crederer Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 So, a few months back I was at my friends place for a house warming party (his house warming). I've only known him for about 2 years, he's not a close friend but we;ve gotten relatively close in the last couple of years. Any ways, his niece, who is 20 years old (I'm 26), was hitting on me pretty hard. He came up to me and basically told me not to mess around with her (he obviously noticed she was all over me). I got hammered and passed out in the spare bed in the guess room. A few hours later she came into the room, woke me up to ask if she could share the bed (it was a big bed) as she didn't want to sleep on the floor and the all the couches were spoken for. I said, "sure" and went back to sleep. A couple hours later she tried messing around with me. I told her I wasn't interested (I was really drunk, didn't think I could perform, to be perfectly honest), and she flipped out, screamed at me, called me a bunch of names, and accused me of being scared of her uncle (my friend, who owns the house). While she was yelling at me, my friend busted the door in, saw she was naked from the waist up, and got very angry with me, told me to leave. I left. We didn't do anything other than her grabbing up on my junk. We have a lot of mutual friends who he keeps telling that he's going to "kick my ass" the next time he sees me. I don't really know how to handle this. I thought he'd get over it eventually but he's apparently still talking about it (like 3 or 4 months later). Quite frankly, I don't really care if he fights me, I'm not afraid of that, I just want to squash this. I don't want the drama. I mean, if he kicks my ass, and then is cool about it afterwards, I'm okay with that. But I have a feeling that wont be the case. I don't want a "spy vs spy" situation where we're going to fight every time we bump into each other. Anyone have advice as to how I can diffuse the situation? I tried talking to him the day after the incident but he refused to talk to me but got his girlfriend to instead. She basically just said the next time he sees me he's gunna "mess me up". I personally feel this is really childish. The guy is 32 years old. I can understand him feeling upset (it looked like we were messing around, with her shirt being off an all) but this just seems outragous. Her brother told me he thought I was an okay dude, and not to worry about it, but the uncle is still super pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 This uncle is acting immature and unreasonable. He has not even gave you the chance to explain. I bet if he asked his niece if it was she or you that took off her shirt she would lie and say you did. It sounds like this girl cant stand rejection. I cant think of anything you can do to get him to understand. Stay away from him and let the people telling you hes going to kick your ass that he is doing this without having the right facts. He probably wants to appear tough around everybody so he continues this show. I wish I knew how to help more but some people like to huff and puff their Buff and tough. which means they are full of a lot of hot air.Take care he will one day mellow or find someone else to be mad at. Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Eagerly waiting to hear this solution. This.... this is why I don't get guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crederer Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Yah I dunno when I'm going to hear from him again. He was supposed to go to an event that I was at yesterday, he caught wind I was going and he never showed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crederer Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Just for an update, for anyone that cares, he invited me to an important event in his life. I dunno if it's a trap or what but I'm gunna go. It's in about three weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 If a fight breaks out, it breaks out. Better to be whoop'd than live worrying about when or why. However, if you whoop him, he would probably cutoff this crap, and leave you alone. I don't know if this is a trap or not. Be cautious. This guy aounds stupid and would or could cause trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 crederer: "Why would you want to even mess with these crazy nutjobs again?" Says Logical Grumps, but..... Crazy Grumps says... "He is a bully and he may want to fight...which if he does, can you take him? Are you a good street fighter? I love a good fistfight and have dealt with many idiots this way. Nothing like taking down a bully, imo. Gemini, Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 The reason he didn't show up at the event you went to is simple. He got his girlfriend to relay his threat. What does that tell you. IMO, if he was going to fight you, it would have been the night he found his horny niece in the bed with you. Time for you to let this bum move on. And the next time some guys niece wants to share a bed with you, my advice is to give her the bed and go sleep it off in the front yard, backyard, anywhere but in the same bed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) Maintain silence do nto get involved , anything you say will be twisted by the girlfriend....this situation will occur again and then when it does with someone else if the uncle has brain matter he will figure out you were nto to blame ....i wish you well.........deb in my op...... alcohol and sleeping at soemone else's place with a young neice probably isnt appropriate for future reference.....not my idea of appropriate having drunk guys around a young nubile woman with issues....the uncle needs to take responsibility for his actions and or duty of care towards hi sneice maybe he is throwing off guilt onto you....sounds like it or he is a drunkard as well....with issues of his own with that are not being dealt with ...threats of violence are never mature and in my assuming......people who want to truly fight you dont say so they just do it....they actually physically come and seek you out..the uncle should ban alcohol around the house...puritan maybe....but safe puritan with safer neice...... deb Edited November 5, 2013 by todreaminblue dyslexia Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 20? is up to her what she does, no longer a child at all Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 20? is up to her what she does, no longer a child at all depends on her lifestyle how she was bought up , drinking at 20 age goes down by six years.......yes she isnt responsible or lucid..... drunk most women arent.An older family memebr in my opinion still has duty of care towards a drunk female relative of a relatively young age if justice were to prevail it woudl eb enforceable...but justice isnt ovr all consistent life woudl be simpler if peopel adopt a more duty of care approach towards their own.......take responisibility and consdierign he got upset .....he should have doen soemthing postive in the first place to alleviate his guilt shifting onto another....you reap what you sow........deb Link to post Share on other sites
mukkrakker Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Dude, the guy is going to try and mess you up - he has no choice, he's told everyone that he's gonna do it. He's a guy, trapped in a guy brain. Take some boxing lessons and beef up - kick his ass and then tell him what really happened while he's lying bleeding on the floor. Then ask that pretty little niece if she wants to go back to your place. She may not be relationship material but you may as well have fun while you're young. You're welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crederer Posted November 6, 2013 Author Share Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) crederer: "Why would you want to even mess with these crazy nutjobs again?" Says Logical Grumps, but..... Crazy Grumps says... "He is a bully and he may want to fight...which if he does, can you take him? Are you a good street fighter? I love a good fistfight and have dealt with many idiots this way. Nothing like taking down a bully, imo. Gemini, Grumps It's not even his friendship I'm concerned about, but we have a lot of mutual friends and it is causing problems for my other friends too as they don't want to get involved but then they feel like they have to choose sides. Like they don't want to invite us both to the same events anymore cause they don't want the drama either. I can fight pretty well, and I'm quite a bit larger, I'm not worried about the physical side of it in the least. Even if I lose I don't really care that sort of thing doesn't bother me. The other thing is, what is this going to solve? We gunna be buddies again after or are we gunna square off everytime we see eachother? Cause if that's the case, what's the point? And yes, I was quite drunk but that doesn't mean I don't remember what went down, it was a pretty sobering moment. I think most people that say they don't remember anything cause they were drunk are just saying that to avoid taking blame. I'm sure there are pieces to the story that I don't remember. And yes the uncle has some substance abuse issues. Drinks a lot but drugs are more of an issue for him. Edited November 6, 2013 by crederer Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 If he has invited you to this event, give him a call. Tell him you would like to attend, but need to know that any prior issues have been resolved. Just speak to him, and see where he's at. If someone is threatening you like this, and talking **** to all of your mutual friends, confront him, and either try and diffuse the situation, or tell him he's a ****wit and that you want nothing to do with him. It's good that you're not too worried about a physical altercation, but all too often, the aggressor gets his ass whooped in front of everyone, then refuses to let it go, and the situation is only escalated. Give him a call. If you can sort it out, good. If not, tell him to **** off. Any of your mutual friends that choose to invite him over you weren't your friends anyway. You may lose a couple of "friends," but just consider it cleaning house. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I'd be done with anyone who threatens me with violence. In the heat of the moment is one thing - people lose their heads sometime. But to repeatedly harass someone is psycho. Your friend is a real d-bag. I'd tell him straight up: hit me, and you'll go to jail and owe me every penny you've ever saved. Link to post Share on other sites
Jon Tenzo Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 I would take a hit and tell him to go **** himself or I'm going to ruin his life. Assault is serious business for the police. If he gives you a hit he's at your power. Don't hit back, get out of there. It's way hard to prove who made the first swing, it's a simple matter to prove who didn't take any hits at all. While I agree this is the best option if you have no other choice do not get the authorities involved. If you do the girl may claim rape (they can, there is an unlimited period in which women can do this). And the Uncle will probably testify against you to preserve his "stance" on the issue. Just disassociate yourself from them as much as you can and retain a lawyer's contact info just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crederer Posted November 11, 2013 Author Share Posted November 11, 2013 While I agree this is the best option if you have no other choice do not get the authorities involved. If you do the girl may claim rape (they can, there is an unlimited period in which women can do this). And the Uncle will probably testify against you to preserve his "stance" on the issue. Just disassociate yourself from them as much as you can and retain a lawyer's contact info just in case. I already checked into this the day after cause I've heard horror stories like something similar happening. The truth is I don't think the girl has any resentment at all towards me. And I have texts and other info that showed to a friend that is a lawyer and he said I'm for sure in the clear. Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 "Spy vs. Spy" I loved that cartoon.. awaiting an update as well. are you going to try speaking with him again? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Wow, this really sucks. You can only tell the truth. It sounds like you never got the chance to expain what happened to him? If I were you, I would send him an email or write him a letter and send it... I would begin the email by saying; I don't want drama, I did not invite it that night at your house, and it angers me that you jumped to conclusions before asking me my version of events. I get that it looked bad, however, you could have still asked me afterwards, after your initial knee jerk reaction (opposed to telling everyone how much you want to pound me) Then I would tell him what happened. Also, she was a 20 year old girl. He should know they are drama a lot of the time. Just tell the truth. It is his stupid fault if he chooses to not believe you. The girl sounds like a nightmare:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Madman81 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Send him an email, explaining exactly what happened. Finish it by saying "Honestly, I don't care if you believe me or not, but that's what happened. End of story. I have no interest in fighting you, but know that if I'm attacked, I will defend myself to the fullest. I hope that it won't be necessary." That's it. Cc it to other people who are aware of the situation and what he's threatened to do, so that if it happens, it'll be harder for him to claim that you initiated it. Link to post Share on other sites
befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 So, a few months back I was at my friends place for a house warming party (his house warming). I've only known him for about 2 years, he's not a close friend but we;ve gotten relatively close in the last couple of years. Any ways, his niece, who is 20 years old (I'm 26), was hitting on me pretty hard. He came up to me and basically told me not to mess around with her (he obviously noticed she was all over me). I got hammered and passed out in the spare bed in the guess room. A few hours later she came into the room, woke me up to ask if she could share the bed (it was a big bed) as she didn't want to sleep on the floor and the all the couches were spoken for. I said, "sure" and went back to sleep. A couple hours later she tried messing around with me. I told her I wasn't interested (I was really drunk, didn't think I could perform, to be perfectly honest), and she flipped out, screamed at me, called me a bunch of names, and accused me of being scared of her uncle (my friend, who owns the house). While she was yelling at me, my friend busted the door in, saw she was naked from the waist up, and got very angry with me, told me to leave. I left. We didn't do anything other than her grabbing up on my junk. We have a lot of mutual friends who he keeps telling that he's going to "kick my ass" the next time he sees me. He probably means it. I don't really know how to handle this. I thought he'd get over it eventually but he's apparently still talking about it (like 3 or 4 months later). Quite frankly, I don't really care if he fights me, I'm not afraid of that, I just want to squash this. I don't want the drama. I mean, if he kicks my ass, and then is cool about it afterwards, I'm okay with that. But I have a feeling that wont be the case. I don't want a "spy vs spy" situation where we're going to fight every time we bump into each other. Anyone have advice as to how I can diffuse the situation? I think you should avoid him completely if possible. If he shows up somewhere, I think you should leave immediately. You should care if he fights you. You should not be okay with him kicking your ass if it makes him okay with you. That's all wrong. I personally feel this is really childish. The guy is 32 years old. I can understand him feeling upset (it looked like we were messing around, with her shirt being off an all) but this just seems outragous. Her brother told me he thought I was an okay dude, and not to worry about it, but the uncle is still super pissed. It is outrageous. It's a ****ty situation and I think you should avoid all of it. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 He doesn't sound like a friend to me. I'd cut him off. If he continues the threats and harassment take legal action. Also it was his house then what the devil was he doing letting a 20 year old drink? Serving alcohol to someone underage is a crime - even in ones own home. Some uncle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 He doesn't sound like a friend to me. I'd cut him off. If he continues the threats and harassment take legal action. Also it was his house then what the devil was he doing letting a 20 year old drink? Serving alcohol to someone underage is a crime - even in ones own home. Some uncle. Good point. Maybe it's easier for this guy to blame the OP for what happened instead of admitting that a) he allowed an underage person to drink and b) his neice isn't the innocent girl he wants her to be Link to post Share on other sites
Author crederer Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 He doesn't sound like a friend to me. I'd cut him off. If he continues the threats and harassment take legal action. Also it was his house then what the devil was he doing letting a 20 year old drink? Serving alcohol to someone underage is a crime - even in ones own home. Some uncle. I live in Canada. 19 is legal age. He has been cut off, issue I have isn't him per se, it's that we have a lot of mutual friends and this tiff is making it awkward for everyone and I just want to squash it Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Hit him first. Link to post Share on other sites
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