when the A is exposed, does marriage actually works?

[underwater2010]

They have way more issues then the affair with my husband. She is a serial cheater and has been most of their marriage. Last I heard they were seperating but I doubt it. She has him wrapped around her little finger and is blind to what a good man she has.

 

Their marriage is not my issue as long as she stays far, far from my husband.

[nicepuzzle]

Well regardless... may be we both played with fire and got burnt and I have moved on for good. Lessions learnt. Me and my friends are proud of me to be out of that mess and teaching him a good lession and I trly believe that if I didnt work for him, I would have NEVER got into that situation. So ofcourse I was nothing but a victim and all the people who know him think the same. Closed a bad chapter. Ewwwwww......

[nicepuzzle]

They have way more issues then the affair with my husband. She is a serial cheater and has been most of their marriage. Last I heard they were seperating but I doubt it. She has him wrapped around her little finger and is blind to what a good man she has.

 

Their marriage is not my issue as long as she stays far, far from my husband.

 

What a looser man to stay with her. Thats how my Xmm portrayed himself actually and good man ruled by wife. But at the end, men like that are the ones who let women out in open to do that....

 

Good that you are away and keep miles away...

[road]

I wonder when wife finds about A and they both commit to make it work for kids and poor BOW becomes the bad person. Does it actuslly work for them or they are playing husband and wife? I wont be able loveafter being cheated on. How is life afterwards? Any thoughts?

 

 

The AP is a bad person whether exposed or not.

 

Exposure has nothing to do with the recovery being successful and the marriage becoming better then before the affair.

 

Exposure is the #1 tool for being the most effective at killing affairs.

 

Killing an affair is good. However just because the affair is dead does not mean the marriage has recovered.

 

 

Next question?

[road]

During years of persuit I saw a lonely man behind his womanizer ways. He made me close to his family and I saw what a disfunctional family it was and he was bearing all that for the kids and he told me when of the kids was not even his own, which I verified by his family members and they were suspicious about the same. He came across to me a man so nice who didnt want to break his family because of the kids and was sacrificing. I saw myself that wife was a trashy manipulator and using him as a trophy and money. I felt very sad for him and kind of understood why he was womanizing. He also said it gave me peace to be with me and we were totally NON physical but at the same time he wanted to sleep with me which I refused over and over again and did only twice all the way in all those years. When he came back in my life after many years of NC I thought he was right and was in truly in love with me. While staying NC i still maintained a wonderful relationship with his family where I saw him once in a while and I absolutely had no desire to start the whole thing again.

 

My fault:

1. being alone in the city with no family friends

2. Worked for him and couldnt leave since my work papers relied on his company and he was in power of firing me in a second

3. Only family I had was his family who reated me like their own daughter

4. May be I had low esteem since I believed all his stories without questioning and cried for his poor situation

 

 

It takes effort to make things run well.

 

How much effort was your OM able to put into his marriage and family when he was not nailing you he was out trying to nail as many other OW as he could?

 

The answer is your OM put very little effort into his family. And the results showed that.

[Spark1111]

I told my facts to Spark. I do get hit on by married man but it has never repeated again or neighter will, ssince I know better now . I didnt make a choice to be a MM. Some MM are just too smart to make women emotional and that makes them ez to exploit them.

 

yes, very true!

 

But you must discover why YOU allowed yourself to be vulnerable to his exploitations? See?

 

And you must shore your boundaries, make then stronger, so YOU cannot be exploited in the future.

 

And on SOME LEVEL , he gets an emotional payoff being with his wife and chasing sweet women like you. A man is always where he wants to be.

 

And he finds women like you by preying on your empathy and making you feel oh, so sorry for him and his plight. And it worked!

 

Devoted Dad, loveless marriage. I have read that 1000 times here on LS.

 

I'd like you to get to the point where, in the future, your reaction to some man whining about his marriage is: FIX IT you slime all and sop telling me because you will never be strong and confident enough for me to have a relationship with.

 

I like STRONG, DECISIVE men who do not whine and tell the truth to their partners.

 

Buzz off Bud.

[nicepuzzle]

yes, very true!

 

But you must discover why YOU allowed yourself to be vulnerable to his exploitations? See?

 

And you must shore your boundaries, make then stronger, so YOU cannot be exploited in the future.

 

And on SOME LEVEL , he gets an emotional payoff being with his wife and chasing sweet women like you. A man is always where he wants to be.

 

And he finds women like you by preying on your empathy and making you feel oh, so sorry for him and his plight. And it worked!

 

Devoted Dad, loveless marriage. I have read that 1000 times here on LS.

 

I'd like you to get to the point where, in the future, your reaction to some man whining about his marriage is: FIX IT you slime all and sop telling me because you will never be strong and confident enough for me to have a relationship with.

 

I like STRONG, DECISIVE men who do not whine and tell the truth to their partners.

 

Buzz off Bud.

 

I wish I did that and seeked advice here... . Love your answer

[ladydesigner]

Its like a near death experience that draws you closer-makes you more appreciative-you choose each other again under the worse of circumstances-

 

 

This is a REALLY good description Weski! I would have to agree. Our experience has been the same.

[emotionlessbutalive]

This is a REALLY good description Weski! I would have to agree. Our experience has been the same.

 

I hope its true for you ladies and doesn't become till next time. When the death scare goes away and someelse comes along...

 

Dont mean to dissapoint you but roving eyes still rove, this time more careful

[emotionlessbutalive]

First of all they would have done that to you already and they still have you. It means deep inside they know you wont leave them. Now things are HOT and after they calm down they will look for someone else.

 

It might be hard for you to accept that they are not into you and trying to make it work is unnatural not because they are in love with you.

 

BS or OW who accept that make them do what they do.

 

Have some self respect ladies. Just having a marriage tag doesnt make them yours. there is no difference between you or the OW who desperately want him and he is happy living his life.

 

I just feel sorry for you ladies.....

[emotionlessbutalive]

Sorry, I dont know your whole story but you sound like that you finally got some attention from your husband and is happy. Looks like you didnt have to before and were living a attention deprived life.

 

I have known and met a lot of woman who never had love from their husband and were very insecure and whatever bits and pieces they got they were happy. You are forgetting that your hubby has already done stuff with other woman and it mght be his guilt he is giving you all the attention.

 

I dont mean to be negative or personal towards you, but thats what men do. They cheat and guilt make them stay with their families.

 

My husband is a loving one and wouldnt cheat on me, but I had a brief affair and I truly believe I can get any married man I want to. 95 percent are bored and ready to mingle.

[Journee]

Sorry, I dont know your whole story but you sound like that you finally got some attention from your husband and is happy. Looks like you didnt have to before and were living a attention deprived life.

 

I have known and met a lot of woman who never had love from their husband and were very insecure and whatever bits and pieces they got they were happy. You are forgetting that your hubby has already done stuff with other woman and it mght be his guilt he is giving you all the attention.

 

I dont mean to be negative or personal towards you, but thats what men do. They cheat and guilt make them stay with their families.

 

My husband is a loving one and wouldnt cheat on me, but I had a brief affair and I truly believe I can get any married man I want to. 95 percent are bored and ready to mingle.

 

 

 

So, your husband wouldn't cheat but everyone else's will? Lol ok

[carhill]

I wonder when wife finds about A and they both commit to make it work for kids and poor BOW becomes the bad person. Does it actuslly work for them or they are playing husband and wife? I wont be able loveafter being cheated on. How is life afterwards? Any thoughts?

Around here, guys are a dime a dozen and easily replaced so I don't see much stiction in M's where the guy cheats or has an open affair. However, I have seen a number of anecdotes where MW's brutalize their H's with multiple affairs and the guys stick around. Such is the dynamic when there are more men than women around. Supply and demand.

[Quiet Storm]

Oh and on the attention thing...quite the opposite...we were equal partners will full lives, successful jobs, the ski house, successful kids....he admits he needed to feel like he was in control of someone, needed someone to worship rather than partner with him as he was at a plateau in life...I believe this to be fairly common....mid life crisis, most men affair down rather than up...it's just the way it is.

 

This is not uncommon. Men that love to be admired often choose someone that looks up to them. It is often someone younger & more naive, because they are easily influenced. Many times the wife realizes his faults and doesn't provide the praise he seeks (because often, he is not worthy). But OW happily provides it.

 

People assume that men seek out affairs for sex only, but often it is for validation and admiration. New women are a clean slate. MM have not disappointed them yet. They can portray any image they want. So OW end up being a great ego feed. OW do not have the history with MM that BW has. So when OW say "She doesn't appreciate him.", they are only getting one side. They don't see all of BW's disappointments and broken promises. They assume he is this great guy (even though he's cheating on his wife!).

 

OW often assume that BW are withholding this admiration because they are just being a b!tch. Most times, it's because WH doesn't deserve all the admiration and validation that he seeks. MM will disappoint- OW just hasn't experienced that yet. MM often have unrealistic expectations of both BW and OW. They want to be praised, they want to be in control. They want to feel like "the man", even if they don't deserve it.

 

9 times out of 10, MM isn't a victim of BW or his circumstances. He is simply an entitled man that takes no responsibility for his actions.

 

He is not capable of being a good partner for BW or OW until he can do some SERIOUS introspection and work on himself.

Edited October 26, 2013 by Quiet Storm

[lace5262]

most men affair down rather than up...it's just the way it is.

 

So true. Someone on a LS board, posted a website where you could tell your story, AND post pics of the other woman. It completely changed my views of men and cheating:lmao:

[underwater2010]

First of all they would have done that to you already and they still have you. It means deep inside they know you wont leave them. Now things are HOT and after they calm down they will look for someone else.

 

Are you actually speaking from experience as a BS? Please do tell us where your experience comes from.

 

It might be hard for you to accept that they are not into you and trying to make it work is unnatural not because they are in love with you.

 

And what do you say to those that have cheated and realized what they truly stood to lose? Not everyone that has cheated is looking to leave a marriage or not in love with their spouse.

 

BS or OW who accept that make them do what they do.

 

I am a BW and I never made my FWH do anything he did not want to. He chose the path and is doing everything he can to make it up to me. I never once said "Go ahead and cheat on me." In fact I handed him my ring and said leave if you want.

 

Have some self respect ladies.

 

Oh I have plenty. I know my worth and live my life each day with integrity and honor.

 

Just having a marriage tag doesnt make them yours.

 

Nobody is claiming that we "own" our spouse. We are only asking that they live up to the vows. And the general population should respect those vows. You don't like the choice you made in a spouse then leave and don't let the door hit your butt on the way out. But don't cheat. And don't be that woman/man that participates in affairs.

 

there is no difference between you or the OW who desperately want him and he is happy living his life.

 

There is plenty of difference between a wife and an OW/MOW/MOM/OM. One being that we took vows for better or worse. We take care of the daily dirt and crap.

 

I just feel sorry for you ladies.....

 

Please don't feel sorry for me. I got the best of him....our beautiful, independent and great natured children. I wouldn't be in reconciliation if I didn't truly think he was putting forth his best effort. I will NOT settle for less than everything.

 

 

see bolded.

[imbetteroff]

Will their marriage survive if they cheat or try to cheat on their fiancés and the affair was exposed before the wedding?

[imbetteroff]

So true. Someone on a LS board, posted a website where you could tell your story, AND post pics of the other woman. It completely changed my views of men and cheating:lmao:

What's the name of the website? I'd like to take a look.

[ladydesigner]

First of all they would have done that to you already and they still have you. It means deep inside they know you wont leave them. Now things are HOT and after they calm down they will look for someone else.

 

It might be hard for you to accept that they are not into you and trying to make it work is unnatural not because they are in love with you.

 

BS or OW who accept that make them do what they do.

 

Have some self respect ladies. Just having a marriage tag doesnt make them yours. there is no difference between you or the OW who desperately want him and he is happy living his life.

 

I just feel sorry for you ladies.....

 

Well actually there will be one difference, if I decide to D my WH, I'll end up having half of what he makes, leaving very little for him and his OW. I would actually make out better if I got D'd. He would probably spend more time with the kids too. I would get free time to myself. Life doesn't end for BS's because an OW entered our M's. That's silly!

[ComingInHot]

emotionless, really?! Maybe I misunderstood your post. YOUR H is a Loving one who would never cheat on you BUT YOU DID CHEAT on Your loving H (who would never cheat on you) and yet You think You could get 90 something % of MM to cheat With You??

 

A.) Do you have any idea how that sounds?!

B.) Do you have Golden Vagina?!!

C.) Unless you still look at men (MM) other than your H and "assess" them & their capability of cheating WITH You, it doesn't appear that you are 100% devoted and committed to your loving H who would never cheat on you even though You Did cheat on Him & Still think about cheating on him, even now...??!

 

Weird, right? unless I've got this wrong. If so, please explain*

 

Nicepuzzle,

Some M's Can & Do recover from cheating.

Some do not...

I'm sorry you are hurting*

[krazikat]

I told my facts to Spark. I do get hit on by married man but it has never repeated again or neighter will, ssince I know better now . I didnt make a choice to be a MM. Some MM are just too smart to make women emotional and that makes them ez to exploit them.

 

I did read your response to Spark, and also I am glad to read that you learned from this experience, but girl wake up! I am not saying this to be mean or spiteful at all, but you have got to own your choices! It worries me that you still claim that you didnt have a choice...you did have a choice. MM didnt force you to have an A with him, but how he pursued you gave you something you felt you needed, and you then made a choice to engahe in the A.

 

And yes, I agree with you that some MM are soooo freakin' good at the game. In all seriousness, many single men are also good at the game...and that sux! So YOU have to protect yourself...so love yourself first. There are no redo's in life, so all you can do is own your choices, learn from your mistakes, live honestly and treat others as you would like to be treated.

 

And now you know, if a MM tries to engage, tell them exactly where they can take it...