Sexually Frustrated!

[Kinetic]

I have been with my bf for nearly a year, sleeping with him for about half of that time. Never have I had an orgasm or even come close to one. I thoroughly enjoy being with him sexually and I'm totally comfortable with him and attracted to him. It just hasnt happened, no matter how many positions we try or how many erotically exciting things we do.

 

The thing is, before I got together with him, I had what I guess could be called a one-night-stand-experimentation with another female. With this girl, I pretty much didnt stop having orgasms the whole night!

 

This isnt a "Am I a lesbian or not?" question, because I know that I am not. I'm not attracted to women at all, and I really love and am attracted to my bf. What I am confused about is why I should orgasm with someone I was just fooling around with, a girl (so obviously doesnt even have the right parts!) rather than someone who I care about deeply and am wildly attracted to (and has the necessary parts to be able to bring it about!)???????? Why is it happening the wrong way round? And how can I change it, because right now I'm not even excited about sex, it just leaves me more and more sexually frustrated each time we do it.

[Tony T]

There are many possible answers to your question and a highly competent sex therapist will have to be the one who gives you the answers you seek. But I'm sure there's an answer and a cure.

 

Orgasm occurs in the mind, not in the penis or vagina. In other words, the awesome sensation we feel is generated in the brain with the aid of sensory messages received from those areas combined with our thoughts, feelings and whatever else is going on in our brain/mind at the time.

 

When you were with this girl, you were not so concerned about having orgasms, this was a complete novelty for you, and you really could have cared less. When you are with your boyfriend, you do care. Perhaps you are trying too hard to have orgasm(s) during sex with your boyfriend. Lighten up a bit.

 

Since a woman would know better just what to do or just where to stimulate you to a burning passionate orgasm, the female could have succeeded where your boyfriend fails. Maybe you have a pleasure zone he hasn't yet discovered. Help him.

 

Maybe your body is heavilly dependent on a certain technique to achieve orgasm. You will have to think back to what the female did that maybe is absent now. Perhaps you are far more responsive to oral sex than intercourse. If you used unusual sexual appliances in your experience with the girl, perhaps you got used to those and built of your threshold of expectations. They do have some pretty innovative things in those adult stores...that men are naturally supplied with.

 

Regardless of whether or not you are on any form of birth control, there was no chance in the universe of getting pregnant with a female...there is with a male. Perhaps you have a subsconsious fear of becomming pregnant...not that an orgasm would affect that one way or the other. But that subconscious fear could block your ability to have orgasms.

 

Have you had orgasms satisfactorilly with other men? Perhaps there is some mental block associated with some previous unpleasant or even traumatic sexual experience with a male that affects you now.

 

You may need to explore this female thing you had just a bit more. The fact that you were with a female tells me you had a measure of curiosity. Could it be that, even though you are attracted to your boyfriend, you may have sexual identity issues that need to be resolved?

 

Does your boyfriend remind you of any relative, perhaps your father, in any way...physically or behaviorally? If he does, bingo. This could be a significant part of the problem. No further explanation necessary. Does he remind you in any way of a past boyfriend you may still have anger towards? Do you have angry feelings toward any or all men in general about some issues?

 

Perhaps there has been some psychological or neurological event which has transpired since your experience with the female. Are you able to bring your own self to orgasm through masturbation?

 

It should be easy for you to figure out if this is a physical thing...your post implies you have ruled this out. So it is either absense of proper technique or psychological. I really don't think it will take a lot for a professional to discover what's happening here. Get the help you need as soon as possible.