Just Get A New One?

[Kaiten]

Quite a few of you guys have heard the story of why I stopped going to church. Thank you for reading it and giving your thoughts. Since sharing it here on this site, I have had the courage to share it with a few people I (kinda) trust in real life.

 

Finally, a church leader said that at the very least they would hear me out. When I told the story, he barely listened at all, cutting me off whenever I got around to the point where the Pastor's wife lied. It was about 30-40 minutes before I got to completely finish my side of the story, which is absurd for reasonable people.

 

As I suspected long ago, he concluded that I was just allowing Satan to stop me from going to church. Completely ignoring the issue of whether or not it is right for a leader, (much less a pastor) to lie and use deceit. I posited that there was no reason for it at all, and that who knows who else she does it to.

 

What I didn't see coming was the rest of his response, with which he came to me the next morning:

 

"Kaiten, I have concluded that you are behaving like a 10 year old. You left church because you didn't get your way."

 

Even though I said at least twice that I didn't care who the leader was, he still thought that. They play that card literally every time. I can't get it through their heads that my position was that:

 

1) It's not fair to the children to ruin an opportunity for them.

2) I don't care who is in charge, but if you want the work done like you say you do, put someone in charge who will get it done!

 

They just won't listen to me. It's like they have a default disposition towards me that they return to, and there is nothing I can say or do to change their minds.

 

With that, I have pretty much decided to remain from church. Here is why:

 

1) For about a year and a half before I left church, I realized that I wasn't really learning anything.

2) If my church was going to copy "whatever works" in other churches, I definitely didn't want to be a part of it.

3) Im obviously not getting anything out of this church, and the areas where I would reach my God-given potential have been cut off from me by this one lady. Why? (It turned out she was lying)

4) I can't get anything out of this and I can't put anything in. I damn sure ain't coming just to fill a seat.

 

Everyone I talk to has the same thing to say

 

"Just find a new church" (coming in close second is "My church isn't like that! Come to mine!)

 

Is it really that easy? I invested five years of my life into that church, because I was taught to. I could easily be lured into wasting another five years being fooled by people who claim to be "anointed". Needless to say, I am loving this whole "Think for yourself" thing I am doing now. I firmly believe that church is certainly not for everyone. Not like it is now. Church can either adjust, or stop evangelizing so much.

 

---Quick side note, (Something to Consider)---

 

My best friend, Ryan, attends the church I used to go to. He and I used to hang out all the time. Never been that close to a brother before. When his other friend, Mark, stopped attending church, Ryan ceased all communication with him. Completely.

 

Later in the years, Ryan's own cousin and very good friend who we both used to hang with nearly every weekend, stopped going to church. I was close to Ryan's cousin; he was a great friend. Whenever Ryan found out that I was still hanging with his cousin, he would get all funny and avoid me too, until he was sure that I hadn't been around his cousin in a while.

 

All this time I had thought that me and Ryan were just so good of friends that our friendship stood the test of time or something. Once I stopped going to church. No calls, no texts.

 

At all.

 

Ever.

 

Im serious. None.

 

Not even one.

 

I had called him some months later, and the only thing he would ever offer to do with me is invite me to church.

 

When I declined. He disappeared.

[pureinheart]

Quite a few of you guys have heard the story of why I stopped going to church. Thank you for reading it and giving your thoughts. Since sharing it here on this site, I have had the courage to share it with a few people I (kinda) trust in real life.

 

Finally, a church leader said that at the very least they would hear me out. When I told the story, he barely listened at all, cutting me off whenever I got around to the point where the Pastor's wife lied. It was about 30-40 minutes before I got to completely finish my side of the story, which is absurd for reasonable people.

 

As I suspected long ago, he concluded that I was just allowing Satan to stop me from going to church. Completely ignoring the issue of whether or not it is right for a leader, (much less a pastor) to lie and use deceit. I posited that there was no reason for it at all, and that who knows who else she does it to.

 

What I didn't see coming was the rest of his response, with which he came to me the next morning:

 

"Kaiten, I have concluded that you are behaving like a 10 year old. You left church because you didn't get your way."

 

Even though I said at least twice that I didn't care who the leader was, he still thought that. They play that card literally every time. I can't get it through their heads that my position was that:

 

1) It's not fair to the children to ruin an opportunity for them.

2) I don't care who is in charge, but if you want the work done like you say you do, put someone in charge who will get it done!

 

They just won't listen to me. It's like they have a default disposition towards me that they return to, and there is nothing I can say or do to change their minds.

 

With that, I have pretty much decided to remain from church. Here is why:

 

1) For about a year and a half before I left church, I realized that I wasn't really learning anything.

2) If my church was going to copy "whatever works" in other churches, I definitely didn't want to be a part of it.

3) Im obviously not getting anything out of this church, and the areas where I would reach my God-given potential have been cut off from me by this one lady. Why? (It turned out she was lying)

4) I can't get anything out of this and I can't put anything in. I damn sure ain't coming just to fill a seat.

 

Everyone I talk to has the same thing to say

 

"Just find a new church" (coming in close second is "My church isn't like that! Come to mine!)

 

Is it really that easy? I invested five years of my life into that church, because I was taught to. I could easily be lured into wasting another five years being fooled by people who claim to be "anointed". Needless to say, I am loving this whole "Think for yourself" thing I am doing now. I firmly believe that church is certainly not for everyone. Not like it is now. Church can either adjust, or stop evangelizing so much.

 

---Quick side note, (Something to Consider)---

 

My best friend, Ryan, attends the church I used to go to. He and I used to hang out all the time. Never been that close to a brother before. When his other friend, Mark, stopped attending church, Ryan ceased all communication with him. Completely.

 

Later in the years, Ryan's own cousin and very good friend who we both used to hang with nearly every weekend, stopped going to church. I was close to Ryan's cousin; he was a great friend. Whenever Ryan found out that I was still hanging with his cousin, he would get all funny and avoid me too, until he was sure that I hadn't been around his cousin in a while.

 

All this time I had thought that me and Ryan were just so good of friends that our friendship stood the test of time or something. Once I stopped going to church. No calls, no texts.

 

At all.

 

Ever.

 

Im serious. None.

 

Not even one.

 

I had called him some months later, and the only thing he would ever offer to do with me is invite me to church.

 

When I declined. He disappeared.

 

Wow, I don't know what to say:o except it sounds like a religious/controlling spirit to me.

 

IMO if an anointing has to be proclaimed, it may not exist- the glory is supposed to go to God, right? I remember my friend talking me into going to a church that she said was soooo anointed and they were having a "prophet" there. I went and the "prophet" wasn't a prophet...God is not to be put on stage, nor a parlor trick. Frustrated, I told the Lord- hey I came here for a move of You and am not leaving without it. At that very moment God filled me up so full with His power like never before.

 

Love, let the power of God lead you and your experience wasn't a waste of time as your work is finished at that church and people.

 

I really sense that God wants you to Himself...please remember that you are the church...you were going to a building. Now there have been several times in my life in which I've been completely alone with God and He did the teaching. It's important too not to forsake the fellowship, although God will lead you to the ones HE wants you to fellowship with or will lead them to you.

 

When you are ready try to forgive what has happened to you, putting it before the throne...people are human and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what others think, it's what God thinks that is important, He'll deal with the situation there.

 

Change is hard, especially with something like this, we can feel like a piece of us is missing or something...God will move for you.

 

You are loved love:love:

[Kaiten]

You're right. I am wanting to let this go. But I feel like there are some people..especially young people, who need to know that church isn't all they say it is.

[OpenBook]

You're right. I am wanting to let this go. But I feel like there are some people..especially young people, who need to know that church isn't all they say it is.

 

Church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints. The people who go to church are just as flawed as any random group of people off the street, each with their own foibles, issues, weaknesses. It's so easy to have high expectations of your fellow congregation members... and so common for those expectations to be dashed. I look at it as good practice in forgiving others and giving them a break, seeing the good in them anyway. I would certainly appreciate my fellow Christians doing the same back at me.

[Kaiten]

That is what I have thought all along OpenBook. And if this is true, then to me that means we are all equal. Church always made me feel like I wasn't ****, and now that I realize that they aren't smarter than me or more blessed than me or more anything than me, I don't see why we need them if they're too good to admit their shortcomings.

[OpenBook]

Church always made me feel like I wasn't ****

 

What do you mean by this? Can you give an example?

 

I realize that they aren't smarter than me or more blessed than me or more anything than me

 

Yup yup, you're right, they're not.

 

I don't see why we need them if they're too good to admit their shortcomings.

 

But they don't owe me that. They don't owe me anything. And I don't have any control over their self-regard. That's not my area.

 

But I do sympathize with your situation. You've been treated unfairly, and you feel people are looking down their nose at you. I wouldn't be comfortable in that environment either. And I wouldn't hesitate to find another church.

[pureinheart]

That is what I have thought all along OpenBook. And if this is true, then to me that means we are all equal. Church always made me feel like I wasn't ****, and now that I realize that they aren't smarter than me or more blessed than me or more anything than me, I don't see why we need them if they're too good to admit their shortcomings.

 

Well, not all churches are like this. I didn't want to say this before, but it's because you are blessed and this could be the reason He moved you...I think He is going to deal with the pride and religious spirit.

 

The hardest thing in my life was being wronged on high levels, ridiculed, judged and rejected and have to sit back silent and hurting while "they" seemingly went on with their lives. I'm not one to keep my mouth shut about too many things, but had to suck it up per se. Looking back, it was a test. What this will do for you love is show you the power of God, and when He takes care of a matter, it's perfect.

 

I'm glad you're releasing here...and if you haven't, release to God also- He knows anyway, although sometimes He wants us to be real with Him.

 

Tell God all of your frustrations no matter how "unchristian like" it might sound- God can handle it, He knows anyway.

 

I have never been chastised when being real with God, and trust me, I've freaked out bad on God. Having been one to spend more time in the Divine Woodshed than not, I can tell you He's never put me there for being real or freaking out on Him...He usually just says, "are you done yet?". The reason I'm saying this to you is because I see a lot of repressed frustration and anger. You've let some of it out here, but I think it runs deeper...if so, go for it, sit down with God and try not to hold back...you'll feel a release.

 

Another thing to consider is you have possibly been exposed to a religious spirit through some of the teachings...this can hold us back from being real with God.

 

Anyway, if this is off, just disregard...gotcha in my prayers:)

[skydiveaddict]

When I declined. He disappeared.

 

Become catholic.

[jimloveslips]

Become catholic.

 

You cannot be serious man.

That's still a Christian god.

No Jewish.

Or if you really want to offend them, Muslim.

[Kaiten]

What do you mean by this? Can you give an example?

 

Well they would always say things like "You can't be in this position because you aren't ready, because, you haven't proved yourself to us (no one ever proves themself to anyone anyway), your talent will overshadow the glory of God, Girl #1 was such a good leader that no one could ever be as good as she was so you shouldn't try because you aren't anointed, submitting is the key, do some other ministry to prove yourself worthy then we might pick you.

 

On and on and freaking on. All I hear are these excuses about how I don't have what it takes, one way or the other.

 

Either I don't have the "natural" credentials or God hasn't given me the "supernatural" credentials, the "anointing" or whatever.

 

That is why church made me feel like I wasn't ****.

 

And then i had this thought:

 

What if they're wrong? What if they can't see how passionate I am? What if they don't feel as strongly about my story as I do? What If I can do it? What if I am smart enough?

 

And there is only one way to ever find the answers to these questions.

 

Leave church.

[jimloveslips]

Leave church.

 

...and start thinking for yourself…

 

Sounds like a good plan.

[crederer]

I was raised catholic. It's a really boring religion but they are way more open minded with their followers than most other christian sects.

 

There's no "the devil does this, the devil made you do that". It's more of a god is loving and forgiving kind of atmosphere than a god fearing atmosphere.

 

Most experiences I've had with non-catholic christians are pretty bogus and they're extremely judgemental.

 

I'm not religious at all anymore, I think all religions are just ways of people to control another group of people. But if you really do feel the need to get closer to God, I'd explore other religions, Christian or otherwise.

[jimloveslips]

if you really do feel the need to get closer...

 

You probably guessed that I do not believe in God, well actually, it's deeper than that, belief doesn't come into it, there is no god.

 

But I have to concur with crederer, but instead of god, I'd choose nature. The world is an absolutely amazing and wonderful place and there is beauty and truth in everything out there.

Take photosynthesis - (nearly) every plant in the world does advanced physical and chemical processing that man has yet to be able to reproduce.

Even a pride of lions stalking and catching their prey is a beautiful thing to watch knowing the whole evolution of how lions (and their prey), got to where they are right now.

The sad thing is man is destroying this wonder as quickly as a meteor from outer space. The problem is there's no recovering from this extinction except for bugs and viruses… Let's hope that once man has destroyed himself evolution will reboot the planet with more sustainable life forms!