Loving people who don't love themselves

[panoramicview]

Falling In Love With People Who Don?t Love Themselves | Thought Catalog

 

I read this article and reflected. It resonated with me. Being with me is compared to torture...and I can't help but feel terrible about that, especially now after losing another person I love. Low self-esteem has won again, and caused me to lose out on what could have been a beautiful and very loving relationship. I feel like my lesson is that I'm just fighting a losing battle by trying to be in a relationship. Has anyone been through what I've been through and been able to come out on the other side. Is it possible to combat these destructive behaviors and regain self-esteem?

[Kaiten]

I used to hate who I was. And that is for a very simple reason:

 

I didn't know why I should love myself.

 

My mother used to always tell me she hated me, and even that she'd kill me herself if she could get away with it.

 

Along the path of life, I stumbled upon some people who claimed to love me. For about 3 years they had my mind in self-defeat.

 

There are some people who say: You are great...if

 

And that's not true at all.

 

Listen to the people who'll tell you: You are great...because

 

You are great because you are you.

You are great because you can do something that no one else can.

 

Here is how you get through self-destructive thoughts:

 

Stop listening to yourself.

 

No really. Stop listening to yourself. And don't listen to anyone who talks about "if/then" greatness. Listen to the people who tell you that you are great if you never fit in. If you never make six figures. Even if you're ugly (But you're beautiful, assuming youre a girl)

 

If you don't stop listening to you, you are going to drive away great people who truly want to be in your life.

 

"No one can love you until you love yourself" is not completely true. They can love you. They just can't sustain love for you for very long.

 

You can do it Paranormic...uh...

 

YOU CAN DO IT!

[brokenblade]

To be honest, I can see where you are coming from. I still struggle with low self esteem. The sad thing is that my self esteem will possibly always be low. I'm not sure whether or not I've lost relationships due to low self esteem. I've never had people decide to cut me out of their life. However, there have been a couple of cases where I've had to cut someone out of my life due to the fact that he or she was trying to impose his or her ways on me and yet he or she wasn't doing anything with his herself.

 

I have a large problem with people that judge me on something that they themselves are doing much worse than me at. I don't have time for that.

 

I have had people basically "cool off" on me due to the fact that I apparently avoided them, due to low self esteem. I always had this thought that they see my flaws and that they will eventually give me crap about it. The thing is that I can imagine it being like hell to be with a suffering person like me, that is why I avoid someone. I don't like being a burden.

 

Now, if it was possible to combat these destructive behaviors and come out on the other side, the only way I could have done it was to forget about myself and look for ways to help others. That made it a little better for me.

[brokenblade]

I used to hate who I was. And that is for a very simple reason:

 

I didn't know why I should love myself.

 

My mother used to always tell me she hated me, and even that she'd kill me herself if she could get away with it.

 

Along the path of life, I stumbled upon some people who claimed to love me. For about 3 years they had my mind in self-defeat.

 

There are some people who say: You are great...if

 

And that's not true at all.

 

Listen to the people who'll tell you: You are great...because

 

You are great because you are you.

You are great because you can do something that no one else can.

 

Here is how you get through self-destructive thoughts:

 

Stop listening to yourself.

 

No really. Stop listening to yourself. And don't listen to anyone who talks about "if/then" greatness. Listen to the people who tell you that you are great if you never fit in. If you never make six figures. Even if you're ugly (But you're beautiful, assuming youre a girl)

 

If you don't stop listening to you, you are going to drive away great people who truly want to be in your life.

 

"No one can love you until you love yourself" is not completely true. They can love you. They just can't sustain love for you for very long.

 

You can do it Paranormic...uh...

 

YOU CAN DO IT!

 

That is a really messed up thing to say to your own child. If you have gotten away from your mother, then I am glad you made it out.

 

I had to cut my family off for lesser things. I can't be around manipulative people anymore.

[SpiralOut]

I agree that if you don't love yourself, you can't treat others with the type of love they deserve.

 

I have pushed away many people in my life due to my thinking I don't deserve good people like that as friends. I couldn't understand why they would like me. I felt like a fraud and at any moment people would see through it. I settled for men who weren't quite who I wanted because I feared the men I really wanted wouldn't want me.I feared they would reject me once they saw the real me.

 

It is possible to get through it and regain self esteem. I'm not on the other side of the dark tunnel just yet, but I've made improvements. Other people have done it so it must be possible.

[melell]

Just curious about how old you are?

 

I felt the same about myself for a long time. And was not really able to contribute fairly in a relationship as a result of it. There was always a bit of dysfunction because of my view of myself.

 

Of course, the person I was with had their faults and it was a joint effort in things falling apart. But there were a few problems that I could isolate as specifically a result of my self loathing.

 

I am only 26 now, but this lasted from my teens until I was about 24, and purely isn't a problem now because my perspectives changed over time.

 

I do think the more we question ourselves the more we resolve those residual negative views. I know things are quite different when mental illness is involved, but in saying that I am quite sure that if I had opened up about this a few years ago to a professional I would have fallen within the mental illness bracket.

 

For me it was just residual opinions of myself that seemed to change once I tackled them with a more adult/logical mindset.

[mea_M]

What I've learned, it's virtually impossible to love a person who does not love them self. Far to many barriers are put up. Patience and understanding that they need to find self love is probably the best way to understand it. My best to you.

 

Mea :-)

[AnyaNova]

Falling In Love With People Who Don?t Love Themselves | Thought Catalog

 

I read this article and reflected. It resonated with me. Being with me is compared to torture...and I can't help but feel terrible about that, especially now after losing another person I love. Low self-esteem has won again, and caused me to lose out on what could have been a beautiful and very loving relationship. I feel like my lesson is that I'm just fighting a losing battle by trying to be in a relationship. Has anyone been through what I've been through and been able to come out on the other side. Is it possible to combat these destructive behaviors and regain self-esteem?

 

I just got burned by one of these myself, though I was on the "need to be needed, by-gosh-I'm-going-to-help-him-solve-all-of-his-problems" side of things, instead of the other side of things.

 

But essentially, both, I think suffer from a dearth of self-esteem.

 

Part of me sometimes wishes that he would get the help he needs, and come back so that we could try it again and I could try it sans "need to be needed" dynamic.

 

But he has made it clear that he desires no such thing.

 

I am sorry that you are in this situation, too.

[crederer]

One time with an ex, she asked me why I was being so distant. I said "it's hard to love someone that hates herself so much".

 

I love her more than anyone, even still to this day, but every day was a constant struggle. I have a feeling she (and you) will always have problems with relationships until you find a way to resolve it.

[AnyaNova]

One time with an ex, she asked me why I was being so distant. I said "it's hard to love someone that hates herself so much".

 

I love her more than anyone, even still to this day, but every day was a constant struggle. I have a feeling she (and you) will always have problems with relationships until you find a way to resolve it.

 

That would be why I have decided to take a dating hiatus for a while.