Author testin Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Damn I miss her... Link to post Share on other sites
greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Yeah, I totally feel that girl you went out with. The same thing happened to me too, I had just went thru a break up with my ex after 4-5 years… Afterwards, I went out on a date twice or three times with this guy and he was the nicest guy ever. He wasn't your douchebag type, he had everything going for him too. He would even make sure to do things to make me even feel more comfortable, I felt great but I knew I wasn't healed. I was so sad because I knew this guy is perfect but I didn't feel 100 percent healed because I still had my ex on my mind. I had to tell him we needed to stop seeing each other because I'm still hung up on my ex and I still needed to finish going thru all the motions from the pain…. It sucks, we all wish we could force ourselves to be ready to date but we gotta go thru the motions first until we're ready… If it makes you feel any better, the guy I first went out with after my breakup and I are really good friends now. He gave me the space when I asked for it. He still responds to my messages every now and then. He's out of state working so we can't meet up. He's really cool. Just keep being her friend, she'll appreciate that and come to you. Just don't push her you know? She's in a really vulnerable place and she isn't going to budge if you push her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Yeah, I totally feel that girl you went out with. The same thing happened to me too, I had just went thru a break up with my ex after 4-5 years… Afterwards, I went out on a date twice or three times with this guy and he was the nicest guy ever. He wasn't your douchebag type, he had everything going for him too. He would even make sure to do things to make me even feel more comfortable, I felt great but I knew I wasn't healed. I was so sad because I knew this guy is perfect but I didn't feel 100 percent healed because I still had my ex on my mind. I had to tell him we needed to stop seeing each other because I'm still hung up on my ex and I still needed to finish going thru all the motions from the pain…. It sucks, we all wish we could force ourselves to be ready to date but we gotta go thru the motions first until we're ready… If it makes you feel any better, the guy I first went out with after my breakup and I are really good friends now. He gave me the space when I asked for it. He still responds to my messages every now and then. He's out of state working so we can't meet up. He's really cool. Just keep being her friend, she'll appreciate that and come to you. Just don't push her you know? She's in a really vulnerable place and she isn't going to budge if you push her. Thanks, that definitely helps... We haven't talked at all since so I really don't know where her head is at but I know I had to back off and give her space. I was hoping she would reach out to me but doesn't look like it'll happen. I've been tempted to reach out but I feel it would be better if she broke the "NC" since she wanted the space... Link to post Share on other sites
greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Yeah I didn't talk to him either for a while til recently this year. We started dating last year in the spring and ended it shortly after.. We started snap chatting each other like CRAZY, like we just picked up on where we left off. No awkwardness or any tension, it's weird. I don't know how deeply you feel for her. I don't know if it would hurt to send her a nice message but I see other people saying NC on this thread… theres mixed opinions I don't know for sure… Only you know what to do… If you're okay with the fact she MIGHT not reply to your message, go ahead and contact her. But if you feel like the fact she won't reply would hurt you, I would recommend no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Yeah I didn't talk to him either for a while til recently this year. We started dating last year in the spring and ended it shortly after.. We started snap chatting each other like CRAZY, like we just picked up on where we left off. No awkwardness or any tension, it's weird. I don't know how deeply you feel for her. I don't know if it would hurt to send her a nice message but I see other people saying NC on this thread… theres mixed opinions I don't know for sure… Only you know what to do… If you're okay with the fact she MIGHT not reply to your message, go ahead and contact her. But if you feel like the fact she won't reply would hurt you, I would recommend no contact. Did you msg him or did he msg you first? Well I was doing fine and thought I was ok, already started talking to another girl... Then she posted a pic on instagram and all these feelings I never had before just came rushing back, so definitely not ready to break the "NC"... I am pretty sure she would reply to my text though, but I kinda feel like it wouldn't do any good if she isn't ready. Not trying to be "just a friend" anyway Link to post Share on other sites
greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I really don't remember, to be honest. I wish I could remember to help out but hmm I do know we've always been Facebook friends so we'd like each other's ****. Then I remember snap chat came out, and we just started snap chatting like crazy. I would think he messaged me first because I never felt like I really was craving to talk with him because then I thought I know he WANTED to be more than just friends. If he could handle just being a friend, I'd be cool hanging out but we can't since we've hooked up on all the times we've met up lol. If we didn't hook up, it'd definitely make it easier for me to come back Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 move on. Don't waste your energy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 move on. Don't waste your energy. I hate when people say that. This is one of the rare girls I actually met and liked, I rather not give up so fast... Yes, I will give her space and date other girls but I still want to be there when she is ready... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 I hate when people say that. This is one of the rare girls I actually met and liked, I rather not give up so fast... Yes, I will give her space and date other girls but I still want to be there when she is ready... She gave up on you though. And the odds of her coming back while you are sitting there waiting around is slim and none, especially in a situation as short as what you guys had. Being the "wait-around guy" is not a good way to attract her. You have to move forward as if this girl is not reappearing in your life. Because honestly, she's probably not. But yeah, your mindset right now is about as unattractive as it gets from a woman's perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 She gave up on you though. And the odds of her coming back while you are sitting there waiting around is slim and none, especially in a situation as short as what you guys had. Being the "wait-around guy" is not a good way to attract her. You have to move forward as if this girl is not reappearing in your life. Because honestly, she's probably not. But yeah, your mindset right now is about as unattractive as it gets from a woman's perspective. Who said I'm waiting?? I am not even chasing her, as far as she knows I am way out of the picture... And she didn't exactly give up on ME, she is mentally and emotionally out of it, I been there and pushed girls away, girls I would give a shot now... She isn't exactly BSing me because she had her "not over her ex" tweets and I just ignored them hoping I could make her forget about him.. She made a choice and dropped me so I ain't saying she WILL come back but after some time she doesn't come back I don't see the harm in dropping her a line... Assuming I don't meet a better girl... I already got one girl chasing me hard, and got a few girls I just started talking to so I am WELL on my way to move on and keep myself busy for awhile. But like I said, this girl is one of the girls I would go for if I was single down the line... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Who said I'm waiting?? I am not even chasing her, as far as she knows I am way out of the picture... And she didn't exactly give up on ME, she is mentally and emotionally out of it, I been there and pushed girls away, girls I would give a shot now... She isn't exactly BSing me because she had her "not over her ex" tweets and I just ignored them hoping I could make her forget about him.. She made a choice and dropped me so I ain't saying she WILL come back but after some time she doesn't come back I don't see the harm in dropping her a line... Assuming I don't meet a better girl... I already got one girl chasing me hard, and got a few girls I just started talking to so I am WELL on my way to move on and keep myself busy for awhile. But like I said, this girl is one of the girls I would go for if I was single down the line... You said you want to be there when she's ready. That's the definition of waiting around. And yes, she did give up on you -- it was two dates and out. Until she proves otherwise, that's exactly what happened no matter how you spin it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 You said you want to be there when she's ready. That's the definition of waiting around. And yes, she did give up on you -- it was two dates and out. Until she proves otherwise, that's exactly what happened no matter how you spin it. "Assuming I don't meet a better girl" She doesn't have to know my position anyway... I just don't know if I should disappear or keep light convo because I've seen people get the girl in this situation I just don't know the best approach Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 "Assuming I don't meet a better girl" She doesn't have to know my position anyway... I just don't know if I should disappear or keep light convo because I've seen people get the girl in this situation I just don't know the best approach Easily disappear. Not even a debate. And women are a lot better at picking up nonverbal cues then men are. If you meet her and you have been waiting around for her, she'll know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 Easily disappear. Not even a debate. And women are a lot better at picking up nonverbal cues then men are. If you meet her and you have been waiting around for her, she'll know. She would only pick it up if I'm emotionally invested, which I am RIGHT NOW. But that will fade over time... I liked her a lot but my interest/feelings for her dropping hard so I should be OK and indifferent in some time... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 She would only pick it up if I'm emotionally invested, which I am RIGHT NOW. But that will fade over time... I liked her a lot but my interest/feelings for her dropping hard so I should be OK and indifferent in some time... Are they? Seems like they are still pretty strong from my outside view. But the sooner you accept that you have absolutely no control over this situation the better off it'll be. I still think part of you is trying to plot a solution -- at least that's how you come off to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 Are they? Seems like they are still pretty strong from my outside view. But the sooner you accept that you have absolutely no control over this situation the better off it'll be. I still think part of you is trying to plot a solution -- at least that's how you come off to me. Does she have the power right now? Yes... But like I said this situation is a lot more common than you think. when the girl is genuine and actually not over her ex and needs the space she means it. Doesn't mean she doesn't want ME, she just doesn't want anything in general right now... I only come off like I care more than I do because you are putting me on a defensive mindset... I want people that experienced this situation just to shed some light so I can have the right approach... Call it plotting if you want but I see it as keeping a door open or not burning a bridge. We ended it on good terms so there is no harm for me to hit her up on a few months, worst case... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Does she have the power right now? Yes... But like I said this situation is a lot more common than you think. when the girl is genuine and actually not over her ex and needs the space she means it. Doesn't mean she doesn't want ME, she just doesn't want anything in general right now... I only come off like I care more than I do because you are putting me on a defensive mindset... I want people that experienced this situation just to shed some light so I can have the right approach... Call it plotting if you want but I see it as keeping a door open or not burning a bridge. We ended it on good terms so there is no harm for me to hit her up on a few months, worst case... I'm not making you defensive, you are choosing to be defensive. And the correct approach is simple -- act as if she's not coming back and proceed in that manner. If she does, then go from there. But it's not a complicated situation -- it's up to her to come find you, it's not up to you to check up on her and announce that you are still around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 I'm not making you defensive, you are choosing to be defensive. And the correct approach is simple -- act as if she's not coming back and proceed in that manner. If she does, then go from there. But it's not a complicated situation -- it's up to her to come find you, it's not up to you to check up on her and announce that you are still around. Cool, well that is what my mindset is right now. Still would love to hear how others that have been in this situation dealt with it and how it ended up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted December 10, 2013 Author Share Posted December 10, 2013 If she's got the emotional fortitude to end things because she's hung up on her ex, good for her. The best thing you can do is do nothing - let her come back on her own, don't try to prompt her by forcing communication. You'll be in a much better position by letting her come to you. In the meantime, live your life and date as if she isn't coming back. She was very clear - she's not over her ex. Accept her decision and don't contact her. Yeah I try to move on, got some #s and hopefully they will turn to dates... I still think of this girl though, weird I'm a little hung up on her and kinda miss her, too bad she doesn't feel the same way... Haven't heard from her since Link to post Share on other sites
ks0985 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 go full NC i waisted 2 years of my life with a girl who was hung up on her ex, only for her to leave me for him when he got out of jail lol! At least i can laugh about it now...at the time not so much haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author testin Posted December 16, 2013 Author Share Posted December 16, 2013 go full NC i waisted 2 years of my life with a girl who was hung up on her ex, only for her to leave me for him when he got out of jail lol! At least i can laugh about it now...at the time not so much haha Yeah I been on NC, been almost 2 months... She was really hung up on the ex, guess she won't ever get over him? We only went on two dates so I didn't really have a chance to measure up to him if I spent more time dating her I can at least have a better shot but she cut me off way too soon, maybe for the better but still sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
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