MissBee Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Today is an important day for my OM and so obviously for his wife too. Just a personal kind of day and I heard her gushing about what she had planned while with mutual friends last week. Well today's that day and I hadn't expected to hear from him but he's been texting me all day and wants to see me later. I plan to ask him to choose another day. I just feel odd about it, but of course still responding and stroking his ego, cause we both love it. Did you talk or text with your AP on days that were kind of 'special' .. Meaning birthdays, anniversarys, holidays.. Things like that? How did you feel about it? We didn't talk about that. I have no idea when their anniversary, her birthday or anything like that was, so I have no clue if I ever intruded on it, as I'm sure he probably just didn't tell me and had some other plausible reason why we couldn't speak, if it were a case where he specially celebrated. There were times when he would tell me he would be with her and would be unavailable so maybe one of those times was also a "special" day. I know he did spend one of his birthdays with her, well it was the weekend after the actual day of his birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I not only spoke to him, but he purposefully arranged dates to see me or sleep with me on those days. I was not aware of the significance of those days until he told me after the first 'round' of them had progressed in our A. Then I was a bit shell-shocked by it. Then I tried to understand it from his point of view. Then I realized there was nothing sacred to him. He could feign ignorance of meanings and psychological warfare all he wants but EVERYTHING has been a dig at not only his M but his W - and IMO what he'll do against her he'll do against anyone sooner or later. There's been nothing sacred to him (and by my participation unwittingly or wittingly) in our entire A. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 In your other threads, you mentioned that you were careful, so that your husband would not find out. But he is texting you and leaving a trail. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 No. Nothing is sacred once the sanctity of the M has been breached by an A. Not for WS/AP/Children or special dates even friends and extended families. Nothing is sacred anymore no matter which way you spin it. google it. Your children love you! I wouldn't expect that to change even after D-day, but they're feelings about what kind of person you are will... ((sad)) face* Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 In your other threads, you mentioned that you were careful, so that your husband would not find out. But he is texting you and leaving a trail. Yes, we do text, quite a bit at the beginning all day everyday, for months, but we have slowed it down, not every day. We don't share bills with our spouses and we have a way of knowing if we are alone at not and whether to keep the texts clean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 Would you end your A for them? Affairs are damaging to children even at very young ages. Just read this article: Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn You say you would do anything for your children, but, right now, what you are doing is hurting them. My sister's xH brought the AP around my nieces. When one of my nieces was 5, it came out that she thought it was normal for daddies to have a wife and a girlfriend. I hope you never have to explain that to your children. Yes, in the end, it with be ended for the kids. Right now, nobody suspects and we have no plans to hang out as anything more than friends, so we haven't had to discuss ending it. We can't carry on forever though we know that. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Today is an important day for my OM and so obviously for his wife too. Just a personal kind of day and I heard her gushing about what she had planned while with mutual friends last week. Well today's that day and I hadn't expected to hear from him but he's been texting me all day and wants to see me later. I plan to ask him to choose another day. I just feel odd about it, but of course still responding and stroking his ego, cause we both love it. Did you talk or text with your AP on days that were kind of 'special' .. Meaning birthdays, anniversarys, holidays.. Things like that? How did you feel about it? Hell yes, we've had sex on their anniversary several times and last month on her birthday while he was on holidays he sent me a card on her birthday saying how much he missed me. He mailed it before he left but he dated it for her birthday. He's a pos and I lost a lot of respect that day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peaksandvalleys Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 In your other threads, you mentioned that you were careful, so that your husband would not find out. But he is texting you and leaving a trail. My WS thought no one find out either. Yeas worth of thinking no one would find out. That isn't the end of the story though. It is clear in your posts that nothing is sacred for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I not only spoke to him, but he purposefully arranged dates to see me or sleep with me on those days. I was not aware of the significance of those days until he told me after the first 'round' of them had progressed in our A. Then I was a bit shell-shocked by it. Then I tried to understand it from his point of view. Then I realized there was nothing sacred to him. He could feign ignorance of meanings and psychological warfare all he wants but EVERYTHING has been a dig at not only his M but his W - and IMO what he'll do against her he'll do against anyone sooner or later. There's been nothing sacred to him (and by my participation unwittingly or wittingly) in our entire A. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. Hell yes, we've had sex on their anniversary several times and last month on her birthday while he was on holidays he sent me a card on her birthday saying how much he missed me. He mailed it before he left but he dated it for her birthday. He's a pos and I lost a lot of respect that day. re: the bolded... Good examples of the often-underrated presence of anger in a WS/MP. These actions take specific planning and effort by MP to pull off. If they were truly indifferent toward their wife/marriage, they would never even think about the so called "insignificance." No, these men purposely sought out these days as a big F-U to their wife. Not exactly indifference, but ANGER from these MM, which makes one think that they are not as unemotional about their wives/marriages as they lead the OW to think. I hope both of you ladies got away from these passive-aggressive men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) Ten characters..... Edited October 24, 2013 by sweet_pea Some things are just so wrong wow Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Would you end your A for them? Affairs are damaging to children even at very young ages. Just read this article: Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn You say you would do anything for your children, but, right now, what you are doing is hurting them. My sister's xH brought the AP around my nieces. When one of my nieces was 5, it came out that she thought it was normal for daddies to have a wife and a girlfriend. I hope you never have to explain that to your children. Oh goodness me. That article sure makes a lot of leaps into 'what if's'. Life is full of messy relationships. It would be far worse to live a life without love it is not the same. My Guy's kids are adults so it is not the same as little kids but they still love and respect their father and I would even go so far as to say they spend more time with him now than before the split. They understand the reasons he left and are glad to are him finally happy. He can be a much more effective father if he is not miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhema Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 We talk in some form pretty much every day (text or on the phone). Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, were no exception. They don't celebrate their anniversary and treat it as pretty much any other day. I saw MM on his bday and vice versa, we gave each other bday gifts, etc. I saw him and gave him a gift (something I made) . Me too. My current situation, is exactly the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 WOW...just wow. I have no clue what to say to you anymore. I find that you are truly living in a fantasy world that is going to eventually crash down upon you. This past year of happiness is going to be but a fleeting moment when you guys are caught. And it will happen. You guys are being way to reckless. The joint friends and mingling of families is going to backfire. Something will slip out eventually. And I know that you say very little will change....but think of all the things that will. Your household income will drop do to financing multiple households, the martial house will probably go, even your kids will lose the little family your guys have, your name will be smeared among your friends and family....those are just a few to name. All you have to do is read the majority of posts on both sides to see the train wreck coming. But as to the topic....it does not sound as though either of you have allowed anything to be sacred. Interesting list of priorities here underwater Income House Family Reputation In that order. Just saying.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 We've spent birthdays together and his anniversary was spent with me as well. Christmas will be a whole other story which is why I'm attempting NC before then. From the other side...as a BS, I gave birth to my son while xWH spent the whole time on the phone texting with his OW, (i saw the phone records) he also left the hospital after our son was born and went strait to her. So ya, nothing is sacred. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Interesting list of priorities here underwater Income House Family Reputation In that order. Just saying.... Your point? These are not a list of my priorities....just a list of what married people stand to lose, when they decide to screw around. FYI....my kids and husband have always come first. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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