testin Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Didn't see this one coming... Went on a second date with a girl, I kissed/madeout with the girl during the date and at the end of the date she kissed me good night... She seemed interested all night but two days later I text her and ask her if she is busy tomorrow night and she sends me this: "Listen your a really nice guy and any girl would be lucky to have you but i don't think we would work out" I reply saying basically that its fair, i was just trying to be nice because you've been hurt before so i probably came off as boring and wasnt really myself... i also said how i respected that she was straight up with me... then she sends this: "Not to sound like a cliche, but honestly its me. I thought i was ready to move on & i realized it that night that im not. your the first guy i've been on a date with or even talked to since i've been single. Your not boring at all lol, you have everything going for you i really wish i was at that place but im just not. Thank you for understanding. I think your such a nice guy, not the typical douche bag so i needed to be upfront and not lead you on" Not sure how she sees me as a "nice guy" because I laid my game proper, heavy eye contact, kino'd, kissed her during the date and showed a lot of confidence... Anyway after that long text she sent, I acted like it wasn't a big deal and said "Oh ok, no hard feelings. It was nice meting you" She seems genuine and actually emotionally out of it, I knew she had a bad breakup with her ex and she isn't over him... So for now I am going to man up and move on... But I still want to keep the door open incase she gets her ***** together, do I just break contact and hit her up in the future or do I stay friendly or what? I don't see this girl outside my usual routine... ALSO: the date was first dinner then was suppose to be us two meeting up with her friend and her "bf", apparently the guy bailed on her and her friend third wheeled all night... I knew I was fcked because this girl would just get jealous, so i tried to get the friend to like me and i think i failed... I made out with the girl while we were dancing (this was at a lounge/club) and it was basically in front of her friend, i think it was a bad move... she also tried making things awkward between us, then at the end of the night probably said things about me after I dropped my date and her friend off... Basically I'm asking, is my chances with her over for sure? How can I keep the door open? I thought she genuinely liked me but I really don't know now. Is she just being nice or is she being genuine and actually can't get over her ex?? I mean I crept on her twitter couple weeks back and she did post something about her having a dream of her ex and how she is still not over him... Mind you this was couple days after our first date in which she tweeted "ahh just went out on a date, kinda like this guy!" I decided not to creep on her otherwise i'd get crazy about her so i haven't checked her twitter or anything since. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 You should be happy she's being honest with you!! I don't think you'd like to date someone who's still not over her ex... Maybe you can contact her in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 I have a lot of respect for this girl for that, but I definitely am interested still... Right now I don't want to get involved and will look for other girls but should i expect to hear from her in the future if she gets over the ex or should i keep some sort of contact? or just msg her in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 whats the back story? how long ago did they breakup? howd you meet her etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 whats the back story? how long ago did they breakup? howd you meet her etc... I never asked her about the ex so I don't know exactly... I think it was back in June or July but I don't know how long they have been together... I know she is hurt about it because she posts how she misses her ex and how she can't stop thinking of him on twitter... She even mentioned she loses sleep because she has things on her mind (I knew it was the ex but never asked)... I just wanted to keep her mind off it so i never wanted to bring it up, i wanted her to focus on a new start with me but apparently it didnt work... I have only known her for two months, she is a few years younger than me and we met on a dating site... She seemed really interested so this just caught me really off guard... This girl is really sweet/nice though, I like girls like that so I don't want to lose her but I knew she needs space to heal Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 lol (not at you) Im trying to get my ex back right now and this is my biggest fear To help you though, the best thing you can really do is give her the space she asks for and back off. If shes into you, she will come around and contact. you. As someone who is going through a wrenching breakup, this is the only way that I would deal with someone I prematurely went on a date with. Try to be distant but communicative. If you just chime in like a caring but distant friend, you should present enough in her subconscious that she will remember you when shes good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Jiminy Cricket Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 was she the one who dumped her ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 lol (not at you) Im trying to get my ex back right now and this is my biggest fear To help you though, the best thing you can really do is give her the space she asks for and back off. If shes into you, she will come around and contact. you. As someone who is going through a wrenching breakup, this is the only way that I would deal with someone I prematurely went on a date with. Try to be distant but communicative. If you just chime in like a caring but distant friend, you should present enough in her subconscious that she will remember you when shes good to go. I agree with this post. If she's into you even a little bit (which I'm sure she is since she agreed to go out with you) she'll contact you in the future. I know some guys who want to date me and I will definitely contact one of them in particularly as soon as I'm ready. Right now I can't even picture myself going on with him. But in the future I'm sure I will be able to. I don't want to rush into anything. Link to post Share on other sites
clementyne Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) Do both of you a favour and just leave her alone for a while. She has been honest with you and asked for space to heal and you should respect that. After my BU there was a guy who just wouldn't leave me alone even after I begged for some space. I ended up resenting him and trying to find ways of getting rid of him. Don't be that guy. She obviously loved him a lot and the fact that she asked for space after your date confirms that she's not over him yet. So just leave her be and let her know that if she ever wants to get in touch in future, you'll be happy to hear from her. That's the best thing you can do for both of you. Edited October 26, 2013 by clementyne 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aybc123 Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Honestly, I'm a guy who is in the girl you're seeings situation. Dating new people, finding one or two that i actually quite like, but it's just too soon and I can't pursue it, i get excited about someone for a day or a few hours after a date and then the crushing feeling that I still love my ex comes crashing back down. Not only does being in this situation make it unfair to get involved with another person, it just makes it impossible, i mean this is why people dont cheat if they're in love, even if you meet someone compatible there's no desire because your brain wants you to be loyal. That's probably the best way for you to understand this situation, imagine if you were dating this girl for a year and you loved her totally, now imagine you met another girl randomly who was really into you, this girl was your type and seemed nice, but you just weren't interested and couldnt bring yourself to do anything because you loved your gf. This is how she feels now (obviously though without the added stigma of cheating). That means that your best course of action is basically nothing. Shes going to know why you're hanging around if you stay in contact and it'll push her away because it'll be annoying, shes told you what she wants and you need to respect it, you dont want to be her friend so why hang around. Shes going to friendzone you if you just try to be nice. Drop contact here and now and if you bump into her in 6 months suggest another date then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dinozzo925 Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 I've been on the other end of this situation for the past two months, except the girl I was dating fought really hard and convinced me to give "us" a real shot. I don't know if I would rush into this relationship again looking back, but the results haven't been bad. I keep NC with my ex and have realized that, in comparison to others on this site, I'm healing wayyyy quicker. My advice would be to send her a message, tell her that you understand where she is and don't want to push her into anything too quickly but that she's been on your mind and, if she ever feels ready to put herself out there again, you will still be around/open. Maybe add a little more flourish but that's the gist of it. Then go NC and move on. You have a 50/50 chance of hearing back from her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 was she the one who dumped her ex? Not sure but she definitely had a breakup and I assumed she got dumped... Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 I've been on the other end of this situation for the past two months, except the girl I was dating fought really hard and convinced me to give "us" a real shot. I don't know if I would rush into this relationship again looking back, but the results haven't been bad. I keep NC with my ex and have realized that, in comparison to others on this site, I'm healing wayyyy quicker. My advice would be to send her a message, tell her that you understand where she is and don't want to push her into anything too quickly but that she's been on your mind and, if she ever feels ready to put herself out there again, you will still be around/open. Maybe add a little more flourish but that's the gist of it. Then go NC and move on. You have a 50/50 chance of hearing back from her. That sounds like the best approach, I guess at least let her know the door is open... Then again does that show her i'm no challenge? Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 Still haven't heard from her so I don't know if she is even looking back at me regretting that... Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Go NC with her for now. Move on with your dating life. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 It was real mature of her to be up front and honest with you. She tried her best but if she's still having feelings for her old BF, there is nothing you can do about it. She could have strung you along and dumped you cold so if I were you, I would just wish her luck and go on with your life. Who knows, maybe after she get the old BF out of her system, she might contact you again. She sound like a quality girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Still haven't heard from her so I don't know if she is even looking back at me regretting that... It's been a week. There was no way you would hear from her this quickly. If you do hear from her, it'll likely be months down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 It was real mature of her to be up front and honest with you. She tried her best but if she's still having feelings for her old BF, there is nothing you can do about it. She could have strung you along and dumped you cold so if I were you, I would just wish her luck and go on with your life. Who knows, maybe after she get the old BF out of her system, she might contact you again. She sound like a quality girl. She is a quality girl, thats the only reason why I still want to see her... If it was any other girl I wouldn`t have bothered and moved on without looking back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 It's been a week. There was no way you would hear from her this quickly. If you do hear from her, it'll likely be months down the road. Well two weeks now... Months? Good to know... Trying to move on in the mean time anyway, lets see how it all plays out... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Well two weeks now... Months? Good to know... Trying to move on in the mean time anyway, lets see how it all plays out... Well yeah, if she's going after her old guy it's going to take months minimum to get that thing settled. Did you really think she was going to jump back that soon (if at all, which she probably won't) after she let you go like that? And you shouldn't be spending any time looking back. As far as you are concerned, it didn't work out and it's time to move forward. If she comes back, it'll be surprise that you can deal with at that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 Well yeah, if she's going after her old guy it's going to take months minimum to get that thing settled. Did you really think she was going to jump back that soon (if at all, which she probably won't) after she let you go like that? And you shouldn't be spending any time looking back. As far as you are concerned, it didn't work out and it's time to move forward. If she comes back, it'll be surprise that you can deal with at that time. I don't think she is trying to go after the ex but just still has strong feelings for him... But who knows... And you're right, guess the best thing to do is go NC and move on without looking back... Hopefully she drops me a line... I mean I left a good image of me at least by showing I'm high value, and she clearly realized it when she said "you have everything going for you..."... Plus not chasing her just adds to my value... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I don't think she is trying to go after the ex but just still has strong feelings for him... But who knows... And you're right, guess the best thing to do is go NC and move on without looking back... Hopefully she drops me a line... I mean I left a good image of me at least by showing I'm high value, and she clearly realized it when she said "you have everything going for you..."... Plus not chasing her just adds to my value... It's good that you aren't chasing, but they can somehow sense when you are waiting (women have a sixth sense when it comes to things like that), so don't wait and don't hope. I mean, you went on a couple dates with her and she nexted you -- that's how you have to approach it. Don't worry about adding value in her eyes (especially since she's probably not paying attention) and do it for you. Expect nothing at all from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 It's good that you aren't chasing, but they can somehow sense when you are waiting (women have a sixth sense when it comes to things like that), so don't wait and don't hope. I mean, you went on a couple dates with her and she nexted you -- that's how you have to approach it. Don't worry about adding value in her eyes (especially since she's probably not paying attention) and do it for you. Expect nothing at all from her. Well I wasn't purposely doing it, it is just how I am True... Just hard to move on when you find a good one but I'll try to keep that mentality and not look back... It'll get easier when another girl I like enters the picture of course... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Well I wasn't purposely doing it, it is just how I am True... Just hard to move on when you find a good one but I'll try to keep that mentality and not look back... It'll get easier when another girl I like enters the picture of course... There are several good ones. Plus you only had two or three dates with this one. You really have no idea how "good" she really is -- too small of a sample size to say. Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 There are plenty of possibilities. It will be hard for you to know what she was really thinking. In saying that, everyone becomes ready at their own pace. The most perfect person for me could come into my life right now, and I wouldn't be at the stage where I could see that persons value, or give it a fair go. Don't take it personally. Link to post Share on other sites
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