even know the extent of the relationship she had with the guy and this mind f*cks me as well. Were they on the verge of dating? A relationship? Did they hangout and kiss each other regularly? All of this sh*t bothers the f*ck out of me. Even worse- did she give him a blow job and now shes trying to kiss me with that mouth?

 

 

It breaks my heart to consider living my life without her- she is my first true love... but even as I type these words I think of her performing sexual acts with another guy. How the hell can I live the rest of my life like that? I think I'm going to have trust issues with her. I think I got back with her just because I had not had sex since we broke up. Or possibly that I was scared I would not find another girl that loved me? I do not know, but I do know it almost makes me feel pathetic knowing that this girl left me, slept with someone else, and then returned and I just took her back.

 

 

I'm beginning to believe it will never leave my mind. I've tried so hard to accept what has unfolded, but I am afraid the magic may be gone for me..

 

 

I feel your pain. My ex slept with someone else too, more like a **** buddy though. It wasn't just once, and I think in your case it was only once, right? Every time I used to watch a sexual scene on a show or something I would start thinking about my ex having sex with someone else. It hurt a lot. But after all, we were not and are not together.

 

We have to keep in mind we don't own them. They were single. They can do whatever they want as long as they are single.

 

If my ex and I were to get together (which I don't see that happening or me wanting that) I would wait a long time before getting back together with him. I actually told him that, if we were to get together again someday you'd have to be single for awhile.

 

Are you two officially back together? Maybe you shouldn't rush thing, and take your time?

 

I understand you. It's normal that you're feeling this way. However, you're gonna have to decide whether to end things or really put this in the past and enjoy your relationship.

[CantGetOverItGuy]

We are back together For about 6 or 7 weeks now. I feel like it happened pretty fast, much faster than it should have. And how you mentioned thinking about it when sexual scenes are on tv- yeah that's me.

 

Definitely have to decide if this is how I want to feel the rest of my life, and I really don't.

[jimloveslips]

Dude is she the only girl you've slept with?