i'm so hurt and depressed

[jennie]

my boyfriend seems to think that putting me down is the way to motivate me. i've had trouble with anxiety attacks and am OCD i am recently taking meds for both.

 

i am also self-employed doing house cleaning, i run flyers every week for my business. since thanksgiving a lot has happened such as business has dwindled down to practically nothing and the side effects have made it hard for me to get to work sometimes when i have had a job.

 

well the other problems i've had have been with jealousy, and control, this meds is suppose to help with all that and it does tho he says i'm still the same.

 

well his mom called this morning and wanted to know if i could come into the shop and help her, i said i would tho i hate going to the shop cause that is where he has his office and i sit and listen to him on the phone and ask him questions and get suspcious if he laughs or talks or says personal stuff to the women he talks to about his business.

 

that is why i do not want to go to the shop. so he calls back and yells at me that he is tired of paying for everything that i don't want to work, not to eat any of the food he bought and to pay my own bills and that the guilt i say i have cause he is paying for most of everything that i don't feel guilty at all!

 

i was so deeply hurt by this and shocked to hear that this is how he thinks of me. we have been together for 2 1/2 years and i never heard him say so many cruel things except about my jealousy.

 

i feel like leaving right now, just packing up and going, but i have a dog and two cats and no car! i am embarassed to face him when he comes home tonight.

 

i know he is paying for the majority of things, we recently moved into this expensive house, he wanted to move here not me, i wanted to move somewhere more affordable, but i don't throw that in his face tho i should now....j

 

what can i do? i feel like crap, ashamed, hurt, guilty, and everything else under the sun..........

[Tony T]

You are truly with the wrong guy. No, you shouldn't throw anything in his face...and he shouldn't throw anything in yours. Getting into more confrontations with him will only make matters worse.

 

You have no business being with this guy. He seems to make you feel bad almost constantly, he says things that are extremely inappropriate and hurtful...he is a truly certified jerk. He is not supportive of you, he is not understanding. You are obviously with him out of necessity. There seems to be no love here...people who love each other do not conduct themselves as this man does.

 

Your panic disorder and OCD will never improve under the stress you are in and while you are around this nerd. You need to start planning to get away. The man has no respect or consideration for you and you cannot have a constructive relationship with a guy like that.

 

When you are away from him and free from the emotional stress he hands out, you will make more money, feel more energetic, and things will be much better for you.

 

This doesn't sound like a man you can talk sense with. He doesn't sound like someone who will change. Frankly he is a worthless scumbag in my book. Anybody who would say such hurtful things doesn't belong in your life.

 

Don't even argue with him. He isn't worth your time. Just let him go, release him, forget him. The only thing now is you have to do some planning so you can financially get along without him. The only way you can do that is to be free from all the worry and pain he causes you.

[jennie TO TONY]

tony, he called and apologized and said we'd talk about this later...........i have pride but i don't know if his apology helps anything.

 

i am sitting here discussing this with my daughter, she says she may want to move back home with me if i decide to go. the thing is i want to go right now, she has a car and we'd leave now!

 

does his apology make up for this? in my mind it doesn't but in my heart it does. i'm so confused. i know he is a jerk, but i don't know what to do.

 

i don't have much money but we have some friends in iowa we can stay with for a while. i also have a dog and a three month old grandson who i would be dragging with me.

 

this isn't fair to them and i know that, but she offered to come with too. i feel like i'm ruining every body's life right now.

 

his because i can't seem to work, her's cause she would be leaving her friends, job and school.........what to do?

You are truly with the wrong guy. No, you shouldn't throw anything in his face...and he shouldn't throw anything in yours. Getting into more confrontations with him will only make matters worse. You have no business being with this guy. He seems to make you feel bad almost constantly, he says things that are extremely inappropriate and hurtful...he is a truly certified jerk. He is not supportive of you, he is not understanding. You are obviously with him out of necessity. There seems to be no love here...people who love each other do not conduct themselves as this man does.

 

Your panic disorder and OCD will never improve under the stress you are in and while you are around this nerd. You need to start planning to get away. The man has no respect or consideration for you and you cannot have a constructive relationship with a guy like that. When you are away from him and free from the emotional stress he hands out, you will make more money, feel more energetic, and things will be much better for you. This doesn't sound like a man you can talk sense with. He doesn't sound like someone who will change. Frankly he is a worthless scumbag in my book. Anybody who would say such hurtful things doesn't belong in your life. Don't even argue with him. He isn't worth your time. Just let him go, release him, forget him. The only thing now is you have to do some planning so you can financially get along without him. The only way you can do that is to be free from all the worry and pain he causes you.

[Tony T]

I am very very very sorry but there are some decisions you are going to have to make on your own.

 

This worthless bum has got your life torn up so you don't even know whether you are coming or doing. I have already advised you to leave and you are asking me once more.

 

I don't care if he apologizes until the day he dies, that will not diminish the fact that he does cruel and hurtful things to you. If I shoot you in the heart, I can apologize for years but that won't bring you back to life.

 

Listen to your heart...do what you want to do...do what your heart says.

 

If this incident was the first time he had ever hurt you and he is pretty nice most of the time, I would say definitely stay with him. But if he's always putting you down and saying hurtful things about money, expenses, your medical problems, etc., there's not a car fast enough to get you away from him.

[Laurynn]

I agree that if this man usually treats you well, with love, doesn't say mean things...then stay....but if it's a constant pattern of his, to put you down, to humiliate you, etc...then it's best for your mental and physical health to leave. Only YOU know this man, and how he's treated you all these past 2 1/2 years.

 

Jennie.....have you ever been for counseling, to deal with your anxiety and OCD? The medications alone aren't enough. You should be able to go to your doctor and ask for a referral to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Depending on who he refers you to (not sure how it works there in the U.S.), it may even be free.

 

If you just need someone to talk to right now.......you can call up your local Crisis Line...and talk to one of the volunteers there. You should be able to find the number in the White Pages of your phone book (under Crisis Line). OR.....you could find the number to your local Battered Woman's Shelter, and speak with them, for FREE, on the phone. The Shelter and it's workers aren't JUST for women who are beaten up. They help/talk with women who are in unhealthy relationships.....sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to. I'm not sure how you go about finding their number there.....but you can call up your local HOSPITAL and ask if they have the number to both the Crisis Line & the local Battered Woman's Shelter. They'll give it to you.

 

You can remain TOTALLY anonymous when you talk to them...don't even have to give them your real name. They are wonderful. They won't tell you *what* you should do, but they're there to listen.......and sometimes just having someone to listen, that helps you to figure out what you need to do.

 

If you do decide to leave, what are you going to do with your dog and 2 cats? You did mention that you'd take the dog with you (in the car)..what about the cats? Please don't just leave them behind. Your local animal rescue or NO-KILL shelter might be able to find homes for your cats. If you need help with this, email me:

 

<e-mail address removed>

 

I have cats myself.....and I have a list of all the Animal Shelters/Rescues across North America. I can try to help.

 

Take care, let us know how things go......write me if you need someone to talk to.

 

Laurynn :-)