She is stuck on ex, lets me go...

[testin]

Didn't see this one coming... Went on a second date with a girl, I kissed/madeout with the girl during the date and at the end of the date she kissed me good night... She seemed interested all night but two days later I text her and ask her if she is busy tomorrow night and she sends me this:

 

"Listen your a really nice guy and any girl would be lucky to have you but i don't think we would work out"

 

I reply saying basically that its fair, i was just trying to be nice because you've been hurt before so i probably came off as boring and wasnt really myself... i also said how i respected that she was straight up with me... then she sends this:

 

"Not to sound like a cliche, but honestly its me. I thought i was ready to move on & i realized it that night that im not. your the first guy i've been on a date with or even talked to since i've been single. Your not boring at all lol, you have everything going for you i really wish i was at that place but im just not. Thank you for understanding. I think your such a nice guy, not the typical douche bag so i needed to be upfront and not lead you on"

 

Not sure how she sees me as a "nice guy" because I laid my game proper, heavy eye contact, kino'd, kissed her during the date and showed a lot of confidence...

 

Anyway after that long text she sent, I acted like it wasn't a big deal and said "Oh ok, no hard feelings. It was nice meting you"

 

She seems genuine and actually emotionally out of it, I knew she had a bad breakup with her ex and she isn't over him... So for now I am going to man up and move on... But I still want to keep the door open incase she gets her ***** together, do I just break contact and hit her up in the future or do I stay friendly or what? I don't see this girl outside my usual routine...

 

ALSO: the date was first dinner then was suppose to be us two meeting up with her friend and her "bf", apparently the guy bailed on her and her friend third wheeled all night... I knew I was fcked because this girl would just get jealous, so i tried to get the friend to like me and i think i failed... I made out with the girl while we were dancing (this was at a lounge/club) and it was basically in front of her friend, i think it was a bad move... she also tried making things awkward between us, then at the end of the night probably said things about me after I dropped my date and her friend off...

 

Basically I'm asking, is my chances with her over for sure? How can I keep the door open? I thought she genuinely liked me but I really don't know now. Is she just being nice or is she being genuine and actually can't get over her ex?? I mean I crept on her twitter couple weeks back and she did post something about her having a dream of her ex and how she is still not over him... Mind you this was couple days after our first date in which she tweeted "ahh just went out on a date, kinda like this guy!"

 

I decided not to creep on her otherwise i'd get crazy about her so i haven't checked her twitter or anything since.

Edited October 26, 2013 by testin

[lausanda]

umm. hey! girls do that. i know because i'm one -.- been there, done that. so, i too was stuck up on my ex, and kept guys who asked me out clear cut aware about it. but you know, there was this one guy who was like, ''okay, it doesnt matter to me, i really love you i'll wait. take your time.'' i told him it wasnt possible for me to be with him but he was still always there. now, i'm dating him you know, compliment her alot..not the creepy way or not, 'imma be like, gal you smokin hot', rather things that make her feel beautiful, 'you're beautiful' kinda stuff. and, i guess you should stay in touch. might as well work out for you. try to make her take emotional support from you, let her release her feelings about how bad she felt, what she wants now and all. but do all this ONLY when you really do want her and have a gut feeling that she's tilted towards you. good luck Be nice.

[testin]

umm. hey! girls do that. i know because i'm one -.- been there, done that. so, i too was stuck up on my ex, and kept guys who asked me out clear cut aware about it. but you know, there was this one guy who was like, ''okay, it doesnt matter to me, i really love you i'll wait. take your time.'' i told him it wasnt possible for me to be with him but he was still always there. now, i'm dating him you know, compliment her alot..not the creepy way or not, 'imma be like, gal you smokin hot', rather things that make her feel beautiful, 'you're beautiful' kinda stuff. and, i guess you should stay in touch. might as well work out for you. try to make her take emotional support from you, let her release her feelings about how bad she felt, what she wants now and all. but do all this ONLY when you really do want her and have a gut feeling that she's tilted towards you. good luck Be nice.

 

If I wait around she won't think I'm a challenge, definitely isn't a good thing... How long did it take you to get over your ex? How long have you been dating the new guy?

And I want to be there for her but she is just gonna think im a friend rather than someone she would want to date, no?

[Simon Phoenix]

Definitely don't stay in touch and definitely fade back. Don't be the hover guy -- the hover guy is always overlooked. She was honest with you, so just fade out for now. Maybe down the road you'll run into her, but I wouldn't initiate it or hang around.

[testin]

Definitely don't stay in touch and definitely fade back. Don't be the hover guy -- the hover guy is always overlooked. She was honest with you, so just fade out for now. Maybe down the road you'll run into her, but I wouldn't initiate it or hang around.

 

I won't run into her, not in my daily routine at least... All I have is her # really..

[Simon Phoenix]

I won't run into her, not in my daily routine at least... All I have is her # really..

 

Delete it.

[testin]

Delete it.

 

Really? If she is genuinely stuck and has feelings for her ex, wouldn't it be smart to at least hit her up in say 6 months assuming she hasn't contacted me?

[headinthecloud]

Really? If she is genuinely stuck and has feelings for her ex, wouldn't it be smart to at least hit her up in say 6 months assuming she hasn't contacted me?

 

She sounds like an upfront person and probably recognized after your date that she's not over her ex. She was probably comparing you to her ex the entire night - its just part of the emotional recovery after a BU.

 

I would delete her number and move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

Really? If she is genuinely stuck and has feelings for her ex, wouldn't it be smart to at least hit her up in say 6 months assuming she hasn't contacted me?

 

Why would that be smart?

[testin]

She sounds like an upfront person and probably recognized after your date that she's not over her ex. She was probably comparing you to her ex the entire night - its just part of the emotional recovery after a BU.

 

I would delete her number and move on.

 

I think she compared everything I did to her ex, and her feelings for him are too strong so she obviously wanted him... Hence all the twitter comments about her not being over her ex, huge red flag...

[testin]

Why would that be smart?

 

Why burn a bridge!?! The girl had enough respect to not lead me on and to at least end it on good terms rather than getting me attached to her and her just ditching me for her ex or some ****...

 

Where is the harm in sending her a text a few months from now to see where her head is at? Assuming she doesn't initiate contact...

[Simon Phoenix]

Why burn a bridge!?! The girl had enough respect to not lead me on and to at least end it on good terms rather than getting me attached to her and her just ditching me for her ex or some ****...

 

Where is the harm in sending her a text a few months from now to see where her head is at? Assuming she doesn't initiate contact...

 

Who's burning a bridge? She's not going to know if you delete her number. And the harm could be if you are still attached like you are now, which you might be if you make plans to text her to check up. Now if after you've gone through the healing process you want to text her with no expectations that could be OK. But if this is part of some grand scheme, then it's not "smart". It's you delaying the healing process by grasping to straws and hoping to con or manipulate.

 

It's hardly "smart". It's not necessarily dumb (though it could turn very dumb), but by doing this (if you do it) you aren't solving the Matrix or reinventing the wheel.

[testin]

Who's burning a bridge? She's not going to know if you delete her number. And the harm could be if you are still attached like you are now, which you might be if you make plans to text her to check up. Now if after you've gone through the healing process you want to text her with no expectations that could be OK. But if this is part of some grand scheme, then it's not "smart". It's you delaying the healing process by grasping to straws and hoping to con or manipulate.

 

It's hardly "smart". It's not necessarily dumb (though it could turn very dumb), but by doing this (if you do it) you aren't solving the Matrix or reinventing the wheel.

 

I will not be emotionally invested in her in a few months as i am now... This girl didn't have that affect on me just yet, I see the potential for something but I don't want a girl with baggage either... So right now I don't need to text her and in the mean time I'm gonna be dating other girls which will kill/reduce any feelings I had for her... I been through a lot of **** with girls so I'm starting to feel numb to all of it though...

 

I like keeping bridges open to something in the future for all girls I've dated... I hate ending it on bad terms and knowing I can't try to spark something from the past... It was only 2 dates, and if she comes back i wouldn't mind continuing where we left off and if she doesn't and im single in a few months i'd probably shoot her a text to see where her head is at... That is all, I won't expect anything or even worse chase her

[Simon Phoenix]

I will not be emotionally invested in her in a few months as i am now... This girl didn't have that affect on me just yet, I see the potential for something but I don't want a girl with baggage either... So right now I don't need to text her and in the mean time I'm gonna be dating other girls which will kill/reduce any feelings I had for her... I been through a lot of **** with girls so I'm starting to feel numb to all of it though...

 

I like keeping bridges open to something in the future for all girls I've dated... I hate ending it on bad terms and knowing I can't try to spark something from the past... It was only 2 dates, and if she comes back i wouldn't mind continuing where we left off and if she doesn't and im single in a few months i'd probably shoot her a text to see where her head is at... That is all, I won't expect anything or even worse chase her

 

You need to be looking ahead, not looking backwards. I mean, if exes re-emerge, then fine, but otherwise it's just not terribly healthy.

[testin]

You need to be looking ahead, not looking backwards. I mean, if exes re-emerge, then fine, but otherwise it's just not terribly healthy.

 

I agree, but she isn't someone I can call an ex... Only been two dates... I am still doing my best to look forward but want to have my options open

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree, but she isn't someone I can call an ex... Only been two dates... I am still doing my best to look forward but want to have my options open

 

I would consider her not to be any sort of option.

[testin]

I would consider her not to be any sort of option.

 

I'm sure she will be open to dating me again if she gets her **** together mentally... I think she knows exactly how a rebound relationship would go and didn't want to put me through that, so she was selfless and was fair and let me go... She was looking out for ME, I should be happy about that... Otherwise I'd end up in a relationship with a girl who was emotionally out of it and would end up using me, lying to me and in the end probably cheat/run back to the ex...

[LumberJack]

Damn! My story's so similar it's not even funny! After our 3rd date the girl hits me with a surprise phone call - asks if I'm home that evening, says she wants to drop by. Once we get to my place she turns serious, tells me about the ex situation, says she got a message from him - and she's too confused to keep seeing me. I say don't worry-bout-it, 'tsbeen fun.

 

Here's how it played out for me:

I faded out. Went silent. A couple of months went by - with me thinking about her CONSTANTLY. I get a text. Without going too far into details - I play it cool - we go back and forth very slowly for about a month - suddenly I'm in a (mega-onesided) relationship with her for about 3 months - and before I know it I'm on The Shack, and she's back with her ex. They've been together for about a year and a half now.

 

All I can say is - girls can swear they're over him all they want - I ain't buyin' that one again.

[testin]

Damn! My story's so similar it's not even funny! After our 3rd date the girl hits me with a surprise phone call - asks if I'm home that evening, says she wants to drop by. Once we get to my place she turns serious, tells me about the ex situation, says she got a message from him - and she's too confused to keep seeing me. I say don't worry-bout-it, 'tsbeen fun.

 

Here's how it played out for me:

I faded out. Went silent. A couple of months went by - with me thinking about her CONSTANTLY. I get a text. Without going too far into details - I play it cool - we go back and forth very slowly for about a month - suddenly I'm in a (mega-onesided) relationship with her for about 3 months - and before I know it I'm on The Shack, and she's back with her ex. They've been together for about a year and a half now.

 

All I can say is - girls can swear they're over him all they want - I ain't buyin' that one again.

 

Wow that worries me, at least that girl told you in person rather than text haha... If this girl does comeback I'll stay unattached and read her, if she seems to be half-ass'd I'll drop her and see how she reacts... Most of the time when you dump someone they're interest in you doubles and then she would start to realize you have value and maybe she will be more grounded... I assume...

[movingbackwards]

Haha.. a lot of responses I find on breakup boards are so crass and cynical. Yes, hit her up in a few months or so and ask how she has been. She knows you shared a connection and maybe she would reach out to you if she really wanted to share another date but..."delete her number?" that's ridiculous. Seems to be a jaded reaction to relationships. I mean, what do you have to lose from contacting her in a few months? Life is short..have fun..take risks...do what you want. You never know man.

[happydate]

Didn't see this one coming... Went on a second date with a girl, I kissed/madeout with the girl during the date and at the end of the date she kissed me good night... She seemed interested all night but two days later I text her and ask her if she is busy tomorrow night and she sends me this:

 

"Listen your a really nice guy and any girl would be lucky to have you but i don't think we would work out"

 

I reply saying basically that its fair, i was just trying to be nice because you've been hurt before so i probably came off as boring and wasnt really myself... i also said how i respected that she was straight up with me... then she sends this:

 

"Not to sound like a cliche, but honestly its me. I thought i was ready to move on & i realized it that night that im not. your the first guy i've been on a date with or even talked to since i've been single. Your not boring at all lol, you have everything going for you i really wish i was at that place but im just not. Thank you for understanding. I think your such a nice guy, not the typical douche bag so i needed to be upfront and not lead you on"

 

Not sure how she sees me as a "nice guy" because I laid my game proper, heavy eye contact, kino'd, kissed her during the date and showed a lot of confidence...

 

Anyway after that long text she sent, I acted like it wasn't a big deal and said "Oh ok, no hard feelings. It was nice meting you"

 

She seems genuine and actually emotionally out of it, I knew she had a bad breakup with her ex and she isn't over him... So for now I am going to man up and move on... But I still want to keep the door open incase she gets her ***** together, do I just break contact and hit her up in the future or do I stay friendly or what? I don't see this girl outside my usual routine...

 

ALSO: the date was first dinner then was suppose to be us two meeting up with her friend and her "bf", apparently the guy bailed on her and her friend third wheeled all night... I knew I was fcked because this girl would just get jealous, so i tried to get the friend to like me and i think i failed... I made out with the girl while we were dancing (this was at a lounge/club) and it was basically in front of her friend, i think it was a bad move... she also tried making things awkward between us, then at the end of the night probably said things about me after I dropped my date and her friend off...

 

Basically I'm asking, is my chances with her over for sure? How can I keep the door open? I thought she genuinely liked me but I really don't know now. Is she just being nice or is she being genuine and actually can't get over her ex?? I mean I crept on her twitter couple weeks back and she did post something about her having a dream of her ex and how she is still not over him... Mind you this was couple days after our first date in which she tweeted "ahh just went out on a date, kinda like this guy!"

 

I decided not to creep on her otherwise i'd get crazy about her so i haven't checked her twitter or anything since.

 

I saw it coming to you! You went way too too fast on her. Kissing and making out like you are so willing to lay out all your cards on her showing you really love her. Can you just have a little bit of self-control?

 

Girls stuck with the ex is a touchy one to deal with, cause you are always dealing with someone who is ALWAYS comparing between you and the ex. So your mission in life is to ERASE her ex out of her memory. But how are you going to do it when you are all over her huh?!? No mystery from you and it is too easy for her. That is why you are such a nice guy. Only a nice guy is so eager to PLEASE a girl who is all over you and is SO EASY for her to figure you. Yeah, I figured him out that he hasnt had any for a while! You think a jerk would do the same? Nope. You lost your frame when you guys make out. You are already thinking of bonking her did you? That is when you lost! You can not get laid when you have desperation written all over you!!

 

Next time with a girl like that is to have PATIENCE. Going for a kiss is great, but leave it at that and that you act as though you dont need a pussy that night. If you take a dont care attitude with your intent and thought, you will actually get her to wonder about you more. The more you keep her wondering, the more she thinks about you and less about her ex. Keep doing that to her longer and longer until the only picture in her mind is you. And then she will rape you. If you do it smooth and well, I always get creampies out of them, but then usually the commitment thingy comes my way about kids and families. That is when, if you feel she has too much baggage, is to bail or she may have second thoughts going off B.C. If you do decide to tie the knot with her, that does not mean you are off the hook. You have to continue to be the man in her life that is not easy to tame, not easy to please and continually challenge her so she keeps wondering about you. Which means you also need to develop and grow with her and push her buttons. You think you can do that my friend for the rest of your life? If you can not, then you are a nice guy. This is what she meant. You are no challenge to her and have no clue how to excite her.

Edited October 31, 2013 by happydate

[happydate]

I'm sure she will be open to dating me again if she gets her **** together mentally... I think she knows exactly how a rebound relationship would go and didn't want to put me through that, so she was selfless and was fair and let me go... She was looking out for ME, I should be happy about that... Otherwise I'd end up in a relationship with a girl who was emotionally out of it and would end up using me, lying to me and in the end probably cheat/run back to the ex...

 

Lets see this picture here. A delusion going on here. When it comes to seniority, exes ALWAYS win out over you. You have 2 dates; but what about the ex. They may have had years of romance together. Those feelings do not go away easily. That is why she is stuck with her ex because of the feelings.

 

Human beings always want what they can not have. The ex has now become harder for her to get back. You however; it was so too easy. You let it happen TOO SOON. You probably started out great on the 1st date, but on the second date, you assumed she was all over you. And that she was, but you are only her surrogate ex-boyfriend and she was just proving to herself that she is still desirable and too easy to stroke your ego. Really though, girls like that are stuck with the ex are only good for f*ck material. Because they will always relapse back to the ex because they still can not have them! You can play the delay game of aloof and challenge to keeps her wanting you, but it is tiring unless it is well compensated by wild awesome hot sex.

 

Always date a lady who is truly over an ex, and then you wont get this drama.

[movingbackwards]

I always get creampies out of them

 

 

........

[testin]

I saw it coming to you! You went way too too fast on her. Kissing and making out like you are so willing to lay out all your cards on her showing you really love her. Can you just have a little bit of self-control?

 

Girls stuck with the ex is a touchy one to deal with, cause you are always dealing with someone who is ALWAYS comparing between you and the ex. So your mission in life is to ERASE her ex out of her memory. But how are you going to do it when you are all over her huh?!? No mystery from you and it is too easy for her. That is why you are such a nice guy. Only a nice guy is so eager to PLEASE a girl who is all over you and is SO EASY for her to figure you. Yeah, I figured him out that he hasnt had any for a while! You think a jerk would do the same? Nope. You lost your frame when you guys make out. You are already thinking of bonking her did you? That is when you lost! You can not get laid when you have desperation written all over you!!

 

Next time with a girl like that is to have PATIENCE. Going for a kiss is great, but leave it at that and that you act as though you dont need a pussy that night. If you take a dont care attitude with your intent and thought, you will actually get her to wonder about you more. The more you keep her wondering, the more she thinks about you and less about her ex. Keep doing that to her longer and longer until the only picture in her mind is you. And then she will rape you. If you do it smooth and well, I always get creampies out of them, but then usually the commitment thingy comes my way about kids and families. That is when, if you feel she has too much baggage, is to bail or she may have second thoughts going off B.C. If you do decide to tie the knot with her, that does not mean you are off the hook. You have to continue to be the man in her life that is not easy to tame, not easy to please and continually challenge her so she keeps wondering about you. Which means you also need to develop and grow with her and push her buttons. You think you can do that my friend for the rest of your life? If you can not, then you are a nice guy. This is what she meant. You are no challenge to her and have no clue how to excite her.

 

Really? We didn't even kiss on the first date so I HAD to make a move or I was gonna be categorized as gay or as a pussy (nice guy)... I went for the kiss like a man, showed confidence that way... Thought girls like confidence in a man??

 

If she wanted me to take it slow she could have said that instead of slamming on the breaks and letting me go...