secondfailure Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Today I decided to take control of this situation. NC rule has been in place since she left 2 months ago. Well she sends me a text and says lets talk about the next steps. I texted her back and asked what do you mean next steps. Do you mean divorce because the last time we spoke you said you wanted a divorce, She texted me back and said since I was being so snippy she said nevermind. So I said let me me pick up the phone and talk to her. So I get on the phone and the first thing she asked me was have you moved on with your life. And I said what difference does all of that make if you want a divorce. I saw one of our mutual friends at a sports BAR and she told me she told the ex she saw me. So I asked her what do you want from me? I dont want a divorce but I cant keep going through this. She said I cant tell becasue you have not called me or her kids. Really??? I reminded her that you told me not to bother you and to give you space. What she said next floored me...... She said who listens to that stuff. If you wanted this marriage you would have called me regardless... THen she said she had been asked out on a date and she didnt go. Now she may go. Two months ago I would have died.... AllI said was okay. I dont plasy second to no one. So I asked her agin are you sure you want a divorce becasue you dont sound like it. Well she said I know becasue of my anger toward you I can neverf love you the way a wife should. I was like okay. I am glad she said that. So I told her if she wants a divorce then there is not need for her to ever contact me again becasue we dont have any kids and she signed the house over to me. She says I wil call you becasue your truck is still in my name. I said you know I will pay for that truck becasue I have to get to work. I am at peace with this becasue I know I have done all I can do with this situation. I told her I didnt want a divorce. BUt I will not play these childish games. MY heart still loves her but I have to close this book and continue to move forward. That does not mean I will not have a moment where I think about her, but this game is over.. Why the heck would she say I didnt call her.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
melissag Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Wow. She sounds like a piece of work. She wants to get on with her life while making sure you don't move on with yours? Gross. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nbman Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I have to ask, why did you guys split to begin with? Affair, finances, communiucation? She might have been trying to shock you into action by leaving and maybe you interpreted her actions incorrectly due to lack of communiucation? Don't throw things away over pride! It sounds like you are both acting out of ego, but again, you did not give us much details on how you came to be in this situation.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author secondfailure Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 NB man. We argued a lot. We were both verbally abusive to each other. Then she had two sons that I were not bad kids at all. ,Jujst lazy. One day me and the oldest son almost got pysical. She has never forgiven me for that. Then other she said she didnt feel safe around me with her kids so I asked her to leave. I said yes. I should not have done thaty. I asked her not to leave after thinking about it. She said too late I am leaving. So she told me not to bother her and give her space. Then she hits me with the mind games yesterday. That I dont need. I know she does not want to do this but if she continues to blame me for the past it will never work. Then she told me she knows she coul dnever love me the way wife should, then what am I supppsed to do. Wait around until she can. I asked her point blank are you sure this is what you want to do. She said I have to.... I have to keep pushing forward.. Link to post Share on other sites
nbman Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Sorry to hear that. I am sure blended families are more complex, I have no experience there. Well, all you can do is start working the 180. It will help you recover quickly and help build your resistance to these mind games she is playing. Keep in mind, those games are playing in her head too. This isn't as cut and dry as she is making it out to be. You don't do what she is doing, if there isn't any feelings left. What you have to decide through the 180, is do you want to re-engage? Sounds like there were some issues you were stuggling with in the relationship? I know you are in pain, but this is your time to decide what you want to have in your life! Define your own reality! Just throwing it out there, but if you have any anger issues, and you know what I mean, you need to go to conselling and work the root cause. Kids & Women should never work you up so much that you sink to the level of physical violence (unless defense obviously). Allowing yourself to verbally abuse, is the first step towards physical abuse. You need to resolve those feelings in yourself before you can have a good relationship with anyone! Inner -Anger = stress = weight gain = loss of self-esteem= depression = resintment= SEE WHERE I AM GOING?? Inner- Peace = Happiness = confidnece = desire to be healthy = MORE LADIES WANTING YOU... SEE WHERE I AM GOING???? Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 She pretty much cleared up she will never love you how a wife should... that says it all. Even if she is unsure...you have to look out for what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author secondfailure Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 NB. I am in counseling now... Even my counsleor has told me that this marriage istoxic and she is still angry. The 180s are back in effect. I have no reason to talk to her anymore... It hurts but tie heals all wounds. And I want to date but I know I mst work on me. She told me today she will dat to get over me. Really??? But we dont have any kids together so I may never see her again.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author secondfailure Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 Amen Ms. Adventure. I just wish she woul dlet go the foolish pride. Everyone tells me she does not know what she wants but I will not wait around to see if she figures it out.. Link to post Share on other sites
carlmonteith Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 You are right, time will heal all the wounds, but ofcourse you have to help yourself in order to move on. Leave out all the rest behind and move on, I know it is hard but you can do it don't make yourself miserable show her that you are doing great despite of the separation you are dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Amen Ms. Adventure. I just wish she woul dlet go the foolish pride. Everyone tells me she does not know what she wants but I will not wait around to see if she figures it out.. It certainly looks that way. It's very confusing when they walk away and then wonder why you don't chase them. It is childish. As nbman says, these mind games are playing in her head too, and she won't see the inconsistencies. It's tough, but you're right, you can't wait forever for her to figure it all out. It may never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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