I was moving on and then he contacted me. Now I am broken all over again.

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

Yes, and (as they say in my favorite tv-show) I'll cross the bridge when I get to it. No good reason to worry and get anxious about not loving him anymore. It'll go by smooth and before I know, my feelings for him are just gone. I did dream about him last night though. But I guess the dream was good. We were hanging out as friends and then he started coming on to me - Like he did before we started dating. But I said stop and like that, because he'd just dumped me for her. The exact situation I'm in now, we were just trying to hang out as friends. Well, he kept coming on to me and finally I got up and wanted to leave the room, but he chased me and this kept going for a looong time, where I kept running away from him and he kept chasing me and cutting me off, trying to talk. I just yelled at him, told him to leave me alone, that I didn't want him back. He kept saying "But look at this logically" and I was like "Logically, you broke up with me, cheated on me, dumped me for her, treated me like **** and now you want me back. It's not going to happen." Still yelling. He had tears in his eyes, and as I said, this went on for a looong time with me trying to get away. Then he kinda accepted, but not really, and I woke up. So I guess it's a great sign, that I never once hesitated or considered taking him back. I stuck to my ground.

 

Yes absolutely that's a great sign. The dreams have changed from worse to good for you, so that should definitely prove that you are growing out of this pain and healing each and every day.

 

 

 

 

But I do feel like bad things keep on coming. You know, misery loves company. I mean, my sister's angry with me, my ex dumped me, then cheated on me, then acted all mean with that e-mail thing and made his mother text me too, blaming me for everything, my best friend just cussed me out and basically kicked me out of his life and now, my granddad is in the hospital. He collapsed in the bathroom and my grandmother had to call 911. He's doing better now, but what's going on? Why can't I have a break?

 

You know that old saying, when it rains, it pours. Most of the time, that holds true, which is pretty scary. Focus on what's most important in life first, and deal with those problems before anything else. Family comes first and foremost, so make sure everything is ok there before worrying about your ex and his mother, this will also help you get over it quicker.

 

 

 

Thanks. It's just so much easier to ask a guy. Just like I'd probably understand any female friend you have, better. Wow, this makes me kinda happy. Though I still don't want to rush things, but just knowing someone is interested in me, makes me less anxious about the whole "Will anyone ever love me again"-thing. Bet you know what I mean. So. He hasn't answered me back, on my message wishing him a good evening. And I still have no clue to what we could do together. Any idea on where to go from here?

 

Again, I really appreciate this!

 

No problem, any time. Definitely don't rush things, when things get rushed nothing gets accomplished the way they should be. Yeah that's great news, you have a great attitude and caring personality, people will undoubtedly like you and want to be around you. Don't even fret it. Take it step by step, and let things formulate. It's ok if he doesn't answer you, he may have been busy or just forgot, and wishing him a good evening, what do you really expect answer wise back? Thank you? I mean yeah he could do that but if he read it which I'm sure he did he probably just said thanks to himself. Sometimes, too much attention to detail could be a bad thing haha. Give it a couple days, see what happens. Don't do anything too crazy just yet, see if he sets something up with you, he should initiate a dinner or movie or something along those lines.

 

And as I said, it is totally normal to second guess yourself. But maybe its time you redirect your mind manually. Whenever you think "Did I do the right thing? Maybe I should text her." Just remember how awful SHE made you feel whenever she didn't reply for hours or even days. Remember how AWFUL that felt. Do you want to feel like that again? Yes, it hurts now, but that will go away. The awful hurt, whenever she didn't reply, will keep on going for as long as she's in your life.

 

Yeah, I've been trying to do that, think about the bad things to make me not want to reach out to her, and that has helped. It's like a psychological thing I guess haha, but it works.

 

Force your brain to think "I'm better off. She's the one missing out. I am such a great guy. I have a job. I have an apartment. I work out. I am fit. I am good looking. Look at what she threw away. She'll never find anything better, but I won't take her back!" This might seem forced and you might be like "This isn't true. I'm good looking. yeah. keep telling yourself that." but if you keep forcing yourself to think positive, it will end up being what you believe. So why not go for it? What's the worst that can happen?

 

I keep trying to think that every day. I'm a very positive thinker as it is, so it's easy to do that, and I have been exercising that and it does work as well, so that's good. Today I feel better, am still thinking about her and had a dream about her last night. But, it's getting there. I'm going out tomorrow night into the city and meeting up with people, so hopefully a good time will ensue.

[Janni]

Yes absolutely that's a great sign. The dreams have changed from worse to good for you, so that should definitely prove that you are growing out of this pain and healing each and every day.

 

I definitely think so. Feel so much better now, than I've done for a long time. I even woke up with a kinda positive mind today. I didn't dread getting out of bed and, unlike any other morning since the BU, I didn't think to myself "I hate my life." I actually was a bit optimistic.

 

You know that old saying, when it rains, it pours. Most of the time, that holds true, which is pretty scary. Focus on what's most important in life first, and deal with those problems before anything else. Family comes first and foremost, so make sure everything is ok there before worrying about your ex and his mother, this will also help you get over it quicker.

 

Exactly. I spent the night at my grandparents' house from wednesday to thursday and kept my grandmother company. Also drove her to the hospital and visited my granddad. He was doing better and they said it was just something with him drinking too little water. But today my dad said it's gotten worse. I try to be positive though. I love my granddad and really really don't want to lose him.

 

No problem, any time. Definitely don't rush things, when things get rushed nothing gets accomplished the way they should be. Yeah that's great news, you have a great attitude and caring personality, people will undoubtedly like you and want to be around you. Don't even fret it. Take it step by step, and let things formulate. It's ok if he doesn't answer you, he may have been busy or just forgot, and wishing him a good evening, what do you really expect answer wise back? Thank you? I mean yeah he could do that but if he read it which I'm sure he did he probably just said thanks to himself. Sometimes, too much attention to detail could be a bad thing haha. Give it a couple days, see what happens. Don't do anything too crazy just yet, see if he sets something up with you, he should initiate a dinner or movie or something along those lines.

 

So I didn't contact him. Just relaxed and went on with things. Then yesterday he wrote me and asked if "I wanted to shake that sweet ass to some bassrythms" or something. Haha. We talked for a bit and then he remembered he had to go to a birthday party today, but I definitely see now, that he is interested. We even agreed on doing a movie night some time. I am thinking about asking him when he's back in town again. - He lives an hour away, so it's not far. But just to show some interest back, which I haven't been doing very much. What do you think?

 

Yeah, I've been trying to do that, think about the bad things to make me not want to reach out to her, and that has helped. It's like a psychological thing I guess haha, but it works.

 

I keep trying to think that every day. I'm a very positive thinker as it is, so it's easy to do that, and I have been exercising that and it does work as well, so that's good. Today I feel better, am still thinking about her and had a dream about her last night. But, it's getting there. I'm going out tomorrow night into the city and meeting up with people, so hopefully a good time will ensue.

 

Good! That's really good. Do you want to talk about the dream you had? Of course your feelings and everything wont go away overnight, but I can definitely tell that you're doing much better, from your posts. I'm so happy for you. A night out sounds like a great idea. Just remember to stay open minded and enjoy yourself.

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

I definitely think so. Feel so much better now, than I've done for a long time. I even woke up with a kinda positive mind today. I didn't dread getting out of bed and, unlike any other morning since the BU, I didn't think to myself "I hate my life." I actually was a bit optimistic.

 

How was your weekend? Have you make even more strides to healing? It sounds like you're doing very well. Starting to get up every morning with ease is definitely a great sign, that's for sure. Optimism is awesome, always great to have an upbeat look on life. You're definitely getting there!

 

 

 

Exactly. I spent the night at my grandparents' house from wednesday to thursday and kept my grandmother company. Also drove her to the hospital and visited my granddad. He was doing better and they said it was just something with him drinking too little water. But today my dad said it's gotten worse. I try to be positive though. I love my granddad and really really don't want to lose him.

 

That's very nice of you. How's he doing now?

 

 

 

So I didn't contact him. Just relaxed and went on with things. Then yesterday he wrote me and asked if "I wanted to shake that sweet ass to some bassrythms" or something. Haha. We talked for a bit and then he remembered he had to go to a birthday party today, but I definitely see now, that he is interested. We even agreed on doing a movie night some time. I am thinking about asking him when he's back in town again. - He lives an hour away, so it's not far. But just to show some interest back, which I haven't been doing very much. What do you think?

 

Ok, it's good that you see he is into you, helps you out a little bit and makes it easier for you to know what to expect. Yeah, I see no problem in asking him when he's coming back to hang out - See what his availability is and set a concrete date so you have something to look forward to. That's always a good thing. Let me know how that pans out.

 

 

 

Good! That's really good. Do you want to talk about the dream you had? Of course your feelings and everything wont go away overnight, but I can definitely tell that you're doing much better, from your posts. I'm so happy for you. A night out sounds like a great idea. Just remember to stay open minded and enjoy yourself.

 

The dream wasn't anything crazy, from what I remember. It was quick, but she was in it and it was something I remembered when I woke up. I'm doing better now I think, I had a good time this weekend with my friends and met a girl out, had a good time. We'll see what happens with that, but overall, I'm feeling better, that's for sure. I started to update my wardrobe and buy some nice clothes to start wearing which is making me feel good, along with keeping up at the gym, that helps too. This is the thing though that I was thinking about. Like, it's not like I hate the girl by any means. I'm not trying to "get over her," I love the girl, I just am trying to get over the whole deep feelings attached thing. It's kinda hard to explain, but I think you may know what I'm trying to say.

[Janni]

How was your weekend? Have you make even more strides to healing? It sounds like you're doing very well. Starting to get up every morning with ease is definitely a great sign, that's for sure. Optimism is awesome, always great to have an upbeat look on life. You're definitely getting there!

 

My weekend was kinda boring. I didn't really do much. The guy I've been talking with asked me to join him and his friends on friday, but then remembered he had actually already made other plans. Then we talked about meeting up saturday, but he had plans there as well. He's apparently really good at making plans and then forgetting about them, as he doesn't have a calendar. But it's okay. it didn't upset me at all. So I ended up staying home all weekend. Went out for some small markets with my mom, but nothing big. I did go to a christmas dinner yesterday (monday) and had a really great time and then I spent the night at my place! I am so proud of myself even if it seems strange.

 

That's very nice of you. How's he doing now?

 

I haven't heard back from my grandmother since I called her sunday. Sunday he was doing okay. Wasn't improving, but wasn't getting worse either, so that's okay. He was supposed to get a scan yesterday, don't know if he has, but if not, he'll get it as soon as possible. And maybe it will help determine the exact cause. I am keeping my hopes up. Thanks for asking.

 

 

Ok, it's good that you see he is into you, helps you out a little bit and makes it easier for you to know what to expect. Yeah, I see no problem in asking him when he's coming back to hang out - See what his availability is and set a concrete date so you have something to look forward to. That's always a good thing. Let me know how that pans out.

 

I asked him when he was in town again and he said saturday (last weekend) but as I told you earlier in this post, he had forgotten about some plans. It seemed genuine. He was really sweet about it. I joked about it and said, that he better make sure he's got no plans the next time we agree to meet up. To which he replied that he'll of course just cancel those plans to see me. So sweet! But I haven't contacted him since then. Don't know if I should.

 

We talked about a movie night, but I've decided it's too much too soon for me. So if he brings it up, I'll suggest we go for a cup of coffee or something first. We'll see. I still try to keep calm and go slow.

 

The dream wasn't anything crazy, from what I remember. It was quick, but she was in it and it was something I remembered when I woke up. I'm doing better now I think, I had a good time this weekend with my friends and met a girl out, had a good time. We'll see what happens with that, but overall, I'm feeling better, that's for sure. I started to update my wardrobe and buy some nice clothes to start wearing which is making me feel good, along with keeping up at the gym, that helps too. This is the thing though that I was thinking about. Like, it's not like I hate the girl by any means. I'm not trying to "get over her," I love the girl, I just am trying to get over the whole deep feelings attached thing. It's kinda hard to explain, but I think you may know what I'm trying to say.

 

That sounds great! I'm glad to hear you're doing better. And it does sound like you're doing much better! How good to hear you've met a girl. It sounds promising for your healing, that you're able to feel interest for other girls.

 

I am not sure I understand the last part, could you elaborate?

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

My weekend was kinda boring. I didn't really do much. The guy I've been talking with asked me to join him and his friends on friday, but then remembered he had actually already made other plans. Then we talked about meeting up saturday, but he had plans there as well. He's apparently really good at making plans and then forgetting about them, as he doesn't have a calendar. But it's okay. it didn't upset me at all. So I ended up staying home all weekend. Went out for some small markets with my mom, but nothing big. I did go to a christmas dinner yesterday (monday) and had a really great time and then I spent the night at my place! I am so proud of myself even if it seems strange.

 

Good. Don't let it upset you. I know guys, and sometimes they try and make it like they are "busy" to get girls to say to themselves like oh what I'm not good enough to hang out with blah blah blah, it's all a game. Don't get me wrong, he may of had plans, I don't know, but just like you said, don't let it get to you, and wait till he initiates and goes through with it. If he does keep pulling that "I'm busy" or "I forgot" card, then you know something is up. Good to hear you did keep yourself busy though, that's awesome. And even better for you saying you're proud of yourself. If you are feeling inside that you know you're getting better, that's an amazing step.

 

 

 

I haven't heard back from my grandmother since I called her sunday. Sunday he was doing okay. Wasn't improving, but wasn't getting worse either, so that's okay. He was supposed to get a scan yesterday, don't know if he has, but if not, he'll get it as soon as possible. And maybe it will help determine the exact cause. I am keeping my hopes up. Thanks for asking.

 

No problem, my pleasure. Yeah, hope all goes well and is ok.

 

 

I asked him when he was in town again and he said saturday (last weekend) but as I told you earlier in this post, he had forgotten about some plans. It seemed genuine. He was really sweet about it. I joked about it and said, that he better make sure he's got no plans the next time we agree to meet up. To which he replied that he'll of course just cancel those plans to see me. So sweet! But I haven't contacted him since then. Don't know if I should.

 

Don't contact him. Let it go for now and see if he hits you up. A guy should ALWAYS initiate the hang out. See what happens this next week. It's also the holiday season, so plans are hard to go by right now.

 

We talked about a movie night, but I've decided it's too much too soon for me. So if he brings it up, I'll suggest we go for a cup of coffee or something first. We'll see. I still try to keep calm and go slow.

 

Yeah, that's great. No need to jump right into a movie date. Grab a cup of joe, talk and meet and see how things go. No harm in that. If you guys feel a connection then by all means bump it up to dinner and a movie.

 

 

That sounds great! I'm glad to hear you're doing better. And it does sound like you're doing much better! How good to hear you've met a girl. It sounds promising for your healing, that you're able to feel interest for other girls.

 

I am not sure I understand the last part, could you elaborate?

 

Yeah I'm doing alright, getting by day by day. I'm gonna ask the girl I met to dinner or something this week so we'll see how that goes.

 

I just meant like I didn't tell her what I told her to don't contact me again because I hate her, I just did it more for like my self to get over her because every time we talked my feelings would come back, and I don't know if she really understood that part. I don't want her to think I hate her now, I mean, I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her, but I just don't want that possibility that she may not know the real reason why I did what I did. If you scroll back to the texts I did write her, the one before I told her to stop contacting me basically said how I felt about her but she just didn't show anything back, so I guess she knows but IDK my mind just keeps thinking deep into this.

[Janni]

Good. Don't let it upset you. I know guys, and sometimes they try and make it like they are "busy" to get girls to say to themselves like oh what I'm not good enough to hang out with blah blah blah, it's all a game. Don't get me wrong, he may of had plans, I don't know, but just like you said, don't let it get to you, and wait till he initiates and goes through with it. If he does keep pulling that "I'm busy" or "I forgot" card, then you know something is up. Good to hear you did keep yourself busy though, that's awesome. And even better for you saying you're proud of yourself. If you are feeling inside that you know you're getting better, that's an amazing step.

 

I dont think it seemed as if though he was trying to seem busy. He also had to cancel on one of his other friends. But I don't mind. It's not like i really now him yet, so it doesn't bother me at all. if he's busy, he's busy. It's his loss.

 

 

No problem, my pleasure. Yeah, hope all goes well and is ok.

 

My grandfather got hom yesterday. So that's great. Of course he's still sick, but I mean, it must be getting better since they let him go home.

 

Don't contact him. Let it go for now and see if he hits you up. A guy should ALWAYS initiate the hang out. See what happens this next week. It's also the holiday season, so plans are hard to go by right now.

 

Yeah, that's great. No need to jump right into a movie date. Grab a cup of joe, talk and meet and see how things go. No harm in that. If you guys feel a connection then by all means bump it up to dinner and a movie.

 

Yes. I will just keep my cool. You know how Facebook shows your friends' events under your events, so you can participate? I was looking through my invitations and just stumbled upon an event he's participating in, in my town, this friday. I'm going out on friday as well, so maybe he'll ask me if I want to meet up. Anyway, I'll just wait and see and not anticipate anything. Don't know if I have the time anyway. It's one of my best groups of friends I'm hanging out with, so it will be a loooot of fun. Not really something I want to leave to see him.

 

 

Yeah I'm doing alright, getting by day by day. I'm gonna ask the girl I met to dinner or something this week so we'll see how that goes.

 

That's great! Do tell me how it goes.

 

I just meant like I didn't tell her what I told her to don't contact me again because I hate her, I just did it more for like my self to get over her because every time we talked my feelings would come back, and I don't know if she really understood that part. I don't want her to think I hate her now, I mean, I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her, but I just don't want that possibility that she may not know the real reason why I did what I did. If you scroll back to the texts I did write her, the one before I told her to stop contacting me basically said how I felt about her but she just didn't show anything back, so I guess she knows but IDK my mind just keeps thinking deep into this.

 

Oh, yes. I understand this. She definitely wont think you hate her. It would be weird if she did. As you say, you told her how you felt about her, she didn't have the same feelings, so you told her you had to let go for your own sake. I'm sure she understands.

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

I dont think it seemed as if though he was trying to seem busy. He also had to cancel on one of his other friends. But I don't mind. It's not like i really now him yet, so it doesn't bother me at all. if he's busy, he's busy. It's his loss.

 

I'm back .. Been busy with the holidays! Very true, of course it's his loss .. Has anything happened since? Put me in the loop of things.

 

 

 

 

My grandfather got hom yesterday. So that's great. Of course he's still sick, but I mean, it must be getting better since they let him go home.

 

That's definitely great news, I'm happy to hear that. Hope all goes well from here on out.

 

 

 

Yes. I will just keep my cool. You know how Facebook shows your friends' events under your events, so you can participate? I was looking through my invitations and just stumbled upon an event he's participating in, in my town, this friday. I'm going out on friday as well, so maybe he'll ask me if I want to meet up. Anyway, I'll just wait and see and not anticipate anything. Don't know if I have the time anyway. It's one of my best groups of friends I'm hanging out with, so it will be a loooot of fun. Not really something I want to leave to see him.

 

How did that group thing go? Hope it was a good time. Hanging out with best friends is always an amazing time, especially a good healing situation too. Did you end up meeting up with him/did he contact you at all?

 

 

 

 

That's great! Do tell me how it goes.

 

 

 

Oh, yes. I understand this. She definitely wont think you hate her. It would be weird if she did. As you say, you told her how you felt about her, she didn't have the same feelings, so you told her you had to let go for your own sake. I'm sure she understands.

 

 

Yeah, you're right. I just keep thinking about that and keep thinking about the different ways she coulda taken it. With the holidays, I wanted to text her SO bad, but I never did end up sending a message. I know I can feel myself getting better, but there are numerous times those thoughts and feelings come back.

[Janni]

I'm back .. Been busy with the holidays! Very true, of course it's his loss .. Has anything happened since? Put me in the loop of things.

 

Sure. No holidays here, but I'm still enjoying things. I have moved into my apartment and stayed here since monday, so almost a week. It's been good and I haven't felt any panic or anxiety or anything, so I'm pleased. It's been kinda slow, not having classes and stuff, but still, I'm doing okay.

 

How was the holidays?

 

That's definitely great news, I'm happy to hear that. Hope all goes well from here on out.

 

Me too. He seems to get better, but slowly.

 

How did that group thing go? Hope it was a good time. Hanging out with best friends is always an amazing time, especially a good healing situation too. Did you end up meeting up with him/did he contact you at all?

 

 

It went okay. Turned out only one of my colleagues were there and then a lot of colleagues from other departments, but I still know them. It was sad not to getting to see all of my colleagues, but still had a nice evening/night. I'm just happy to get out and be social, these days.

 

I also had an appointment with my therapist yesterday. She told me she could feel and see a tremendous change in me. And she's really happy for me. That I'm doing some great things and stuff. So that's nice.

 

I didn't end up meeting him. He messaged me and told me he was in town, so we talked for a couple of hours. And then I texted him yesterday, as he'd asked me to, but no reply. At all. That makes me a bit angry, but I'm also a bit indifferent. If he doesn't want to answer me, as I said before, it's his loss. Nothing I want to get all angry about. I will just wait and see. If he asks me about it, I'll tell him I did text and ask why he didn't reply. If not, I won't say anything. So we'll see. I do hope to see him again though.

 

Yeah, you're right. I just keep thinking about that and keep thinking about the different ways she coulda taken it. With the holidays, I wanted to text her SO bad, but I never did end up sending a message. I know I can feel myself getting better, but there are numerous times those thoughts and feelings come back.

 

And of course it will be even more difficult during the holidays. But seeing you haven't texted her is a huuuuge step forwards. It's so great and I am very happy for you! If it had been a month ago, you'd have definitely texted her and she would probably not have answered you. You're in a great place right now. Just keep doing what you're doing. It's working!

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

Sure. No holidays here, but I'm still enjoying things. I have moved into my apartment and stayed here since monday, so almost a week. It's been good and I haven't felt any panic or anxiety or anything, so I'm pleased. It's been kinda slow, not having classes and stuff, but still, I'm doing okay.

 

How was the holidays?

 

That's great that you moved and that you're feeling good about it. That's a big step! My holidays we're great thank you. Awesome to spend time with the family and have amazing food.

 

 

 

Me too. He seems to get better, but slowly.

 

Great to hear.. Keep me updated on the progress.

 

 

 

 

It went okay. Turned out only one of my colleagues were there and then a lot of colleagues from other departments, but I still know them. It was sad not to getting to see all of my colleagues, but still had a nice evening/night. I'm just happy to get out and be social, these days.

 

I also had an appointment with my therapist yesterday. She told me she could feel and see a tremendous change in me. And she's really happy for me. That I'm doing some great things and stuff. So that's nice.

 

I didn't end up meeting him. He messaged me and told me he was in town, so we talked for a couple of hours. And then I texted him yesterday, as he'd asked me to, but no reply. At all. That makes me a bit angry, but I'm also a bit indifferent. If he doesn't want to answer me, as I said before, it's his loss. Nothing I want to get all angry about. I will just wait and see. If he asks me about it, I'll tell him I did text and ask why he didn't reply. If not, I won't say anything. So we'll see. I do hope to see him again though.

 

Absolutely agree. Getting out and being social helps so much. If your therapist is saying that, that must have made you feel really good inside. I will also attest to that statement. If definitely seems like you just sound happier now, and you sound so much more positive. I can definitely see a change, it is awesome. Yeah, this is why I always say never take anything too seriously right off the bat cause you just don't want to get yourself too excited over nothing, and then you'll get into that pissed/depressed state that you never want to be in. When you take things as a friendly situation at first and just let it flow, when bad things happen it makes it that much easier to shake off. So, yeah, give it a little bit and see what happens. Let me know if he reaches out or not.

 

 

 

And of course it will be even more difficult during the holidays. But seeing you haven't texted her is a huuuuge step forwards. It's so great and I am very happy for you! If it had been a month ago, you'd have definitely texted her and she would probably not have answered you. You're in a great place right now. Just keep doing what you're doing. It's working!

 

Yeah this whole holiday phase was so hard. And I know xmas is gonna be even worse. I wanted to text her today as well, but never pulled the trigger. I just honestly keep thinking to my self over and over again like what if I made the wrong move, and shouldn't have told her to never contact me again. I keep asking my self if it was the right move? I also think like, would I rather her in my life as something then nothing at all? Am I at that stage that I could do that, I just miss her so I guess this is why this runs through my head. When I'm out with my friends I'm ok, but when I'm by my self, my feelings/thoughts just run wild and I get into a drought again.

[Janni]

That's great that you moved and that you're feeling good about it. That's a big step! My holidays we're great thank you. Awesome to spend time with the family and have amazing food.

 

As I just told you in the other thread I am feeling lonely. I have been alone a lot at my new place, so that's a bummer. Dont really know what to do about it though. I also accidentally read some documents I had from my ex. Well, two conversations between my ex and my friend about an argument me and my ex had four years ago. Stupid. I have deleted them though. I've also put all my jewelry for sale and burned the pictures of us. Didn't feel much about it though. Mostly just numb. Hope it gets better.

 

In an hour I am going to a meeting with my new job - Dinner and fun and a meeting. I really hope it'll get my thoughts off this. Oh. And I went out with my coworkers friday. One of my coworkers invited his friend whom messaged me on fb on saturday and told me he thought I was cute and had amazing brown eyes. Wow.

 

Great to hear.. Keep me updated on the progress.

 

Well, my grandmother was able to leave the house and leave my granddad alone for some time last week. So definitely some progress. It's his birthday next saturday and I hope he's doing okay, so we can come celebrate.

 

Absolutely agree. Getting out and being social helps so much. If your therapist is saying that, that must have made you feel really good inside. I will also attest to that statement. If definitely seems like you just sound happier now, and you sound so much more positive. I can definitely see a change, it is awesome. Yeah, this is why I always say never take anything too seriously right off the bat cause you just don't want to get yourself too excited over nothing, and then you'll get into that pissed/depressed state that you never want to be in. When you take things as a friendly situation at first and just let it flow, when bad things happen it makes it that much easier to shake off. So, yeah, give it a little bit and see what happens. Let me know if he reaches out or not.

 

He answered my text on saturday, told me he'd only seen it at 3 am so it was too late. Then we talked to some time (text) and joked and flirted a bit. In the end he replied with a "hehe" so I didn't respond back. Thought it was unnecessary. Haven't heard from him since. I really want to meet up with him soon. But I am sticking with not asking him to meet me. Isn't that the best? Or what do you think?

 

 

Yeah this whole holiday phase was so hard. And I know xmas is gonna be even worse. I wanted to text her today as well, but never pulled the trigger. I just honestly keep thinking to my self over and over again like what if I made the wrong move, and shouldn't have told her to never contact me again. I keep asking my self if it was the right move? I also think like, would I rather her in my life as something then nothing at all? Am I at that stage that I could do that, I just miss her so I guess this is why this runs through my head. When I'm out with my friends I'm ok, but when I'm by my self, my feelings/thoughts just run wild and I get into a drought again.

 

Yeah, it's the worst part of the year to be heartbroken. I feel you. It's terrible, but! let me tell you something. Or remind you. You only miss her when you're alone, which is just loneliness. You're used to texting her when you're bored. Now there's nothing. That's why you feel so down. It'll get better. Just stay positive!

 

How did it go with the other girl, btw?

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

As I just told you in the other thread I am feeling lonely. I have been alone a lot at my new place, so that's a bummer. Dont really know what to do about it though. I also accidentally read some documents I had from my ex. Well, two conversations between my ex and my friend about an argument me and my ex had four years ago. Stupid. I have deleted them though. I've also put all my jewelry for sale and burned the pictures of us. Didn't feel much about it though. Mostly just numb. Hope it gets better.

 

Hey sorry about the delayed response. Had one of my best friend's wedding last week so I was crazy busy.

 

How are you dealing with the new move in? Living alone isn't the easiest thing to do that's for sure, especially when memories resurface .. Like you said to me, when being alone, you will feel that emptiness and that want to be with somebody, and it is hard to fight that, but it's a positive thing that only getting that feeling when lonely is just your body saying you want to hang out and be with somebody. Getting rid of past memories are always a good thing .. Eventually, when you don't run into past things every day your mind will finally be able to heal better.

 

In an hour I am going to a meeting with my new job - Dinner and fun and a meeting. I really hope it'll get my thoughts off this. Oh. And I went out with my coworkers friday. One of my coworkers invited his friend whom messaged me on fb on saturday and told me he thought I was cute and had amazing brown eyes. Wow.

 

How did the meeting go? Sounds like it was a good interactive meeting with being able to meet people. Did anything happen with this guy that messaged you?

 

 

 

Well, my grandmother was able to leave the house and leave my granddad alone for some time last week. So definitely some progress. It's his birthday next saturday and I hope he's doing okay, so we can come celebrate.

 

How did his bday weekend go? Is everything ok with him?

 

He answered my text on saturday, told me he'd only seen it at 3 am so it was too late. Then we talked to some time (text) and joked and flirted a bit. In the end he replied with a "hehe" so I didn't respond back. Thought it was unnecessary. Haven't heard from him since. I really want to meet up with him soon. But I am sticking with not asking him to meet me. Isn't that the best? Or what do you think?

 

At least you guys had a good convo, that's always a good start .. Yeah, that's fine .. Just see if he reaches out again and shows interest .. He needs to ask you out, it shouldn't be the other way around .. I can't really answer this because it has been a week since we talked, so, I need to know, has he reached out to you or anything?

 

 

 

 

Yeah, it's the worst part of the year to be heartbroken. I feel you. It's terrible, but! let me tell you something. Or remind you. You only miss her when you're alone, which is just loneliness. You're used to texting her when you're bored. Now there's nothing. That's why you feel so down. It'll get better. Just stay positive!

 

How did it go with the other girl, btw?

 

Yeah, the holidays are definitely rough .. But, I do have an update .. Just today, she sent me a text. It wasn't anything crazy, she just said "Hi." I read it a couple hours after she sent it (so it will show in the text message that I read it, you know now that I have that option on my phone). When I first saw it I was like whoaa. I was contemplating answering, but all I did was read it and then not respond. What do you think? Was that the good move? Again, to reiterate, I'm not ignoring her because I hate her, I'm just doing this because my feelings always come back when we do talk, and I can't just be her friend.

[Janni]

Hey sorry about the delayed response. Had one of my best friend's wedding last week so I was crazy busy.

 

How are you dealing with the new move in? Living alone isn't the easiest thing to do that's for sure, especially when memories resurface .. Like you said to me, when being alone, you will feel that emptiness and that want to be with somebody, and it is hard to fight that, but it's a positive thing that only getting that feeling when lonely is just your body saying you want to hang out and be with somebody. Getting rid of past memories are always a good thing .. Eventually, when you don't run into past things every day your mind will finally be able to heal better.

 

No worries!

Well, I am doing alright, but I do feel lonely at times. I do miss my ex a bit when I'm alone - Miss watching a movie with him, sleeping together and stuff. Just being together. But I'm certain it's just loneliness and the fact that I've only really been with him makes it worse. So I try to stay positive.

 

How did the meeting go? Sounds like it was a good interactive meeting with being able to meet people. Did anything happen with this guy that messaged you?

 

It wasn't great, but yeah, it was nice to meet some people and just get out of the house.

 

Nothing happened with that guy, no. We only texted the day after and haven't been in touch since. It's okay with me.

 

How did his bday weekend go? Is everything ok with him?

 

Unfortunately I didn't go. I had to work and then the busses didn't run until late, so we agreed I'd come another day. But he is doing a lot better and telling us, that he feels really good. My grandmother says he's doing good too. So I am very happy.

 

At least you guys had a good convo, that's always a good start .. Yeah, that's fine .. Just see if he reaches out again and shows interest .. He needs to ask you out, it shouldn't be the other way around .. I can't really answer this because it has been a week since we talked, so, I need to know, has he reached out to you or anything?

 

We've talked quite a bit since last time I talked with you. He's really sweet, but I've learned some stuff about him, that makes me a bit unsure if I should go on with this. Turns out he's BP (as was my ex, I am sure) He does get medication though and he's aware of how it affects him, but still, he's got a lot of the qualities of my ex. It makes me anxious. I am not strong enough for another relationship as unstable as the one I had with my ex. So I really don't know. As I said, he's very sweet, though we haven't met up yet. We've talked about it. Talked about a day, but he had to move. And then he had lent all his money to a friend, so he couldn't afford the train ticket to my town. I am starting to wonder if it's really just excuses? I always believe in the best of people, but maybe I'm naive. Anyway, I'm just feeling a bit torn about this.

 

 

Yeah, the holidays are definitely rough .. But, I do have an update .. Just today, she sent me a text. It wasn't anything crazy, she just said "Hi." I read it a couple hours after she sent it (so it will show in the text message that I read it, you know now that I have that option on my phone). When I first saw it I was like whoaa. I was contemplating answering, but all I did was read it and then not respond. What do you think? Was that the good move? Again, to reiterate, I'm not ignoring her because I hate her, I'm just doing this because my feelings always come back when we do talk, and I can't just be her friend.

 

Yes, it was definitely the good move. Why would you want to answer her? And she doesn't even put in the effort to text anything other than "hi"? She's just testing to see if you really meant what you said. I am glad you haven't replied. It's the best move on yourself.

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

No worries!

Well, I am doing alright, but I do feel lonely at times. I do miss my ex a bit when I'm alone - Miss watching a movie with him, sleeping together and stuff. Just being together. But I'm certain it's just loneliness and the fact that I've only really been with him makes it worse. So I try to stay positive.

 

Yeah, I'm the same way. Being alone, you get that feeling of loneliness and you want to be with somebody, definitely know where you're coming from there. Of course, you're right. With you only having memories of him because he's the only one you've been with, that'll definitely play a big factor. Like you have been mentioning though, you've been active and social and talking to other people, which is great. Soon enough, the scars will heal and you will be back to feeling 100% in no time.

 

 

 

It wasn't great, but yeah, it was nice to meet some people and just get out of the house.

 

Nothing happened with that guy, no. We only texted the day after and haven't been in touch since. It's okay with me.

 

True. Always good to keep active. If that's fine with you then no worries in that department. Great to hear you are able to control your emotions and listen to your self.

 

 

Unfortunately I didn't go. I had to work and then the busses didn't run until late, so we agreed I'd come another day. But he is doing a lot better and telling us, that he feels really good. My grandmother says he's doing good too. So I am very happy.

 

Good news is always the best news. Great to hear!

 

 

 

We've talked quite a bit since last time I talked with you. He's really sweet, but I've learned some stuff about him, that makes me a bit unsure if I should go on with this. Turns out he's BP (as was my ex, I am sure) He does get medication though and he's aware of how it affects him, but still, he's got a lot of the qualities of my ex. It makes me anxious. I am not strong enough for another relationship as unstable as the one I had with my ex. So I really don't know. As I said, he's very sweet, though we haven't met up yet. We've talked about it. Talked about a day, but he had to move. And then he had lent all his money to a friend, so he couldn't afford the train ticket to my town. I am starting to wonder if it's really just excuses? I always believe in the best of people, but maybe I'm naive. Anyway, I'm just feeling a bit torn about this.

 

Hmm, yeah that's interesting. I don't think I would fully engage in something with him, especially since you just went through with a guy like that with your past relationship. I mean, you could by all means feel him out and see how he acts and maybe he's different, but obviously keep your guard up. Sometimes, yes, excuses will be made, but you never know. You don't really know this guy that well, and it'd be best to just take those actions with a grain of salt. See what happens in the coming days/weeks, and you'll know inside if you will want to pursue it or not.

 

 

Yes, it was definitely the good move. Why would you want to answer her? And she doesn't even put in the effort to text anything other than "hi"? She's just testing to see if you really meant what you said. I am glad you haven't replied. It's the best move on yourself.

 

Yeah, you're right. And that's what I said to my self, I was like, all she said was "Hi," nothing else. That kinda made me think like she really wasn't trying to reach out for a real reason other than possibly what you mentioned to see if I was still there or I did mean what I said. So, just keep going on like how I've been doing correct? I've been doing better, obviously still think about her a good amount though.

[Janni]

Yeah, I'm the same way. Being alone, you get that feeling of loneliness and you want to be with somebody, definitely know where you're coming from there. Of course, you're right. With you only having memories of him because he's the only one you've been with, that'll definitely play a big factor. Like you have been mentioning though, you've been active and social and talking to other people, which is great. Soon enough, the scars will heal and you will be back to feeling 100% in no time.

 

I hope so too. Though it's difficult not to dream about how I could invite my ex over and we could snuggle up in bed and stuff. Urg. It sucks.

 

 

Hmm, yeah that's interesting. I don't think I would fully engage in something with him, especially since you just went through with a guy like that with your past relationship. I mean, you could by all means feel him out and see how he acts and maybe he's different, but obviously keep your guard up. Sometimes, yes, excuses will be made, but you never know. You don't really know this guy that well, and it'd be best to just take those actions with a grain of salt. See what happens in the coming days/weeks, and you'll know inside if you will want to pursue it or not.

 

You're right. I feel myself getting a bit attached and then still feeling like I don't want to get into this. I am really confused and it does feel like he's pulling away a tiny bit, as I am showing that I am interested. So I think the smartest thing for me to do is to stay calm, not show great interest, but of course answer him if he contacts me. I just talked with him twenty minutes ago on fb. He mentioned our movie date again (That he should get his money back this week, so we can go out) and keeps saying "and maybe with a chance to be invited home for muffins" (I bake a lot) I can't really figure out what he wants. What do you think about it all?

 

I really dream about finding a guy who's got his **** together... Someone, where I can count on him showing up on time, keeping track of his own calendar and just taking more control. I am really tired of being the one to remember both mine and the guys calendar. Always having to remind him of everything and basically acting like a mother. I just want a strong, structured and composed guy.

 

Yeah, you're right. And that's what I said to my self, I was like, all she said was "Hi," nothing else. That kinda made me think like she really wasn't trying to reach out for a real reason other than possibly what you mentioned to see if I was still there or I did mean what I said. So, just keep going on like how I've been doing correct? I've been doing better, obviously still think about her a good amount though.

 

Keep going as you've been going. You are already making great steps forward and you're a catch. And remember, I'm here to support you.

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

I hope so too. Though it's difficult not to dream about how I could invite my ex over and we could snuggle up in bed and stuff. Urg. It sucks.

 

So, tell me. Even if you WERE able to call him up and ask him over to hang out and do that stuff, would you really want to? I mean, I understand you're trying to get past that and you're doing a great job at it, so, my question arises in that I don't think it's actually him you want, it's more so somebody's comfort you are looking for because you feel lonely at your apartment. Trust me, I get that lonely feeling a lot too, but I just try and keep my mind busy and focus on things to keep me going.

 

 

You're right. I feel myself getting a bit attached and then still feeling like I don't want to get into this. I am really confused and it does feel like he's pulling away a tiny bit, as I am showing that I am interested. So I think the smartest thing for me to do is to stay calm, not show great interest, but of course answer him if he contacts me. I just talked with him twenty minutes ago on fb. He mentioned our movie date again (That he should get his money back this week, so we can go out) and keeps saying "and maybe with a chance to be invited home for muffins" (I bake a lot) I can't really figure out what he wants. What do you think about it all?

 

I really dream about finding a guy who's got his **** together... Someone, where I can count on him showing up on time, keeping track of his own calendar and just taking more control. I am really tired of being the one to remember both mine and the guys calendar. Always having to remind him of everything and basically acting like a mother. I just want a strong, structured and composed guy.

 

 

Overall, just try not to look into it too much. Take everythingggg with a grain of salt. When you get emotional attached too soon, it will never reap good benefits. Just go along with what ever it is, convo wise and texting wise or fb wise and keep the train moving. If he "brings up" dates and stuff, just brush it off, and again, take it with a grain of salt. Once he for real starts asking you out and really meaning what he says, then you can start to see things a little different. For now, just keep looking for that guy you want, and one day what's meant to be will be. Don't ever try to force anything. It will never end up well.

 

 

 

Keep going as you've been going. You are already making great steps forward and you're a catch. And remember, I'm here to support you.

 

Thank you. You're right. I always do appreciate the support and thank you for helping me through this and giving me great advice. I am here likewise for you.

[Janni]

So, tell me. Even if you WERE able to call him up and ask him over to hang out and do that stuff, would you really want to? I mean, I understand you're trying to get past that and you're doing a great job at it, so, my question arises in that I don't think it's actually him you want, it's more so somebody's comfort you are looking for because you feel lonely at your apartment. Trust me, I get that lonely feeling a lot too, but I just try and keep my mind busy and focus on things to keep me going.

 

I thought about this, as I read it and you're right. I really would not want him here with me, even if I could have him. I just miss someone to spend time to, because it's been like that for so long. Thank you for helping me realise this.

 

 

Overall, just try not to look into it too much. Take everythingggg with a grain of salt. When you get emotional attached too soon, it will never reap good benefits. Just go along with what ever it is, convo wise and texting wise or fb wise and keep the train moving. If he "brings up" dates and stuff, just brush it off, and again, take it with a grain of salt. Once he for real starts asking you out and really meaning what he says, then you can start to see things a little different. For now, just keep looking for that guy you want, and one day what's meant to be will be. Don't ever try to force anything. It will never end up well.

 

Yes, I am doing this now. Not contacting him - other than to remind him to take his meds. Just because he always forgets and I told him I would remind him. But it's only one text saying "remember your meds." and then he's got to keep a convo going if he wants one. I feel like it's good for me to not get involved in anything.

 

Though I must tell you about my evening yesterday. I went to this VIP evening sale at a store. (Only for employees) and suddenly some guy comes over like "heeey! how good to see you!" - It was my ex's sister's ex. I haven't seen him in 4 years. He was really friendly. Too much. I've always felt like he was a bit too interested in me. My friend told me he acted a bit too interested now, as well. Commented on my hair and told me how I looked more grown up and stuff. Really strange. Then later I meet a guy, who asks if I am [my name]s sister. I tell him I am me and he tells me, we went to school together. At first I didn't recognise him, but then I realise who he was. He was this really socially awkward geek in school years ago and now he's such a handsome guy. Really handsome. Wow.

That was such a strange and good evening. Haha.

 

 

Thank you. You're right. I always do appreciate the support and thank you for helping me through this and giving me great advice. I am here likewise for you.

 

Of course. You can count on me! How are things now? Got any plans for the weekend?