Fell in love with best friend's girlfriend

[Of The Rebellion]

Hello everyone. Long time reader/lurker here, this is going to be a strong first post as I have nowhere else to turn. Needless to say by the title I'm in quite a predicament right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible but there's a lot of history and information to be shared.

 

I'll start from the beginning. My best friend and I have been so for about 8 years since high school. He's a great guy and has done me many favors for me, and vice versa. We hang out probably 3+ times a week at his house and share all the same hobbies and interests (we're huge nerds.)

 

About 4 years ago, him and I started seeing our respective girlfriends at the exact same time. I started my relationship 2 weeks after his. We remained close despite having busy lives and new women in our lives, that's just how we are. Went on double dates, shared thoughts and idea on our relationships, all that fun jazz. Welp, about 9 months into my relationship things went sour with my girl and I. Lets just say she was a bit crazy, her and I had a rough breakup and went our separate ways.

 

I guess this is where my best friend's girlfriend comes into the picture. The basement in my house flooded (where I slept, where my computer and everything important I owned was stored) so of course my friend offered me a place at his house. I had more time on my hands and found myself hanging out with his girl either alone or in a group setting quite often. Never thought anything of it then, her and I were always mutually platonic friends. About a year goes goes by and her and I became very close friends. She helped me through my breakup, gave me the best advice, hung out with me, she was overall just a great person to me. I've always been attracted to her as she is very beautiful, but I never thought about it in depth until one night we were texting late at night. We were being a bit flirtatious and she ended up asking me what I liked about women. Without thinking about it I answered her question, and after reading what I sent I realized all the physical features and attributes I admire, she had them all. This was a revelation to me, I was quite shocked. I KNEW all these things but you know, never gave it a second thought. She replied "ha that sounds a lot like me" and went on to describe the physical features and attributes in men that she liked, it sounded exactly like me. I made the joke "well if you ever find the where the clones of you are let me know" to which she laughed about.

 

Now this is where things get tricky. I began to think about her a lot more than I should have. Knowing her very well and having become so close to her over 2 years, I started becoming extremely attracted to her. I knew this was dangerous grounds from the get go, but there was just this huge series of events that pushed me to my limits. Here's how it started: one day I spent the night over my best friend's house. When I woke up in the morning I saw his girlfriend completely in the buff when I walked out of the guest room. It was the best thing I've ever seen, if I had to describe sexy that is the image that pops in my head. I can never remove it. She saw me looking at her and was not even embarassed, this compounded my attraction in her that she did not even mind me seeing her in this state. I apologized and averted my eyes as soon as possible and said I didn't know you were here I didn't see you last night. She just laughed and said it's okay, turned away and walked to the bathroom. Of course I looked at her butt, it's always something I've admired about her physically, it's really nice. Having seen that, the sexiest thing from the sexiest woman I've ever met, I could never unsee. From that moment forth, she started touching me a lot. I can't really describe it, it was all pretty subtle things that almost seemed involuntary. She would mainly joke punch my arm a lot and play with my hair. But one day when she needed to get by me she was wearing yoga pants and rubbed her butt right on my area and I was immediately aroused. I know she did it on purpose because she didn't say sorry and looked back at me with this devious smile. It was from this point that I started questioning what was going on, why would she be doing all this? She has always looked to me for advice and I know she finds me attractive, but I could never put my finger on if she wanted or would ever want more. I guess that is the thought that still haunts me to this day.

 

Me feeling extremely, and I repeat extremely guilty and conflicted in the feelings I was having, I started to pull away from both of them quietly. I would never do anything to betray my best friend and I could not shake the fact that the thoughts I was having were doing exactly that. And at the same time I started this process, I think she sensed that and would text me more often since we weren't seeing each other as much in person. I got shorter and shorter with her, not wanting to push any boundries that we had been doing for a long time. Well one day just recently, she invited me to go out to dinner with just her and her mom (her mom is really cool, we've all hung out together before and know each other well) to which I just replied "sorry I have plans that night." She immediately knew something was up and started asking me if everything was alright, if "we were okay." I would just be short and say yeah we're fine don't worry about it, things like that. Well she's not dumb and said look you've been treating me differently and I want to know why, I'm coming over your house when I get off work so we can talk about this. I told her whatever you do don't come over my house, that I wasn't ready for this talk and that I don't even really want to have it in the first place. She didn't accept that and kept pushing it, so I agreed to meet at her place when she got off.

 

We talked for a very long time, about 5 hours. I did not pour everything out on the table as I would never confess my love for her while she is dating my best friend, but I hinted towards it. I told her that I wasn't going to be seeing her in person anymore and that I would appreciate it if she would stop texting me because it has become too hard on me. But in the end I let her know that I cared about her greatly and that I would be there for her if she needed me. She was very, very upset at all this. She would cry at a lot of the things I was saying and didn't have much of a response to what I said. She just kept asking me "why does it have to be this way?" I told her I tried being just her friend, and that I was for a very long time. But it became too much for me to handle, and that I just want to be and deserve to be happy too. Towards the end she finally seemed to understand and it was getting awkward so I said that I must go home. She started crying and said please just hug me before you go. I didn't want to as physical contact with her is not a good thing, but she was crying and I figured I would not see her for a long time so I did. She would not let go of me for around 3 minutes and cried in my shirt, I had to push her off and said "good bye" and walked out the door. She followed me out but I rushed to my car and drove off. She sent me a text about an hour later as I was trying to go to sleep (how could I after all that) saying that she was so sorry for everything. That she cares about me so much and she wishes things could be different, and that no matter what she would always be there for me. I replied I wish things could be different too, but I can't pretend one more day. I told her that she has always been a wonderful part of my life and that I would never forget that, and told her if anything changes I would let her know. She replied back that I had been equally as wonderful to her and amazing so she will always be there for me and never forget me. She said that I was a great guy, and that she respects my decision.

 

So here I am now. I don't even know what I'm asking really. I guess, what does this girl feel towards me? I could not ask her directly as she's dating my best friend, nor did I directly confess my feelings to her for the exact same reason. This whole thing has been incredibly hard on me and I miss her so much. But I feel as if it was the best thing for all parties involved, I just could not deal with wanting her/to be with her any longer. And then it's like, even if they broke up I highly doubt we could ever be together because everyone I know would be ticked off, especially and obviously my best friend. I feel as if I lost the love of my life and a best friend, but she was never mine to begin with. I know I should just move on, find another girl, all that. But I've truly never connected with anyone like I have with her, and in my dreams I see her by my side. Any thoughts/criticism/advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

[todreaminblue]

hey rebellion.....

 

dangerous waters....have as least amount of contact as you can even fi she were to split from your best friend it would be difficult for you to start a relationship with her and not lose one of them.....the fact she has sex with your friend your friend has seen her naked......if they were to break do you see any difficulties in you picking up a relationship with her....some form of jealousy either from yourself or from your friend or maybe even both.......its a no go zone..i have been in a similar position and it did cause problems early in the relationship......for a while i had to let a friendship go to concentrate on what i needed to concentrate on...and until jealousy was not an issue any more...i wouldnt suggest it.....the man i was with ceased friendship with my ex........good luck....deb