5 years since i broke up with my ex/ last spoke to her still want her though

[calgary]

hey, If you read my previous threads, I went through a break up at the beginning of the year with a horrible girl who eventually started seeing my friend. I was pretty upset, it took me some getting over her, but in the long run , I got on with my life, got an awesome job, got some new qualifications under my belt, helped out family and spent time with good friends.. and now I have time to look back and reflect I've noticed one thing.

 

I miss my first love more than anything or anyone, and nothing I do or achieve will ever make up for losing her.

 

I can have a Porsche and two homes on different continents, but i'd trade it in a second to live in a shared apartment with her.

 

 

anytime I meet a new girl, I try and duplicate her qualities. i'm looking for a new version of her basically, ill admit that now to myself. She deleted me from facebook about 3 years ago when she started dating this guy. I think she's still with him now.

 

I've come to the conclusion that the only thing I can do is replace my love for her with material possesions. i'm probably going to be on my own for a while , just improving myself. if i'm completely honest, I think i'd give up any girl on the planet to be with her. I don't even know what to do with my life. I can't have her back so I must just plod along earning money. at least in other peoples eyes I won't look heart broken? I can't get over the fact i'll have to live the rest of my life without her, and settle for somebody else. I know that sounds awful but i'm just 100% opening up.

 

 

I never got closure, she never told me why she didn't want to be with me anymore apart from the distance, and then when I moved closer she moved away the only way I could contact her is on facebook,

 

She removed me from her friends, but she didn't block me... is that some sort of sign or am I looking into it too much?

I wouldn't even know how to contact her? maybe inbox her? maybe just send her a friend request? maybe just leave her alone ? I dreamt about her last night. i'd love some advice. although I know it's best to move on , I've tried with new girls, I've tried to forget her by having adventures with friends, throwing myself into work. Nothing can stop me accepting the fact that I still love her and miss her and feel like my life will always be incomplete without her.

[RightThere]

She removed me from her friends, but she didn't block me... is that some sort of sign or am I looking into it too much?

 

You're reading too much into that.

 

As for what you should do, 5 years is a long time. I guess you've really got nothing to lose at this point.

 

I would say actually try to get in touch with her (phone or email) but it would be a good idea so get some intel on where her love life is at. She could be married with kids for all you know.

[IndecisionIsTorture]

Do you want to be an old man someday looking back on your life realizing you wasted all of it pining away for a woman who didn't want you?

 

If you can't have her then stop trying. Stop thinking about her. Stop looking for her on Facebook. Stop posting about her. Push her out of your mind everytime she pops into it. Eventually she'll stop showing up in your dreams and thoughts.

 

Be glad she lives far away and that there's no chance you'll accidentally bump into her at the grocery store or something.

 

If you go into every date with other women expecting them to be her you are setting everyone up for failure.

 

Moving on is a choice. Sometimes it's hard. But it's a choice.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

That story is so similar to mine, except it's been 20 years since we spoke last. She set the bar high. I was subconsciously searching for that same connection with the other women I've been with since then. Most of that time I was able to block her from my mind, but the wound never healed.

 

The breakup confused and devastated me. She moved to another state without warning and was trying to spare my feelings in our last conversation by holding back the truth. She had no harsh words and was sweet all the way til the end but she had to move on.

 

I'm married, she's married and I'd never leave my wife. Still I can't help thinking about it sometimes. The memories she gave me are among my most treasured. The confusion is still there and the loss has a sting now and then. Like you, I never felt closure.

 

I don't entertain the thought of getting back together. Such a fantasy would lead only to disappointment. It's hard not to want someone in your life who meant so much to you. Especially if they are a good person.

 

Very recently I reached out on facebook. It's too early to tell if she will ever respond. If she ever does, I won't ask her about the breakup. I will try to be a friend and congratulate her on her family. I will probably at some point write an apology and acknowledgement of any wrong-doings. And I won't over-do it.

 

You might want to google "how to approach an ex girlfriend" for some pointers. Read as many of the guides as you can as the advice is probably better than what you can come up with on your own.

 

You need to come to terms with the possibility that she may never speak to you again. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Most of all have respect for her boundaries and don't push anything.

[Honeybuns]

This makes my heart aches. The guy that I love is going through the same thing. He and I dated for awhile and he confessed me that he just can't get over his ex. He described his feelings very much like you did, saying that she has the very special place in his heart.

I still love that guy and I want him back even if he doesn't love me back. It really sucks. Knowing that he's never going to be back to me makes me so upset and sad.

The thing here is that you guys never had closure, so did my ex boyfriend. Closure is really important, I think. It can leave people confused. If this is what you need to move on, you should go for it. I always tell myself - if you know what you want, why don't you go for it?

Inboxing her when you guys are not friends won't do much. If you're not friends with her, the message gets forwarded to "Other" inbox which is full of advertisement - no one checks it. I'd go from adding her on facebook. It has been a while and I don't see anything bizarre about that. Then send her a short fb message asking what she has been up to. When you guys start conversation and when you know that she's in front of her keyboard talking to you, you should tell her about your feelings. That way you'll get more instant reply and at least know she knows how you feel about her. Don't forget to mention that you're aware that she's in a relationship and you're not trying to wreck that.

Good luck.

[calgary]

I'm so scared to send a friend request incase she denies it. I know she's still seeing him, they're just in a relationship.

 

I literally only have 1 month left to move back there or I can't live there ever again in my life. I guess now is the time to either contact her or accept it's never going to happen. I feel like i'd live in regret for eternity, as much as I've tried for the last 5 years, I've had 2 serious relationships since her, I've progressed financially I've progressed in general. But i'd give it all up for her still I could seriously be with women my friends would consider nicer and more attractive. but personally she's still my perfect person, I don't want to give her up, even if she is in a relationship and happy. It's just so selfish of me. I feel like sending her a friend request tonight but I wouldn't even know what to say after 5 years of not talking. how would you start that conversation? it's now or never. im scared. but he who dares wins right ?

[calgary]

just sent a friend request, fingers crossed all goes well.

[keepontruckin]

calgary, if she's anything like my ex, she'd rather he homeless than to even say hi to you.

 

Not saying she's like my ex, but just understand that you may not exist to her in any way, shape, or form.

 

And yes. If you do have the disposable income, surrounding yourself with material things can be a good way to entertain yourself. It also has the secondary benefit of making you get out and about to buy these things. And getting out and spending is a good way to take your mind off things, and even meet new people...