When is it too late to ask a girl out? Should I just move on?

[Kokoro-Fan]

I met this girl at work in August. It was only for a week but we had a great time. I wasn't instantly attracted to her. I thought she was pretty but that was it. After the second day, I thought she was absolutely beautiful because of her looks obviously and her personality. I kept thinking about her all day long and when I thought about her, I would have a smile on my face. I hadn't felt this way about a girl in a couple of years. Even someone else at work noticed me smiling and being happy. My coworkers noticed that I liked her right away.

 

She was only in our team for a week but we just had a great time. I felt really happy when she asked me why I didn't join them for lunch after work. I think I impressed her too. I tend to stand out because of my personality and I'm different than most guys.

 

During the last day she was with our team, I gave her a ride home. (Funny thing, she did most of the talking. I talked a lot too but I had run out of things to say) I was thinking about asking for her number but I didn't. I thought maybe she would be in our team for a few more days because they didn't tell her if she was moving to a different place at work but they ended up telling her later that day. So I missed my chance.

 

But I also didn't ask her out because I wasn't confident. I don't feel attractive and don't see why a girl like her would even date me. I had lost my confidence because I gained so much weight this year. Plus when I met her, I had a long beard. However, during a conversation with our friends, I brought up that I was trying to lose weight and another person mentioned that I gained weight, which I confirmed of course. (I was wearing medium in the beginning of the year and ever since I stopped eating healthy and working out, I now wear extra large. Well, I wasn't wearing XL when I met her though. I blame myself first and foremost and serious lack of sleep which I have been working on lately).

 

Anyways, I started eating healthy and working out (and getting more than 3 hours of sleep a night) so I can go back to the way I was. It will take a few months and I'm okay with that. That's why I want to ask her out in December. I hope to see her then. She still works with the company and I know where she works too. In september, my friend that works in her area told me she was single but who knows if she'll be single in December. (My friend also hinted to her that I liked her because "I never give rides to anyone" or something along those lines). I hope it's not too late. And I know I won't be skinny by December but at least I'll be in a way better shape than I was back in August. Plus she's never seen me without a beard so that might impress her.

 

What do you think? Should I just move on? Is it ever too late?

[Polak]

You wouldn't be able to tell by my avatar, but I've got a pretty sweet beard going at the moment. Trying to go ZZTop with it, but that would take another 83 years and I'm not that patient...

 

First off, you know that appearance plays a good part in attraction. But if you've got a stellar personality like you say, it no doubt overshadows the physicality. I can't tell from what you posted as to whether or not she likes you as more than a friend, but don't rush anything. If it takes longer than December for her to start developing something for you, then so be it. Continue being an excellent friend and co-worker, and if it's meant to progress into a more romantic situation, you will see signs of that possibility beforehand.

 

Let me add, It's great that you've found a motivation for returning to your old good habits. Just don't let your determination at returning to your old weight become an extreme priority. What I mean is, you don't really know when you are "perfect for her". Only time you'd really know is by asking her, and we know that's not something you should ask anytime soon. Like I said before, it may very well be that your personality is the most important for her.

 

So to answer your question, it all depends on how patient you are. If you really want a chance at becoming more than just friends with this girl, work slowly but surely towards that goal. Remember, it's never too late! (Until she says no!)

[Pretty.in.Pink]

Procrastinating is the way you get to too late.

 

We only get one life. You'll never get back time that you fritter away so delaying your pursuit of things that you want until you're the "perfect" weight or whatever is a mistake IMO. That's how people end up with regrets--I should have, if only I had, etc.

 

If you like someone, go for it. She's already seen you overweight. Besides, how do you know what she finds attractive in a partner or what matters to her?

[Kokoro-Fan]

Thanks. I had been growing my beard for a little over 4 months when I met her. My friends at work being all girls would often ask me to shave it because it looked gross to them, etc. It was hilarious. From my experiences, all the girls that I have met do not like the length of my beards. I normally keep it short and trimmed but I was hoping to grow my beard out. I got tired of it and shaved it.

 

Any how, you're right Pretty.in.Pink. I'm simply making assumptions I shouldn't. I see this girl is beautiful and think that a girl that beautiful would never date a guy that looks like me and is like me. Despite us having fun and talking a lot, I don't have anything in my social life. That would change right away with a girl however. It is hard to meet people I am interested in becoming friends with which is why I don't have a social life outside of work.

 

I'm just insecure about myself and don't want to be hurt. I have been rejected by girls all my life. I am not giving up however. I simply do not feel ready right now. But you are right, I do not know what she likes or doesn't like in men. I do know she is sweet and very nice.

 

I feel bad about myself now. I was originally going to ask her out a month after she worked in my team because I had found out where she works but I never got directions to get there. Then I had realized it was too late and now, it will be even more late. I really do not know what to do. I only knew her for a week, why do I feel this way about her? Could she have forgetten me? We are approaching November and it will be 3 months since we last saw each other.

[ZipperZapper]

Thanks. I had been growing my beard for a little over 4 months when I met her. My friends at work being all girls would often ask me to shave it because it looked gross to them, etc. It was hilarious. From my experiences, all the girls that I have met do not like the length of my beards. I normally keep it short and trimmed but I was hoping to grow my beard out. I got tired of it and shaved it.

 

Any how, you're right Pretty.in.Pink. I'm simply making assumptions I shouldn't. I see this girl is beautiful and think that a girl that beautiful would never date a guy that looks like me and is like me. Despite us having fun and talking a lot, I don't have anything in my social life. That would change right away with a girl however. It is hard to meet people I am interested in becoming friends with which is why I don't have a social life outside of work.

 

I'm just insecure about myself and don't want to be hurt. I have been rejected by girls all my life. I am not giving up however. I simply do not feel ready right now. But you are right, I do not know what she likes or doesn't like in men. I do know she is sweet and very nice.

 

<snip>

 

 

Hey, welcome to the club. Men get rejected far more often than they ever get accepted by women, that's just how it is. Forget about being 'ready' and accept that you're going to get rejected more often than you would like, and ask anyway. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. And sometimes when you think you've hit one out of the park, you find your shot wasn't good enough. Best thing to do in that case, if you find a woman who doesn't think your approach was good enough, is to forget about her and move on to the one that does like your approach. Dating is a crap shoot and a numbers game. The trick is not to waste any time on someone who isn't emotionally available or capable of reciprocating your affections.

[Assasda]

Your confidence already killed you.

 

For some reason, your fat, won out in you asking this girl to have fun with you.

You literally sabotaged yourself, and its so, so, so sad.

 

In December, who knows if the girl will remember who you are.

She could be on to a cool, FATTER guy that is more confident about himself.

 

My advice, is to stop thinking like a woman, when getting into a relationship, because only a woman should think like a woman - Hope this isnt too harsh

[ITw]

Don't focus on the lack of a social life. That doesn't matter. Focus on figuring out how to ask her out. If you feel that way about her then a few months doesn't make it too late. Stop making excuses, though, or you'll wake up one day and find out it really is too late. Find ways to raise your self-esteem. She obviously likes positive things about you. Focus on those. You said you think you impressed her. That's a good thing. For all you know, she may not even care about your weight or body shape.

 

You sound like a nice guy and she sounds like a nice girl. December is a few weeks away. Do you have a gameplan yet? It sounds like your friends see that you like her and that she makes you happy. Even though I'm not a fan of getting friends involved in the dating game, do you have a trustworthy friend that can help you out without sabotaging your efforts?