Have any of you opted to stay separated instead of divorce?

[pinkie]

I've been married for 13 years, separated for 7... We don't live together, but live close and are independent of each other financially, with the exception of him keeping me on his health insurance, paying my cell phone bill, and vehicle insurance. We do own property, never had children, and remain amicable. We both just ended long term relationships with other people. We decided at separation that we would not divorce unless we met others and wanted to remarry. This has never happened even though I have been asked to marry w/a ring. (engaged?) And his previous gf was holding out for one.

 

Anyway... Do any of you here have the same or similiar arrangement, does it work for you? Does it keep you 'hopeful' of a reconciliation? Has anyone ever reconciled after a signifcant amount of time separated (years)?

 

This arrangement seems to be working for us, but I do sometimes often wonder if it's just a safety net for the both of us as commitment phobes. I do still have feelings for him and would be willing to work on the marriage again someday, but he has stated that he has no desire for reconciliation.

 

Thoughts?

[littlejaz]

I have a friend who is pretty much in your situation. She stays married for the health insurance. He also works on her car or her house when needed. The one worry I have for her is that she is limiting her chances of finding anyone else because a lot of people will not date someone who is separated, and I understand why. Out side of that it seems to be working for them.

 

I don't think either of them wants to reconcile. She knows that he is not going to change and she cannot live with the way he treated her when they lived as a married couple. And he only got married on paper. He never really changed his lifestyle or dating habits after they got married. I can't figure out why he married her, but I guess he does care enough about her to keep her insured as she does have some health problems. And she needs that insurance so she doesn't divorce him. To me it is a strange situation but for them it seems to work.

Edited October 25, 2013 by littlejaz

[Just1me]

I am separated still because he doesn't want to waste money filing and I have been a stay at home mom and do not have the money to file. He pays for everything including the mortgage and he doesn't live here.i have a pt job and I pay my car payment.

[central]

I was separated for over 7 years because my ex was greedy and wouldn't settle, plus she had mental health issues that caused additional delays. Eventually, she got a dose of reality and her delays caused her to end up with a far poorer deal than she'd have gotten at the beginning. I could have forced the issue, but I knew being patient would work to my advantage - and for the first couple of years it was useful to stay on her health insurance. I had found someone so I was glad when the divorce finally went through, as I was interested in marrying my partner of nearly 7 years.

 

I know a couple who won't divorce as there are too many benefits they'd lose and costs they'd have to take on. They have both found other partners who don't care to get married, so it works for them.