Needing help understanding a situation about a girl. Its killing me

[PacManHaz]

Hey people, first time on here. Feeling a little lost!

 

I have a small problem, its killing me and I don't know how to go about it. Its one I know the answer to but one I need help to get off. Here the story goes.

 

About 3 months ago a close friend that I worked with was leaving to go to uni so I said we would go for a drink to say goodbye. Everyone from work met up in the pub and we had a brill time. My friend brought along his girlfriend and her and myself got on like a house on fire. We all went home and all night I thought of her. She was amazing. So beautiful. In the morning I got a text from her outta the blue asking if I wanted to go see a band with her and her boy friend. I said yes!

 

We went to watch the band and we talked and laughed all the way through never taking our eyes of each other. Shes the most gorgous thing Ive ever seen. Same as the pub, we went home but this time when I got home she text me saying I was cute. for the next 2/3 weeks we texted every day telling each other how amaing each other was, how happy we were when we were together and we decided to meet up.

 

We met up on a hot summers day. I remember it so well. I never thought I would go and meet her. We walked around the gardens, talking about life and what each other did. We stoped for drinks, laughed at the fishermen by the lake and the most amazing day ever. I remember every single detail. It hurts so much now thinking back. she came back to mine for coffee and that where it happened, that very day I fell in love. she felt the same. We spent the rest of the evening kissing and hug telling each other not to let go. Telling each other the things lovers did. losing each other in eachothers eyes. Shes so beautiful.

 

for the next few weeks we saw each other most nights, kissing, holding each others hands running around malls, laughing, joking, going the cinema more kissing, hugging, sharing smiles. she called me when i was out to see if i was ok. God I miss it so much it all hurts.

 

It then became her boyfriends birthday. we all went out on the town. we settled down in a club and we stared into each others eyes all night. We danced close. How her boyfriend didn't click I don't know. We hid in a corner. I asked her if she had a key to her house. It went back to hers. We kissed all night untill her boyfriend and my friends came back. there was so much passion. she went to her bed, i crashed in the next room. we text each other telling each other how we wanted each other and how we needed each other. the feeling was so amazing. I'd never felt love like this before. She said she felt the same. It kills looking back. I want those feelings back. Not what I feel now.

 

After that she stoped coming round. she started saying things like 'im sorry you gave up on me' and 'i can't just act on my feelings'. she said what she felt was wrong. I died inside. i tried to say all the right things to make it ok. Im dead inside.

 

she invited me out for her birthday. i felt so ill when i saw her. i wanted to cry. she still looked into my eyes the way she did before,. the one that showed burning passion. the one that made me think that she wanted me. i ran off , i couldnt take it. i sat outside and cried. we went back to hers and i said i needed to talk. she said she couldnt. it was the wrong time she said. she gave me a single kiss on the lips and we hugged and held hands. i left.

 

for the next 2 weeks i tried to text her. i wanted to know what was going on. i still dont understand now. how can she say all these things to me, do all these things with me and now blank me out. I feel dead. she now doesnt reply properly. she keeps saying that in a few months i will have forgoten her and that she won't matter. she keeps telling me she missed me and that shes never stoped caring. she says she'll still remember what we had in 3 months. she doesnt wnat me to forget her but she won't be with me. she says i wont care for her anymore soon. is this what she wants?

 

i demanded that she talked to me. i wanted answers. she came round to mine and we talked. she said how she cared for me alot and she fell for me but she loves her boyfriend. i completely understood. then she hugged me goodbye and kissed me. the kiss lasted over half an hour. she said she cared so much for me. i can say how much it ripped me in half. she left and nothing since. she says she missed me.

 

It just kills me so bad how we can have everything and now nothing. I want her to see that i can be the guy for her. everything we shared we can have everyday. Im left with so many memories that i cant get out of my head. theres still so much i want from her for us. she said i wasnt just a fad. that i ment some thing. it kills me. everyday i think about her. i think of her when i sleep, i think about her ever minute. i cant stand that she hates me. i want her so bad. i dont know how i let go. i cry. ive gone crazy.

 

 

how do i make her see that she means everything to me? how do i make her see that everythink was right? how do i get her to take a chance? or do i give up and feel like this forever? i cant get a straight answer from anywhere. I've tryed to forget and bout her. I cant. Ive tried help. its not worked. how do i get her to talk to me again?

 

thank you for taking the time to read. any help or anything to help me fing an answer would be amazing. i want the girl so bad.

[tokyo]

Excuse me, this is your friend, this is his girlfriend and you guys just decide to make out and enjoy your infatuation as if there´s no one else involved. I do understand being in love, but you and this girl look like self-centered egoists. You betrayed your friend and she betrayed her boyfriend. Congratulation. In your whole post you did not mention any regrets for him. I have a solution for you, go to your friend, tell him the situation, let him dump his girlfriend so she is free to see you, problem solved and everybody is happy. Including her boyfriend, because life can only get better without you, his loyal friend, and without her, his loving girlfriend.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I know we can't help who we fall in love with sometimes, but you had to know that getting involved with someone who was already involved with someone else was bound to turn out badly. Not only that, but she was involved with your good friend!

 

As for her, her actions speak louder than her words. She kept the boyfriend the whole time you were together and when she broke it off with you, she was still with that boyfriend. I'm guessing that they are still together.

 

When you were with her, I expect it was incandescent - white hot, exciting, and passionate. Rushed, illicit meetings, out of breath kissing and contact... literally yearning for each other's touch - yes, its an affair alright. You were the recipient of that particularly intense love/lust that comes with the territory. She swept you off your feet, and then dropped you hard on your butt.

 

She told you so many sweet passionate things, and showed you a blisteringly hot dose of love - but it doesn't change the fact that she kept 'ol faithful in the background and reverted back to him as soon as she was done with you. She tells you that it really meant something, that it wasn't a fad - but it must not have meant too much if she wasn't even willing to break it off with her boyfriend before getting what she wanted from you.

 

Unfortunately, with an affair - it is often about the excitement, the fun, the danger, the passion... and when she apparently got enough of those things from you, she went back to the one she loves and ultimately wanted to be with: her boyfriend.

 

Its an awful thing to be used like that, particularly when the person tells you the sweetest things and sets it up in such a way that leaves her seeming entirely blameless.

 

You make her out to seem like a saint. I'm sure she did and said everything in her power to leave you with that impression as well, so that you won't see what an utterly selfish, bitchy and dishonest thing she did to you and to her boyfriend.

 

What can you do to show her that you are the guy for her? I seriously doubt anything would change her mind, since she already told you that she loves her boyfriend and won't leave him.

 

Now? You'll have to work on putting your heart back together. Its a painful process. If you wanted to, you could tell your friend what happened between you and his girlfriend but I can bet you any amount of money that the girlfriend will make herself out to be the victim of your "overwhelming attentions" and that you forced her into a relationship. She already cheated on him, so what would stop her from lying to him too about that?

 

Then your friend will despise you. He probably will anyway - as people tend to get angriest at the 'other man or other woman' more than they do the person who cheated on them. Ugly situation. Sorry you got so involved.

[tokyo]

But LucreziaBorgia, let´s face it, he should be able to control himself. In his post you will not find a single word of regret for his friend, not any signs of hesitation or qualms about this affaire. You can be in love, you can let passion sweep you off your feet, but this guy here didn´t even try to resist. He doesn´t even wonder that she is texting him so quickly.

 

To me this looks like some teenage infatuation and mostly he likes her because she´s good-looking. He hardly knows her and I do think she´s the bigger bitch here and she also mislead him. If he started thinking about it carefully, he´d see that this affaire has no chance and she´s not worth it. Neither his pain, nor the betrayal of a friend.

[PacManHaz]

I'm 20. I was in love for 5years. never cheated. and this is also the first time I've betryed a friend.

 

If you don't take a chance on love, where you gonna get?

 

Yes she good looking but we also had stuff in common. Yes it was only a little while but she also felt like my best friend.

 

I now understand thats there is no chance. i just needed to hear it from someone who wont say "it'll all work out"

[tokyo]

I´m sorry you´re in a situation like this.

 

I do not think it will work out, she clearly is not someone a guy should want to have as his girlfriend.