Update - unexpected D-day 2

[Mount]

As you may recall, back in June, MM was telling wife his leaving, then came back to wife the next day.

 

Unfortunately MM and myself are still having "relationship", actually got very closely due to helping me on some personal stuff/property...etc. MM was trying as much as he can to help me on all these help...etc, as apparently he intends to spend more time during the day with me at the property (when he claims to be at work). I am aware of his intention and idea but not fond of it due to he is still married.

 

So recently, especially last week and last weekend, I was telling him I don't like the situation (being strung along) anymore and wanted it to end but he refused, and claims he loves desperately

 

Monday night I was giving him ultimatum via messenger online, asking him make a clear choice asap, since I don't like the situation anymore. He told me he made the decision in his mind to be with me, but wants to talk to me face to face about next step, where to live, how to move foreward ..etc. So we agreed to meet at my place next day after work.

 

Next morning when I called him, being sensitvely smart as I am, I felt his voice sounds cold/strange, but I did not really concern.

 

Guess what happened after I went home, that supposely MM should arrive there as well at my place, he brought his wife. And MM told me that he made decision staying with his wife, then his wife told me that MM had told him about everything (his help for me, his gift towards me...etc), and then she mentioned that she will lawyer up if I still contact MM. The conversation between was very civil and calm, I did not have any expression on my face when both of them were talking.

 

My questions are I already told MM two days I wanted the relationship to end between us, why he needs to make all drama, unless he wants to use hurting me to prove himself to his wife. Is that correct?

 

Basically I was kind of being thrown under the bus by the MM as you all call this term, but again, was it even necessary? I was not pushing MM to be with me, I was just asking him to make a choice and I am fine if he choose wife which he could have told me last week or via messgener when I gave him ultimatum Monday night.

 

What I feel now that the MM is really a wimp, his wife always cleans up his mess. Even MM told he never had affair before, but from this wife confrontation experience, and how calm his wife was, I feel like it is not first redeo for him.

Edited October 23, 2013 by Mount

[whatatangledweb]

I am sorry Mount. I would say he brought his wife as he had no choice. Meaning she told him he was doing that.Since he lied to her at the first d-day she was not going to trust his word again that he would end it. She went to make sure that he did it. I don't think it was done as a way to hurt you.

[Mount]

But it is so typical that MM makes me as a bad person in front of her face, forcing him to do this or that, that is why the wife warned me that they might lawyer up if we still have contact. But in reality it takes two to tangle.

 

I am sorry Mount. I would say he brought his wife as he had no choice. Meaning she told him he was doing that.Since he lied to her at the first d-day she was not going to trust his word again that he would end it. She went to make sure that he did it. I don't think it was done as a way to hurt you.

[whatatangledweb]

It does take two to tangle. Blaming you was cruel and how he is protecting himself. It is being a coward. I thought you said she would lawyer up if he contacted you again. But it was they would lawyer up. Sounds like he told her a bunch of lies and made it seem as though you would not leave him alone.But yes, it seems to be pretty common that the MM throws the OW under the bus like that.

[Mount]

Yes unfortunately.

 

The wife has to be the big MAMA of the wimp MM.

 

It does take two to tangle. Blaming you was cruel and how he is protecting himself. It is being a coward. I thought you said she would lawyer up if he contacted you again. But it was they would lawyer up. Sounds like he told her a bunch of lies and made it seem as though you would not leave him alone.But yes, it seems to be pretty common that the MM throws the OW under the bus like that.

[underwater2010]

And can I ask why you find that to be a attractive quality in him....enough to continue on with the affair after a previous dday.

[BrokenPrincess]

He already made his decision last time when he went back to her after 24hours in his own place.

 

I'm actually pretty surprised to hear that you let him back into your life after that drama and flip flopping. Hopefully you will stand firm and go NC after this second episode.

[Mount]

Unfortunately lesson learnt 2nd time.

 

But I just don't understand MM pulled the un-necessary flip-flop drama again, after I told him he needs to make decision, and if he choose wife just plain telling me.

 

Then after he told me that he wants to be with me, why bringing along wife to tell me the opposite?

 

He already made his decision last time when he went back to her after 24hours in his own place.

 

I'm actually pretty surprised to hear that you let him back into your life after that drama and flip flopping. Hopefully you will stand firm and go NC after this second episode.

[imfine]

"But it is so typical that MM makes me as a bad person in front of her face, forcing him to do this or that, that is why the wife warned me that they might lawyer up if we still have contact. But in reality it takes two to tangle."

 

It's called being thrown under the bus. By humiliating you in front of her, he saves his own butt. Bet he doesn't seem like such a great guy now.

[Mount]

Yes I already said that in my open post. And no, in my eyes he is a very weak and old guy, needs MAMA clean up mess all the time.

 

It sounds more convincing to me that he did that before, does it?

 

 

"But it is so typical that MM makes me as a bad person in front of her face, forcing him to do this or that, that is why the wife warned me that they might lawyer up if we still have contact. But in reality it takes two to tangle."

 

It's called being thrown under the bus. By humiliating you in front of her, he saves his own butt. Bet he doesn't seem like such a great guy now.

[2sunny]

But it is so typical that MM makes me as a bad person in front of her face, forcing him to do this or that, that is why the wife warned me that they might lawyer up if we still have contact. But in reality it takes two to tangle.

 

Mount - most posters told you last spring to stay the hell away from him until his D was FINAL for this exact reason!

 

He ISNT leaving her!!!

 

He may love you - but not enough to upset the tidy life his wife provides him.

 

He's a WUSSY! She KNEW he didn't have the balls to end it with you - so she did it FOR HIM!

 

 

He's like a child!

 

 

Now YOU are FREE to find a REAL MAN!

 

Don't communicate with him ANY FURTHER!

 

You should want better for yourself MOUNT - you are smart, insightful and have much to offer an AVAILABLE, MATURE MAN.

[Mount]

yes I get it now....don't yell at me :confused:

 

Mount - most posters told you last spring to stay the hell away from him until his D was FINAL for this exact reason!

 

He ISNT leaving her!!!

 

He may love you - but not enough to upset the tidy life his wife provides him.

 

He's a WUSSY! She KNEW he didn't have the balls to end it with you - so she did it FOR HIM!

 

 

He's like a child!

 

 

Now YOU are FREE to find a REAL MAN!

 

Don't communicate with him ANY FURTHER!

 

You should want better for yourself MOUNT - you are smart, insightful and have much to offer an AVAILABLE, MATURE MAN.

[2sunny]

yes I get it now....don't yell at me :confused:

 

No mount - I wouldn't yell at you...I would give you a hug and tell you to quit short changing your life with such a man child!

 

You really do deserve better Mount! Move FORWARD honey - and don't look back!!!

[imfine]

"And no, in my eyes he is a very weak and old guy, needs MAMA clean up mess all the time."

 

Yeah, not very attractive. Hope you really do stay away from him this time. He'll be back, again.

[Mount]

But I just don't understand why he needs to bring MAMA/wife out, if he did not want to be with me, I understand, and he can tell me directly which I have asked him too in differernt scenarios.

 

Weird.

 

 

 

No mount - I wouldn't yell at you...I would give you a hug and tell you to quit short changing your life with such a man child!

 

You really do deserve better Mount! Move FORWARD honey - and don't look back!!!

[2sunny]

But I just don't understand why he needs to bring MAMA/wife out, if he did not want to be with me, I understand, and he can tell me directly which I have asked him too in differernt scenarios.

 

Weird.

 

Because he is a baby and can't tell you his truth Mount.

 

He isn't leaving her! You had your evidence in June - it is time to let go of what isn't working = him!

 

It is time to make YOU the priority, not him.

 

I do think you show issues with co dependency... I hope you will grow further in that area.

 

Stop worrying how he feels a s start thinking of how YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE honey.

[What Will Be]

But I just don't understand why he needs to bring MAMA/wife out, if he did not want to be with me, I understand, and he can tell me directly which I have asked him too in differernt scenarios.

 

Weird.

 

As whatatangledweb suggested, she basically forced his hand. She wanted to witness it for herself...

[whichwayisup]

Sorry to see you here posting again, but glad you are posting for an update. Hugs to you Mount! Stay strong sweets, this is going to be easier than you think to work through it all.

 

Okay, the gist of it is now - The A is over..For good this time! That's a plus in the long run even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Let them mind their own marriage, their weird dynamic and whatever else.

 

I hope on some level this is a relief for you as well.

 

He didn't have the balls to make the choice. Unfortunately (gotta say this, and you know I love ya) you didn't either. I see you were letting HIM make the decision, giving him all the power. It sucks he threw you under the bus after all that, but it is what it is.

 

Let today be the first day of freedom. Grieve the loss but pick yourself up, hold your head up and smile daily. That roller coaster ride, the push/pull and all the bull crap, games and emotional lows and highs are over. That's a good thing!

[wanting more]

I know where you are. I've been there.

 

He's doing everything he can to show his wife he really means it this time. It's not like the first d-day. This time he's got to "show" her you mean nothing to him.

 

Be strong. You can get thru this if you let yourself. Stop wondering WHY he threw you under the bus, just Remember he DID throw you under the bus. To save his own ass.

 

That was one of the loneliest, most confusing, most heart breaking times for me. Knowing that everything he'd said to me were lies.

 

You can become stronger. You can forget him. You can move on.

 

Hugs to you.

[Mount]

Believe it or not, I feel relieved rather sad, coz as I said in post above, I had already been ready to let him go last few weeks in multiple times but he refused...etc.

 

What I feel like, is he wants to be the dominant dumper, instead of being dumpee, so he had to pull such drama using his wife to show determined he is to go back wife.?

 

I know where you are. I've been there.

 

He's doing everything he can to show his wife he really means it this time. It's not like the first d-day. This time he's got to "show" her you mean nothing to him.

 

Be strong. You can get thru this if you let yourself. Stop wondering WHY he threw you under the bus, just Remember he DID throw you under the bus. To save his own ass.

 

That was one of the loneliest, most confusing, most heart breaking times for me. Knowing that everything he'd said to me were lies.

 

You can become stronger. You can forget him. You can move on.

 

Hugs to you.

[wanting more]

Believe it or not, I feel relieved rather sad, coz as I said in post above, I had already been ready to let him go last few weeks in multiple times but he refused...etc.

 

What I feel like, is he wants to be the dominant dumper, instead of being dumpee, so he had to pull such drama using his wife to show determined he is to go back wife.?

 

And that may be why he did what he did. He didn't want to be dumped. But at this point, don't worry about. You be the strong person and don't look back. Doesn't sound like a great person you lost. Time will heal.

[awkward]

Mount that really sucks. My guess is he did it because his wife found evidence of the continued affair. He was proving something to his wife. In the end it is meaningless because he is the same cheater he was yesterday. He LIES!!!!! x1000 Slam the door next time he knocks. Hope his wife pulls his toenails out one at a time j/k.

[Mount]

I did not want that happen and did not expect at all.

 

And I have already given him chance to break the affair but he did not want to, instead, he was using this way to humiliate me that I did not ask for.

 

 

 

Why are you willing to be thrown under the bus in such a humiliating manner?

 

Please wake up?

 

Where is your self worth?

 

This is very depressing. I wish you well!

[Mount]

Agree. No one wants him.

 

Mount that really sucks. My guess is he did it because his wife found evidence of the continued affair. He was proving something to his wife. In the end it is meaningless because he is the same cheater he was yesterday. He LIES!!!!! x1000 Slam the door next time he knocks. Hope his wife pulls his toenails out one at a time j/k.

Edited October 24, 2013 by Mount

[Mount]

As I have no intention contacting MM, obviously so does MM, I really don't know what happened since last communication after I gave MM the ultimatum, what made MM bring his wife to my place without me knowing first.

 

It hurts that if MM chooses to do so, or less hurting if wife forced him to do that.

 

 

I am sorry Mount. I would say he brought his wife as he had no choice. Meaning she told him he was doing that.Since he lied to her at the first d-day she was not going to trust his word again that he would end it. She went to make sure that he did it. I don't think it was done as a way to hurt you.